I’m so sick of hearing praise for the most basic behaviour

mashibeans · 2021-12-28T06:39:41+00:00

Some women here also fall into this trap, particularly those who found the sub recently. The bar is SO low that some guys talking some basic common sense, showing actual empathy, or actually saying some of the stuff we've been saying in FDS for months/years, get all sorts of praise comments saying shit like "this guy gives me hope!!" and even awards.

That's how low the bar is.

PerspicaciousCat · 2021-12-28T09:01:11+00:00

Society holds men to such low standards compared to women. Women are literally just expected to be an above and beyond girlfriend/wife/mom/etc. and never get an ounce of praise for it. I used to praise men for the bare minimum too until I realized that no one was praising women for the same basic things

anotherdamnloser · 2021-12-28T05:24:28+00:00

“He babysat the kids” ugh or when they put a dish away or something.

Snowmist92 · 2021-12-28T06:13:31+00:00

My mom just did this today. She was AMAZED that my brother was taking care of his newborn baby and letting his wife rest. She praised him for changing a diaper. This should be normal? I educated her on this by telling her this is basically what all Dads are supposed to do and nothing to jump for joy over.

seraphinelysion · 2021-12-28T15:03:37+00:00

It's always funny to me how anything a woman might expect is already expecting too much from a man. Pay for a date? Get you flowers? Think about you? You're asking for too much!

But men will often tell other men: If she doesn't have sex with you by the third date or within the first month, dump her because she's just playing you and you've been friend-zoned. Under male logic, this is not asking for too much from a woman they barely know.

People will argue that this means that these two people just aren't "compatible". But if that were true, then that would suggest that men and women in general are not compatible with each other period. There is no overlap. No common ground in which to build upon. And it would be a fool's errand to try.

vbych76 · 2021-12-28T05:41:22+00:00

He is going to regular check ups and has his teeth done.WOW. Such a good boy. Have a snack.

And a side note: Can you even imagine that almost ALL men in their 30s and 40s are not aware of their fertility status even if they have plans for a family in their future.?

surfgreenbabe · 2021-12-28T04:59:15+00:00

Cringe with a capital C

2magikarps · 2021-12-28T08:46:50+00:00

I get annoyed when I see people saying that someone has "HV traits" but also then lists a bunch of red flags in other areas. Those 'HV traits' are basic traits that everyone should have e.g. hygiene, self-drive. Merely having those traits does not make you 'somewhat HV'. You should only consider someone 'somewhat HV' if you see that they have those traits AND that they give NO RED FLAGS. (Even then, vet vet vet!)

iacint · 2021-12-28T08:25:37+00:00

When i did it to my bf he didn’t like it, felt like an insult, why praise for simple things what any adult can do?

hardcandygirl · 2021-12-28T05:49:17+00:00

The bar is so low, it’s literally in hell.

We accept the love we think we deserve. I used to be a pickme and would even cry happy tears because my crush said “my name sounds lovely”. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!!

I’m just so glad to see more and more women awakening to our true worth and power. Bare minimum won’t cut it anymore. We ain’t here to take the crumbs. We only accept the full buffet!

extragouda · 2021-12-28T10:59:02+00:00

The problem is that we have become so conditioned to expect so little, that when a man does something that is considerate and minimum, we become overly excited. It's intermittent reward and abuse. It creates trauma bonding.

Xenobia95 · 2021-12-28T09:59:54+00:00

The worst thing I've seen recently was a group of scrotes in a bar talking about their leader humping an ugly woman but she was 'acceptably ugly',they were day drinking and half cut at 4 Inthe afternoon none of them would have won any beauty contests or brain tests I wanted to punch them and I'm not a violent person.

JulyParade · 2021-12-28T16:21:23+00:00

We don't have any models for HVM - most women never see them in real life or in media. All I knew in my 20s was that I didn't want a relationship like my parents - that would be NVM hell. So women see these guys and of course basic behavior looks good. We need to talk more about HVM style rather than indulging in scrote war stories so FDSers know what they should be looking for.

asiancountrymusicfan · 2021-12-28T13:55:10+00:00

I have a friend like this. Meanwhile he abuses her every other way but she sticks to him like glue because of her past trauma.

