Reading posts on this sub has made me think of my own dating history and those of men I know. I was talking to one of my friends and it we both came to the same conclusion that the women we have had relationships with over the last few years are far more physically impressive than the women we regularly match with on online dating apps. We both agreed that the last 4 women we had committed relationships with were prettier and more desirable than over 95% of the women we matched with on any dating app. It isn't just our most recent ex, it was that 95% of our matches on these sites were not phyically more desirable than ANY of my or his last 4 relationships.

My question was how this could make sense that me and my buddy were capable of getting desirable women to commit to relatonships with us over the last decade, but we almost all the matches on apps were clearly not even close in desirability. Clearly if our last 4 girlfriends would publically have commited relationships with us, it meant that this has to be near our level of desirability. The part that didn't make sense was how we almost never matched with women near this level online.

i remember when on the apps where I would swipe a bunch and then filter based on matches. I matched with many women that I was only interested if it meant I got laid easily. I didn't think this person was worth my time or energy to take on a real date and I would be flirty and sleep with her if it didn't take much effort. I never lied to these women and was clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship (with them). It happened a few times where a woman would match and we flirted and slept together. Most I slept with a few times, but it usually came to a point where they would want to have actual dates and they wanted it to go from sexual to some semblance of being a couple. When I made it clear that I just wanted to have a good time and/or be a friends with benefits, it stopped and it didn't continue.

I wondered why my experiences on these apps was matching with less impressive women than my previous girlfriends and why these women gave easy sex but soon wanted to be more than just a fling, and the answer I came up with was hypergamy. The women who are desirable and have reasonable expecations are not on the dating apps because they would be able to find a man to commit too and are out of the dating pool and not on the apps as a result. What is left is women who want men who are some degree better than her where she keeps swiping hoping for that guy to want her. Guys like me would struggle to get women to a caliber that were on par of past girlfriends so we just used it to have sex with women who we wouldn't consider for dating because that is mostly the caliber women we matched with. These women throw sex at guys out of their league playing it off that they just want to have fun hoping that the guy likes her and eventually wants a relationship. She does this because she knows that a guy out of her league isn't going to be interested in her unless she gives him easy access to her body. The women play it like they just want sex, but that isn't usually the truth.

I think this is the case because if women were willing to date men on their level, they would get men willing to date them seriously and men would be more willing to date them because they are on a sufficient level. Because men frequently don't match with women on our level, we resort to sleeping with the women below our level who offer it. It all comes back to hypergamy.