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Rayne2522
[–]anadreamy2FDS Newbie 450 points451 points452 points 4 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
Reading this made me so sick and disturbed. The amount of distress this younger women may be feeling and the potential trauma she is going to develop because of this abusive dynamic is very sad.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 263 points264 points265 points 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
It is so sad how women have been made to feel like this is normal! The only thing people are saying in the comments are he needs to learn about BDSM so he can get better with the aftercare. There is nobody telling her to run.
[–]herbivorouscarnivoreFDS Newbie 135 points136 points137 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I saw a post elsewhere about one woman telling another, “My husband threatened to unalive me. I’m not sure what to think. Is this abusive behavior?” I’m so sad for her for even wondering.
[–]jupitarianriseFDS Newbie 131 points132 points133 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
The abuse + aftercare creates a trauma bond between the abuser and his victim. This keeps the young woman attached to him and she goes back for more. He doesn’t give a damn about her and he never will.
If he pretends to, it will only harm her and trap her more into this toxic dynamic. She needs a therapist, not an unhealthy coping mechanism that will traumatize her more. As usual, I’m disappointed but not surprised by Redditors. Most of them are porn sick anyway.
[–]PerspicaciousCatFDS Newbie 250 points251 points252 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
The word “aftercare” in itself is messed up. Like maybe something is wrong with what you’re doing if you’re so mentally drained after
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 83 points84 points85 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
THIS! Sex is supposed to be FUN! I shouldn't need a goddam therapy session when its over!
[–]Jandi18FDS Newbie 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are right! The word "aftercare" reminds me of Stockholm syndrome
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 75 points76 points77 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The only thing people are saying in the comments are he needs to learn about BDSM so he can get better with the aftercare. There is nobody telling her to run.
And THIS is precisely why kink and sex positive culture is so toxic. It trains women to believe there's something wrong with them if they only want "boring, vanilla sex" and that they're lame prudes who just need better aftercare if they cry after their boyfriend is rough with them.
This nonsense wouldn't be tolerated if the boyfriend slapped the other girl in the kitchen for burning his dinner even if she chose to stay in the relationship. But, somehow, her consenting to stay gives him carte blanche to beat her up in the bedroom?
I hate this clown world we live in
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yup. All ya gotta do is bring the abuse into the bedroom and it magically becomes “just sex”.
“Bbbbbbbbut, I only beat you up when we’re naked.”
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup. All ya gotta do is bring the abuse into the bedroom and it magically becomes “just sex”. “Bbbbbbbbut, I only beat you up when we’re naked.”
-Battered Wife: "Every day, my husband strangles me and calls be a stupid b!tch..."
-PickMes: "OMG, that's horrible!! You need to leave him!!"
-Battered Wife: "...during sex"
-PickMe: "Wow. First off, don't be a kink shaming bigot!! Second, have you tried CoMuNiCaTiNg BeTtEr?? Maybe ask him to buy you flowers and snuggle you afterwards? You wouldn't be so upset if you would open your mind and stop being so vanilla! Here's a Tumblr post on safer choking methods you can show your man!!"
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Have you tried anal training?”
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Are they also telling her she’s experiencing ‘let down’ or some stupid phrase like that? Bc you know, all you have to do is call it BDSM, and it’s not magically not abuse. I’ll entertain that thought for the sake of argument (that she’s enjoying herself) but did anyone answer why the man gets off on throwing her around like a rag doll?
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And she's unable to process or escape from it because of the role OP plays. If OP wasn't taking care of her afterwards and giving the illusion that this is a place where she is cared for and safe she'd be less likely to return.
OP acts horrified and yet is directly contributing to this woman's suffering.
[–]alkahina_ 148 points149 points150 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Did you see the other post from the perspective of the “girlfriend”? One of her comments she asked what grooming means, she doesn’t even understand what’s happpening to her and probably thinks this is how a normal relationship works. The wife is also a victim, she had been in the relationship for 5 years, so it started when she was 21 when he was 29. My heart hurts for these women.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 42 points43 points44 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I did not, how awful!
[–]notochordFDS Newbie 30 points31 points32 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s tragic
[–]whiskey_and_oreosFDS Newbie 371 points372 points373 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
The age gaps, the girlfriend being "willing to deal with" what amounts to SA, the abuser leaving the room and his wife to do the "aftercare" aka completing the trauma bonding cycle. Nothing about this isn't a glaring red flag. How can she even look at her husband knowing this is really what he's like? And what is she going to do when he renders the girlfriend unconscious or with physical injuries that need immediate medical attention?
