Second Divorce

dragonfly323 · 2022-09-28T14:32:21+00:00

I’m going through my second divorce. The first marriage lasted 2 years and there were no kids. The second one has lasted 17 years with 2 kids and I feel awful. I don’t necessarily feel like a loser but I don’t think I could ever get married again. I don’t know if I will ever get in a serious relationship again. Both marriages ended with my wives cheating on me. I’m not sure I can ever trust again.

ciphrr · 2022-09-28T14:21:56+00:00

Not getting married EVER again. They are all the same...

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-09-28T18:34:49+00:00

Folks, pay attention:

This is a case study when they say 2nd marriages have a higher chance of divorce than the first. And 3rd marriages even a higher chance!

First marriage divorce rate: 50%
2nd marriage divorce rate: 60%
3rd marriage divorce rate: 70%
80% of all divorces initiated by women.

Protomize · 2022-09-28T14:58:15+00:00

I don't know about you, but if I touch a stove and it burns the shit out of me, I'm not touching it again!

MartyMcFly7 · 2022-09-28T18:32:53+00:00

The odds were always stacked against you.

60 out of every 100 men who get remarried will end up divorced. I'd wager that half of the remaining 40 are miserable but avoiding divorce for various reasons. Out of the remaining 20, I bet half would be equally happy being single or in a LTR (i.e. remarriage was a lateral move).

So my guesstimate is that 90% of men don't find any greater happiness in remarriage.

Jbr74 · 2022-09-28T14:54:46+00:00

No not really. Women are utter cunts.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-09-28T17:45:51+00:00

No. I learned my lesson the first time around. I’d rather chop off my privates than get married again.

XavierMalory · 2022-09-28T21:01:44+00:00

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..."

Yeah enough of that crap. You've probably read enough stuff like this to last a second lifetime.

I've only been divorced once so I cannot fully relate, but I'll tell you this. I never felt like a loser, because I did all I could to make our marriage work. Talked to the ex about drug therapy, we did counseling, etc. but she simply couldn't stop with her lies and drugs. She had done a remarkable job to hide the latter issue from me before the knot was tied (but then I think every guy in here has been blinded by "lurve" and missed a red flag because of it).

I saw a counselor for months during the divorce process (which lasted over 2 years). During this time I was fighting tooth-and-nail for custody of my kids and struggling to keep her from destroying (by sheer lack of personal care) the home she had kicked me out of (and a home I owned solely).

The counselor asked me a question you should ask yourself: "Sir, most men who come to me in your situation feel like the worst guy alive. They feel as if they've failed, even if it wasn't their fault. Yet you seem to be perfectly content in that regard. Why is that?"

Me: "Well, because it wasn’t my fault. I did everything I could, and I can look myself in the mirror every morning and say that confidently. I truly did try everything to keep this marriage going, but in the end, she wanted it over, and then so did I."

My point here is this: Yeah you probably feel like a loser or an idiot for getting married twice (just don't do it a third time for God sake), but if you did all you could and you can say that to yourself with conviction that this divorce was not your fault then you've no reason to beat yourself up.

Just remember that heroes come in all forms. If you look in the mirror, and the guy staring back at you needs a hero, then be that hero and save him.

Cheers my friend.

david10277 · 2022-09-28T15:37:16+00:00

Second marriage...never

Serious emotional relationship...never

FWB only

What purpose is it going to serve you ??

You need sex - become a sugar daddy You need company - invite your guy friends You need food - use uber You need your place cleaned - hire a maid You need companionship - get a dog

Tell me what you need a women for besides bearing your offspring ..I will wait..

FastLaneKindaGuy · 2022-09-28T15:36:10+00:00

It may not seem like it at this moment but this divorce may be the best thing that happened to you! Some times you have to be thankful for the things that didn’t go right in your life.

Snowbirdy · 2022-09-28T16:02:19+00:00

It was much more traumatic than the first divorce for several reasons.

maybebionic · 2022-09-28T16:56:36+00:00

I've been engaged twice, first one I broke off before marriage, second one I ended up divorcing after 1.5 years. I have a child with both. So 2 kids, 2 baby mommas, 1 divorce. I am also very insecure about how it looks to the outsider. I've done boat loads of therapy and self work since and can see all the mistakes and redflags I wish I had know about sooner. I have found it to be a turn off to younger women, who maybe don't quit realize what real life parenthood and marriage is like. However, I have found that to women who have kids, are in a marriage, or divorced - none of them seem to care. They notice I am a good dad and good person and still want a relationship w me.

