Why is it always the same story?

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2024-12-18T00:48:34+00:00

One thing I wonder is whether the wives have all come from divorced families. Mine did. And she started making more money than me in the last few years. But a lot of others were SAHM’s. And some weren’t at midlife yet, so that would exclude perimenopause/MLC. Makes me wonder if it’s more family of origin thing or the current culture.

Content-Class1259 · 2024-12-17T23:22:50+00:00

Stupid me…first time I met xw mother, I was breaking up a fight between them over borrowed clothes, if that wasn’t warning enough I don’t know what would be.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2024-12-17T22:27:39+00:00

I think a bunch of this is the modern culture. 3 big themes. 1. We are told that our partner should be our lover, therapist, coparent, drinking buddy, best friend, business partner, confidante, our everything. 2. We are told that we are essentially the same, and there are no differences between men and women. Hell, you aren’t even allowed to define those words anymore. 3. We are encouraged to be selfish in general. Things like “let go of what no longer serves you” or “you deserve to be happy” “kids are resilient, and it’s better that they see their divorced parents getting along rather than fighting”. When the truth is if you model divorce for your kids they are more likely to get divorced themselves. Nevermind all the other stats on children from broken homes.

BorisBoris36 · 2024-12-17T20:16:37+00:00

same story here and many others i know happening. i dunno wtf is happening.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-12-17T16:31:45+00:00

LOL

Tarot Cards.

My STBX got to be friends with another imbecile who was really into Tarot Cards. Morons.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-12-17T16:22:56+00:00

Out of curiosity how is her relationship with her parents? Was her father part of the working class and the head of the household and did they stay together? Were they both (within fairness) good parents generally being available for their kids? There is no wrong answer here, I’m just curious because I have my own theory that I’m wanting to prove or disprove.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-12-17T16:10:59+00:00

Neurotic mental illness reinforced by society, extreme entitlement.

ideastoconsider · 2024-12-17T15:12:22+00:00

Yep, same story with ex gf. I started as the white knight to carry her away and protect her from her “abusive” ex husband. Then as realities of life kick back in, kids, house responsibilities, bills, having any form of hobby that doesn’t revolve around her, or even glancing at another woman, she slowly begin to devalue me, forced me to change into someone she wouldn’t have been attracted to in the first place, found a new and fresh emotional connection to the next white knight at her new office job, then consciously or unconsciously sabotaged what was left of our relationship to make me into the abuser in her mind and to make herself feel better about making an otherwise completely illogical decision to cheat and move on from me.

Basically my sentiment is this: most women in this category are cowards, they follow the path of least resistance, and while they are beautiful and crazy in the bedroom for awhile, their inner trauma will be cast on us, and it is better to recognize that the resulting cold breakups are a blessing in disguise. It will create the conditions and space to find a partner who is mentally fit and not looking for a codependent to “make themselves happy”. When you find that kind of secure and genuine love, it feels much much better!

Be very very weary of a woman’s childhood relationship to her parents, any trauma or longstanding anxiety, especially if she tells you she came from an abusive situation or can be difficult to date. Early soulmate discussions and early unprotected sex, especially when they have not fully exited their current relationship. These are the types who create the later conditions for the results we are describing in this thread.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-12-17T14:27:31+00:00

You are looking at romantic relationships from a mans point of view. Women think about them completely differently.

They don't care about what you do for them, they only care about how you make them feel. If you don't take the lead and allow them to be in their submissive feminine they will move on to a man that does.

Your mistake was you devoted your life to her. Instant turn off for women. They want a man to follow that has devoted his life to his purpose. They want a man to look up to and who is worth more than them (not in $$$, but in life). By making her your priority you are telling her she is worth more than you. A woman does not find a man attractive that is worth less than her.

Not a new trend. In the modern world women don't rely on men for financial support anymore so they move on freely to find a man they are attracted to. In the past they would stay married because they had no other option.

southass · 2024-12-17T13:52:18+00:00

I have to sit down and make a post one day about my experience but holy hell it's true, it's the same freaking scenario always. They all act normal until one day they left you out of the blue and literally turn into your worst enemy while taking your money away. What a shit show man.

NC_Geezus · 2024-12-17T13:05:33+00:00

Jesus, the fucking tarot card thing😩. Mine started with horoscopes then quickly moved to tarot. I often wonder how big a role those fucking things played in my life.

Add to that the whole “I know who I am and what I want” bullshit and you’ve described 99% of 40/50 year old women.

crager34 · 2024-12-17T11:48:22+00:00

A lot of talk about the X in the OPs post. What we do is… bring it all to us. To ourselves.

My X and I got very similar tattoos when married. After about 8 months post divorce, she changed hers. Trying to erase me I guess, just like she did with two other tattoos she had. I was her 4th marriage.

My tattoo stays! No regrets for me. I am moving on. We all move on.

