This is a note for newbies and current long-standing subscribers who may feel the sub can be too blunt.

I appreciate that embarking on FDS can at first seem a bit scary because we are very direct about our dating values compared to other female centred spaces, especially other relationship subs on Reddit.

This is deliberate because women are often given terrible advice or coddled to the point where they are having self-harming or dangerous choices enabled. This then further lowers the bar for men and makes it harder for HVW to date.

Whilst us mods can get cranky at times and may seem a bit harsh to those new to the sub especially ......there are certain instances of dangerous stupidity we see over and over on the sub that gets tiresome, and we cannot afford to step on eggshells about it as it could seriously endanger these women and fellow subscribers of the sub, especially young subbies.

Remember whilst some people are new to the sub and feel called out or that mods are too aggressive, we are dealing with daily rape threats and abuse from men as well as difficult extremely brainwashed pick mes who are struggling to admit that they have poor boundaries etc. Other mods are also working on the website, podcast, social media etc. It’s a lot of work.

Its not an easy job to do and mods aren't being paid. Its only recently that the website became monetized but even so, we are still growing and its not enough to cover the amount of time and work we do. Its relentless and at times we get tired but we still march on because we are committed to the cause.

FDS mods have to be harsh and blunt to maintain the community and its scope, aims and boundaries. We are blunt to eachother too, so its nothing personal.

There is a fine line between what may seem as hostile with ill intent and what is just blunt truth with good intent but the person receiving it feels triggered.

For example mods saying 'hey sis, good on you for leaving this scrote! but in future you should do X Y Z to protect yourself from men like this because you allowed him to violate X Y Z boundaries and that really isn't sensible'.......

With others we might have to be more harsh ‘hey sis that is not okay, you need to cease contact with this married man and get more common sense, he’s using you’.

That is blunt but clearly has good intent as we are trying to help her. The pick me in question may take offence but thats most likely due to feeling embaressment etc. Rather than us having ill intent.

HOWEVER

If we have a pick me with terrible boundaries who is boasting about getting rid of her lame alcoholic ex whilst giving him $100 dollars whilst dumping him because he spent all his money that day. It is not queen energy to say:

'Wooooo go you sis! You didn't do anything wrong although you were acting like his mom, ignored huge red flags, allowed him to leech off you and funded his drunken low value lifestyle from your bank account'.

Whilst some may think they are helping that pick me and being nice - they are not. Sometimes you must cruel to be kind. And that is why mods are blunt and decide the scope of the sub and enforce strict boundaries and our values. Not disciples, strategy coaches or newbies who may think otherwise.

If we see this taking place, we either issue temp bans and direct people to the handbook or make sure they understand FDS logic and our values to avoid doing the same again.

They are playing down her terrible boundaries and people pleasing. And if she continues doing that, sooner or later she will end up in a similar scenario again- maybe even worse.

And unfortunately we do have to be harsh with people coddling women who need to get more common sense and sharpen their instincts around low value and dangerous men.

If you are leading a war against a common enemy, you do not have time for being passive, rocking back and forth on core values all the time or trying to people please everyone.

It’s also not noble to people please & be super duper nice all the time, it attracts a lot of energy vampires, boundary steppers , narcissists and users. Part of being high value is protecting yourself, judging others and not giving endless emotional labour to stubborn people who just use / abuse you or don’t change.

You have to make strategic decisions and draw boundaries and follow them through, if you wish to overthrow your enemy and stay on track.

You also have to be aware of what your enemy is up to and their weaknesses and their strategies to manipulate you.....such as exploiting your empathy- the NUMBER ONE avenue of manipulation for low value men.

You also must be aware of any weaknesses and loopholes on your side of the war- or else you will be overthrown by the enemy. You cannot afford to have too many weak links dragging you down.

For example, no it is not queen energy that your crazy pyscho ex is constantly harassing you and that you ignored huge glaring red flags. Yes it is good you got rid of him but the fact you ignored the red flags such as him telling huge lies and he feels comfortable testing your boundaries again- is not a good sign.

