A Thread on Bullying

Althehistoryguy · 2018-05-24T12:38:35+00:00

I was bullied from K-8th grade, mostly due to being fat. It lasted till one day I got violent and attacked one of the kids who was bullying me. Ended up get expelled from my middle school cause I wouldn’t apologize when the principal ordered me to.

This may be a little fucked up, but now that I’m older I see my experience being bullied as necessary, although I would be lying if I said it didn’t come at some mental/emotional cost. The hard truth is that I was fat, weak, awkward, nerdy and weird, and that needed to change. Now was it a nice experience being bullied day in and day out about these things? Hell no, but I don’t think I would have ever lost weight or gotten in shape or acquired adequate social skills without getting bullied as hard as I did. My parents were and still are the “you’re fine the way you are” type-parents, even if there is something you ought to change, so I wouldn’t have changed at all if it wasn’t for the bullies.

So yeah, I’m totally pro-bullying. A necessary evil, especially for young men growing up.

shoup88 · 2018-05-24T13:12:00+00:00

No, I was never really bullied. There were some mean girls at school, like there always is, but for the most part I stayed out of their crosshairs. I was always like one tier removed from “cool”, and I had a steady circle of friends in that same tier. Occasionally I would float into the cool group but it was fleeting.

I did witness bullying, and I didn’t do anything to stop it. I’m ashamed of it now. There was one particular girl who was bullied by the cool girls and guys. She was extremely quiet. She would sit with my friends and I at lunch every day, and every year we would go to her birthday party but almost never invite her to ours. I’d be interested in how she views me. As a girl who showed her kindness and helped her out, or as someone who didn’t do enough?

Luckily she found a true group of friends in high school.

This experience has made me sensitive to the “outcasts” on the fringes of my friend group. I now make a targeted effort to make everyone feel welcome and wanted.

susandeath · 2018-05-24T12:40:11+00:00

I was bullied for about a semester at high school. I used to mostly just hide in the library so my bullies couldn't find me. One break they found me and I couldn't get away before I started crying. They never bullied me after that.

EDIT: my other run in's with bullies were on behalf of my sister. I used to go threaten to beat them up if they didn't leave her alone.

Lyanina · 2018-05-24T12:40:14+00:00

I was "bullied," to different degrees, in my last six months of elementary school, and in my first year of high school and first year of middle school -- basically whenever I was the new kid. Never violently, nothing really bad, but as a kid it sucked. My family moved around a lot, I was shy, and I spoke a foreign language, so I wasn't a difficult target.

In elementary school it was girls and guys, but mostly one guy, who was my age but taller and heavier. I would sit in a corner of the recess area to read (I did say I was an easy target) during recess, and he'd find me and find something to bother me about. He once grabbed the book I was reading, so I hit him, because that was my line, but usually it was just taunting, and I ignored him (and others). I was miserable during those six months and I was relieved when we moved, but all in all it was pretty mild. I was 11 years old and it felt bad.

We moved and I started middle school and this time it was a small group of older guys. At first they just jeered when I walked past them to go to the bathroom (you had to walk past the guys' bathroom to get to the girls'). Then they started insulting me. I reacted once by flipping them the finger, so the "leader" of their little group caught me and gave me a Chinese burn. He was a few years older (14 seems so big when you're 11!), and quite taller and stronger than me, so I was scared (plus my wrist hurt). When I made new friends a bit later on, I stopped going to the bathroom alone, and the guys started high school the following year, so I was fine.

In high school it was guys and girls again. A group targeted my group of friends. This was a school with day students and boarders and we were boarders, so the bullying was 24 hours a day. Anything going on in the dorms was only the girls. We'd find grease or soap smeared on the door handle to our bedroom. They'd block our access to the showers. We were laughed at during meals. We got called names. We'd walk into the bathroom to hear them having a conversation about us. We'd return to our bedroom after classes to find someone had left a message for us. I hated it -- I'm a very, very private person and knowing that not even my bedroom was safe kind of messed with me. My friends and I eventually went to the supervisors. We got called in to the directors' office, and the bullies got called in too. We were asked to talk about what had happened, and we did, and a few of my friends were crying as they did it, and then the bullies started crying. I wanted to slap them when they pulled that shit. The adults said we all needed to make an effort; my friends and I needed to make an effort to fit in. I wanted to slap them, too, but after that conversation, the harassment mostly stopped, and the rest of our high school experience was okay. When I got a Facebook invite to a "5 year high school reunion" by one of the girls, I felt like laughing. 5 years is nowhere near long enough for me to start missing them.