[–]AsizellaFDS Newbie 57 points58 points59 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is what I don't understand about liberal feminism and BDSM. They recognize that coercion affects consent and can be considered rape. They recognize that when someone is in a position of power over another, it affects consent and can be considered rape. But put in the context of BDSM, that just flies out the window apparently. Anyone who pushes boundaries is not a real Dom and should just learn better practices. It becomes a No True Scotsman situation that allows everyone to look the other way when abuses happen, because the alternative means they'd have to confront some ugly truths about the relationship between BDSM and trauma, and the razor thin/non-existent line between Dom and abuser, and they're not ready for that.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 155 points156 points157 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It's so awful, he found someone young and bent her to his will. It's so sicking. I hope they both get out but unfortunately people in the comments were telling her that he needs to learn more about BDSM and after care.
[–]whiskey_and_oreosFDS Newbie 147 points148 points149 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's sheer entitlement on his side and conditioning on both the women's side, all thanks to porn. He saw another man "consentually" SA a woman so now his penis is entitled to that. And both women are victims of porn culture training us to think this is how men are intimate and we have to submit to these acts because he's entitled to them.
Oh and anyone wanna bet he's going off to watch more porn after SA the girlfriend instead of doing "aftercare"?
[–]VanessaViewsFDS Newbie 96 points97 points98 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I hate how everyone's go to is "aftercare". Just add "aftercare" and suddenly all the abuse is just fine. Like WTF.
[–]whiskey_and_oreosFDS Newbie 71 points72 points73 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right? Telling someone you love them and taking care of them immediately after abusing them is literally the definition of trauma bonding.
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And what is she going to do when he renders the girlfriend unconscious or with physical injuries that need immediate medical attention?
Sadly, her battered wife syndrome seems so strong that I suspect she'll help him hide the body. 😥
[–]FUBARfromLSAFDS Newbie 120 points121 points122 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wtf did I just read?
“Our” girlfriend is getting violently raped by this individual’s husband full stop.
There is no advice I can give, or words to use that can make this ok
Throw the whole relationship away.
I need to go play with some kittens now- this is seriously disturbing.
[–]skadiiisFDS Newbie 310 points311 points312 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I am really struggling with not being bitter lately. Maybe I need time off of reddit. This is so heartbreaking. I'm sad for the wife but I'm also angry at her. Men are not going to protect us. We have to protect each other. And we fail to do that so often.
I'm only 24 and I'm so tired. There's so much pressure to allow a man to degrade us and hurt us during sex. Sex! Something that is supposed to unite us and form a soul body connection. I have never been aroused by even the thought of being rough with my partners in the bedroom. But it has come so easily to some of the men I've been with. And I know so many us have shared this experience.
I just want things to be better.
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh. Sweetie. I felt this so much. You’re my sons’ age. And I swear, if I found out this was happening to my daughter, I’d break that man’s dick right off, and get her some counseling.
Don’t beat yourself up for being bitter. You have every right to feel that way about what men your age (and even older) expect from women in the bedroom these days.
I’m proud to have you as a sister who has my back. It’s the only way forward.
[–]skadiiisFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for the solidarity. It means a lot. I am so comforted by all the women on this sub. You all have been such an inspiration to me.
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For all the crap we get from haters, if they actually stopped and fairly observed, they’d see that it’s simply a support community of strong women who don’t take shit from bad men. They’d see that our communication style and strategy is helpful in all areas of life and as such is beneficial for all human relationships and interactions. Seriously, imagine a world where everyone followed FDS strategy. Everyone would be leveling up and being held accountable :) what a concept ;)
[–]ooeygooeylane 96 points97 points98 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That dynamic seems very child abusive in a way.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 78 points79 points80 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I just came across this and am so upset for this poor woman. Her husband is sick!
[–]corkymuu 62 points63 points64 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They’re all fucking sick in the head. I’m so tired of women giving in to bullshit arrangements like this.
[–]PrincessCritterPantsFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would love to peek inside OP’s head just to find out wtf they’re so confused about. Her husband is so sick that he doesn’t even view this girl as a person. I’m upset that she’s enabling him so much too.
