No one ever asks men where they get their confidence.

fcebtfs · 2020-12-01T07:43:46+00:00

Where do you get your confidence from? Add that to the long long list of question men never get asked but women always do. I just love how media has gone from full blown sexist to only subtly sexist and they think its okay. I'm so glad women are recognizing it and calling them out!

ChoiceScarfMienfoo · 2020-12-01T07:28:49+00:00

This quote has spoken to me for a while, and thinking about it more it’s occurred to me I’ve never ever seen an interview with a celebrity or male when he’s asked where he gets his confidence. It’s like men get it by default but women are expected to have to ‘earn’ it somehow. I think it’s one of those subtle sexists questions we need to stop answering.

notroyaltyyet · 2020-12-01T15:00:00+00:00

I remember her saying in an interview once "My parents raised me with the entitlement of a tall, blond, white man." And I say it all the time when women say to me 'I wish I had your confidence' or men say 'you're so confident' as if they're confused by it. It usually only happens at work.

maj0relle · 2020-12-01T13:01:01+00:00

Agree. I once had a man I was sleeping with (years ago now) incredulously ask where I got my sexual confidence from. The implication was (and he indicated that he felt this on a myriad of other occasions) was that I wasn’t good looking enough to be sexually confident.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-12-01T16:19:23+00:00

I work with preschoolers and school-aged kids. Even at three years old, you see boys raising their hands to answer every single question (or just blurting when it’s not their turn) whether they know the right answer or not. The smartest girls rarely ever raised their hands or even spoke up. One girl never voluntarily answered a question the entire year. 😰 But any time I called her name out to answer, she was accurate 100% of the time. She and a few other girls clearly had above average intelligence but never spoke up. It kills me that even at such a young age, girls are less willing to take risks and put themselves out there and take a chance they might be wrong. We need to do better building up young girls’ confidence levels so they can take risks and not talk themselves out of opportunities. We also need to quit punishing girls for shit boys do all the time. Like talking out of turn or yelling out answers.

jeanneeebeanneee · 2020-12-01T15:07:19+00:00

Men never get asked it, and yet I almost always find myself wondering it. And it's always the mediocre ones who are the most confident. I like to call these guys "wrong and strong" lol

romantickitty · 2020-12-01T07:51:20+00:00

I think this is complicated. On the one hand, I think there needs to be better mentoring for young girls (and even young women). Sure, sometimes these questions are asked by shitty interviewers but a lot of times these are girls at panels/talkbacks or tweeting or leaving Instagram comments. And what they want (and are lacking) is genuine guidance.

On the other hand, it's definitely not the responsibility of usually plus-size and usually non-white celebrities to have to field a wave of these comments and questions over and over. We need to do a better job educating women and girls on their self-worth and their value outside of their appearance and not force random people to pick up the slack.

LeyMio · 2020-12-01T14:01:17+00:00

No matter what a shitty loser a man is, he automatically gets his confidence from the gender privilege and feels entitled to everything in the world. Meanwhile, even the hottest and smartest women are expected to "earn" their confidence with the standards that no human can achieve.

KateJ1982 · 2020-12-01T15:58:42+00:00

Q: Where do you get your confidence? A: I just pretend I'm a mediocre man.

ichbinkeinmann · 2020-12-01T09:09:47+00:00

Gloria Steinem wrote a great essay on this topic (imo): Romance vs Love

She makes a really good point on how society forces us to hide a large part of who we are to conform to the dogma of gender roles and how society then also devaluates all feminine qualities as secundary and less worthy and that makes having self-confidence as a woman just so much less likely and much harder.

[edit: typo]

DreaSoares2634 · 2020-12-01T15:14:25+00:00

I ADORE MINDY!!!!!!! She's my absolute favorite. 🤟🥰💖

andromedajones · 2020-12-01T09:40:27+00:00

[deleted]

Journalist_Full · 2020-12-01T15:17:05+00:00

There was a reddit post on r/askreddit and the question was "what is something that people say that makes you feel ugly?" and the top one was "Where do you get your confidence from?" because it insinuates there are no obvious reasons for you to be confident.

I noticed there is not a lot of emphasis on men being confident and instead, is emphasized towards women. We have to be confident and put in so much effort to "look" confident, where men are just confident.

Because men are expected to be seen as "confident" and are expected to be less "emotional", it results in festering insecurity that presents itself as toxic masculinity and negatively impacts women. Not shocking something seen in a negative light such as emotional is linked to women, and something positive such as confidence is linked to men, but lack of confidence is linked to women. Their social standard is also much, much lower.

Its complex and it is something that impacts men and women, but more so women since we receive the impact in forms of violence and harassment. Where men receive the impact via poor mental health and ironically, low confidence.

cwfs1007 · 2020-12-01T14:25:18+00:00

Yes! I'm a bigger girl and people act surprised when I don't hate myself... it's so insulting. Although I think part of that is people envy someone having confidence or self love.

xkrap · 2020-12-01T14:13:43+00:00

True. But I think partially the implication is if you're white, male, fit, obviously your confidence comes from seeing your own image constantly reinforced in the media. So the interviewer is digging for the alternative for those who are not well represented.

PasDeTout · 2020-12-01T17:44:14+00:00

Whereas men have unjustified levels of confidence. Lord knows I’ve been managed by enough of them who only got where they were by being certain of their ability in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

mrCNeverSleeping · 2020-12-01T15:23:01+00:00

Damn the accuracy in her statement....

Adawritesrules · 2020-12-01T17:41:45+00:00

I would just turn the question back on them, where do you get your confidence?

4BigData · 2020-12-01T15:39:26+00:00

Thank you so much!

Now I know why I like her so much!!!

sunologie · 2020-12-01T22:21:09+00:00

If someone said this to me I would’ve been like “huh? What do you mean?” And watch them fall over themselves trying to explain without being offensive

WinterMidst · 2020-12-01T14:46:56+00:00

This is deep.

zombieggs · 2020-12-01T16:25:57+00:00

I'm a bit mixed on this, I'm glad she said it usually has good intentions. But there are definitely women who might be in a similar situation and might be asking how they can be confident. Not that that's any celebrity's job and we as a society should teach young women how to truly be confident in themselves.

2020-12-02T05:42:04+00:00

I think she has misunderstood. The question doesn't imply that "you're not worth anything" if you are asked it, but rather "you have to deal with a lot of bullshit on the daily just because you're a minority or part of an oppressed group (or many oppressed groups, making it even worse), so how do you do it?"

Edi: it's a legitimate question. Being oppressed has real consequences when it comes to confidence and self-esteem. It's a lived reality for many women. I find her statement unhelpful.

OpenCelebration3 · 2020-12-02T06:05:34+00:00

Women need to start being just as cocky as men are (no pun intended )! Walk around like we own the place lol

Thattonertho · 2020-12-02T11:06:51+00:00

Off topic but I've never understood the scrutiny of mindy's weight. She's not at all fat, not even chubby. She's just not rail thin. I wouldn't even go as far as to say she's full figured. And at times like on the office in a couple seasons she did get really skinny. I don't get it!

quirkypinkllama · 2020-12-02T11:18:03+00:00

So true!!

Title	No one ever asks men where they get their confidence.
Author	originalaftermath
Upvotes	3205
Comments	79
Date	December 1, 2020 7:27 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k4g8ah/no_one_ever_asks_men_where_they_get_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/no-one-ever-asks-men-where-they-get-their.648955 https://theredarchive.com/post/648955

Comments