Sleep… how?

Ominous_Cookies · 2022-08-07T09:35:09+00:00

Exercise.

Dull_Description_710 · 2022-08-07T11:57:43+00:00

Get used to it. This phase lasted me a few months. All you can do is the healthiest things. I was pretty healthy already and added more exercise, stayed hydrated, quit weed, cut drinking down to basically nothing, took my vitamins, melatonin, lots of caffeine free tea, therapy, reading and talking. This sub and others like it were good places to spend time.

And it still felt like nothing was "working". Likely won't feel that way for you, not for a few weeks anyway. I used to hear that time would make things better and it was frustrating to get that advice all the time. Doesn't seem to help in the moment. Have faith, you'll get through this. It won't look like you thought. And that's ok. Forgive yourself, stay healthy, make good choices. This will pass.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-08-07T14:22:25+00:00

I was cheated on and when I dared confront her and then leave her she filed false allegations against me. Overnight, I went from being the primary caregiver of my kids to now being criminally charged and not able to see my kids as she now had all the power.

Anyways, you need to understand this is a huge waiting game. Mine took 3 years and I'm only now finishing it with lots of debt. But what I did was I went running everyday, meditated, kept going to work, prayed (forgiveness).

You will heal eventually and things will get normal. But you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. You're going through what most men are going through or already went through.

Late_Finding_627 · 2022-08-07T10:48:40+00:00

Buy a journal. Write everything down. Best thing I ever did.

jalopkoala · 2022-08-07T13:04:48+00:00

When I was struggling early on in divorce my therapist (who’s a psychiatrist) prescribed sleeping pills. I would use them on nights my child wasn’t with me. The brain needs a rest.

Later, we went on a couple other of anti-anxiety meds instead of sleeping pills. Taking the edge off eliminated the need for a sleep aid.

Now that I’m on the other side, I’m completely off meds. Not everyone views pharmaceuticals positively, but I think they are an amazing achievement. I’m going to use every tool available.

It is a long road either way. No way around it.

Zer0_0ption · 2022-08-07T13:41:14+00:00

Took me 6 months to break out of that cycle. Its natural,its part of the grieving process. Just stay focused on where you want to be, reach out if it gets too heavy. It will pass promise.

Spodee5 · 2022-08-07T14:36:17+00:00

Get a lawyer, get a therapist, lift weights.....even if you are not athletic, even if you do not want to bulk go to the gym as many days a week as you can and lift. It will help you with the sleeping and the emotional part. The stage you are in lasted about 4 months for me.

Wired4Data · 2022-08-07T15:39:38+00:00

I really believe this is a process for some of us and there are no real shortcuts. As others have said seek guidance both legal and find someone to talk to be it a professional or a friend. Whenever me and my ex would fight I like you couldn’t sleep and would basically obsess over our relationship and marriage.. We both took each other for granted at times, both of us probably said things we shouldn’t to one another. At the end of the day I had been chasing the idea of a great life with this person since I was a kid. She knew that I’d try to fix whatever problem I could in the marriage to keep it going. Looking back I think she felt like she good do and say whatever she wanted and eventually we’d reconcile.

About a week after my birthday I woke up to her yelling at one of the kids and really tearing him apart, then turning to me doing the same thing. It was in that moment a switch flipped, I realized she was never going to change, she had no reason to apply a filter or respect me. I had allowed and enabled her behavior since I was a kid. If I allowed her to continue she eventually would have killed me.

I share this because I remember feeling as u described. Once you realize and accept that ending the marriage is the only way to save not just yourself but also your kids, things change a bit. Best of luck we are all strangers in this group but the stories men tell here daily are all too familiar. That in itself should tell everyone in this subreddit they aren’t alone.

Gonzo458 · 2022-08-07T13:23:04+00:00

I listen to YouTube meditation videos. Bust my ass at work and then go to the gym to try and tire myself out as much as possible. Diet as well. We’re all here for you bro. Just try and keep in mind that it’s normal and that you’re not alone. Love ya, homie.

trowaway63022 · 2022-08-07T14:07:40+00:00

I'm still there and its been over 2 months. Guided sleep meditation has been helpful. It has particularly helped with staying asleep. I would be waking up at 2 or 3 am and just never get back down

Rivet22 · 2022-08-07T14:22:18+00:00

Stay off Reddit at night. Find a mind-numbing game instead.

PrettyCoolBear · 2022-08-07T16:28:13+00:00

i will tell you what works for me: to simply get to somewhat stable sleep i take 1mg of melatonin (i do not advise more than that, at least to start) and one benadryl. the benadryl helps knock me out and the melatonin helps me sleep more soundly and/or fall back asleep if i wake up to pee or whatever.

now if your brain is obsessing over intrusive thoughts you're never going to get back to sleep. i use a technique called "box breathing" to break the cycle if i am stuck on a particular thought that's keeping me awake. (a web search will describe the technique)

if i wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep i also might take HALF a benadryl just to fall back asleep, but not make it difficult when the alarm clock sounds

RobotWizard369 · 2022-08-07T17:47:42+00:00

The thing that worked for me was taking melatonin. Exercise during the day. Eating a hour before bedtime. It doesn't sound like much but it helped.

disSaysStufdNthingz · 2022-08-07T18:06:21+00:00

Miles and miles and miles , just keep walking

Helps with the head space and gets you tired

Preferably some place near/amongst nature

And of course , plenty of post walk Indica any which way available to consume

S4z3r4c · 2022-08-07T18:20:28+00:00

Knowing there is nothing to be solved at 3am looking at anything. The quicker you go to sleep, the quicker you can wake up and do something.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2022-08-07T11:34:42+00:00

Your bedroom is for sleeping and screwing.

