How do I get through this?

AlmostThere22 · 2023-05-13T12:32:34+00:00

Brother. I'm gonna hit you with some honest truths here that come from a place of love.

I know and understand you're hurting right now, as all of us here have felt what you're feeling.

But you need to start growing some balls right the fuck now.

You're a man. You handle your shit.

You had no business asking your soon to be ex wife in help finding someone. You're a man. You handle shit yourself. If you need to find a therapist you do it yourself. That's what men do.

Secondly. Do not cry in front of your wife. Do not beg your wife to stay. She will only be disgusted by you and lose more respect. Act normal and as if everything is fine in front of your wife even if you're hurting terribly inside. If the bitch wants a divorce then give her a fucking divorce and take all you can from it.

You need to immediately get a gym membership and start lifting weights 3-4 days a week. This will relieve stress and release endorphins afterwards. Along with changing your body positively for post divorce life.

You also need to start updating your wardrobe to form fitting modern clothes. No more dressing like a slob inside the house or outside the house. You're a man of value and you're gonna start carrying yourself as such. This may take a year to fully update your wardrobe.

Get on GOA skincare and purchase a men's facial skin care package that best suits you. You take care of yourself because you're gonna look good and feel good.

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

After finishing that you'll read When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith

Lastly you'll read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

You do all of the things listed above, you'll be a man worth fucking and on your way to your next hot piece of ass.

You're 35 years old. Men do not even come into their prime until 36-37 and run their prime until 50.

You're wife is losing sexual market value quickly while you haven't even hit your fucking prime yet.

You do all of the things above. You're gonna be on your way to a great fucking life.

We'll all be here a long the way.

Good Luck

RedditDude07467 · 2023-05-13T11:59:55+00:00

Your pain is valid and understandable. You are in for an unpleasant but necessary ride through the stages of grief. Acceptance is your goal, that’s where the pain ends and you rediscover yourself in a new position of opportunity. 35 is still very young. The dating dynamic is completely changed from 20 years ago thanks to the internet and a renewed interest by young women in being traditional stay-at-home wives. Get help from your friends, ask for help here, know that you are not alone. 🤜🤛

No_Key_6276 · 2023-05-13T12:39:04+00:00

You’re in for a long ride. There’s no sugar coating it. My best advice is to let yourself feel your pain. You absolutely have to get through it and not suppress it. Seek therapy and start new hobbies or maybe just one. Hit the gym and let your anger out. Read books starting with No More Mr Nice Guy. Retain a good lawyer and file first. Note when she left and see if it counts as her abandoning the home. Record all your interactions and keep it civil. I’m very sorry that you’re on this road with so many of us. It’s not easy but you can make it easier. Don’t rush into dating either. Remember that the woman that left you is not the same girl that you fell in love with. Everyone grieves at different rates so do not let anyone tell you that you’re taking too long. Cut all contact except for business. I know it is hard to suddenly stop talking to someone that you’ve hade daily conversation with for almost 20 years but it IS A HUGE help for you. You need to “detox” from her

ProcedureAltruistic3 · 2023-05-13T14:40:57+00:00

I'm just past the 1 year mark. Very similar circumstances. My mental health came and went several times. Be prepared for a long ride. And just when I thought I was turning a corner i crashed again. This may happen a few times. I had days I called in sick because I couldn't get out of bed. Once it all clicked for me, though, I used all of it to fuel anger instead of despair. I'm mad she made me waste a year if my life. I'm mad she made me feel this way. Accept, accept again, then see her for she really is. Be Roddy Piper in They Live. Put on your glasses and see her for the lizard person she really is. It'll come with time. Remember, be Roddy Piper.

WartimeDad · 2023-05-13T13:37:12+00:00

I remember thinking there’s no way that I can get through it. But here I am. Older than you. Best health of my life physically and mentally. And I am looking at a future full of possibilities.

Step 1: heavy weights and cardio every single time you’re feeling raw about it. Having a feeling that you can’t get through this? Do push ups until exhaustion. This step here is a blessing. It fixes the pain AND leaves you healthier and stronger.

Step 2: get therapy or meditate. But one way or another get your mind under control. You need to understand deep into your soul that the woman who left you is not the woman you love. She’s garbage. The pain is the result of losing a future that is unwritten (imagined). The pain is not from losing her, but losing your imagined version of her, the one where she loves you and you’re happy. That’s imaginary. It’s not real. In reality she is a bitch queen. Actively work on not thinking about her. If you catch yourself thinking of the bitch queen, that’s fine but redirect your mental energy to the present moment.

Step 3: lean into hobbies, new or old. My old hobbies didn’t slap the same. So I got new ones. It’s been fun learning them and meeting new people. The key here is that you can start doing things you never could have done had you been with your ex. You are just peeking into the world of life once you do get through this. It’s actually amazing.

Finally, know that you will find love again. In a year or two once your ripped from Step 1, and you’re mentally strong from Step 2, and you’re confident in yourself again from Step 3, then you’ll discover that dating in your late 30s as a man is incredible. The world is your oyster now. It’s not the bitch queens to control. It’s yours.

Hang in there. Please start step 1 immediately. I got the advice from someone in here and it saved my life.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-05-13T12:51:20+00:00

You’re going to go through a lot of emotions. You’ll be in denial, you’ll want her back, you’ll be depressed, then you’ll be angry. Feb 2nd I was in your exact shoes my man. It’s going to feel hopeless. Do not give up on yourself - go to the gym, be relentless in your career, if you have kids be super dad when you have them.

