Is "mankeeping" really an thing?

ashpr0ulx · 2025-06-19T12:53:03+00:00

i think it’s very possible for a relationship to have a disproportionate offering of emotional support, though i don’t think it’s an exclusively male thing.

a relationship should bring emotional support, absolutely, and this will ebb and flow as each partner has different needs at different times. but it’s unfair to expect our partner to be our only source of emotional support, because that’s a lot for one person. having another source, or several sources, of support outside a partner is so beneficial. and sometimes the situation is so much that professional help would be best.

S0yslut · 2025-06-19T14:19:40+00:00

I have never had someone vent to me about a problem and been annoyed by the “emotional labor” it takes out of me lmao.

I also don’t understand how women end up in these situations of them doing everything for their men then being upset about it. Another commenter gave an example, “pretending not to know how to do laundry” lmao ok why does it bother you if they fuck up their own laundry? Sometimes natural consequences are more effective than you enabling and bitching..

p_fulga · 2025-06-19T12:53:16+00:00

Wow the writer really needs to go back to some fucking classes on procedural writing. This reads less like how a definition of a word and the phenomenon / timeline that caused its creation and more like a spill of the mind and plopping whatever hit first to paper. They don't even ever properly define the word, just leave in remarks to things it would apply to.

I've certainly seen men who offload all their problems onto their partner and expect the partner to take that up. Usually its the same dudes who expect their partner just inherently to mother them though and tend to pretend like they can't do laundry right just so they can avoid doing it again. So I'm not sure its an epidemic of any kind. That seems a little blown out of proportion.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-06-19T15:54:15+00:00

relish5k · 2025-06-19T15:17:00+00:00

Lol no, this has never happened to me. My husband and I vent to each other because we are friends (?) and in a relationship (?) I support him, he supports me. I've never dated a man who needed active coaching.

Tylikcat · 2025-06-19T19:54:25+00:00

I've seen better articles on the subject. Here's my take.

Back as a married woman in my twenties and early thirties (nineties, early aughts) this was pretty much everywhere? There was individual variation among couples, but generally women got a lot of their emotional support from their female friends (in part because often their male partners weren't that good at giving emotional support). And men tended to get it primarily/solely from their female partners.

But for most of us women, it was an eye roll and a shrug. Sure, my ex was particularly bad at this - and also particularly bad at doing anything domestic, or following through on anything he'd agreed to. And he kept both putting down my work and at times trying to sabotage my career. I mean, hence ex. (No, he didn't start out that way. Yes, I married too young.)

But for most women I knew it was a little annoying, but not a big deal. And a lot of us gently encouraged our male partners to spend time with their men friends.

It often also extended to social engagement generally. Women planned most of the get-togethers. We kept in touch with friends and made sure we saw each other regularly. Guys would often help a bit with the prep - vacuuming, picking up, etc, before people got there* - but much less with the organization and planning. You hear people talking about how friends drop away as you get older? This is a chunk of how you keep them from dropping away. I have way more friends now, in my fifties, than I did in my teens and early twenties. And I've largely kept and added to the smaller circle of really close friends.

So take this and run the social dynamics forward 20-30 years. First off, everyone is more stressed out, largely because the job market ain't great, and wages have not been keeping up with inflation. (Most of that inflation being in housing.) Everyone is less social, and generally less good at adulting. And a lot of guys in particular are both young for their years, and high maintenance. And there is a gender split on both being able to interact with people, and adulting - hell, I see it in my classes. Young men are struggling a lot more on both social interactions and on executive function stuff.

Think about the kinds of stuff about men having in person social contacts, friends, and social skills that we talk about here all the time. Guys are generally possessed of fewer clues and needier.

(The college I teach at is pretty well structured to help with these things. But you still see it a lot.)

Mind you, I think a lot of young women are pretty isolated too - I think women's culture is a bit more resilient, and women were a little more primed to have friends and keep in touch with them. But social isolation has hit all the youngs pretty hard.

*Sometimes guys who would strongly resist any of these things if people weren't coming over soon...

leosandlattes · 2025-06-19T13:50:41+00:00

My man vents to me more than I vent to him, but I’m not emotionally exhausted by it at all.

