Is it common for you and your friends to suddenly lose interest in men?

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-02-28T05:20:45+00:00

Some incompatabilities pop up when you start to know them better. Some things pop up when you start to live together.

A very shallow example. A person looks atteactive but when they open their mouth - verbal blie comes out of it and the attraction is gone. At best you can still see them as a pretty picture.

You might realise after sleeping with them that them snoring like a truck (which they aren't aware of) is incompatable wirh your light sleep.

Though i would not ghost. I would at rhe very least send a message that things don't work out for me. I might elaborate what aspects were the "dealbreakers" (so that the guy would he aware of some aspects that could make it harder for them in future relationships), but i won't try to defend them.

Talking_Tanuki · 2026-02-28T05:01:18+00:00

Kind of, but probably not in the way you’re thinking. For me, it’s pretty easy to lose or even just shut down attraction to someone if I realize we’re not compatible. If we were talking and I was starting to get interested, but then I found out they have a partner, or their values don’t line up with mine, or they made me feel unsafe, I’d just lose interest and move on. I’m not talking about little icks. To give some examples, one guy turned out to be conservative, another was religious, a girl was trash talking all her exes.

I’d say most of my single friends also try not to get too attached to a guy they’re talking to or casually seeing until they’ve actually had the talk.

bondepart · 2026-02-28T08:09:43+00:00

I tend to not ghost bedause I think it’s appalling cowardly behaviour. If someone has said something that’s a dealbreaker for me I will tell them.

In my experience men from dating apps very commonly ghost, sometimes it’ll get to the day of the date and you just won’t hear from them. So what’s that about?

lesliecarbone · 2026-02-28T09:57:23+00:00

what are the most common reasons why you and your friends lose interest in a potential partner?

do men give women the "ick" somehow and that ruins everything?

Neediness, pushiness, touching too soon, excessive calling/texting ...

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-02-28T05:09:12+00:00

I mean yeah, you need to observe a human over time to determine if you have all the qualities one might look for in a partner. At some point, you may do or say something that displays a quality that makes you ineligible to be in a relationship with that woman.

For me, I’ve lost interest when I heard a man’s politics leaning conservative; when I saw the inside of his apartment and how gross it was; and when a man tried to brag about his money to me.

Corbast7 · 2026-02-28T03:37:54+00:00

Sure, it’s normal. When you’re getting to know someone you’re still learning things about them and seeing different sides to them. You can think someone’s initially attractive enough / with little info on them, and then if enough ick comes up it can cancel attraction.

It’s usually not one thing that’s a standalone dealbreaker, but just multiple little things that add up.

AlmondMilkMaybe · 2026-02-28T07:59:09+00:00

The most common (at least for me) has been when you can tell they're just going through the dates as checkboxes. I'm trying to learn if we're compatible for something meaningful and invested. He's trying to get through a requisite number of hours because that moves him closer to a goal that (apparently) doesn't involve actually getting to know me. It's obvious, and we can tell.

half_avocado33 · 2026-02-28T04:05:10+00:00

Sure, dude may seem awesome, the interest is clearly there and 5 dates in he pulls one of those haarkharrk and spits on the ground.

love_in_october · 2026-02-28T09:15:53+00:00

Ghosting would usually indicate you weren't very interested in the first place. Idk anyone who does it but I don't feel they'd talk about it.

pie-mart · 2026-02-28T17:04:35+00:00

Yeah, but its because of incompatibilities... like some men really don't mind them. And are willing to "work through them" but its like sometimes I can't because I know itll suck for both of us later on when we are actually in a relationship and are much more attached

Like I had to stop seeing a guy who was very red pilled. He was handsome and had a lot going for him. But he was just oh my god. Talking about children. His mom and sister. Whores in his family he couldn't be around cuz of the ghetto lifestyle. (Like ok)

And he mentioned how his friends were low key slime balls, with women who'd they cheat on.