College was such a relief for me. It's a cliché but I went from feeling like I had little in common with most of my classmates, to being surrounded by people like me, some of whom had had similar experiences in school, none of whom gave a shit if I wanted to only have a few friends and kind of stay out of the way of everyone else.

I also had friends during those periods, so I just kind of knew that some people are assholes and some people are cool, and didn't really develop a "I hate men" or "I hate women" mentality. I did think the majority of high schoolers sucked though.

PaulMichaelJones · 2018-05-24T12:50:10+00:00

Bullying made me go mentally ill. I started hearing insults from people bullying me. And by the mid twenties I was hearing voices, it affected me so bad. But the people who i thought were my friends decided to join up with the bullies. My bullies even told my brothers ex wife that I was a pervert, to get at me. They were ruthless, evil and merciless in their bullying. Bullying can cause serious mental health problems. And it is morally repugnant, It is worth than stealing, or fraud in my book. Bullies tend to bully out of ideological reasons, for their bullying., like a racist does for hating ethnic minorities. Bullies hate people for being shy, fat, gay, black, jewish, muslims, christian, a virgin. And if you counter them on that, they will have long ideological arguments for why it is OK to bully people, and why bullying is trivial and the victim deserves it in their evil mind. The bullies totally dehumanize their victims and see them as totally inferior. My bullies tended to call me a creep, or a "mong", or a wierdo, or they would make up that I was gay, even though they knew I was not. But they knew it hurt me when they said it to me. Bullies also tend to get all their other pals involved in the bullying. So once they hate you, they get all their pals to hate you too. Which is when it goes massive. They try character assassination. And that makes it difficult for you to make friends, and then you go shy and bitter.

Fancying someone for being a bully is sick and evil. And makes evil win, and gives support to evil people.And wanting to make evil people win, is evil. But it is wrong to hate women for not finding you sexy. But I NEVER HATE ANY WOMAN, FOR TURNING ME DOWN. THAT IS HER RIGHT IN A FREE SOCIETY.

carefreevermillion · 2018-05-24T12:17:39+00:00

I wouldn't say I've been bullied, but because I've always been weird, I would try to make friends as a kid and it would go terribly, which has predictably affected me a lot. Trying to be friends with girls was horrific, so I had almost exclusively guy friends until middle school, because there were more weird guys like me than weird girls. I found out a lot of my female "friends" didn't actually care about me when I had a breakdown in highschool, so I have mostly given up on female friends.

Of course I'm fairly red so I know to keep the guy friends at arm's length because I don't want any misunderstandings. It gets lonely.

BisquitBill · 2018-05-24T15:31:55+00:00

I'm curious: Who here has experienced bullying, either personally or observed? Has it affected how you view/interact your own gender? Has it affected how you view/interact with the opposite gender? Are you more sympathetic to the suffering of others for it, or less?

Great questoins! I will try to answer as forthrightly as I am able.

I was bullied pretty severely in high school. I was that weird kid, and there were rumors that I was homosexual -- that and tacit permission from the high school administration that I got beaten pretty regularly. By beaten, I mean walking down a high school hallway and thrown up against lockers by two football players. I've had trash dumped in my yard over night, I've had books stolen from me, calculators, I was beaten in the men's shower of the boy's locker-room after p.e. class. I've had student call my house threatening my life. Other students have physically threatened me inside classroom during class. Other instances include my locker being broken into, book stolen, books thrown in the trash bin across the hallway.

That was just from the students for for ever three years in high school until I decided to leave.

Bullying has taught me that physical violence, threats of physical violence, verbal and emotional harassment are a normal and customary aspect of the male life. Bullying is wrong, but its also normal and socially condoned.

Barely-moral · 2018-05-24T12:03:18+00:00

My father moved around a lot. I was always the new kid so I got my fair share of bullying. I learned early that there are a lot of idiots in the world and knowing what kind of idiots you have in front of you and getting the right kind of idiot on your side is how the game of life is played.

I developed a method. Arrive at a new place, detect the agressive idiots. Avoid them if possible, look for a way to become useful to some idiot that matters in order to be respected. If they start to fuck with me then I try to find some dirt on them, if I can't or have no time then I kick and punch my way out of their list of victims.

Blessed be my bullies because they teached me how to life.

As an adult, being useful gives me enough time to get (or create) dirt on anyone so violence is pretty much nonexistent, I am ready to use it just in case.

