Women aren't attracted to 'nice'

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-04-15T13:32:23+00:00

Yes. Nice is baseline. It's expected. Women don't see a nice guy and think 'damn, I want him'

Don't get the twisted with 'women only like bad boys' though. You should still be nice in general, to all people preferably, but don't expect it to get you noticed by women

Cool_Stuff_6092 · 2022-04-15T13:49:33+00:00

The problem with nice guys is never that they are nice. The problem is being insecure, boring, overly passive and not being able to say no. Some nice guys are also just creeps who are only nice to women because they except sex in return.

Zenia_neow · 2022-04-15T14:09:20+00:00

There's difference between being nice and being nice because of spinelessness.

Meat_Vegetable · 2022-04-15T13:42:15+00:00

You don't shove nice token into a woman and she gives you fuck tickets in return, being nice is literally baseline, and if all you are is nice... Well full offence your problem is your about as interesting as a potato.

Cavey321 · 2022-04-15T15:02:41+00:00

The language is loaded. Every time I've unpacked this it's always led to the same conclusions. They don't mean 'nice' in terms of being a decent person, women tend to want kindness, and find compassion attractive. When the phrase 'nice guy' is used it's more of a euphemism for bland.

_DoIt4Johnny_ · 2022-04-15T14:45:40+00:00

Nice, but with a backbone. Also if a woman isn’t interested in you already, being an a**hole isn’t going to suddenly make her attracted to you.

Naus1987 · 2022-04-15T14:01:16+00:00

Nice can be good. But too nice can be bad.

For example if you’re always nice — you won’t stand up for yourself, your child, or your family. Sometimes ya gotta be mean to defend what’s important.

As others have said, being nice is a baseline, but it’s also about boundaries.

Additionally, resource management is important too. Not many women would want to marry and hitch their wagon to a guy who donates 90% of the family income to charity, because it’s such a nice thing to do.

People only have so much resources. Whether it be kindness, money, patience and tolerance. And if you dedicate too much of that to strangers then you may end up neglecting your family and those close to you.

Be nice. But also have boundaries.

ArchAngelSara · 2022-04-15T14:46:55+00:00

It sounds like you have some trauma in the past where people took advantage of your kindness.

High school is probably the worst place and time for the majority of people to find love and romance, so I wouldn’t rely on that time. Kids are mean and they don’t really understand their consequences to their actions.

Also, being nice all the time vs being nice but having boundaries is two different things. I suggest you learn to establish boundaries so people can respect you more in the future. Don’t say yes to everything, know your worth.

I suggest reading up on boundaries. If you start to sense a woman is taking advantage of you, cut her off. She isn’t going to be good for you in the long run. Be nice if you want, but also don’t expect anything in return. Being truly nice is not expecting anything in return.

xvszero · 2022-04-15T16:42:03+00:00

My wife loves that I'm nice. We were joking the other day that we need to find a new term for that because "nice guy" has been ruined by guys usually turn out to be not very nice at all.

But women aren't attracted to nice on its own. To be honest, men aren't really either. Most people want a CONNECTION and that requires something deeper. My wife and I connected on our ethics, on our creative tendencies (we both make music, art), etc.

Also, for the record, the type of guys who go on rants about women when they don't get what they want aren't actually nice.

Inareskai · 2022-04-15T14:40:04+00:00

Depends on the woman. Depends on the type of nice.

There is no one thing that is 'enough' that suddenly a person will be irresistible.

For the most part to start a relationship there needs to be a combination of factors, some of which will rely on luck and chance. E.g. the person needs to meet basic levels of human decency (or they need to have the same understanding of what base-level niceness is), have a similar sense of humour, find they have similar interests or at least be interested in the other person's likes/dislikes even if they're not actively into them personally, met when both are single, be at least nominally physically interested in each other.

There are probably more things that that, but basically it's a lot of overlapping factors that are also governed by luck/chance and rely on both people feeling the same.

Fridge_Ian_Dom · 2022-04-15T16:57:14+00:00

It’s not a binary, nice Vs not nice.

There’s a million different facets to personality, if you are (genuinely) nice and still people don’t find you attractive, the answer probably lies elsewhere.

hellsingsoutoftune · 2022-04-15T16:52:21+00:00

Why do you spend so much time online bro?

Why don't you take this time to actually achieve something that is worth achieving instead of whining about your life on the internet?

AutoModerator · 2022-04-15T16:59:26+00:00

I have to disagree! Kindness is one of the first things that I look for in a man.

oneofamike · 2022-04-15T13:54:30+00:00

Women aren’t attracted to nice or mean or alpha or Chad. They are attracted to what makes them feel good. It’s your timing and ability to read another girls body language that is probably hindering you. There probably were girls that were interested in you and you didn’t notice their body language clues. And even if you could notice the body language, timing is your confidence. And girls vary about this.

simeonikudabo48 · 2022-04-15T13:43:02+00:00

As others have mentioned, people just want to generally be treated well. This is why we see people who are usually jerks attract women, along with guys who are generally nice attracting women. The niceness doesn't particularly matter, and women/any human can usually sense when someone is only being nice to get something in return. As a man, I can see when women are being "nice" to get something, and women can see when we are being "nice" to get something. So the niceness is just a baseline expectation to some degree but isn't the main thing anyone is attracted to.

cunningcaring · 2022-04-15T12:24:09+00:00

Of course it’s not true.

