In theory, such advice should be freeing, liberating, even.

Myself and others have attempted to give advice that basically says “you can’t convince others to like you, but you can stay true to yourself and optimize yourself to attract those who best suit you” in this sub and many other male dominant dating advice/discussion forums, and the largest reaction from men is often hostility and denial.

This got me wondering: why? And I think it goes back to the simple fact that under systems we used to be run by of which where men were needed rather than wanted, it was easier for men. To be clear, i do think it was worse - in such a system women were objects and men were tools, and frankly, being a tool is easier than being an object and you got ‘rewarded’ for being a tool. So even if you were limited, the relative spot to being an object is preferred. I think many men who deny advice around self liberation often mourn the fact that they can’t just be tools anymore, and now they’re actually held accountable to their own personhood.

I get it, it’s a scary thought and untamed lands, but also, such freedom also means despite the increased self accountability and responsibility and yes, less sexual security, it also means you have the space to explore and learn what might make you happy.

Thing is, learning personhood when you’ve never had it isn’t easy - women (as a general, encompassing gendered term) are still figuring that balance out, but there is less denial around it. Then again, when you’ve historically been an object, being a person means having a levelled playing field.

So what’s the conclusion here, what’s my tl;dr? I guess it’s that men who deny or are hostile towards advice geared towards opening them up to their own devices is because they’re mourning the security and control an older system gave them, even if this older system is inherently limiting in itself.