RockinSocksII · 2018-05-24T13:42:02+00:00

I got bullied in middle school by no particular gender. I was the weird kid at a parochial school. In a sea of normal people, I was not.

It made me very, very hesitant to trust anyone, to the point where I find it difficult to make friends.
It started my cycle of depression that cycles on and off again every few years.
It made me very cognizant of how I treat people. I basically shut down if I realized that I accidentally hurt someone.

SendThotsAndPrayers · 2018-05-24T13:43:21+00:00

I can offer a perspective of a reformed bully who was in a silly elementary school gang. Brace yourself as it will be quite a long story:

All in all it boiled down to socioeconomic reasons and desire to get even with kids who bullied us in elementary school. We weren't really bullies in the early years, more like victims of judgement. You know, things like "why is your rucksack so old and dirty?", "why don't you have yogurt for lunch?" etc. Shit escalated pretty quickly too.

Kids can be pretty mean you know, especially when you don't stand up for yourself. I wouldn't categorize myself as a saint, but I do like to think that I was a gentle soul before all the rage from being socially ostracized kinda spilled over.

Then me and the pals lucked on growth spurt in 5th grade and started to give it back. 5th grade was the most fighting we ever did, as a social hierarchy was already established and every time we would fuck up one kid, they would try and take it back on us.

The things I regret the most is that we escalated violence a lot more than the other kids. Nobody should break arms in 5th grade. Well I did, and so did my pals. We were stupid back then, blinded by our rage and stupid notion to get even with everyone.

To make a long dystopian story short, we fucked up everybody in 5th grade and enjoyed a status of power till 7th grade which was the last year of elementary school in my country.

In the end, nothing really changed for us. We went from becoming social outcasts, to social outcasts with power to inspire fear. That's it. It was enjoyable at first, being able to walk into a classroom with 3-4 kids who were talking about their stuff, and instantly see them shut up, shrink back and avoid your gaze. But it was also lonely - incredibly lonely.

8th grade was what saved me from this lifestyle forever. An incredibly passionate teacher found me than managed to set me on right track. That man was a saint, and funny enough the only male teacher I ever had - hell the only teacher who ever gave a shit.

That guy would spend his free time after work in detention with me. Helped me with homework, taught me to love history and math, and set me up with his old pal who was a kickboxing trainer. He would even write mails to me during highschool asking how it was going and stuff, man I still chat from time to time with that man.

If only schools were full of teachers with at least half his passion, man world would have been an incredible place.

Edit: Shit didn't really answer your question

It didn't affect my view of genders tbh. Maybe it's because it happened in ages 7-13. Girls didn't really give me boners till age 14 I think. My female teachers were shitty tho.

As for empathy, I like to think that being a bully gave me a perspective on things from both sides. If I would be fortunate enough to stumble on a person in need like myself back then, then I would help with no hesitation. We all need mentors in our lives man.

DemonConsulting · 2018-05-24T13:47:57+00:00

I wasn't bullied as much as I was simply excluded from the group from grade 5 to 9. I was always weird (because asperger's) and some time between primary and secondary school the social rules and dynamics among girls had just gotten way too complicated for me. So when I tried to make friends at my new school, I was quickly bullied out of it by the few girls at the top (I was trying to befriend their friends who liked me but apparently making friends when you didn't live in their village was not “allowed“). It messed up my already low self-esteem and to this day I avoid the “mean girl“ types and their large followership because while I have figured out how to pass as “normal“ by now, I still have no idea how to deal with the female pecking order in those types of groups.

They bullied pretty much everyone who was different in some way, until they gave up and were social outcasts, then they would get praised by the teacher for being such a great class that sticks together (the excluded people were just seen as not fitting in and ignored). Their whole group basically lived on excluding others to boost their own status within the group. However this only worked until the victim gave up/got taken out of school by their parents/changed class and then they'd start their internal drama of determining the new skapegoat or being in a constant power struggle.

I did end up finding close female friends during “high school“ when I finally just had a bunch of different courses away from the same 30 people who were in 90% of my classes until that point.

In terms of dating I did have very low self esteem as a result of just not fitting in and being excluded for so long - I didn't go to clubs like the others, didn't look like I was 20 when I was 16 but instead looked like I was 12, I didn't know or meet any guys because my social cycle was very small, etc. I didn't seem to hit the “milestones“ they did basically - no crazy blackout parties, no hookups, no boyfriend, still a virgin past 16 when some “cool“ girl had declared this the benchmark for being forever alone.