T4mvv1lc0xx · 2022-04-15T16:17:30+00:00

We should stop using the word "nice" and use "passive" instead.

premedicalchaos · 2022-04-15T17:50:48+00:00

What do you mean? “Nice” is step 1–literally a requirement to be attractive. I’m not going to think twice about someone who isn’t nice. But nice also isn’t enough. Are you attracted to every nice person you know? Of course not! You’re attracted to nice people who have other good qualities and shared interests. “Nice” is step one.

Faeraday · 2022-04-15T17:52:54+00:00

Nice is a baseline for common decency. If you’re not nice, it’s an automatic turnoff, but it’s not anything extra special if you’re nice but we have absolutely nothing in common.

Environmental-Row979 · 2022-04-15T18:34:04+00:00

My boyfriend is probably one of the kindest, most gentle people I've ever met. And I am still overwhelmingly attracted to him, 2 years into seeing each other.

As for the "nice guys finish last" trope? Yes ... women are put off by "nice guys" who think women owe them sex or flirtation for being decent human beings. We can see when that's what you're doing. I'm not saying that that's what you were doing in high school, of course (though SO MANY boys and men in their teens and twenties do this). But being nice to other people is NOT why you were romantically unlucky in high school.

5MinuteMentalFitness · 2022-04-15T19:24:20+00:00

Securely attached people view niceness as a built in trait.

Broken attached people also view niceness this way but many feel they do not deserve nice partners as they feel unworthy or unloveable hence the term broken in their attachment style.

This is especially true with insecure and disorganized attachment which is rampant in high school especially in the highly sought after partners.

Genuinely nice people (not nice tm) tend to correlate high with dating or pursuing broken attached people because they have more of a tolerance and leniency towards accepting broken attached behaviours unless they have been seriously hurt before where they tend to overcorrect that experience and choose somone who is opposite their prior partner.

Also the theory of the “hot crazy matrix” has some merit especially in high school.

Having been a pop guy in high school I can tell you most pop girls were royally fucked up as well as my popular guy friends.

The women were highly insecure broken attached while the men were avoidant broken attached.

The reasoning for this is because attractive people tend to attract more people to them which means they are at an increased risk for attracting the one person (yes it really only takes one person) who will ultimately fuck their shit up (if Simone has not already) and be the catalyst for a whole lot of mental health and social issues.

This is not just relating to men but women as well.

Just look at how messed up Hollywood is in terms of both sexes.

softnmushy · 2022-04-15T21:02:20+00:00

First, you need to learn to make friends. If no males want to spend time with you, why would you expect a woman to want to spend time with you?

Once you have learned how to have friendships, then you can try to make friends with women and, if there is a mutual attraction, you can date them.

Carloverguy20 · 2022-04-15T21:49:10+00:00

You need some serious help, judging by your post and previous history, you seem to be a bit insecure and have low-self esteem.

Being nice is the bare minimum, if you are only being nice just to get laid, you are going to fail hard at it.

orphileen · 2022-04-15T22:13:07+00:00

Much apologies right now cause I'm doped up on a lot of brain meds that do limit my word capacities. Just did a quick run through on your profile and you seem to have some trauma or something and don't deal with it well or place blame elsewhere.

There are a lot of nice people that find other nice people attractive. But we don't get with them because there is more to the story of attraction/love. Maybe they don't like you, maybe after a date you figure "I don't like them". Point is: being nice = owing you what you want.

What you do deserve is respect, though. if you don't get that, then move along. Believe it or not, females also get hurt by men too. That's what boggles my mind. Why do only your feelings get hurt? but on the same token, women are too emotional and don't choose well?

My first love lied to me by hiding two children for a year. It fucked me up a lot and my seizures came back too... All he did was say sorry and I had to get with the program, and he was selfish and took advantage of someone who was 'nice' and I. Except I am still nice, and I always will be attracted to nice, so stfu... I am smarter now. But I don't understand your frustrations, and maybe you need therapy for that? I see that you say you actively want to be mean to others. For what? As mean as it may sound. Touch grass. Go out. Learn to love yourself.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-04-15T12:55:09+00:00

Women aren’t attracted to anything

Hotlx · 2022-04-15T14:07:43+00:00

It’s not just about nice, it’s about whether you go out of your way and treat females better then any male. It’s quite obvious like a pretty girl asking a ride when it’s inconvenient for you but you do it just for that 😸and when it’s a male Rando you probably wouldn’t do it. I have a general rule if I won’t do it for a guy I’m not doing it for her. Ex: depending on my mood I’m not holding the door open for anyone. Ex:in a club I won’t buy drinks for anyone unless you’re a friend. This one really irks me when I see men buying drinks to girls just cause they pretty and them feel entitled to have her. I got more ex but don’t want keep writing unless you ask

SudetenNachkomme · 2022-04-15T16:28:13+00:00

Women want the bad boy with the heart of gold. They want the beast that they believe only they can tame. (This is the same stuff smut novels are made of - lol but that’s chick crack for you.)

marioncobretti9 · 2022-04-15T16:16:10+00:00

Women want strong men that can protect them. If you're too nice they won't see you as a protector in the times of need. "Nice guys" are generally weak and they don't know what to do when things go south. They are soft.

Title	Women aren't attracted to 'nice'
Author	Pomeranian111
Upvotes	0
Comments	226
Date	April 15, 2022 12:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/u46tyb/women_arent_attracted_to_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/women-arent-attracted-to-nice.1112584 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112584

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