And that he wanted a stay at home wife to spoil who'd raise the kids etc

And I was like. I cannot date a man with friends who cheat, even if he doesn't. And I am not willing to have kids. And the way he talked about other women was just... like very sexist and telling of how he viewed women.

I brought this up and he tried to say he doesn't need kids. Doesn't really care about me being stay at home and that's just how he was raised. Etc.

But I'm like. That's all just so much to compromise on, if those are your values. They are yours and one day you will resent me when I do not want to do anything you expect from me

Sadly, men often think in the "now" when dating. How to get this woman to like me now. How attracted to her am I now. Do I like her now?

Very little of their brain energy actually thinks about the logistics of the future. Because I think they are just happy to get someone now. And don't wanna lose said person even if there are glaring compatability issues

Edit: to say, men will overlook a lot of stuff in a woman because they don't always have the options to be picky, but fail to realize the future matters and it won't be happy if you choose the wrong person for it

cb8585b · 2026-02-28T06:45:29+00:00

Yes. Usually listening to them talk did it.

ladybird_00 · 2026-02-28T03:49:58+00:00

We can get the ick or there’s an incompatibility with a dealbreaker

softrevolution_ · 2026-02-28T04:04:09+00:00

I don't lose interest for no good reason. I'll put it that way. And I don't ghost; I wouldn't want it done to me, after all.

It's going to be easy for me to answer the second part. There were a couple of hobosexuals, a hoarder, a manchild, someone whose relationship goals actually didn't line up with mine at all, and more than one who put the sexual cart before the relationship horse in a crude way. The hoarder was perfect except for, you know. The hoarding. He was the one who got a second chance, which was when I figured out that it ran deep enough that he needed professional help. Oh, and the guy who told me he deliberately wasn't a deep thinker.

None of my friends are dating, so... this is just me.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-02-28T06:49:42+00:00

For me all the time, but I am an outlier here because I come already with lack of interest in them and date casually.

kmb218 · 2026-02-28T09:48:42+00:00

I would say being genuienly interested in someone and then suddenly losing interest in my friend groups is actually pretty rate. To lose interest, something bigger has to happen that what people call an “ick”. What is common though is a guy thinking someone is interested when she isn’t and then he night get rejected.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-02-28T12:39:11+00:00

It's just not there from the start. Maybe they hope it will come but it doesn't.

leosandlattes · 2026-02-28T04:36:35+00:00

Idk about my friends, but for me it’s when he’s a picky eater, and also if there is no spark when things get physical.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-02-28T04:14:56+00:00

Not really. When I lose interest, it's either because they said/did something that was a dealbreaker for me, or because it's been a few seemingly small irritating things that I can tell I wouldn't want to deal with in a long-term relationship.

LucyintheskyM · 2026-02-28T05:47:53+00:00

I don't think I've ever ghosted someone intentionally, though there was one guy who told me he loved me on our fourth meeting, second date. I'd barely gotten to know him and he was 27 to my 19, so the age thing was already a bit challenging. I tried to tell him it was too early for that, and I just wanted to see how things went, but he dived right in, and seemed to ignore my "calm down, dude, I can't text at work so sending me fifteen messages is too much."

So he might have thought I ghosted him, but 19yo me didn't know how to deal, tried to put him off kindly, then said "Maybe I'll see you around, okay? I just need a break."

To me, that was all I could do. Now, with life experience, I'd do it differently, but then I thought it was pretty obvious.

It might seem sudden, but if you have friends to read through your messages or talk through encounters, you might find that the person was trying to engage in a manner you aren't used to, and the messages were getting mixed up. Sure, I've been bored by men, and I won't outright say "sorry, you're boring, don't text back until you can talk Tolkien." But I'll say "You're a great person, I'd like to hang out with you in a group setting or something, I just don't think we're compatible."

Actually, I have ghosted a couple times, but that was when they were waaaaay too grabby or got drunk and tried to assault me in public. I don't think they were trying to hurt me, but they thought I was way more into them than I was. Then, I think, it's okay.

