I came across this exercise from FDS recommended book "the power of pusy" and it had me a bit stumped! Would love to hear you ladies' opinions, if you'd wish to share! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEN?*

iggypiggyfiggy · 2021-12-08T18:02:43+00:00

Hmm, that’s a really good question lol Without getting too deep into the question and why I could provide these things for myself, I’d say:

1- Emotional support when I’m having a hard time. I don’t want someone who just shows up for the good stuff and gets uncomfortable when I’m upset or having a hard time. I want love when it’s hard too. That support goes a long way into me feeling safe. I’ve always struggled with trusting men because being vulnerable generally doesn’t work with LVM.

2-I want to have fun with my partner and have meaningful and interesting conversations. A man being spontaneous and thoughtful with planning activities is huge for me. I hate a “idk what do you want to do?” ass guy. No thanks. Indecisiveness drives me crazy. It’s boring as hell too. Stimulate my mind or leave me alone.

3-Stability. Someone with a good job that will be able to match me on my level in terms of expected salary. I’m going to be finished my MD in two years and I want a partner who will be able to match and add to my quality of life. I value financial literacy as it goes far in making me feel secure in a relationship.

The only way I’m going to keep a man around is if he meets these expectations. I’ve done a lot of healing and growing and I want someone on that level going forward. I will not waste my time trying to make something work just to have a man. The right one will show me they’re the right one through their actions.

Gambit12345 · 2021-12-08T18:33:46+00:00

I did something like this for many years. When I was miserable and stuck in my last relationship I wrote down all the things I wanted, and often. I’d say, “I want a pretty boy who loves the same music, loves adventure and traveling, will dote over me, be trustworthy, affectionate, generous, outgoing, emotionally open, easy to talk to and resolve conflict/compromise and wants the same things and experiences out of life”. I believe the universe is always listening. Somehow over summer an acquaintance and I got closer and after a couple months of dating I saw that he was exactly what I’d been wanting. He’s been giving me the exact things I’ve wanted for years. Knowing what we want concretely and striving towards that is so important. The feeling of having someone who’s actually fulfilling your desires is euphoric and a nice change from dealing with couch creature scrotes.

swivelfishbowl · 2021-12-08T19:09:30+00:00

When my HV husband pursued me and was hinting at marriage, I had to take a hard look at this idea. I had already been married and had kids, and didn't really expect to marry again.

My list:

1) deep companionship/teamwork 2) traveling partner- though I love to travel alone or with friends or family, the traveling we do is on another level that I need 3) combining resources for a better life; my healthcare, housing, travel, gifting budget, cooking and dining out budget, wardrobe, savings...it is all exponentially better with my husband's resources 4) dedication to my sexual desires

I could certainly be happy and have a good life on my own, but my HVM gives me a better life and I am so glad I took a chance on a life with him.

LeaveMeAlone__308 · 2021-12-08T17:37:36+00:00

Stability but I suppose I can just give myself that

revengeofgivingtree · 2021-12-08T18:37:46+00:00

To be treated like a person lmao

mashibeans · 2021-12-08T18:49:27+00:00

At the bare minimum, just some fucking decency towards the female population. It's pretty shitty to hear stuff like mass shootings/stabbings where the criminal claims he did it because he hates women or women don't fawn over him. Or hearing all this fucking anti-abortion, anti-women, forced-birthers bullshit from law. Or denying childfree women sterilization procedures because "she might change her mind" even though there's already data showing that there's like 0.2 regret on women who with no kids. Or not being able to go to the club without getting your drinks spiked, or now, fucking needled. Or not being able to walk in peace without some scrote cat-calling you, say disgusting creepy shit to you. Or LVM sending their gross tiny dick pics to rando women.

This isn't even about dating, it's about the deplorable, general way men treat women. Why the fuck should I consider them a potential partner when either they treat women like shit, or they sit back and do nothing because they benefit from the system?

iloveyoubabi · 2021-12-08T19:48:54+00:00

This is a fantastic question. I guess for me, the things I want from my man are:

- Complete Acceptance: Someone who doesn't look down on me for making less money or being less ambitious than they are. Who doesn't want to change me into a female version of themselves. I want someone who looks at me and loves all the unique things about me that make me, me.