Buuuut then I stopped having to interact with those people on a daily basis, started feeling a lot better about myself and embraced my weirdness with my friends, left school, met my husband, and now life is pretty great.

What makes female bullies of this type so aggrevating to me is that they know how to play nice in front of authority figures while the victims are mostly social outcasts who are seen as not fitting in and “at fault“ by authority figures. You also cannot fight back in a physical way as it is often advised for their male counterparts because they will not physically touch you. They'll just make everyone hate and avoid you, then destroy you psychologically. You cannot beat them with their own strategy because it requires the support of the group. In most of the cases the only solution for the victim was to change school. Their parents are usually very similar to them in behavior and see nothing wrong with it or will go so far as to bully the teachers and parents who complained (they usually have the support of the parents in their community)

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-05-24T15:09:53+00:00

i was vaguely female socially bullied when i switched schools once, found acceptance, lived in israel for a year and half came back and got vaguely female socially bullied again by the same people, got acceptance and then abandoned all of them for the punk scene when i was 14, at which point i became an object of fascination to them and was just basically left alone

kandyapplez · 2018-05-24T16:07:35+00:00

I was definitely a bully. At the time I didn't think about it, but in retrospect there was always one kid who everyone kind of made fun of openly and I participated in it. I distinctly remember coming up with a lot of the nicknames we would direct at this one kid and I loved it because kids thought I was so funny...at his expense.

I got called out for being a mean girl bitch at one point in a rather humiliating way and that kind of put an end to that.

When I got to high school I did a 180 and would try to aggressively befriend the loser kids and even volunteered to be a peer friend to a boy with high functioning autism.

TheGreasyPole · 2018-05-24T16:33:14+00:00

I was bullied a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

I’d say really between the ages of 11-14. By 14 I’d learned how to deal with it and sorted out the situation for myself.

I don’t think it affected how I view girls (because inter-sexual bullying is extremely rare so far as I can see).

It didn’t really affect my views of males at the time, it was just a fact if Life.

Many decades later as I learned more about psychology and dominance structures I could see what had gone on, and why my solution of “fighting back” solved it, and how I could have prevented it getting that far with the right verbal/postural responses. So it helped me identify the truth of some psychological claims years later. Bullying is just dominance jockeying in children, extreme because children haven’t yet learned how to respond effectively and/or how to do it “softly” and pull punches because they’re not accustomed to social norms yet.

It’s made me extremely sympathetic to seeing other bullied/dominated. To the extent that I don’t engage in that kind of behaviour as a people manager or elsewhere and that I protect others I see subject to it in the workplace or elsewhere. It’s affected my management style and what I view as true leadership considerably. I’m firmly of the belief that all (Male) bullies really deserve a smack in the chops, and certainly shouldn’t be allowed to get away with bullying.

Finally, I’d agree it’s irrlevant whether girls or boys have it worse. I think it’s largely equally damaging on both sides, although it’s very clear that it happens with different instinctive mechanisms on each side of the gender divide, and each side has different “instinctively right” solutions to it that work with the inherent instincts.

I know what boys are, I don’t know what those solutions are to girls form of bullying/dominance challenges.

buartha · 2018-05-24T16:58:27+00:00

I probably received the average amount of being pushed around that teenage boys get, and my brother shielded me from anything worse since he was well known as a bit of a psycho.

When I did get into fights at school it never bothered me that much because I had a far rougher time of it at home with my father, and teenage boys don't hit as hard as adult men so I was pretty hard to phase, which is probably another reason I didn't really get picked on.

I wasn't very sympathetic to kids who were bullied when I was younger specifically because I felt like I had it worse at home, but I'm more sympathetic now as I realise that pain and suffering are relative, and one person's Tuesday can be another person's trauma if they're not equipped to deal with it.

From the other side, I never bullied anyone because I never saw the point and it would have made me feel bad, but my partner did when he was a kid, and as far as I know he never actually held any ill will towards the people he bullied, it was just a way to pass the time and enforce the hierarchy (he went to a boarding school so stuff like social standing was even more important there.)

Workaholico · 2018-05-25T01:20:22+00:00

I experienced bullying, personally and observed.

Has it affected how you view/interact your own gender? Has it affected how you view/interact with the opposite gender?

Not exactly, it affected how i interacted with human beings I became more careful with them, I started considering more the dark sides of their minds, had to have backup plans to combat it.

Are you more sympathetic to the suffering of others for it, or less?