ElSushiMonsta · 2022-09-28T20:33:37+00:00

Military members lol we would joke that in order to make Chief in the NAVY you have to have at least have 2 divorces and 1 D.U.I. in order to make E7.

TheWritePrimate · 2022-09-28T20:25:23+00:00

Fool me once…

Significant_Idea_663 · 2022-09-29T06:33:32+00:00

Has anyone thought about going for a salaried girlfriend. I heard about “intentional love” relationship complete with contracts, clauses and benefits, that can be renewed if mutually agreed next time around?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-09-28T16:15:30+00:00

You're getting divorced again because you don't understand female nature. Read The Rationale Male before you get into another relationship.

Trendpimp81 · 2022-09-28T14:33:56+00:00

Starting the second one now, and feeling ALL the feelings honestly, including hope and excitement about new beginnings. Good luck!

mrk177 · 2022-09-28T16:13:31+00:00

The first one made me feel like a loser and never want that feeling again.

Y_so_cunty · 2022-09-28T20:39:14+00:00

Going through a second one now. The first didn't really count as I was young and stupid. I need to get married by the time I turned 30. I did and then divorced by 31. However, looking at a third marriage makes me feel a bit tainted (although I don't think I would ever marry again).

simjanes2k · 2022-09-28T22:55:45+00:00

Had a best friend who was divorced twice, married thrice. Seemed like she made the right call each time.

Then she was the one that set up my wife's affair partner, so clearly my judgement is completely fucked. Maybe human being just suck entirely.

BDubsAnon · 2022-09-29T00:25:09+00:00

Yep, just wrapped divorce #2. First marriage lasted two years to a bloodsucking w—-e, second one four years to a bloodsucking, raging b—- with anger management problems.

Second marriage has a 2.5 year old boy, which offsets the living hell that being with his mom was (and interacting with her remains).

Shit happens and it takes two to tango. Hang in there, man-if you did the best you could, you did the best you could. Live and learn.

Second divorce cost nearly $200K in pretax money with her barely contributing income.

Client: “Why is divorce so expensive?” Attorney: “Because it’s worth it!”

Idratherhikeout · 2022-09-29T01:17:28+00:00

Yeah … two 8 year marriages no kids … sorry

upvotersfortruth · 2022-09-29T04:52:14+00:00

After 2, marriage is more of a hobby. Just about everyone I’ve seen with two divorces has 3 or more. Usually the second is way smoother than the first, unless the second spouse is a monster.

samk002001 · 2022-09-29T03:13:50+00:00

Nah! One of my church friends have married 4 times, and that means he had divorced 3 times! My step dad is on his 3rd marriage with my mom and seems like they gonna stick with each other, 17 years. You’re good, and just keep your chin up

Significant_Idea_663 · 2022-09-29T06:35:38+00:00

The cat having touched a hot stove and got burned, will not touch a hot stove again. But he will not touch a cold stove either.

HaloJonez · 2022-09-29T07:43:08+00:00

I’m going through my second divorce now and yes, It feels like a big fail, until I imagine staying where I was and realising I would have had to give up on myself to do so.

OfficeMedications · 2022-09-30T00:09:37+00:00

Try being a pastor who's second wife left him just last week. He was married to the first one and mother of his three children for six years before she left and ruined his career. As a doctor, lawyer and ditch digger you can get divorced 227 times and still be a doctor, lawyer and ditch digger. But as a pastor, it doesn't matter if you've gotten your BA in Theology from bible college, your MA in Theology from seminary, had 10 years experience in the ministry and was working on a second masters in clinical psychology with an emphasis in drug and alcohol counseling. It all over and it was all one big waste of time, energy and money. 1 divorce is the kiss of death in the ministry of a southern Baptist. Fortunately, this guy fought like a mad dog for his kids and after about two years finally got them. He was able to become a hospice chaplain for the next thirteen years. And five years after his first wife left him for another man, he remarried. COVID hit though and he lost his job and had the offer to go back into the ministry with a different denomination that allowed divorced preachers to pastor. Two and a half years later his second wife leaves him and is trying to kick him out of the house he'd bought before they met. He's hanging by a bare thread. The shame and humiliation that a pastor feels for two failed marriages is unimaginable. He feels your pain. He knows how you feel. A second divorce is not twice as bad, its ten times worse.

Flimsy_Spare_1276 · 2022-10-01T00:35:26+00:00

Nope. Not at all. Sometimes its just not meant to be.

Title	Second Divorce
Author	rotoworld22
Upvotes	21
Comments	50
Date	September 28, 2022 2:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xqds1e/second_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/second-divorce.1133580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133580

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