Professionals, usually men, say this a lot. It’s complete horseshit. They’re in denial about their own species. It’s just pseudopsychological speak for “not all men.”

It is about power insofar as the power to fuck whomever they please. It can be about the power to rape us in a way that hurts, because they enjoy our pain. But it is absolutely, unequivocally about sex. Each individual rapist has his own paraphilias and motivations, but his drive is sex. Unwilling and forced sex. And our biology is what makes us targets. Simple.

Telling us it’s about power is like saying the U.S. Confederate flag is about heritage not hate. I mean, it’s literally a heritage of hate. But it helps racists feel better.

If your male mental health provider lays this one on you, ask him about the boss or police officer who raped him. Since it’s just about power and nothing to do with sex he should have some good advice.

EDIT: I should probably clarify. Power/pain is what arouses them. It’s how they express their sexuality. By raping us. Just like pedophilia is truly a sexual orientation for most offenders, and as such just cannot be changed.

As to changing the conversation around rape. Salient points have been made about society blaming victims more when we discuss it being about forced sex. That is patriarchal conditioning. We, the victims, agree to alter the language of our experiences so that we’re not blamed.

The man who anally raped me did it because he’s sexually excited by hurting me. He could have exerted power over me by lots of other methods, but he used his penis. It’s not a knife or a gun: it’s not a tool. It’s attached to his body and under his bodily control. He wanted to force it into me because that’s what feels good to him.

Plain language is brutal language when it reflects unspoken truths.