I am sympathetic, and will fight if it is someone I care, but I know I can't change human nature alone.

Electra_Cute · 2018-05-24T12:05:47+00:00

I was "bullied" for most of my life by people at school. It did have an impact on how I view myself and my gender identity. I was already having issues with it even before people started bullying me and it exacerbated the situation. The experiences I had did not make me more sympathetic towards other people, it just made me cynical or weary about others, which depending on how you look at it could be an advantage in some cases.

Please be respectful of other people's experiences.

I do not like this whole idea on here to be honest, people come on here to debate. I would say if people want their "experiences" respected they should not share them.

BadRobot427 · 2018-05-24T18:43:13+00:00

Was bullied from about 6th grade through high school, for....red hair?

I'm sure it wasn't for the red hair (maybe it was?) But an excuse to fuck with me. Also starting high school when south park started their hilarious ginger episodes.

Never really affected my view of women or men, but I definitely became extremely selective of my friendships, perhaps that's why I tend to nuke them from orbit if I see them going south.

What it did do however was get me to quit baseball and wrestling. I despised my coaches and teammates, so after freshman year I was done. Looking back this was dumb, as I was only less popular and more unhappy, and it didn't change the shit I got.

mach_like_a_flame · 2018-05-24T12:12:47+00:00

I was a bully until I mellowed out.

DebatePony · 2018-05-24T12:19:33+00:00

When I first moved from geographic location to different geographic location I dealt with my fair share of bullying. However, since I was moving from super religious homeschooling to public school I kinda knew that I was going to be made fun of.

And since I had two older brothers who loved to (sometimes literally) torture me, whatever those people said/did had very little effect on my gender identity. They didn't like that I was a tomboy and would play football (not like on the team, just during like pick up games) with the rest of the kids? That's fine, I wasn't planning on being a cheerleader anyway.

And to be fair, I only experienced it for like the first year after I moved, after that I found a fairly good friend group and stuck with them. It also probably helped that I was considered pretty/cute/whatever and that I started dating one of the more popular guys in our school.

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-05-24T12:23:14+00:00

I got bullied a little but I've always had teeth, they always backed down and left me alone or we became friends. As a nerd, I hung out with nerds and I stuck up for them when they needed it.

But I like fighting, just when they deserve it.

I don't know, I'm sympathetic to those that have that light in their eyes; usually don't see that if people are too busy trying to play it cool.

whitetrasharmageddon · 2018-05-24T13:10:57+00:00

I’ve had more than my fair share of physical and emotional bullying, from elementary to high school. I’ve had both emotional and physical bullying from girls, being made fun of, picked on, isolated and excluded, and beaten up by girls. From boys I’ve had the same amount and types of emotional bullying, but it was just as brutal. My brother and I used to beat the shit out of each other too, that was just sibling rivalry though.

I don’t think any gender has it worse. If you’re “the weird kid” (I was) you’re going to have a bad time.

Life was pretty lonely until college, then I made some true friends who value me for me and don’t keep me around just to make fun of or pick on.

RMWristclutch · 2018-05-24T15:22:23+00:00

Male, not badly but in a regular enough fashion to where I don't look at a fellow male and immediately feel good or trust them. You have to prove you're not an asshole first.

And I view the opposite gender, bullies were mostly the popular kids and they didn't have any problems getting girlfriends, so yeah, when girls complain about guys being assholes, I don't take them seriously because their definition of asshole has very little to do with how they act towards other men.

goatismycopilot · 2018-05-24T16:10:00+00:00

I grew up in a working class neighborhood and was the only "divorced kid" at both my school and on my block for a number of years. The bitchy women in my neighborhood talked shit about my mom all the time because "had to work" the men muttered about "women who could not keep a man" at school I was harassed and mocked for being from a "broken" family. I got into a couple of fights defending myself and ended up in the Principal's office being told that I was behaving badly because I was from a broken home. The whole rah, rah single parent party did not happen when I was a kid it was a reason to be fucking rude to people. Then my mother decided she did not want me to go to the high school in our neighborhood because the girls tended to drop out and get pregnant or marry their high school boyfriend. So she made me go to a much nicer high school full of well off kids where I was clearly one of a small collection of "poor" kids and people were also shitty to the poor kids. I don't remember if the boys or the girls were bigger assholes because it was so long ago. At some point early on I stood up for myself and got in trouble for that as well and I actually got kicked out of that high school after being thrown under the bus for something I did not do a year or two later and well to a shitty less prestigious high school with a greater mix of people and things were fine.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-05-25T18:15:47+00:00

Bullied atrociously all through school. Aspie, total socially awkward and I still have fantasies of killing them all (NOTE: THESE ARE JUST FANTASIES). I remember many of the names of my tormentors.