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toasterchild · 2026-02-28T13:48:36+00:00

Id say for me out was 5050 whether something came up that turned me off or if we've just been chatting for a while but nothing has turned me on.

Usually if it is a turn off is flat out tell him there's no point in continuing. It it was just a lack of any spark id hope it would just fizzle out.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-02-28T16:21:29+00:00

Every time I just stopped speaking to a man he said or did something super fucked up and was not worth the respect of an explanation.

Feisty-Saturn · 2026-02-28T17:38:58+00:00

I haven’t been single for quite a few years now. But my best friend recently joined hinge and she gets the ick for the most ridiculous things.

A guy texts to much she get a the ick lol

DMmeClownPics · 2026-03-01T15:24:57+00:00

Not super common but it has happened, most of the time it’s some kind of behavior I observed or a comment he made that is just unacceptable to me and my value system, or incompatible with what I’m wanting out of a relationship. Sometimes it just feels like a fundamental lifestyle incompatibility. Sometimes I’m just not feeling any sexual tension at all between us. I feel like if I slow fade and he disappears then he wasn’t very invested in the first place.

Obsessivethot · 2026-03-01T21:39:29+00:00

A lot of women find incompatibility to be unattractive even if they find the person to be attractive or appealing.

Men don’t seem to be concerned by this though, and will overlook incompatibilities as long as they find the woman attractive or “fuckable”.

eichhoernchenlucy · 2026-03-03T00:56:10+00:00

I usually do not ghost but rather say something like I don't think it's working. In most cases this is because the guy kept being pushy in some way or another. This can be that he kept pushing for physical contact when I had told him no, moved away his hand etc., or that he was pushy about dates or about texting (e.g. kept trying to plan dates exactly his way according to his schedule even when I told him this is very inconvenient for me, or kept texting way too frequently and accusing me of being pissed at him when I didn't reply as frequently). In one case I had even slept with the guy and he kept asking me if we could do it without a condom even though based on the situation (not exclusive, no other form of birth control) this was a hard no from me. Situations like this cause a type of discomfort in me that I just cannot get over, so it "ruins everything" as you would say.

NewSpring7520 · 2026-03-04T20:54:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Tylikcat · 2026-03-10T20:26:20+00:00

I wouldn't describe it as getting the "ick", but I've certain gone out with a guy, and then realized that this is never going to work.

The guy makes a number of (usually somewhat subtle) sexist and/or homophobic comments.
Ditto for bitching about "immigrants taking our jobs!" or "liberals" or "black people" or whatever.
Starts talking about how much he is going to enjoy tying me up. (Only do this with people who have already expressed interest in being tied up!)
Is convinced that dating a bi woman means he's going to get a threesome. (This is not how threesomes work, and it's presumptuous.)
Wants to tell me at length about how women only are interested in assholes and not nice guys like him. (My dude, you are more of an asshole than you realize, but also, a whiner.)

Oh, and then there are things like having friends say "Did I hear you were going out with so and so? Do you know about his past domestic violence conviction?" (Admittedly, the only time this happened I'd already decided I wasn't interested, but I'm still glad they asked!)

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2026-03-11T06:43:14+00:00

I think it’s when they take way too long to respond. Or the convo is way boring.

Also if he takes too long to move the relationship along

Sorryimjustsaying · 2026-02-28T16:09:21+00:00

I don’t particularly care for ghosting, but if we don’t know each other well and I don’t see us working out then you might get a

“Hey, it was nice getting to you know but I don’t see this working out” type text.

Most common reason in my experience is we don’t align on something fundamental. Clearest example, had a guy I was actually pretty into throw trash out the window while I was in the car.

Easy ick.

Title	Is it common for you and your friends to suddenly lose interest in men?
Author	knowledgeseeker999
Upvotes	12
Comments	44
Date	February 28, 2026 3:00 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rgral8/is_it_common_for_you_and_your_friends_to_suddenly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-common-for-you-and-your-friends-to-suddenly.1574414 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574414

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