This should be taken as an INSULT rather than a compliment. Low value ex's continuing to harass you should be taken as an insult and you should seek to draw stricter boundaries by cutting complete contact and seeking a restraining order if he doesn't give p

Equally its not queen energy that you were playing mommy to an abusive man and giving him money. You should NOT giving a grown man ANY money as this simply enables him to be lazy and low effort. You aren’t even helping him and you aren’t helping yourself or other women by acting like his second mom.

It is not Queen energy you gifted a man 8 years waiting for a ring that wasn’t coming. You chose to stick around that long and give him wife benefits despite him being an asshole that repeatedly showed you he didn’t care.

By keeping the bar high and refusing to fund men's lifestyles- you are helping yourself and other women as sooner or later many of these men will get embaressed and start working harder to improve themselves and impress women.

Coddling weak men and women is a not a noble or empowering act, its embaressing and a signal you need to get tougher boundaries/ raise your standards. FDS can't be held responsible if you feel a way after us pointing out the obvious.

We are a sub that encourages SELF REFLECTION and strategies- not being a passive victim to loser men, or enabling them.

FDS has to stay on track and not dilute the message of the sub- for women to have any power they have to get on the same page about certain principles (the links have to get stronger), they have to stop coddling weak women, be honest about the reality of men and priorities THEIR best interests and not allow their empathy to be exploited at their expense.

There has always been a war on women, but in the age of the internet, this has gotten out of control. Our war is against misogyny and with porn, the manosphere and liberal feminist handmaidens...this has intensified some more. We have to be strong and blunt to reverse this mess. We have to be on the same page about core principles if we are to strengthen the chain/ defence and truly attack the roots.

The majority of this war on us is now ideological but this can often manifest in physical violence against us too. I encourage you all to look up the meaning of subjectivity and governmentality (find some books if you have more time) and reflect on how this relates to mainstream liberal feminism brainwashing women to degrade themselves by framing it as a free ‘choice’.....choices which are being influenced by existing patriarchal brainwashing and not actually challenging anything.

And its why FDS exists. We’re are challenging cultural norms and emerging trends. We’re disrupting existing attitudes, structures and cycles of dysfunction in relationships . It doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s happening regardless. Were not backing out, there’s too much to lose.

If we start becoming weak and wishy washy and too accommodating to stupid people and stupid beliefs then we have started to dilute the message of the sub and betray ourselves. This would then become a slippery slope to the bottom and we'd be leading women into their own demise rather than empowering them.

We are a primarily a STRATEGY sub. This means we focus on our main PRIORITIES and STRATEGIES to battle them.

This means whilst we have overlap with some ideologies we don't just blind support everything someone else believes and we aren't here to please everyone even if we agree with some of their views. We take what we believe to be most beneficial and strategic- and leave the rest aside since we have to PRIORITIZE our goals and self organise as women.

We are one of very few female led subs left on Reddit and one of very few communities who publicly poke holes in the logic of naive liberal feminists for example.

This is BECAUSE mods are blunt, direct and brutally honest. Its because we refuse to backtrack on our values. Its because we vet mods to make sure they are mature and strong enough to lead as well as work as a team. Its because we stick to our values and enforce them on the sub....as well as keeping men out.

As a side note: When we mention liberal feminists we are not just talking about someone who votes left wing and is a feminist. I know it can be confusing for those new to the sub.

We are talking about hardcore extreme liberals who echo very extreme rhetoric and liberal feminism is a very specific branch of feminism, many of it does not even align with typical left wing politics.

For example historically left wing politics has been about helping the disadvantaged (including women) and being a voice for them.....however a lot of modern far leftists are middle class / privileged/ ignorant and have started exploiting disadvantaged women by encouraging them to become sex workers for example. This is not empowering for women's status although it may temporarily help that individuals bank account in the short term.