Did it screw up how I related to other men? Let's just say it made me absolutely hateful and vengeful against the macho dominance hierarchy, the "jocks" and it certainly made me opposed to traditional masculinity. Not that traditional femininity is much better... "Mean Girls" dynamics are just as much Toxic Femininity as the Macho Dominance Hierarchy is Toxic Masculinity. Both are forms of collectivism and tribalistic identity engaged in by those who deserve to be held in contempt.

It probably screwed me up sexually. I won't deny that my own experiences as a "non-macho"/too-evolved-to-be-a-pack-animal male had some impact on my sexual psychology and fetishes. I'm bisexual, admittedly unsurprisingly.

But birds of a feather flock together. I never identified with girls honestly... the average female is noticeably more into subtle-and-tacit-and-machiavellian social politics than the average male (the covert-overt distinction really). I felt and still feel alienated from "normal" men and women. My friends are usually abnormal/neuroatypical/Myers-Briggs-INTx men, or other men with similar temperaments. I get along with women of similar cognitive profiles but there are a lot less of them.

TL;DR - Nerd Brain/Aspie, I went through hell and it fucked me up. But does it make me like or dislike any gender more? Honestly no, it made me loathe 'normies' of both sexes more, and frankly I think the difference between normie men and normie women can be more one of degree or style than principle.

I'm certainly more sympathetic to those who suffered in the same way I did. But I'm not going to say it made me more sympathetic to suffering in general. It certainly made me less sympathetic to bullies.

truedemocracy3 · 2018-05-24T12:29:24+00:00

From my experience girls receive more subtle/emotional bullying while guys are more physical. However, whoever says women have it worse when it comes to bullies are full of shit

Among their own "friends" and drama of middle school/high school id for sure say it's worse for women. But in terms of bottom of totem pole during those years it's absolutely worse for men.

GayLubeOil · 2018-05-24T20:40:14+00:00

Victim mentality is blue pill mentality. If you think of yourself as a victim you stay a victim. Basically all of the responses in this thread are proof of the efficacy of blue pill conditioning.

It's not what happens it's how you process the event. Any way Bloopsters gunna bloopity Bloopy.

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Mr_Smoogs · 2018-05-24T12:57:20+00:00

I was a pretty big asshole but never never to the disadvantaged kids. Our friends would just fuck with each other.

S1imdragxn · 2018-05-24T13:06:32+00:00

I was bullied by adults way more than peers

I’d just fight my peers and it didn’t feel like bullying more like challenges

If kids made rumors about me it never stuck because I didn’t give a shit

Adults and cops though I couldn’t hit back. I had a big cop hating phase in my early 20s because they were such dicks to me as a kid

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-05-24T13:09:37+00:00

I got bullied physically pretty bad by the jocks, the gender equivalent of the UMC hos getting abortions at 12 I was talking about. They'd fuck with me any way they could at gym class, pulling my trunks off underwater in the pool, clotheslining me randomly, tackling me hard during 2 hand touch football as I was trying to make a catch. Teacher didnt care because he was the football coach. It stopped when I started fighting back and I sent one of the assholes to the hospital with a jaw so swollen he couldn't close his mouth because I hammered his face repeatedly.

Has it affected how you view/interact your own gender?

I don't believe the bullshit when women say the confident socialites they tingle for aren't major assholes

Melthengylf · 2018-05-24T13:12:57+00:00

I recieved bullying all my teenage life. And it strained my masculinity expression because I tried to be different to them.

scallopkid · 2018-05-24T14:38:01+00:00

I was never really bullied. I suspect that I was a bully sometimes. I don't remember much of my thought process but I assume it was just massive insecurity. But in high school I spent all night on the computer, slept for an hour on the bus, and then spent school in a sleep deprived haze. Any energy I did have I spent being angsty about being told what to do by adults, so I never had energy to have a problem either way with the other students.

Edit: I didn't date until the very end of high school, I think being insecure and afraid of being vulnerable as a child probably delayed my start in that domain. I don't think starting late affects how I view/interact with men now.

