I was having such a great weekend seeing my kids again and it was all ruined with one text. She wants to pursue divorce. We have been separated for 3 weeks. 3 weeks since she moved out with the kids. 2 sessions of couples counseling to work on the relationship. Some great talks that sometimes tricked me into thinking everything was as it used to be before all our problems. She told me 2 months ago she was going back and forth but was leaning towards divorce. Apparently I said and did all the right things to convince her that this would be a trial separation and that we'd work on fixing the relationship together. I guess I should have believed her the first time.

My kids will soon be ripped away from me. I agreed to a 70-30 split to keep her happy during the trial separation, thinking that if I gave her what she wanted that would help fix our marriage. Now she'll fight for legal 70-30 split where I essentially only get to see my amazing, beautiful, talented kids every other weekend. I'm nothing without them. If I can't see them every day I will kill myself. The only thing getting me through the 70-30 separation was that I was telling myself that this was only temporary. Hell she may even ask and get 100% custody because of my mental health issues, past verbal abuse of the kids and my past hospital stay for suicidal ideation. If that happens then I'll truly kill myself this time.

I was having such a great weekend reconnecting with my kids and now my world has come to an end.