CMV: Commitment from low value men is overrated

hammerhaunts · 2018-05-23T02:45:40+00:00

Being overrated requires it to be rated highly in the first place. That women settle for it says otherwise

darknessbemyfriend · 2018-05-23T04:06:58+00:00

What happens is that women mature enough to value personality over aesthetics. They want a lifelong best friend, maybe with the same hobbies and a good sense of humour, someone settled that isn’t going to go out drinking 3 nights of the week until he dies. Someone that is unlikely to be unfaithful.

But the attractive guys are still caught up in their glory “Chad” days and fit none of this criteria. They will root a lot of people but end up alone. Anyone hoping they change their ways will be sorely disappointed. They will never stick to one woman

She doesn’t “settle” she just appreciates different things at a different point in life. Sometimes the big strong guy isn’t the “safety” people seek, but the genuinely kind bloke with a good job that likes gardening.

dxfifa · 2018-05-23T03:06:45+00:00

The big problem isn't that it's overrated. No one really thinks low value commitment is good and women want it. The problem is that women as a whole want a higher value man than they can realistically attain on the balance of probability. So the 6/10 woman 'settles' for a 6/10 man, not a 4/10 man as you'd expect. And this is with rating on a bell curve, not linear This means a huge proportion of women are going for a much smaller percentage of men and therefore either end up settling, or alone.

And the men are either being settled for by a woman around his level, with a women who thinks he is worth her interest, but is less than him OR single and alone.

If you ordered up 100 representative men and 100 representative women, and matched them with the person ranked the same almost all men would be happy, but the bottom 70% of women would be unhappy. Maybe the 10-15% above that would be content then the very top 10% women would be very happy

HarpyMaster · 2018-05-23T04:29:59+00:00

So a lot of people here claim that a woman's imperative is to secure commitment from a high value male. If this doesn't work out, she will eventually settle for a lower value man.

You always aim for the top. If this doesn't work, you keep lowering your asking price. Essentially, women keep lowering their ask price until they find someone who is willing to settle with them. That is to say - when they have find their market price.

So I think it is more of a girls meeting their counterparts rather than 'settling' with lesser men. And their counterparts change over time. During certain eras, maybe a girl that is rated 8/10 would have a matching counterpart that is quasimodo (due to lack of good men), whereas during another time she would be matching a greek god (during which time the guy would technically be the one settling down). I think it is true that there is shortage of desirable men in our times, and that there were more commitment worthy men between 1900s - 1960s.

But anyway, the grounding assumption here is monogamy. If you assume polyamory, yeah all of this falls apart. But we know that polyamory has disastrous effects.

KrispyMcSockington · 2018-05-23T09:36:44+00:00

Well OP what about the women themselves?

You're writing this from the perspective of a woman who believes she deserves a higher quality partner. But if she can only get commitment from lower quality men then she has to come to terms with the fact that that's the best she can do, which doesn't put her in high quality territory herself at all.

Low quality women can scoff at commitment from low quality men all they like. It doesn't solve the problem either. If she cannot be happy with the men she can get, then she either has to settle or be happy alone. It's that simple. If Chad ain't committing, you're not Chad quality. Having an inflated sense of value doesn't help, especially if she desires kids and no man worthy of her time is showing interest.

blackedoutfast · 2018-05-23T05:02:05+00:00

because getting low value commitment from low value men is still better than only being able to get commitment from low value cats and worn out hitachi magic wands.

do you really want to be that woman, the sad, bitter old woman who completely and utterly failed at life and couldn't get a man to commit to her?

you can talk all you want about how you're a strong independent woman who don't need no man. and everyone will nod and agree with you. but inside they'll all know that you really did want a man. but you were too stubborn or too picky or had too many issues and that's the real reason why you couldn't lock one down.

think about it. if you're really as great as you seem to think you are, how come it's only low quality men who are offering commitment to you?

LeJacquelope · 2018-05-23T07:08:12+00:00

Commitment from men is no more overrated than relationships with women.

Poster515 · 2018-05-23T18:44:18+00:00

I mean, in the same way sex with a physically unattractive woman is overrated.

Eastuss · 2018-05-23T11:25:41+00:00

What does a high value man has to offer to a woman that an average man hasn't?

The high value man might be sexually attractive, but he'll hold commitment from you, he'll dread you, and he'll leave when your value gap gets super big after 30 years old. Or you'll have to make all kind of compromises that you wouldn't otherwise.

Barely-moral · 2018-05-23T10:48:42+00:00

For upper middle class and rich people on the first world commitment from low value men is overrated.

Most people lare lower middle class and/or don't live in the first world.

In those conditions getting commitment and financial help from a man is the only realistic way a woman can have children, some kind of comfortable life and some free time to stay sane.

And I didn't even touch on the social expectations, culture and personal goals that are present on those conditions.

There is a reason low value men still get married, have children and their commitment is still valued. Their commitment is not overrated, it is the only (mostly secure) way poor/low middle class women have to improve their lives.

LewisCross · 2018-05-23T13:22:45+00:00

The CMV suggests that women don't settle for commitment from low value men. It also suggests that commitment from low value men is "scraps".

Women feel good about "scraps" because women feel good about commitment. I've seen it over and over again - women would rather be married and then divorced, than never married. Women would rather be married to a low value man and then take him for all he's worth in the divorce, than never be married at all.

Just because a man says hes 'committed to you' in the form of exclusivity and relationship status, is not what women genuinely and deeply want.