This is reality now: The reality is that she’s had this other guy in the shadows for much longer than you realize. Everything she’s said to you for months perhaps years has been a lie. The woman you married is gone, she looks like her but she is a deceptive enemy that will use any advantage over you she can get. Get a lawyer, protect yourself and do not let her manipulate you into “doing the right thing” and giving her more than she’s entitled to.

Best of luck man. I know the hurt you feel and it will get better if you take care of yourself.

XxJustadudexX · 2023-05-13T14:05:47+00:00

You got married at 16?

wisstinks4 · 2023-05-13T16:11:48+00:00

This pain will last as long as you let it have control over you. You may even want to research and track her relationship with this other guy. That’s only going to cause you more pain and suffering. My suggestion to you, you need to separate and find some time and space away from this woman. The more you go back to the well, the more she’s going to rip your heart out. Yes, your feelings are all valid. You have low self-esteem, low self-respect she has broken your ego into 1 million pieces. You need to find a way to turn the corner and move forward do what’s best for you.

I highly recommend using the gray rock, 180, no contact method. It’s proven helpful to a number of my friends. Go start living a new life, buy some nice clothes, go out to dinner with some friends, go bowling, go to the movies, go to walks down by the lake. Enjoy your new life without her. You need to prove to her and others that you can go on and have a happy life. Focus on you, be the winner here, go start living a new terrific life.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-05-13T18:12:05+00:00

Well bud, join the club. There is a reason statistics exist, hopefully you will pay attention this time?

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.

What to do now?

Find a hobby.
Hit the gym.
MGTOW
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims her ex was abusive.
Travel once a year.
RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy)

BosPatriot71 · 2023-05-13T13:33:26+00:00

Bro. You’re only two days in from getting the biggest nut punch of your life. At this point, you’re still in shock and in more pain than you ever thought you could imagine.

Right now my advice is to take life half a day at a time. When overwhelmed, do some mindfulness exercises. Allow yourself to feel all that you’re feeling. Give yourself some grace to feel this way. Take a few days to lick your wounds.

Then I’d suggest much of what has been said by other bros on here. Therapist. Gym. A few of the books recommended.

You will get through this. A better version of yourself will emerge if you do the work.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-05-13T14:03:46+00:00

If this divorce demand came out of the blue, you better believe she already has another man in play and has probably been cheating on you for quite some time. If you live in an ”at fault” state, hire a PI immediately and go after that evidence. Also if you have kids you need to protect your rights IMMEDIATELY. Do not let her dictate when and where you can see them. Next lawyer up because it’s going to be a long process.

Rare_Technology5910 · 2023-05-13T14:15:04+00:00

You got married when you were 16? I’m I doing the math correctly? Healing takes time. No magic wand or self-help book will do that hurt justice. Is there a backstory to this separation?

Bipolar_investor · 2023-05-13T15:53:42+00:00

35-19=16. You got married at 16 years old ???

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-05-13T16:48:05+00:00

Your self care is now paramount. When the airplane is going down in flames, they tell you put your own oxygen mask on first.

Fitness of mind, fitness of body, fitness of spirit. Those should be your priorities.

A gym membership, a therapist, and a mens group at a local church saved my life literally. You don't have to do it the same way as me, but do make sure you are doing things to ensure your self care.

SaulBrewster · 2023-05-13T16:54:25+00:00

Been there man. It’s sadly way more common than you think. Read “Leave a cheater, gain a life” by the chump lady

pooseypie · 2023-05-14T05:54:28+00:00

So much good advice in this sub!

sicrm · 2023-05-13T12:37:27+00:00

some good advice given already but finding an outlet if you don’t have one already will also help (fighting club, cooking, any hobbies you lost touch with).

if you go with a fighting club tell the trainer a little about what you’re going through. then get work out until you can’t anymore. then pick a day to do it over again.

awesomelybearded · 2023-05-13T15:24:23+00:00

You have been broken, yes, but you’ll be stronger than ever when you are done. Stay sober, hit the gym.

thrownaway41422 · 2023-05-13T15:35:53+00:00

Find a good chunk seaworthy for.yourself. Don't be afraid of medications they may offer you. Beyond fhay just take it one minute at a time. Don't worry about anything beyond fhat one minute. Ecaue it'll overwhelm you.

Training_Ad1368 · 2023-05-14T05:23:39+00:00

Only time will fade the pain away. Untill that happens you have to come to terms with yourself and understand that she is not worth.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-05-14T06:59:16+00:00

You are hurt, devastated. Completely understandable! Grieve, do what you can do to heal yourself and get back on your feet. BUT.. you have to move on now. No begging, no pleading. You have to come up with a game plan to make yourself successful going forward in all areas, physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. If there are children involved, even more so. They need their Daddy and you need them. This will be one of the toughest things to face in your life. I'm still going through the crap 2 years after the divorce. The court system doesn't make it easy on men, and is heavily skewed. We are basically walking atms to them. But you owe it to yourself and children if you have them to keep pushing through. The failed marriage or ex spouse does NOT define you!

Character-Abies8368 · 2023-05-14T17:45:00+00:00

You have been blessed with a gift. Now sharpen your values and talents

Title	How do I get through this?
Author	carkid1987
Upvotes	32
Comments	64
Date	May 13, 2023 11:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13gfenq/how_do_i_get_through_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-get-through-this.1219157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219157

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