We have to stop putting up with this shit 🤡

ExpressionUnlikely23 · 2022-01-19T20:30:20+00:00

Someone I dated also lied about when he broke up with his ex..similar story, he said it had been 10 months when it had only been 2! As soon as I ended it with him after 3 months (for other reasons), he was back together with her..raising questions about whether he had ever stopped talking to her in the first place 🙄 surprise surprise

I think when they lie about the recency of a breakup they’re hiding something for sure

dkwantsdk · 2022-01-19T23:47:08+00:00

"what should i do?"

We need to stop with this fixit attitude. Our partner lies, we want to fix it. He dissociates when we state our needs, we want to fix it. He belittles us, we want to fix it. He ignores our boundaries, we want to fix it. He fails to be an equal partner, we want to fix it.

There is nothing to "fix." There is no book to read or advice to receive. There is no boundary or standard or expectation to move. The issue is not us or our relationship, it is HIM. And there is no fixing a man who lies or can't communicate or belittles or boundary stomps or fails in doing domestic and emotional labor. He is solely responsible for his actions and emotional regulation. You can only control yourself and your responses to people's disrespect.

seraphinelysion · 2022-01-20T01:05:58+00:00

Let's reframe the narrative of lying

he didn't think you were worth telling the truth to
he didn't respect you enough to be honest from the start
he knew telling you the truth would be an inconvenience to him (because he wouldn't get what he wanted)
lying was easier for him than being real, open, and vulnerable

I mean, any way you put it, it's not something you want to "fix" (and it's not your job to fix anything!)

lansburysoda · 2022-01-19T20:13:08+00:00

Liar = you have no idea how many other things he’s lied to you about
Apparently claims to be a “victim of abuse”. A classic male abuser tactic is to play the victim and claim the (female) ex was abusive.

The bottom line: he was fucking two women at the same time and now he’s trying to cover his ass

MysteriousLife7 · 2022-01-20T03:34:07+00:00

So many scrotes with the audacity of sleeping with their exes while being in a new relationship. Disgusting as hell.

This is why as an ex, you cut off all contact with your loser scrote when you break up 🙅🏻‍♀️✊🏼You cannot be high value yourself while you are still hanging onto the ghost of your lame ass ex.

If you are a new girl, you break up with him right away. Also cut him off completely.

Don’t be a pickme whether you are the old woman or the new woman in this triangular love. Break the cycle. Help your sisters. Be the change that we want to see, one queen at a time.

oddcharm · 2022-01-19T21:24:21+00:00

I've had to limit my reddit time because stuff like this is painful to read. The stories are all the same: OP is a young woman being mistreated, explains how her boyfriend/fiance/husband is great except for * INSERT GLARING RED FLAGS HERE* and then all the excuses under the sun about why they can't leave and wondering if they're allowed to be upset. like I said, PAINFUL

Serious_Papaya8615 · 2022-01-19T21:03:32+00:00

He most likely used her as a rebound. Lies are an immediate dealbreaker to me.

kipri · 2022-01-19T20:46:03+00:00

'... closer to 2-3 months' .... more like 'overlap'. A classic monkey brancher. I would ask for some time apart to think things over and watch him monkeybranch to his next victim from a distance.

bleda_princezna · 2022-01-19T21:09:31+00:00

Been there, done that. I found out my ex was still dating his "previous" girlfriend when he started seeing me. When he was sure of me, he broke it off with her, she kicked him out of their apartment.

After I found this out, I left the next day. I came back to pack my stuff the day after that.

That's what you do when you find out your bf is a liar. You get the fuck out.

ohnomaxwellslaws · 2022-01-19T21:24:09+00:00

What should I do?

Easy, dump his lying ass :)

rengokusmother · 2022-01-19T20:39:41+00:00

Why hide it if it's nothing to worry about??? If he's lying about "insignificant" shit, what else won't he lie about? I think he had a feeling OP wouldn't be comfortable dating him after such a fresh breakup, or he's still secretly in contact with her (hence the whole crying about messy breakup which he can use later as justification for conversations with the ex), hence why he lied. I'll never never understand the need to lie about stuff like this, it's baffling. Constantly keeping your partner on toes, Slowly making them lose trust in you, then using their natural suspicion towards your statements or actions as an excuse to break up and then tag her as the next crazy bitch I had a messy breakup with because she was too possessive. Real smooth.