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-12-17T11:26:27+00:00

Last person I heard saying money is not real is near billionnaire. Expect for such rich profile I won't understand it. She probably parroting her bf ie means with half a million and her new branch she don't need to work. Just putting 500k in spr500 should provide her on average 4k/month before taxes her financial advisor told her to do do do enough for personal need. Bf would pay the rest

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-12-17T10:53:32+00:00

They all go on a "spiritual journey" which involves getting drunk/drugs , taking random cocks and then getting into new age stuff like tarot, law of attraction etc. It's actually hilarious how most women seem to follow the exact same script. They aren't enlightened, they are full of shit children in adult bodies 🙄

DifficultAnt23 · 2024-12-17T07:07:14+00:00

“money is not real”. Had a chick, former colleague, say that. New car; personalized license plates, single mother. Up to her eyeballs in debt. One day she dropped by unannounced and asked for help to balance her budget. After working through all of the line items, she wasn't willing to cut a single item to balance her budget. A couple of years later she asked me out -- an easy nope.

Faceater25 · 2024-12-17T06:39:46+00:00

I am glad you have the consciousness to realize we are in one big clown show.

The worst thing is I paid and encouraged her, my ex, with the spiritual tarot card trend thing.

Actually anything she has used to cheat and break my heart was something I provided for her. Be it through cash or love. Something as little as her phone she is using to cheat.

I am just done with her.

Thats what they do. When my friend’s ex spouse left she accused him of daily rape. She got her and his family on her side Even got her soon to be new husband on her side.

I am sorry brother I hope happiness comes to you.

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-17T05:30:19+00:00

Nobody wants to be the villain of their own story. Therefore you are the villain.

In another year or so the shock will go away for good. You’ll just feel pity when yet another human being gets subjected to this shit. And your spidey sense will be at lvl 100. It kinda sucks when your friend or someone says, “I’m watching the kids all weekend so my wife can go to a concert with her friends.”

It’s just part of life that we learn about. Lots of happily married couples have “dealt with this issue.”

thraxx171 · 2024-12-17T05:06:47+00:00

Same same but different. They're all the same especially in their late 30s/40s/50s. Perimenopause and menopause causes a lot of chemical imbalances for some. Midlife crisis an fomo is another big factor. Maybe also if men shared a lot more and people were taught how communicate, then it wouldn't happen as much. The number of guys coming to me with "my story" who are still married is ridiculous. The support network for men sucks to say and I try to assist where I can. My view on marriage is now completely changed, it's negligence, worse than the casino odds, and it's a like a ponzi scheme.

Unusual_University14 · 2024-12-17T04:27:05+00:00

I often say "every divorce is different... but really they're all the fucking same".

Snowbirdy · 2024-12-17T04:26:10+00:00

Mine literally said during mediation that cash she had converted into other investments (like the house she got 100% of) was “dissipated” by me, didn’t exist, and I had married her to con her out of money.

Somehow, despite not working for 4 years and supposedly contributing 50% of expenses, she left with the same net worth she walked in with. (Hint: she stole hundreds of thousands from me)

She even tried not invoicing her client for 9 months and then claiming she therefore had no income. Not how it works…

Mediator (this was our 3rd, but judge was losing patience) pulled her aside, told her to stop wasting his time and leaned on her to settle.

So glad I’m out.

Own-Finish-5021 · 2024-12-17T04:10:56+00:00

Yep, and big into wellness everything (to the point that I HATE the wellness industry). Then came the anti-vaccine stuff followed by anti-school talk and other bizarre conspiracy theories. All of this while maintaining voluntary unemployment…I mean being a successful girl boss entrepreneur (cough MLM hun cough).

Oh then there was the simple life philosophy she followed: HER WAY! Compromises were few and far between, half assed attempts at best and more often just done begrudgingly. Dead bedroom for more than seven years and it had been trailing off before that. And at the end of it all she said, “well you knew who I was when we met the very first time, I told you…”

I thought this was some unique situation that I alone experienced. Then I started reading these stories and found that I am not alone. Some of the specific details are unique but the overall themes are exactly the same.

Effective-Wrap-2955 · 2024-12-17T03:28:03+00:00

Mate, all i can say is: yes.

The nasty side of them comes out in this process.

The way I think about it is that there are loads of awful people in the world. More than you realise. You got one of them. Like a scam email. You clicked. Many of us did and now we try to move on from it.

Not that unusual brother. Best of luck.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2024-12-17T22:07:33+00:00

I would say so. Total working class. Smoked. Drank. But a good man. In a lot of ways I resemble him.

Title	Why is it always the same story?
Author	weirdpity
Upvotes	38
Comments	55
Date	December 16, 2024 10:30 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hfvjkm/why_is_it_always_the_same_story/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-is-it-always-the-same-story.1538734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538734

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