Ok so I’m 95% proud of myself and 5% ashamed.

I already helped the wife move out and it was my first day alone. BTW I never cheated in our 13 years.

I was starving and it was 3PM (doing my move all day) so I decided to get some ramen, and saw a beer garden across the street. I bring my food in and decide I’m going to flirt with any and all women that come in regardless of age or whether I think they’re hot.

I am flirting with this pastor chick and then like a 70yo.

This 50yo comes along and tells me about the secret smoking room they got in the back and I was like hell yeah!

She tries to sell me some paintings she has in a coffee shop and I tell her I’m rich and shit and I’ll buy it. (I actually am kinda rich till my wife gets half).

She tells me she’s moving to Florida in a few days and then I’m like hey we should get a taco. And then I whisper into her ear about how I really really like tacos. And a bunch of other non subtle things:)

We eat some food and then we get into her Oldsmobile and drive up to my old place. She cracks open one of those Buzz ballz in the car, LOL.

We get up there and the place is a total flop house. Garbage and boxes everywhere, single bare mattress on the floor.

We smoke weed out of an apple (no rolling papers and she’s a Macguyver, apparently). Most importantly we do the deed and it’s raunchy and awesome.

She was kind enough to leave at the end of the night but she left her phone and a bunch of other shit.

Anyway I find her email on linked in and remind her of my address. She shows up at 11 the next day and reminds me of that promise to buy the painting because she really needs the rent money for Florida.

So we drive down to the coffee shop I Venmo her and she drives me home. The painting is actually pretty extraordinary and, if she comes by, I will have to ask my wife what she thinks about my new interest in local art.

I feel like a whore but also feel really good.

Go get yours guys and keep your heads up.

I’m depressed as shit but for a hot few hours I wasn’t.