Get commitment or get moving

open_heart_shrink · 2020-04-23T11:47:46+00:00

Some people are incapable of love and live empty lives. You sense their emptiness and try to fill it with your love, only resulting in you feeling depleted and used. Walk away, don’t look back.

subtlecuttlefish · 2020-04-23T08:54:56+00:00

You deserve someone who enthusiastically and exclusively wants to be with you, don't settle for any less.

Bovvsette · 2020-04-23T11:42:14+00:00

Exactly, why should you act like a housewife, emotional support and risk everything dispensing free sex for him if he ”doesn't know” or ”isn't ready” for commitment, fucks around and offers you nothing. Don't clown around, you're worth more than that and you should only reciprocate the amount of commitment, financial risks and efforts given to you and no more. If he's not willing to risk anything for you, why should you give yourself up to him?

aj-2626 · 2020-04-23T12:28:39+00:00

Several years ago I met a guy on a dating app. We were the same age - 40 - and hit it off. Three months of intense love bombing, all day texting, lots of time together.

One day we were out and we ran into friends of his. He got really tense. Quick introductions, perfectly typical “hello, nice to meet you” stuff.

When we were walking away he said “Fuck, I hope they don’t think you’re my girlfriend.” It was line a slap. I asked him what he meant and he explained that we were fuck buddies, we weren’t really dating, he never said we were dating, he never promised anything! And I felt so dumb, like I had been expecting too much and obviously I was a stage five clinger. Ugh.

I can not wrap my head around men who meet women on DATING SITES and pull the “we’re just friends who have sex and do stuff together, we’re not dating, why are you so crazy” bullshit.

MakingBadDecisions · 2020-04-23T07:30:32+00:00

[deleted]

Wiggy_Bop · 2020-04-23T08:39:31+00:00

It’s funny cause these same men wouldn’t be confused if it were a business contract. Most wouldn’t take advantage of another man like this.

FierceMango · 2020-04-23T06:58:12+00:00

I let a guy string me along for THREE years. he kept saying he wasn’t “ready for a relationship” despite the fact that we kissed, cuddled, flirted etc. but my pickmeisha self was like hE jUst nEeDs TiMe!! looking back, I can’t believe I tolerated that behavior.

AnonPinkLady · 2020-04-23T09:06:43+00:00

Strongly agree. The whole FWB thing is ridiculous. They want all the emotional affection and physical intimacy of a relationship but the right to fuck whoever and have you ask no questions about it.
A person does not deserve both. If you wanna sleep around and play games your manwhore ass does not deserve the love and affection you can't give. And if you want to keep your relationship with your amazing girlfriend, don't "open it up" or all that bullshit. Guys never deserve to have their cake and eat it too

haveanicedaytoo · 2020-04-23T11:38:10+00:00

Reddithateswomen

hayleymikaelson · 2020-04-23T08:55:27+00:00

dealt with something very similar to this for 2 years, i still can’t believe i sat back and let it happen. it’s definitely screwed me over mentally. but a few weeks ago i finally told him off and said goodbye

Whovianspawn · 2020-04-23T14:08:43+00:00

This is the “girlfriend experience”. All the benefits of having a girlfriend with none of the commitment. In their minds if they don’t commit then apparently you have nothing to be upset about. And it’s a really shitty feeling when it happens to you. This is part of the reason I’ve given up dating.

LuckyCharmsLass · 2020-04-23T11:16:34+00:00

[deleted]

Amanda_daville · 2020-04-23T09:42:31+00:00

Girl, i learned this and never looked back. No need to reward bad behavior. I just wish I could get my time back. It was kinda hard in the beginning but this book, No F*** Boys Allowed helped me through most of my shitty thought processes dealing with this guy. I wouldn't wish a fuckboy on my worst enemy. Thank God you're free!!! I'm happy for you.

pinkliquor · 2020-04-23T16:23:23+00:00

I was in a situation like this with one of my exes. We were together every day and night, I helped with his bills, cooking, shopping, emotional support etc so I thought we were back together. One day his friend said “you guys look very good together” and my ex got extremely pissy and disgusted and said we weren’t together. I felt so angry and embarrassed. Shortly after, I walked away. He didn’t chase me. And not even two months later was with someone new. Men aren’t shit. Never settle for half assed bullshit.