LadyMindDoc · 2022-01-19T21:38:54+00:00

Red flag. He has the ABILITY to lie to your face until you found out the truth. If honesty is what you want in a partnership, this is likely not it.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-01-20T05:39:00+00:00

Oh how surprising she believes him about his ex's 'mental and physical abuse'. I'm almost pumped for when he monkey branches from her to someone else over her 'mental and physical abuse' too.

xfelugirlx · 2022-01-19T21:54:12+00:00

He was still with her when he meet you, you were the b side. That’s enough to run, that could happen again to you.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-01-19T20:33:39+00:00

If they have only been together for a year, WTF have they already been fighting over?

FI-REfox · 2022-01-20T04:17:41+00:00

Many of us have been in these kinds of relationships where we break up/get back together in a merry-go-round. Best-case scenario, the first breakup happened 10 months ago and the most recent one was 2 months ago.

We all know what the deal is with these guys -- there is a very good chance that he and the ex will get back together again, and he will probably cheat on his current relationship to do it (don't you know We aRe TwiN fLaMeS???). Hard pass.

Platipus6 · 2022-01-19T22:35:34+00:00

More like he's abusive and she tried to leave. He made it complicated by harassing her and trying non-stop to get her back until SHE blocked him and went no contact.

If she feels confident she can move past this, their conflict resolution is "he gaslights me until I'm exhausted".

Rheanne · 2022-01-19T21:13:45+00:00

I was on the other side of this kinda. I was the “ex” who he never actually broke up with. He told the other girl we had broken up about 6 months ago. We hadn’t broken up at all and were still very much together when he started dating her. Three months into him dating both of us simultaneously, I found out about her and called her. She had no idea he was still with me. Sooo, maybe in these situations, reach out to the ex and get their side of the story. I know that’s the “crazy” thing to do. But otherwise these men will pull this shit because they can get away with it if we aren’t willing to confirm the truth with the ex.

blackwingedliner · 2022-01-19T20:43:45+00:00

Went through the same thing with a “separated” man who stated he never got officially divorced because he came to the US and didn’t have a reason for the hassle. He went back to his home country to get divorced and see his relatives. He told me he was going on a trip to the countryside to visit his mom and he was taking his kids. Later I found out his “ex” wife was on the trip. I felt betrayed and he didn’t understand why I was so offended by him not telling me that. Anyway somehow I let it go but after that it was just me uncovering other lies, including finding lovey dovey posts between him and his ex dated AFTER he asked me to be his gf and waaaay after his supposed separation. He also wasn’t friends with her on socials or anything and was good at telling me what I needed to hear. He got his dad and mom to “verify” things too but everything was a lie. I think your situation is a bit milder bc there’s no marriage and possibly kids involved, so there can be a clean break, but just know that accepting the first lie makes it easier to accept the ones that come after and makes it harder to leave in the long run.

princesspolkadottie · 2022-01-19T20:35:19+00:00

Call it like what it is, he is a cheater and a liar.

darkenchantress44 · 2022-01-20T00:22:55+00:00

He is a monkey brancher. Probably never even fully broke up with her at all. It might have been a “let’s do our own thing for a while” and was not ever a real full break up.

I feel it is always in a woman’s best interest to find out where his ex is and how long it’s been. I’ve seen guys travel across the world just because the ex girlfriend gave them hope and attention.

Exes are usually always in the picture in some way because the guy has them still hanging on.

Mb9890 · 2022-01-20T00:30:38+00:00

Bad characters are like cockroaches as soon as you see one know that there are many more hidden under

Title	We have to stop putting up with this shit 🤡
Author	lansburysoda
Upvotes	291
Comments	52
Date	January 19, 2022 8:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s7z9w6/we_have_to_stop_putting_up_with_this_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/we-have-to-stop-putting-up-with-this-shit.1096661 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096661

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