Just because he isn’t actively raping you doesn’t mean he’s a good guy.

vietprincessleia · 2021-12-28T04:59:48+00:00

Lvm make the bare minimum seem special, but someone respecting your consent and consistently proving his attraction/love for you should be expected and women need to start understanding they deserve nice things, their man is lucky to have the opportunity to do these things for a woman he loves.

ytsorFx · 2021-12-28T05:33:10+00:00

When he didn't get nagged for doing the simplest of tasks and they puff their chests like they deserve a medal.

Ugh... Go away.

Born-Intention6972 · 2021-12-28T08:07:12+00:00

RIGHT??

Women should get praised for doing all that as well!! We didn't give women enough credit

SayNad · 2021-12-28T11:28:03+00:00

before I surprise him with his favourite candy because he deserves it💖”

I don't know what they put in the food nowadays but seems like women of all ages treat supposedly "adult" men like f**king toddlers - coddle them and give them sweets when they play nice. To the point those "adult" men literally act like f**king toddlers - no shame whatsoever pouting and throwing tantrum with the flailing hands in PUBLIC.

I can't even began to explain how disgusting this phenomenon is. Ladies, please stop coddling men so damn much, please. We all need to learn that adult men don't need "soft touches" and our sympathy - they need to be treated with absolute ruthlessness and strict discipline!

The society coddle them too much already, it is up to US to put them in their place and stop being gentle to them. We can be kind and nurturing to animals and children - but adult men have to be treated the exact opposite.

If they start whining about you being "cruel" and "unforgiving" - you are doing it right!

Big-Masterpiece-3979 · 2021-12-28T09:49:34+00:00

Why is the bar just so low. And it's the same all over the world. 😩

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-12-28T16:55:23+00:00

today I found a list I made from my previous relationship. it was with things he hated so I would keep them in mind. Imagine how many fucks he actually gave about me: zero. I once asked him about my favorite color. he looked sheepish and said I dunno, blue, maybe? my favorite food: I dunno. my favourite season: ugh.... why are you asking me this, as if I care?

and after a session of that, I too would have been a walking talking pickmeisha if the bubble didn't burst. after being treated like crap, I would think that if he simply didn't coerce me into sex was a sign worthy of praise. men benefit from other men's actions. what they aim for is maximum results with minimal effort.

hushpuppyebt · 2021-12-28T15:25:49+00:00

Honestly good behavior from men to women means nothing. If they are sharing and encouraging that behavior to other men despite the flack, that’s a little less nothing, still not quite something.

thicctoria · 2021-12-28T17:49:21+00:00

When you have a child you realise just HOW LITTLE is expected of men. “He looked after his own kids this week? Wow you’re lucky, mine would never”. I also always get any and all calls related to our kid (like calls from our dr, daycare etc.) So of course men think they can get away doing nothing, that’s the message they constantly get.

I recently cut off a pick me friend who I think is beyond help. She’s playing wifey for a guy who she had to force to propose to her, force to have a kid with her and for what? He doesn’t do anything - doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, doesn’t look after that kid, doesn’t work. She has to make him toddler-level meals like chicken nuggies and fries because this 30 something old man “doesn’t like vegetables”. What? I asked her once “well, what does he do?” and apparently he’s on the sofa most of the day… I literally couldn’t stand watching that car wreck, especially as she’s dead set on dragging him down the aisle next year (with zero initiative from him) and having another kid. She’s in very deep depression and can’t figure out why.

Maleddie · 2021-12-28T13:21:34+00:00

I was watching season 2 of Sex and the City the other day and it's heartbreaking to see Carrie and Big together - there's one episode where he introduces her to someone as his girlfriend (bearing in mind they've been together for AGES by this point) and she is absolutely ecstatic as though he's done something amazing. Later in the episode she asks him for a huge favour and it turns out it's just having dinner with her friends...

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-29T04:27:00+00:00

That happens because the bar is so fucking lowwwww for men and they make us believe that bare minimum behavior is something worth to show off

ferretcat · 2021-12-29T00:00:07+00:00

I got congratulated for having a boyfriend like it was a goal achieved today. Like congratulate him not me, tf lol

2021-12-28T09:52:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I’m so sick of hearing praise for the most basic behaviour
Author	thanarealnobody
Upvotes	1175
Comments	56
Date	December 28, 2021 4:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rq75q4/im_so_sick_of_hearing_praise_for_the_most_basic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-so-sick-of-hearing-praise-for-the-most-basic.1090285 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090285

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