Hannahsd · 2020-04-23T09:10:45+00:00

What about the polar opposite of this? A man wanting to be in a committed relationship’ but doesn’t want to engage in any of the ‘benefits’ ??? Tbh it’s almost equal if not worse mental abuse that I never thought in a million years I’d be experiencing and hating life because of constant I security’s and sexual frustration ruling my mind.

Comicalacimoc · 2020-04-23T13:03:17+00:00

This is exactly it

Lattika · 2020-04-23T14:59:53+00:00

Oh my God yes! This was my first relationship ever. Went out for six months before we became exclusive, but then immediately got told he did not love me that way but enjoyed my company. Six months. I regret to say that I did not see the signs, but I was 18, naive, and struggling with debilitating depression which was made much worse by our break-up.

Rule of thumb now is, if he doesn't love you within two months, he is not going to love you ever.

redpeithos · 2020-04-23T09:27:59+00:00

I feel bad because for 3 years I've been committed to my boyfriend but now I'm having doubts so I'm the person in this post too.

gfcacdista · 2020-04-23T07:56:13+00:00

Yep, when you start feeling it's the case for you prepare your bags ladies !

PreachyGirl · 2020-04-23T22:33:35+00:00

Actions speak louder than words; however, your words still matter. What you say is just as important as what you do. Men just want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want the responsibility of a full-blown commitment so they can have sex with other people as much as they want but they still want to reap the benefits of a vague understanding of a pseudo-commitment that you're loyal to them and only them.

anonymous_monkey2 · 2020-04-23T16:31:44+00:00

Mind blown

LuckyCharmsLass · 2020-04-23T16:22:58+00:00

Only if she lets it be. She doesn't have to play by his rules.

Sarah_Fishcakes · 2020-04-23T08:26:30+00:00

I've had a guy string me along like this and it is a form of mental abuse. It was several years ago, can I still report this behaviour? Just so the police have a record

Spiritual-Ambassador · 2020-04-23T15:30:19+00:00

The problem here is not men but women. If we dont value ourselves then of course a man will take advantage. We have to ensure that we know our value and worth in order to get our desires.

When I was dating, other women would call me callous, too picky or wrong for leaving a man for not meeting my standards. Now that i am married to a superb man, those who judged are all asking for the 'secret'. The secret is to respect and treasure you! No one (man or woman) will be able to pull anything that you dont want.

HoneyNJ2000 · 2020-04-23T14:12:33+00:00

I don't think it's abuse at all.

If a guy is HONEST enough to tell you he's not looking to take things to the next level - but the douche bag still expects all the perks of said next level - then he's made it very simple for the woman.

That's when she leaves his ass. Why would anyone hang around for that?

radical__daphne · 2020-04-23T05:04:02+00:00

[removed]

Khakislacki · 2020-04-23T19:04:00+00:00

Good to see this in explicit terms. I’m really scared I (29F) am this person though. I did this on-off thing with a great guy who I’ve now lost. If anybody feels like they may be the ‘guy’ in this text, look up attachment styles.

Reading about the “fearful-avoidant” attachment style fits me to a T. You protect yourself from being hurt by keeping your relationship at a distance but also desperately want to be close to that person—not a great combo! Not that being that way excuses my behavior or anybody else’s who gets scared about committing but really wants the relationship, but it has been helpful to look in that mirror. Now trying to figure out ways to be more conscientious in future of why I’m scared and whether that’s valid because at least I’m aware that I follow an unhealthy pattern.

sunflowerthelight · 2020-04-24T02:36:21+00:00

Amen

Asopaso07 · 2020-04-23T15:04:50+00:00

It’s rape.

Title	Get commitment or get moving
Author	throwaway64857
Upvotes	2045
Comments	115
Date	April 23, 2020 4:40 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g6gesf/get_commitment_or_get_moving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/get-commitment-or-get-moving.677732 https://theredarchive.com/post/677732

Comments

Reddithateswomen