FirionDarklight · 2018-05-24T15:32:59+00:00

When I was 14, Some guys would take my bag or books and hide it. One of them was like 2 heads taller or whatever and I was short anyways. One day I just had enough, so I approached him and punched him squarely into the face. Surprised he punched back , hit me but I was kind of unfazed and ready for more. People came to separate us or whatever and that was that. They laid off afterwards.

Pooch231 · 2018-05-24T16:12:43+00:00

I was lucky to have never really been bullied. I was the quiet, invisible girl. People didn't really care enough to bully me I guess. I also think the popular kids in my school were pretty nice.

officerkondo · 2018-05-24T16:58:24+00:00

A few examples from junior high and high school come to mind. All were perpetrated by girls, by the way.

freshman or sophomore year, I get a call at home from a girl pretending to be another girl (whom I liked) to ask me out. I knew it was a ruse from the word go, but if I hadn't, her friends giggling in the background blew it. Otherwise, high school was generally a good experience for me. I would not describe myself as being a bullied student.
on a few occasions, I could be sitting by myself in a public library or food court when a group of several girls/young women would descend upon me and begin harassment with questions like if I thought they were pretty, how big is my dick, did I think I had enough stamina to fuck them all, etc. It was clear they thought I was a substandard male.

I don't know if there is a name for this practice but I observed it about half a year ago when with my son at a theme park. A group of three women in their early 20s were pulling this schtick on two foreign guys who were in line between me and the group of girls. The two foreign men were responding politely because they couldn't quite read the sarcasm but they were clearly uncomfortable because these girls would not leave them alone. I spoke up and had a heated verbal altercation with the girls for about a minute. (just one bothered to respond - the other two shut down as soon as I opened my mouth). Her big argument was that I was a virgin and she could get laid whenever they wanted. Yes, sweetheart, and you have the chlamydia to prove it.

Has it affected how you view/interact your own gender?

At the time, I just took it as evidence that I was a substandard male. Now it just informs my general opinions about women.

Has it affected how you view/interact with the opposite gender?

Mostly it makes me feel stupid for not inventing the red pill in the early 90s. Now that I'm in my 40s and pull women not that much older than the ones who gave me shit, I am inclined to view each new notch in my belt as an act of retribution. It also informs how I raise my son.

Are you more sympathetic to the suffering of others for it, or less?

The same or more. How could anyone not be sympathetic to the victim's plight, except for the bullies themselves?

squidracer · 2018-05-24T20:01:17+00:00

I had a bully my softmore year of high school. Not sure what his deal was but he just started picking on me out of the blue. He was quite a bit bigger then me.

Went on for about a month or so. Eventually i took a swing at him and we got in a big fight. I kinda lost but put up a good effort.

We were friends the rest of high school

WestsideMoonWalker · 2018-05-25T01:45:59+00:00

I'm curious: Who here has experienced bullying, either personally or observed? Has it affected how you view/interact your own gender? Has it affected how you view/interact with the opposite gender? Are you more sympathetic to the suffering of others for it, or less?

As far as my experience, going through that late in middle school/early HS, I can't really say it had as much of an impact as I thought it would. I'm on the autism spectrum and had my growth spurt late, so I was kinda an easy target, as the awkward small kid who didn't have many friends. I also was not particularly likable either, and was not nearly the type of person I strive to be. That experience caused me to end up very depressed for a while, and I still deal with that creeping back occasionally, and my confidence was kinda wrecked before it ever went anywhere. That probably didn't hinder me much from dating surprisingly, since my issues were more social cues and awkwardness related than confidence explicitly. I was kinda a sensitive kid too, which just made everything worse. I am still very in tune with my emotions now as an adult, but now I am definitely more guarded. I'm not sure I necessarily prefer that though.

Anyway, to answer those questions, with regards to my interactions with other men now, it's not too different from how it would have been otherwise, aside from immediate defensiveness that now kinda fades quickly. My gut reaction belies my current mental state, though on instinct, I am just very uncomfortable around people from time to time. When I think about it, it immediately goes away. With women, my interactions are kinda the same as they would have been. The big change for me is that I am much more sympathetic towards others, aware of the way privilege affects my life, and others, and it has generally driven me to be better to those around me in my life.

