western women today are some of the first and only women in recorded history to have the opportunity to fully liberate ourselves. it's hard to even absorb that. it's such an incredible gift that has made it's way to us through generations of suffering and oppression of our female ancestors.
once you accept it you're suddenly exposed to men who want to gaslight you back into your "place" (as a second class citizen). so i just want to write this out to remind you that:
you're not toxic
for finding entertainment value here at fds. there's nothing wrong with letting off steam by venting with other women who are going through the same difficult de-conditioning process as you are.
you've carried abuse and pain and it's FINE to have fun letting it out in a safe community of other women and to feel validation from the experiences of your peers.
you're not sexist
for using terms like "man child" or "low value man". or for being disturbed about men's health (like the way porn causes ED and depression) or for questioning absent fathers, or for pointing out abuse women suffer at the hands of men.
you don't have to use pretty language or stickers or glitter to communicate your valid thoughts just because you're a woman.
you are not shallow
before they shoot up a building, men write manifestos about why they believe body hair is unhygienic on women. but raise your hand if YOU like hairy ass cracks, back hair, arm pit hair on men? men make it part of their identify to announce what kind of things they are attracted to ("i'm an ass man", "i'm a boobs guy"). whens the last time you announced to your mother than you're "an 8 inch woman"?
for a long time we've had to keep our tastes to ourselves. generations of women hated sex with their unattractive partners so much that it became a trope that "women don't even like sex."
you can find out of shape men unappealing. it's not "body shaming" to admit that small dicks give you the ick or that short men don't do it for you. men PROUDLY discuss their bIoLoGiCaL prediposition for being attracted to teenage girls, but we can't say we like a decent hairline? nah. we're not pretending anymore.
you're not bitter
for noticing that a lot of "happy" relationships are actually horrible up close.
for clocking that the divorce rate is HIGH. even if you're generous and ignore the 60/40 figure for a more optimistic one...that's still incredibly high. and of all those "successful" (on paper) married couples how many of them are actually happy? how many of the women in those marriages are just turning an eye to infidelity or are trapped because they don't have their own money and resources to get out?
older women who are single are happier and healthier than the ones who are married. it's not bitter of you to take pause after hearing that message and question relationship dynamics.
you're not a prude
for not holding a "sex work is work" sign outside of arbys. or for choosing not to engage in sex that you know you dislike. you're not a prude for not wanting to "joke" about anal on a first date. or for noticing that porn is hurting people.
you don't HAVE to be pro sex work, you don't HAVE to champion other people's kinks.
you're not unfun
because you think video games should be an occasional hobby instead of a lifestyle choice. or because you don't want a 3 some with your bf and some girl off tinder. or because you don't think getting a 40 and walking around skid row is an appealing first date.
you're not stupid
for "wasting" your years figuring out what you actually want from a relationship before committing to one and for investing in yourself.
you're not in the mOsT tOxIc cEsSpOoL on reddit
men have gathered in mgtow and redpill subs to plot literal real life violence. there have been actual deaths from these men.
the fact that redditors (an infamously unappealing subset of men) hate this sub is a compliment. their validation and support would be much more unsettling than their disapproval.
you're not unreasonable.
to expect basic decency out of men. your standards are not too high.
you're not a crazy cat lady, a witch, or a spinster.
or maybe you ARE?? lol. who cares. being called "crazy" by lvm is an enormous compliment.
youre not going to die alone
you can build you life and social nets to look however you want to.
also, being lonely is a fleeting emotion. chronic loneliness from being with the wrong partner is true suffering.
you're not delusional
it's not in your head that you're a catch. it's okay to be aware of you own beauty. it's okay to be proud of your accomplishments, your personality, your growth. it's perfectly healthy to expect people to rise to your level if they want to get close to you.
you're not ageist
for not wanting to date older men. or for thinking older men who linger at college bars in their skinny jeans are creepy. or for being disgusted and offended by the older men that ask you out. for saying "you are too old for me", for admitting out loud that men age poorly. or for being annoyed when men lie about their age on dating apps. etc.
you're not infantalizing women
for warning women not to get married before their brain finishes developing. or for warning women younger than you that men who are attracted to much younger women are inherently low value.
you're not insecure
for wanting your bf or husband to stop oggling girls in front of you, for NeEdInG porn, for being besties with their ex, etc.
you're not alone:
almost all women that have suffered SA and abuse at the hands of men. for generations we've been silent about it, didn't know what to call it, questioned our reality.
and now men are suffering too (from depression, income inequality, etc). so more and more of them are stumbling into a place of unintentional empathy. they may not be ready to admit it, but they ARE making the connections between inequality, capitalism and patriarchy.
so you're absolutely not alone to notice that the world is sick. that pop dating culture does not serve you. that there are very bad people in the world. that you have to advocate for yourself.
you're not anti-woman
pickmes have hijacked feminism to impress men with their sexual positivity, men have hijacked it for good guy points, and (speaking a white woman myself) white women have hijacked it and turned it into a sorority in desperate attempt to have some sort of identity. you're not less of a feminist for being put off by any of that.
you're not hateful
disliking bad behaviors doesn't make you hateful.
you're not a misandrist.
there is no such thing lol.
you're not wrong
it's not just you, a lot of us have noticed how awful men are. it seems like most of them cheat? it seems like most of them are attracted to underage girls? it seems like a lot of them are abusive? emotionally unintelligent? abusive? yeah. it's not in your head.
you're not too old/too young/too big/too small
there's this lie that is pushed on us that our window of opportunity is in our youth. that we're supposed to cash in our pretty points for "power" (that men dole out). but think about the most POWERFUL women in the world. is it a bunch of baddies sitting in positions of power around the world? no. it's regular looking women who cultivated things like wit, education, charisma, ambition etc to generate financial wealth, social wealth, etc.
the prettiest women i know are working in coffee shops and stuff, not running the world.
being pretty is not your source of power. it's FUN. but it's for you to enjoy, not to commoditize.
you're not broken, or bitter, or damaged goods.
there's no such thing as "damaged goods" because one: you are not a product and two: you WILL heal if you choose to. the only partners worth having are the ones who can navigate it with you.
i'm so grateful to be a part of this "toxic, femcel, cesspool, hellhole, misandrist, evil, bitter sub.
and i'm SO grateful to be alive in a time where we have wealth of knowledge and opportunity. since we really are among the first women EVER to have large-scale liberation within our reach, it's a little bit hard not to question yourself in your path forward. most of us don't really have the guidance of our mothers or grandmothers because they grew up without as much opportunity and choice as we have. there's no road book to figuring this stuff out, so it's wonderful to have so many women here contributing toward helping each other. keep being "toxic" (youre not) because it's extremely helpful to so many of us.
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