Don’t be a forever girlfriend

Skittleschild02 · 2020-05-17T00:19:23+00:00

Happened to a friend. Dated for 10 years. Bought a house together (Thankfully, it’s in her name.) She came home one night from work and caught him Facetiming with a friend. He ended up getting that friend pregnant too. (Told her he never wanted kids. Surprise!)

Some dudes ain’t shit.

Amy3e13 · 2020-05-16T20:50:37+00:00

Also beware of the shut-up ring, a tactic used to string the forever girlfriend along even further.

galian84 · 2020-05-16T22:16:40+00:00

I can speak for this. I see so many couples who have been dating 5+ years and still not even engaged.

I dated an ex for 7 years and he still "wasn't ready" to even get engaged. He only wanted to propose when I was breaking up with him. Even though just a few months before he and I got into an argument about it and he said he wasn't "the marrying type."

One of my closest friends has been dating her boyfriend for 4 or 5 years now and he just moved into a new condo and didn't ask her to move in with him, even though they live an hour apart. She said she didn't care, but she obviously seemed hurt about it. She also said that he didn't seem to keen on being married soon, and she guess she didn't, either.

sunnyxbaby · 2020-05-16T23:13:25+00:00

Ex boyfriend and I were together almost 5 years, no proposal (to be fair, I would have said no). Husband proposed after 6 months and we'll be married 5 years next month. I know 6 months is fairly quick, but if a man wants to marry you, it won't take 3, 5, 7+ years for him to not only figure it out, but show it.

Anotherface95 · 2020-05-16T22:04:53+00:00

I saw a tiktok yesterday by a girl who’s ready for marriage about her bf not being ready or whatever.

All the comments were like “OMG saaame we’ve been dating 8 years and still nothing even tho I keep hinting.” “10 years and 2 kids and he still won’t propose even though I keep asking him to.” “We’ve been dating 5 years and every time I bring up marriage he shuts me down. Glad I’m not the only one 😂.” “I’m sooo ready for marriage because we’ve been together since high school but he won’t even talk about it with me.”

I swear I’m not even exaggerating. If a guy won’t even humour the idea of marrying you then what are you doing with him? I bet these women have been told “stand by him” , “he’s commitment issues” and every other excuse in the book to excuse men’s childish behaviour. It genuinely angers me that women are taught to accept this bs and pretend they don’t care.

Shokkolatte · 2020-05-16T22:25:04+00:00

I don’t quite get it either, the ability to spend years and years as boyfriend and girlfriend, especially when both of you are settled in your lives and finances.

Eventually it comes off as juvenile because how can you not be ready to legally protect your almost decade long relationship, but you’re both ready and willing to let 7 years turn into 8 years, ready to move in or buy a home together, ready to have unprotected sex that runs the risk of pregnancy etc?

It’s like a lot of people see marriage as the kiss of death, but not all these other potentially binding things that a lot of “not ready” people seem to do in relationships.

And yes, I think a lot of super long term relationships are psychologically binding. I imagine if you spend anywhere from 7-10+ years with someone (I’ve never done it) and then break up, you’re probably going to continue to think about them for a large chunk of your life whether you want to or not. Simply because they were a part of your life for so long.

That’s why not being married in that situation, when you both claim to be happy, doesn’t quite compute to me.

On the flip side, it’s been said men and women do not value time in the same way. Not sure if there are studies on this, but it would make sense as to why so many women are waiting for proposals that may never come. Or even assuming the length of the relationship will result in a proposal.

chickenery · 2020-05-16T23:45:02+00:00

Sooooo often, the guy who “isn’t ready” for years and years when he’s with his forever girlfriend will propose to his new girl within 6 months. Being a forever girlfriend just sets you up to be devastated when the relationship ends, because it WILL end, either when the forever girlfriend finally gets fed up, or, even worse, when he meets the girl he actually wants to be with.

thowawaywookie · 2020-05-17T01:07:27+00:00

Equality and independence seems to be thrown out the window in these cases.

I supposed it's so brainwashed to want him to propose. The fantasy of the romantic proposal and fairy tale wedding, lurking beneath the surface.

Waiting puts your life on hold. Men know right away. Within a few months.

A man knows you're dating for marriage. How deceptive and selfish to continue a relationship, when you already know you dont want to marry her.

But the majority of men are selfish. They won't give up the regular sex and convenience of a relationship.

BabyGotBantz · 2020-05-17T04:54:18+00:00

If you haven't discussed marriage within the first year of your relationship and it's something you want... he needs to waste someone elses time. Meanwhile you're cooking his food, being his maid, doing his laundry and sh*t wasting your youth and beauty like the dutiful ass-clown you are. He doesn't have to buy you a ring and any day he can just walk out and that's that. I never understood people who had been together 6 years and hadn't gotten married unless they were super young when they got together or just didn't want to. Not getting married and being independently successful is also an option.

Elelavrie · 2020-05-16T21:48:40+00:00

[deleted]

AliceTullyHall11 · 2020-05-17T03:28:02+00:00

My kid has been dating the same guy since senior year high school. She's got the promise ring for neigh on nine years. They went to Uni together, his family religious and helping him pay for school so they only lived together since graduation in 2014. So that makes ten years, basically from 18 to 28. My daughter refuses to even discuss "their" plans....I like the kid, but Christ on a cracker!! Lets get on with it!!

travellingtaurus · 2020-05-17T13:28:09+00:00

Please take this with a genuine tone of curiosity, I'd love to hear your views:

Why is marriage necessary at all?

I've been with my partner for 7 years and I don't have the intention of marrying him. But I know we are committed to each other - that's enough for me.

I obviously understand we want men who are committed to us long term, but I'm not sure shaming relationships/men that don't buy in to the institution of marriage is a healthy thing to do or encourage? Why exactly do you need marriage to feel totally secure in your relationship? Why is marriage the sign of a decent and wonderful man to spend your life with? If you have found a great man who just happens to not want to get married, why should that be a sign that he's not still fantastic in how he treats you, and will treat you long term?

Please do share your views! I'm interested!

alluringiv · 2020-05-17T01:32:13+00:00

I don’t even wanna think of marrying rn especially not my bf. Maybe when I’m 30 lol

sunnyxbaby · 2020-05-16T22:50:43+00:00

[removed]

princestarshine · 2020-05-17T02:26:41+00:00

Are promise rings okay if you don’t want to get married? I’m asking because I saw a couple comments talking about them,,

ethical_slut · 2020-05-17T07:06:16+00:00

Unless you’re me and would only begrudgingly get married for tax benefits.

tronoz · 2020-05-22T14:15:50+00:00

Agree sis

Title	Don’t be a forever girlfriend
Author	shethrewawayaccount
Upvotes	3305
Comments	121
Date	May 16, 2020 6:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gkzphk/dont_be_a_forever_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-be-a-forever-girlfriend.675983 https://theredarchive.com/post/675983

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