To be honest, in my whole life I’ve never known this to not be the case. Men vent to their gfs and wives, women vent to their moms and best friends.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-06-19T12:46:08+00:00

Does it mean that women don't like when men dump emotional things on them and get them to handle all of the adulting stuff like a mom? Most people generally don't like that.

The majority of women I know who have male partners have to mother their partner, yeah. Even the most "feminist" men, end up having his female partner schedule his appointments and plan his day and keep track of mouldy food in the fridge and remind him when and how to clean his spaces.

JustGeminiThings · 2025-06-19T22:45:06+00:00

Some therapists identify a larger, more chronic version of this as the under functioner and the over functioner. It's a type of codependency, and toxic for both parties.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-06-19T19:21:23+00:00

In my own experience its a true it's not a super heavy thing to deal with though it's more just annoying/grating, but I also in particular don't like emotional labour/ vulnerability(opening up to me) / being considerate.

Another thing is besides me straight up not liking it.

Both men and women do it but with women when I am the one in need of their emotional labour they can reciprocate to a level equal/surpassing my own.

If I vent they listen with care &questions, walk me through it, offer different perspectives, (some) might offer advice and often there is a follow up discussion about the same topic the next time I see them. I try to learn from them and reciprocate when they want to vent I listen attentively and might offer advice.

Vs with men they don't seem to listen as intently and they kind of rush through to the point/solution or minimize my concern or joke about the issue when I vent ( which is ok usually bc I was expecting it or else I wouldn't have chosen him to talk to - this becomes not fine if I have NOONE else to talk to though)

If it was physical I would describe it as talking to women like being rubbed on ur back while talking to men is like being patted on your back.

But men also seem to like being on the receiving side of a womans emotional labour more than on the receiving side of a man's emotional labor.

Business-Stretch2208 · 2025-06-19T18:00:00+00:00

I don't experience this because I would not tolerate a relationship like this, but it 100% is a thing

angelbaby933 · 2025-06-20T08:01:42+00:00

Yes - in every relationship including my current my partner has always needed me much more than I need them.

This is because I have a very active social life and am lucky to have a lot of close friends I can call on for support when I need it.

The majority of men don’t have this and all their emotional needs get dropped onto my lap. I don’t tend to share all my problems with my partner because on some issues I know my friends are better equipped to deal with it.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-06-20T04:32:33+00:00

Yes, it is. Don’t treat women like emotional sponges. I see a lot of men on Reddit claiming they get along with women better and prefer female friends—why? Because your male friends won’t listen? Why is that? And here I was convinced that male friendships are superior to all those catty females who plot behind each other’s backs /s Apparently men can’t even talk about their basic emotional problems with each other, only women. So much for MGTOW?

I think it’s good and healthy for men to be emotionally vulnerable with women, but to expect a woman to provide unwavering support and advice all the time without being emotionally available for her in return? Stop draining all of her energy like that. You need to mature and understand her perspective.

Even if you are emotionally available for her, how are you handling that? Do you listen the way she expects you to listen, to engage the way she wants you to engage? Or are you constantly thinking about yourself and trying to provide solutions that she doesn’t find useful? Women can do this too, but are usually socialized against that. I appreciate a good solution as long as it’s worded kindly with good intentions behind it. If you deliver it to me in a monotone, bored voice, I’ll assume you don’t care about me at all. Might as well use ChatGPT, its tone is kinder than yours.

I can totally see women choosing to be alone based on this.

HungryDepth5918 · 2025-06-19T13:45:35+00:00

Naw love it when my man needs me for whatever reason

lesliecarbone · 2025-06-19T14:20:04+00:00

Yes, it's real, and it's exhausting.

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Sophiatab · 2025-06-19T19:18:58+00:00

This is probably one of the biggest problems I see in long term relationships and marriages today. Too many men never grew up. They are emotional babies who expect their girlfriends and wives to be their free therapists and a lot of women are sick of it.

Title	Is "mankeeping" really an thing?
Author	Top-Ambition-6966
Upvotes	11
Comments	86
Date	June 19, 2025 11:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lf7xf8/is_mankeeping_really_an_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-mankeeping-really-an-thing.1555051 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555051

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