No tv, no reading, no lollygagging on the phone… dark curtains, etc. Enter when it is bedtime. If you wake up and can’t fall back to sleep? Leave until you’re tired. If you have a tv in there, get it the fuck out of your bedroom.

You’re gonna have to train your body that the bedroom means sleep.

DoctorFFF · 2022-08-07T09:44:21+00:00

High dose aswagandha + melatonin does the trick

76ersPhan11 · 2022-08-07T15:36:16+00:00

CBD really helps for sleep and anxiety.

Grousers · 2022-08-07T10:53:42+00:00

Exercise and over the counter sleep med

Buckyohare84 · 2022-08-07T11:22:35+00:00

THC before bed.

WartimeDad · 2022-08-07T13:52:59+00:00

I never sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death.

lonelyfish788 · 2022-08-07T09:54:18+00:00

Am available for ho ok up .. dm me

BrickEquivalent6273 · 2022-08-07T13:33:10+00:00

I’m a few months out and just started to have tough nights. I’m doing well and during the days it’s not a problem but at night when I turn everything off I think about those things and get stuck on it, preventing sleep. My therapist told me to try just leaving the tv on and falling asleep to that. I know that’s a nono for getting good sleep in general but it’s never been a problem for me so I’ve been doing it and so far it’s okay.

Gattsama · 2022-08-07T15:12:40+00:00

I'm in the exact save boat, no kids. Was sleeping like a baby when separated. 3 months later filed for divorced and started waking up after 4hrs, no matter what I did: exercise, starting up, meditation, benadryl/melatonin, jerking off, reading, guided stories, etc. It's 7 months later and still messed up. I get 4-6 hrs now.

For me I just accept that this is the new normal. I hope after the divorce I can go back to sleeping regular. I just take naps, when I wake up I not stress out because I know this is the new normal now, and try to roll over and go back to sleep. If I don't I get up and start the day.

When I was only getting 4 hrs for a few months that really fucked my up. I think ultimately nothing but time will tell, but try more short naps instead of hoping for one long sleep.

Good luck

samk002001 · 2022-08-07T16:00:19+00:00

Go for a walk or do anything physical until your body tiredness is matching your mental tiredness! Keep your body moving!

warrior_up · 2022-08-07T16:14:14+00:00

Run until you throw up, spend “some” time at your nearest pub - yes to drink but more so to force yourself to meet and talk with some new people. When I couldn’t sleep I just ran again

Dude in no time you’ll be better off than you ever imagined. The initial shock and awe state sucks and so unnecessary- you just don’t know it yet. You’ll get there, things will change , things will happen but you’ll get there. Try and smile and enjoy the ride

whatskeeping · 2022-08-07T21:30:27+00:00

I remember being there. It gets better. Put stock in we all go through it. Shit maybe a couple times. Don't let it define you move forward and succeed.

San_Ra · 2022-08-07T22:54:38+00:00

Bridging 2 worlds here.

The Nurse in me says....

Look after yourself to start with. Eat well. Exercise. Sleep hygiene is really important. Set a schedual. No screen after (set time). Go to bed if not asleep in half an hour get up out of bed. do something (read "no more mr nice guy) and then try again. Look into meditation. You are a free agent now to set your own life. Medication is a last resort in terms of getting you to sleep. Melatonin is ok long term but alot of the "sleep meds" are addictive and dont work long term.

The recently seperated in me says...

Sleep. It comes and goes. The first few months i was living off of 2-3 hrs sleep. I went to my GP and got a stash of sleeping tablets. He gave me 14. I only took half the dose they lasted 4 months. But they are good to have on hand. Some weeks are better than others. The last few months have been great for sleep but this last week have been looking at selling the house. Im back to waking 4 times a night. Meditation works for me. Exercise is hit and miss for sleep for me so find what works.

Be strong it takes time.

Ever-learning271 · 2022-08-07T23:40:41+00:00

Read “This Breakup won’t Break you”; good info in there & quick read for ideas….self-care, keep your mind busy…praying for all the best for you!

RhinoKeepr · 2022-08-08T00:57:35+00:00

Exercise. Journal. Etc. all the good advice in here.

And I slept while listening to a podcast (on repeat) called “Sleep with Me” that is this guy droning on and on in a monotonous voice about pretty boring stuff. Helped a lot honestly.

callmefoota · 2022-08-08T03:20:08+00:00

Go to your doctor and tell him that you're going through something traumatic.

Tell him specifically that you're losing sleep and you feel like you can't control your emotions.

Your doctor will probably prescribe an antidepressant and Ambien.

The antidepressant will help you get through your next few years and the Ambien will help you sleep.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

RideATX · 2022-08-08T20:24:50+00:00

Exercise and ZZquil...

Bluedemon52 · 2022-08-09T15:24:59+00:00

I love how honest to go everyone on this post is right. The only true way to fix this is to get swole.

Ever since I started the process I knew I had to start working out again to keep myself sane.

Title	Sleep… how?
Author	Impressive-Setting74
Upvotes	24
Comments	51
Date	August 7, 2022 9:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wibcfa/sleep_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/sleep-how.1126704 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126704

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