- Generosity: Someone who genuinely WANTS to make me happy, regardless of whether or not it aligns with what they feel is important to be happy. Maybe that means helping pay my bills so that I can save money, or helping me create and stick to a budget. Maybe it's stargazing with me one night for an hour or two while we talk about life. Maybe it's getting me something that's "expensive" because they know it's important to me to have sustainable and ethical, quality things. I want someone who is generous with their love and with their time because they know it means a lot to me and they want to make me happy.

- Adventure: I want someone who wants to have fun in life and experience life, not just be as rich and as productive as possible. Someone who wants to travel and who sees value in spending money on having great experiences. Someone who can do things on a whim and take a risk every once in a while rather than always doing everything by the book.

*- Committed Sexual Desire: I want a man who sexually desires me above all others. That's not to say he can't ever admit another woman is attractive, but I am a very sexual person and when I'm in a relationship, all my energy is directed at my parter and I expect the same. That means no porn and it means frequent sexcapades between us. Low libidos and polyamory are not allowed.

- Trust: Lastly, I want someone I can genuinely trust. Someone who can tell me hard things I need to hear and someone who won't lie to my face when I ask them tough questions. Someone who is honest with me and has my best interests at heart.

\editing to add a very important one that I almost forgot*

EternallySlumbering · 2021-12-08T17:20:09+00:00

Ooo haven’t read this book but I’m going to put it on my list! Is the author asking what we want from men at large, or specifically from the men we are in romantic/intimate relationships with?

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-08T21:48:53+00:00

I honestly do not know what, if anything, I want from men, and I have thought and thought about this. I'm 53, was married twice already for 25 years. I'm comfortable, independent, not broke, horny, needy, lonely.

I suppose what I want most of all is companionship and space, quality time together (and then we go back to our own houses), a strong bond of love and trust since my late second husband loved me well and truly, so there's no settling for less, which I've said before. I'd like someone to do things with, and I'd like to be considered a couple and have dinner with other couples. I do miss that. No one invites widows to dinner, only to lunch, but I take myself out to dinner no problem. Always been one who eats alone and savors it.

It's far easier to articulate what I do not want: other people's kids, to live with someone, a third marriage. No extra cooking, cleaning, sharing space, being vulnerable to weaponized incompetence so I do more and more.

asoww · 2021-12-08T21:01:17+00:00

I did that exercise maybe more than a year ago when I was reading the book.

I want a partner who is deeply respectful toward others, thoughtful, mature and who enjoys life.
He should have a strong character (aka boundaries) and be able to protect who he loves (me and our future family).
Someone committed who wants the same things as me (family, marriage) in the next few years.
I want to enjoy a joyful every day life with someone who is attracted to me because of my personality, my independant mind and career focused ambitions.
He has to have a stable career and money above average, he should take care of himself (sports, hobby, healthy life style and mindset).

Sage_Planter · 2021-12-08T17:27:39+00:00

It's very important to be honest with yourself and recognize what you want from a man might not be what others want from men. It's really easy for us to fall into the traps of what society tells us we're "supposed to" want, and those things might not truly be beneficial to your life. For example, I don't necessarily need a man who gifts me lavish gifts, but I absolutely need a man who will take on his share of household management.

preppykat3 · 2021-12-08T19:38:33+00:00

The bare fucking minimum seems like a lot to ask these days but aside from that,

Someone who’s not a cheap ass. They don’t have to be rich or anything, but enjoys paying for dates and gifts. (Idk why men get freaked out over this it’s not asking for much)
Someone who’s kind & patient.
Compatible personality
Cares about my pleasure in bed
Doesn’t have some insecure ego where he gets a thrill out of debating/arguing with me on everything
Looks decent
Proper hygiene

This is literally all I’m asking for. As the basic minimum. And there will always be pissy guys who think it’s too much or unreasonable.

donttextme_k · 2021-12-08T23:23:01+00:00

To have a family, intimacy, someone to grow old with. I can take care of myself but it’s nice to have someone right there with you, share ideas and vent to. I have friends but sometimes it’s not the same. Your friends can’t be there for you all the time and they all have their own life/family they prioritize.

The double income is great as well, especially both being in corporate, we share our frustration and support each other’s career paths. I can see how marrying the wrong person can make ones life miserable but my life has been easier since I got married.