[–]myheartisfullofloveFDS Newbie 366 points367 points368 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That poor girl. I'm upset with the wife, but seeing her 26F thing makes me also see her as a victim to this entire mess, also. Isn't it funny that the 8 year gap between the wife and her husband is still not enough for him that he had to go to a 22 year old to feel satisfied? Men are never satisfied and always go out of their way to push what they want until it becomes illegal. (and still step over the legal lines anyway)
Another thing also is how bisexual women are propositioned to accept super abusive situations like this. The bi wife probably got egged on to get another woman to become their triad partner, even if the wife is not too happy about it.. and then the bi triad partner has to deal with the super rough sex, just to be able to get a relationship. This young woman needs to find a good counselor to help her and whatever is ailing her so that she doesn't have to continue seeing these people for companionship. And the wife needs to get a divorce before the husband turns around gets rough with her, if he has not already.
That's why whenever I get a couple trying to get with me, I am always sick to my stomach, precisely because of toxic dynamics that goes on in these weird poly communities.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 214 points215 points216 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I used to think that poly relationships were okay but the more I learn about them the worse they seem. Especially cases like this where the man is so much older. I absolutely see the wife as a victim as well, she is completely distressed by what her husband is doing and he doesn't care. I can't imagine what her life is and I feel so bad for her and the other young woman that is literally being beaten. I hope they both get out!
[–]t3ddiFDS Newbie 40 points41 points42 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I don't think the wife being 26 has anything to do with her understanding of right and wrong. This is Karla Homolka/Katherine Birnie type behaviour.
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sadly, I can see it coming to that if she doesn't leave him before he escalates...
[–]SupremeDearLeaderFDS Newbie 71 points72 points73 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is 10 levels of fd up evil. I blame sex posi " feminism " for making women think it's OK to get used sexually like a toddler stomping on a Lego house. These women need therapy , lots of it , and he needs jail.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree!
[+][deleted] 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]TripleMoonMorrigan 72 points73 points74 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Perfectly worded. I just don't have words for this and am so saddened that women tolerate, are conditioned for even, this kind of blatant bullshit and abuse. I knew it was going to be a horrorshow after the age gap.
[–]JordangelFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some woman commented that being used like that and left crying after sex makes her feel useful. She thinks being abused during sex is how she can be useful. Do they not see how crazy and sad that is?? I'm so glad I didn't go far down the BDSM road when I was younger. Sex shouldn't be painful for someone to get off. They need therapy!
[–]MixWideFDS Newbie 48 points49 points50 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't get how one can retain attraction to a man who does that to a woman right in front of you.
Regardless of what kind of person she is, regardless of whether she consents or not...she's a human being, and he's nutting while he brutalizes her. How do you watch a man do that and feel anything but disgust and contempt for him? I can't.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 70 points71 points72 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's so heartbreaking what some people will allow themselves to be put through. I thought my ex-husband was horrible but man some of these stories just make me weep. I feel sorry for both the wife and the poor girl that's being abused. The wife is I think just as broken. The husband is complete scum and a total monster!
[–]Audderpop270FDS Disciple 50 points51 points52 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is nightmare fuel. These women are delusional.
I am horrified.
[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple 46 points47 points48 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wonder if she is crying because she is ashamed of getting sexual pleasure from being abused. She obviously has some past trauma she hasn’t dealt with and this is her way of ‘coping’. Trauma is just one of the many ways this society oppresses women. To hell with these crusty ass psycho dudes
[–]levelitradically 124 points125 points126 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is how it starts. Women end up killed in situations like this if they stay for too long. Pray that both ladies get out of there soon.
[–]XRozeFDS Newbie 67 points68 points69 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yuuuuuup. the wife is in danger. i was in the same exact situation as her, so i'm speaking from personal experience (unfortunately).
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The best ending would be if both girls broke libfem conditioning, ran off together, and reported the scrote to the police
[–]These-Ad-5925 38 points39 points40 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah no, I don’t fucking like this. As someone who has dealt with men like this, this is an absolute FUCK NO for me. This is disgusting, and not only that but THEIR girlfriend ? I personally am not for the whole open relationship thing as it only seems to benefit the man. I would never stand by and let something like that happen to another woman
[–]SakuraGirl88FDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Um wtf did I just read? This is beyond messed up. As far as I'm concerned the "husband" need to be in jail. This is sick and disgusting. How low does your self esteem need to be to condone this type of madness.