If it does not liberate the MAJORITY of a disadvantaged group like women, such as sex work objectifying vulnerable women as sellable objects to be used by men, it cannot be labelled ‘progressive’. If women can only make money at the expense of objectifying all other women & enabling misogyny even more, that’s regressive and another weak link in the chain. Women will be held responsible for their role in enabling misogyny too. We can’t get anywhere without doing that.

Also a middle class woman renting her vagina to degenerate men for money is absolutely NOT feminist (I won’t be held responsible for women feeling triggered by this truth either- we have to be blunt) and is the definition of hyper-capitalism and misogyny on steroids. We need to STOP walking on eggshells around these very serious issues just so some women don’t get triggered. This does not mean we blind agree with all conservatives either. We see issues on both sides and address them both. However it is liberal feminism that has taken over mainstream western media with its problematic views- which is why we focus on it more. Remember priorities and strategy is the scope of the sub.

Newbies- if you feel called out and in deep water, I recommend just spending some more time reading the handbook and recommended books/ Youtubers as well as the wiki page. And then the advice / perspective we give will start to make sense.

Finally, we have no issue with people discussing bad experiences with men however if we see cases of people gloating about their dangerous choices and naivety such as taking back a violent man, funding him and laughing about it....we will remove them since you are making a light joke of something that is very serious. We cannot afford to coddle that behaviour when we have a lot of young visitors to the sub.

This does not mean you have to stay quiet and should feel uncomfortable / scared about sharing lessons and bad experiences with each other......it just means we won't tolerate people diluting dangerous levels of stupidity or making a joke of it. We also won’t tolerate pick mes playing dumb fox about their behaviour. As that makes it seem like their decisions or situations weren't that bad, when they really are. For example women funding violent men who punched them and ran up debt in their name. That’s not something to laugh at or make light of. We have to be careful about not diluting serious issues.

So I just wanted to conclude: FDS mods have no other choice but to be blunt in today's climate especially given the high amount of people stepping on eggshells around weak women in mainstream media which is not helping us at all and just fuels them to think that what they’re doing isn’t that problematic- when it’s highly problematic and wreaking havoc on women’s dating lives.

Its nothing personal so don't take it as an attack or that we hate you and you’re beyond redemption etc etc. There is GOOD intent behind the bluntness. But sisterhood is also being honest with each other too, even it triggers something that doesn’t feel great at first like shame, anger or embarrassment .....in the longhaul it does us a lot of justice to be honest & see things for what they really are. That’s probably the hardest part of becoming high value- swallowing hard truths and reflecting on the less flattering parts of your journey.

And the stronger our links get- the quicker and higher we raise the bar and empower women. It’s in our best interests to be firm and unwavering.

FDS is only where it is because of us staying true to our values and being ruthless with enforcing them. Whilst this may upset people at times, it may be because what we say here is a shock to their system or exposes feelings or issues they were previously hiding from as they’re difficult to process.

Here is some books I recommend in regards to understanding power relations/ identity/ agency, how ideology spreads/ captures people’s minds and how people are influenced against their own interests through herd mentality and group think:

Subjectivity: Theories of the Self from Freud to Haraway - Nick Mansfield (how the self is formed and influenced)

Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison- Michel Foucault (pay attention to Governmentality)

Governmentality definition: Approach to the study of power that emphasizes the governing of people's conduct through positive means (pick me cool girl gets attention from men) rather than the sovereign power to formulate the law. In contrast to a disciplinarian form of power, governmentality is generally associated with the WILLING participation of the governed (pick me cool girls enabling men and thinking its their free choice).

Manufacturing Consent, The Political Economy Of Mass Media- Noam Chomsky

Media Control: The Spectacular Achievements of Propaganda by Noam Chomsky

1984 - George Orwell (pay attention to how liberal feminists use a term called ‘double speak’ mentioned in the book)

These are all great books to help you see through the noise in regards to what’s happening on a larger scale in mass media with feminism right now. They will absolutely sharpen your bullshit radar some more and are very enlightening to read!