OK, but women demonstrate over and over again that that's better than nothing to them, and they settle for it repeatedly.

A lot of people act like commitment is something the man hands out like a gift and the woman should be honored to accept such a blessing from the man.

But that's not what's going on. The low value man gives out commitment because he's trying to get sex. he's doling out commitment because he can't get sex any other way. It's not a gift; it's an effort to get a need met.

oftheinfinite · 2018-05-23T13:17:54+00:00

Interest from low value women is overrated. I could do without.

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Workaholico · 2018-05-23T03:10:13+00:00

Yeah, you are right women do not value "commitment for the sake of commitment"that much but they like the package like feeling loved, companionship, gifts, sex, etc. that comes with commitment. So tecnically the idea is not wrong too.

Males are the gatekeepers to commitment in most of the cases, so we may be really overestimating, but still... the value exist. it is like the value for interacting with people to males, males have low value to interaction and you can live easily without having to interact with anyone, but you still value it, after years anyone will want to "lower themselves" to talk to someone, anyone. same thing.

Anyway, some older women settle for lower value men, to satiate that anxiety and needs... this is a fact... , it does not mean she will not like him, or vice versa, it just mean that they settled with lower expectations... even if she herself do not see it as that way.

I have no idea on how to change your view, but I presume you know someone who got a lot of relationships in the past but with time they started to have the value of their partners lower and lower until commitment or death, everyone seems to know someone, I myself had 5 aunts like that... THAT is the only thing I can say to you... sorry. Did you understand?

WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2018-05-23T03:50:28+00:00

Why would a woman feel good about getting scraps from a man who, firstly, probably didn't even like her that much, and secondly is using commitment as his way to fulfill his own needs and potentially waste a womans time.

Low value men like women more because they are fulfilling a need. High value men could fuck sluts all day err day and are less likely to care about losing a woman by cheating. We might have different definitions of low and high value men though.

statsfodder · 2018-05-23T07:13:05+00:00

lets lose the value part and instead look at it as the less attractive guy is easily controlled and will cough up resouces and kids for the promise of a whiff of her panties. The more attractive guy is only interested in pump and dump. Now which guy is high value?

wtknight · 2018-05-23T12:48:11+00:00

For lower value women a low value man might be relatively high value, so commitment from them is not overrated. But I agree that commitment from a man who is of lower value than the woman is overrated.

HarpyMaster · 2018-05-24T13:09:10+00:00

it is not overrated, it is useless.

thinkytoes · 2018-05-24T16:43:14+00:00

Commitment from low value men is worthless.

Edit: chad isn't my sole idea of high value.

LooksMatterToWomen · 2018-05-24T23:31:28+00:00

Women make their own money and can support themselves. They no longer have to prostitute themselves just to have a decent quality of life. Being with someone you're sexually attracted to is no longer a luxury only afforded to men. As the younger generations come of age, this trend will become more obvious. Right now we have the older generations who still cling to outdated norms.

abaxeron · 2018-05-23T11:11:14+00:00

A lot of people act like commitment is something the man hands out like a gift and the woman should be honored to accept such a blessing from the man.

Who?

says_harsh_things · 2018-05-23T12:50:24+00:00

Commitment in the form of an exclusive relationship - I agree with you, its not valuable from low value men.

Throw in a mortgage and raising children and commitment will have some baseline level of value, even if the guy himself is otherwise mediocre. Sadly, this is where a good chunk of relationships reside.

justtenofusinhere · 2018-05-23T20:31:46+00:00

Addressing your take on the issue, I'd counter with a defense that often works as a defense of taxes.

No one like paying taxes. No one likes committing to a low value man. We all pay taxes because the alternative is even more undesirable (if noone pays society breaksdown and choas ensues, if only you stop paying society punishes you to deter others from thinking it's a good idea). Paying taxes isn't so bad if you're rich. Taxes aren't horrible if you're poor and positioned to benefit greatly from a multitude of tax funded programs (that's not saying it isn't horrible to be poor). But, if you're too "rich" for programs and too "poor" to be "rich," then you're SOL.

Commitment to and from low value men is like taxes, it's the price paid to ensure society continues to function. And society is a pretty nice thing to have and by no means overrated.

wattwatty · 2018-05-23T02:59:39+00:00

What do you perceive? Do you find that women are not securing commitment from lots of low-value men? I find that they are, and that they are actively soliciting that commitment.

yasee · 2018-05-23T06:53:38+00:00

Why would a woman feel good about getting scraps from a man who, firstly, probably didn't even like her that much, and secondly is using commitment as his way to fulfil his own needs and potentially waste a womans time

the outlook on this sub is so damn depressing argh. who hurt you?

InternationalProfile · 2018-05-23T06:59:47+00:00

Why would a woman feel good about getting scraps

Scraps? She gets to (at least) share the benefits of a dual-income household, if not enjoy the benefits of a household where only her husband works. She gets the societal benefits of being married/in a committed relationship, which aren't trivial. If she wants kids, she gets a partner who's probably going to stick around because he doesn't have a ton of other options. Any one of those is hardly "scraps."

from a man who, firstly, probably didn't even like her that much

If she's truly "settling," she's her guy's best option. In no way does that suggest he didn't even like her that much.

Title	CMV: Commitment from low value men is overrated
Author	lemonfloss
Upvotes	26
Comments	179
Date	May 23, 2018 2:40 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8lfx8x/cmv_commitment_from_low_value_men_is_overrated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-commitment-from-low-value-men-is-overrated.262293 https://theredarchive.com/post/262293

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