Alybank · 2021-12-08T22:36:10+00:00

Honestly? A good partner and co-parent. People use that word after getting a divorce but I want it in the context of marriage, and pretty much I’d the main motivating factor. Everything else? Money, a house, sexual satisfaction? I can give that to myself.

Due_Garlic479 · 2021-12-09T03:09:56+00:00

The one ex bf that respected me and was so thoughtful had really bad mental health issues which made his depressive episodes... Very painful for me. So maybe... Emotional maturity? That may not even be the right term.

I don't want to be treated like an object. I wouldn't want them to treat other women as objects either.

Then all the obvious... Respect, compassion, humility, honest, trustworthy, doesn't need me to be their therapist, etc.

LeaveMeAlone__308 · 2021-12-08T17:04:30+00:00

After giving it much thought, I came up with:

I would want a partner who would take care of all my needs and respect me (aka a healthy marriage).
I would want stellar professional growth and have the men around me (I work in a male dominated field) respect me for my talent and the work I put in (so I don't need to work extra hard to prove my worth).
I am an artist and would love to kickstart my passion on the side and I'll probably need help though I'm not exactly sure how.

queeninprogress · 2021-12-09T01:25:09+00:00

Committed, lots of affection (cuddles and kisses), respectful, patient, helps with house chores, good at communicating emotions, sees me as a bloody person with feelings. Must want to grow old with me and get a house with a garden in which we will grow rows upon rows of catnip for our many cats.

nothingt0say · 2021-12-08T20:02:34+00:00

I want to be left alone. If you are cute u may flirt but only very brief mild flirting.

GlitteryMoss · 2021-12-08T20:31:18+00:00

at this point in my life: just a salary raise and leave me TF alone. Thanks.

Fiebre · 2021-12-09T01:32:27+00:00

I haven't thought of a list but the first thing that came to mind was an increase in safety. Physical, financial, emotional.

Except with male partners women are most at risk in those areas. So I can get how in theory a relationship could give me more safety, but a crap or even average relationship could take away ALL of it and put me in way, way more danger than my current level of as-safe-as-a-single-woman-can-be.

m00n5t0n3 · 2021-12-09T04:57:35+00:00

I want to be in love (be romantic/have fun with each other/adore each other), have satisfying sex, work as a team to have and raise kids together and create a legacy

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-10T18:11:48+00:00

Honestly? I want them to fulfill my desire for a fit, tall and attractive man that is civilized, modest and psychologically/sexually healthy. I want an honest relationship in which inequalities are compensated for and each of us are aware of our respective roles. This is very basic stuff, and yet there's almost no such men around, and serious relationships are almost always at the woman's disadvantage.

On the contrary, I see a lot of women who carry themselves with grace and are well-spoken, empathetic and intelligent in a way men can't quite achieve. It's like women are a step ahead of men in terms of human evolution.

Male heterosexuality is wasted on men, they're incredibly lucky with the quality of women around them and all they do is complain about being single and unwanted instead of putting in effort to reach their level.

Thesseli · 2021-12-09T16:54:48+00:00

I'd like them to leave me alone, lol!

thanarealnobody · 2021-12-08T23:09:01+00:00

Honestly I think the only thing I want from men is intimacy and fun and loyalty.

I don’t even think I want a husband or someone to take care of me, I just want someone to kiss and have some fun memories with. Everything else I can get elsewhere.

2021-12-10T00:06:37+00:00

Actually, I did this. I wrote a whole two pages on the qualities I want in a person and I totally forgot I ever did this. I’m gonna go find it!

elainejay82 · 2021-12-10T00:13:00+00:00

I made like a 3 page list of what I want in a man one time. It was just a "write it down as soon as you think it" exercise.

It really helped me understand what my wants/needs are.

I also did the same with what I don't fucking want/red flags I have endured that were bad news.

Both of these lists are super close to my heart and I really recommend this exercise!

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-12-08T18:21:02+00:00

I'll probably get downvoted for this but what the hell is up with the name of that book? The Power Of Pussy, really? The title alone seems to suggest that a woman's power resides in her sexual organs. I may read the book because it's Bern suggested here but just from reading the title I would be immediately turned off from it otherwise. It sounds like it could have been written by an MRA or incel from that alone.

Softrito · 2021-12-12T05:42:09+00:00

Ideally? I would like someone who can sit with me and work on projects with me and someone who is empathetic.

Comments