Something else worth noting: I went to an elite private school, and as far as I can remember, was the only person there who had any sort of mental disability (even if I have learned to handle it well now). I struggled a lot trying to fit in just due to that fact. Ultimately, I am fine now, but that took a move 1k miles away from family and a lot of self reflection to get there. I still have my struggles here and there, but they are much more minor, and I have been treated much better in the recent past than I was back as a teenager.

ayeayefitlike · 2018-05-25T11:04:55+00:00

I was bullied right through school, mainly by boys - girls would make snide comments and stuff but I could avoid them, but the boys would hound me and actually bullied me physically (throwing rocks at me, pulling knives on me, knocking me over on the stairs, grabbing my bag and emptying it etc etc). The ringleader was a guy, and he was the one who drove everyone else to isolate me. I ended up attempting to take my own life when I was 13 as I just couldn't stand going to school, felt utterly despised and alone, and felt like there was no action which wouldn't just make things worse.

It took a very long time to get over, and when I bump into guys I went to school when I visit home with I still can't help feeling afraid, even ten years after leaving school. It made me pretty untrusting of the motives of any guy who approached me, and whilst I made great guy friends in college and became more open, I didn't date till after I graduated college and to this day am automatically distrusting of why a guy would approach me.

I'm incredibly sympathetic to kids who are bullied, and every time I hear about teen suicides I get quite emotional.

mgtowthrowaway9 · 2018-05-28T23:21:57+00:00

I got bullied severely. It was a torturous 5 years at school. It has really changed how I view people. I view people in a negative light now.

Jammerly1 · 2018-05-24T15:32:47+00:00

Try being a black girl who moved to a high school of all white kids. White kids you’re mostly smarter and more talented than. They’d make a lot of ignorant and outright hateful racist remakes and try to put me at the bottom of the social totem pole just for being black. White teachers too. White people are super petty and nasty to blacks they think might be doing better than them in anyway.

I won national awards, got into the colleges I wanted, and got parts in school play, it’s all because I’m black apparently . Or maybe I’m just clearly smarter than you basic bitches. It’s quite lonely being the only black girl. Also I’m pretty attractive so I had to learn really quickly how two faced and racist white guts are when it comes to dating. They all want to fuck but they don’t want anyone to know.

Eastuss · 2018-05-24T13:58:23+00:00

Am a 30 yo dude, short and chubby.

Been ostracised between 11 and 15, people prevented me from simply having any social interaction, hit me, made sure my reputation was trash. My parents divorcing and making it a mess are also making me kinda secluded. Basically 4 year of solitude and self-hate.
at 15, people simply were seeing me as an undesirable but weren't actively chasing me away. Results at school were that much trash and I was told to restart that year.
At 16, nobody knows me, was able to get a couple of male friends. Because I am 1 year older than anyone, it built a little bit of social proof and women acknowledged it but quickly realised I was socially awkward.
at 17, had a decent circle of male only friends. I tried to go for women but I was a friendzoned niceguy and an orbiter. I was convinced I had to be friend with women first before expressing interest in order to not be perceived as shallow, I learned I was wrong, women simply used me for the attention and support, they complained about their boyfriends all the time and I thought women were stupid and only dated jerks, and then understood that they were complaining that their boyfriends had boundaries and free will, and they were the hypocritical nicegirls. x)
at 18, had two circle of friends, one had females, who are more or less hostile and seeing me as a vulgar douche, disgust and contempt on their face. I started to approach women, ugly/average women specifically because I thought that I couldn't do better, who rejected me like I was insulting them for existing.
at 19, have single friendships with one of two women, almost sleep with one (she was 100% lEsBiAn), miss lot of opportunities because I was too shy and stupid to see them, get to know lot of girls thanks to them anyway, some women play with me and my feelings, I'm learning.
at 20, I realise my needs are legitimate and must be my top priority, that I don't need women's IOIs to escalate, I become more assertive, at this point I could have written half of TRP's main principles. I hide the fact that I am a sad incel, and people start thinking I'm some sort of seduction and sex god and ask advice to me.... I get my first few gf/sex who don't believe I have no experience, and then meet my now wife.

The bullying and the shit load of rejection and bad treatment from women made me simply "pessimistic" about human nature from an exterior viewpoint. I think I have now a very good reading of people contempt toward me.

It led me directly to retrieving lot of TRP concepts without knowing what TRP is. When I fell on TRP randomly I thought "Wow, finally some people who understand all this, I'm not the only, I'm not mad, all these years of pretending to be legitimate and to belong were not me lying, it was just how to do it.", it actually made me less bitter.

Title	A Thread on Bullying
Author	Gravel_Roads
Upvotes	11
Comments	102
Date	May 24, 2018 11:51 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8ls0oi/a_thread_on_bullying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-thread-on-bullying.262257 https://theredarchive.com/post/262257

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