[–]queenofswordsxxxFDS Newbie 100 points101 points102 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is what happens when pickmeishas act as psyops/ serena joys for the patriarchy
[–]Free_Acanthisitta446 69 points70 points71 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. When you try to be the “cool, sexually liberated girl” you end up trying to pick up the pieces Of the girl your husband uses roughly for sex. I’m glad I’m not “cool.”
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 43 points44 points45 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The thing that really bothers me about myself is realizing that I might have gone along with something like this 20 years or so ago. I loved my husband stupidly. I didn't see any of his faults, I thought he was great because he was a wonderful father, sure sometimes he lost his temper and would throw things or back me into a corner or whatever. The longer we were together the worst it got but still he was a good man, I thought. I think I would have allowed it even though I have no attraction to women. It's really sad how society has made us think that going against our better nature is somehow good for us. The p*rn industry has a lot to answer for!
[–]saragc92FDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Another reason why not to trust men, even your husbands….
Venting venting vetting is a must…
This made my heart sink,
And I’m hoping it’s Fake, but with soo many depraveties around I can see it being real too
[–]shutup201FDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
The sh*t men get away with is not cool. They've pretty much taken full advantage of consent. I bet he asked for it and she relented. Consent is just relent for vulnerable women who, unfortunately, don't care enough about themselves for whatever unfortunate reason to take care of themselves. These guys take advantage and they know it.
[–]ifhewantedtohewouldFDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All I can think about is the trauma this young woman will endure throughout the rest of her life because of the abuse this piece of shit is causing. Yeah “our girlfriend” is being raped by your husband.
[–]VanessaViewsFDS Newbie 90 points91 points92 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I bet all the comments on this post are from abusive scrotes and pick mes talking about how a good dom does "after care". As though cuddling after abuse makes it okay
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 47 points48 points49 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That is exactly what all the comments are! It was actually very depressing.
[–]VanessaViewsFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. It enrages me when I see posts like this and read the comments. And the explanation for someone crying is always "sub drop" because the endorphins released are sooo high. Like no it's because she was literally just abused.
[–]seekingcodingjediThrowaway Account 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why would any woman let themselves be abused like this. This isn't being liberal it's just letting yourself be used and oppressed. Posts like this make me hate men.
[–]celeloriel 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fucking YIKES
[–]MsXxSelfDestructxXFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
well that is about the most fucked up evil thing I've read today.
[–]seekingcodingjediThrowaway Account 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is how most "poly" relationships end up. The dude gets a harem. And Woman#1 is tasked with the aftercare for Woman#2.
[–]Resident-Ad7131 44 points45 points46 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I hope the girls begin dating and dump him out on the street, but I highly doubt that will happen. This is just too sad
[–][deleted] 46 points47 points48 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe the wife and girlfriend need to start treating him the same way and see how he likes it
[–]t3ddiFDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine being a psychopath almost on the level of Katherine and David Birnie and not even realizing it.
[–]wonkyeyes8877FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Clowns, idiots, and rapists.
[–]One_Growth331 32 points33 points34 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That doesn't sound like consent at all.
The lack of empathy in men...seriously...
I cried at work and the person who works directly with me never once asked me how I was. He kept on talking about himself and his 'culture', etc. Blah blah blah.
Also how did this arrangement even come about? Did the wife want it or the husband? Sounds like he's just getting what he can't get from his wife. If the wife didn't allow this, would he have cheated?
I don't understand how people can handle these relationships.
[–]whydennyFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The f*ck did I just read!
[–]YouLoveYouLoose 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No safe word is a big red flag.
[–]GoldandGlowingFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Even needing a safe word is a red flag.
[–]Gologic34FDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Leave.
[–]SupermarketObvious92FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Reading this feels like I’ve entered a portal into another world. In a very bad, bad way. It sounds like the wife is the only sane person in the story, but then you realize she’s actually married to the abuser and is in no way questioning this.
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's the hardest part, she thinks that this is okay. She thinks that this is normal and that she is doing the right thing by standing behind her man and his sick freaking kink. It's disheartening and incredibly gross. I wonder if a lot of it is she just doesn't want to confront the fact that she married a monster so she has to make it okay?
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[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Resident-Ad7131 44 points45 points46 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 46 points47 points48 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]t3ddiFDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wonkyeyes8877FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]One_Growth331 32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]whydennyFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YouLoveYouLoose 23 points24 points25 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]GoldandGlowingFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Gologic34FDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SupermarketObvious92FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Rayne2522FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link