Most promiscuous people outgrow it

studentsensei · 2022-10-28T21:35:21+00:00

The issue is I’ve seen several men on TRP talk about women who didn’t treat them well at all because monogamous minded women are more about security, stability, and resources but the desire to truly be with their man isn’t there.

So in essence the older “more calm” women treated their younger wild day flings better than their own husbands.

I think it’s fair to say that no man wants to be in that position, especially a man that didn’t get to “sow his wild oats.”

bunnakay · 2022-10-28T21:46:44+00:00

It's not "outgrowing" it. I haven't been single in over a decade, and if I was, I'd want casual sex just as much as I did when I was late teens/early 20s.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-10-28T21:36:23+00:00

Tbh I don't care if they outgrow it or not. They still compare partners and have obnoxious expectations. The increased odds of cheating is from this; not because they just can't give up casual sex.

bluestjuice · 2022-10-28T22:09:57+00:00

On the whole I mostly agree with you, but I think there’s a certain amount of increased risk-taking in sexual activity that pops up again at intervals when someone who has been in a monogamous relationship ‘reenters’ the market. So I can’t agree that it strictly has to do with youthful riskiness, although I think that contributes.

I think in general people are inclined to sexual activity on a gradual downward slope as they age, with lulls that occur when they are committed to a particular partner. However, I suppose that sounds like I’m arguing that everyone is basically looking to cheat at all times, and that’s not my argument. I think because some people do cheat TRP view tends to illegitimize the importance of that monogamous commitment to most people who undertake it.

coolcpplearner · 2022-10-28T21:37:50+00:00

Maybe, but it doesn't matter. Promiscuity, especially in women, have long lasting effects on how they view intimacy and relationships. People, especially men, should carefully judge this aspect in their potential wives and husbands.

jayval90 · 2022-10-28T22:36:30+00:00

This is how it would seem, given a 10-year timespan. Sure, most of them haven't had an issue (yet).

I think what's actually going on is that you set yourself up to spiral really really down far if you ever have a bad season, and these people that you see "settling down" just haven't had things get bad enough so far to have to deal with it.

Lasting relationships are "for better or worse." So yes, it's true that while the times are better, promiscuous people won't reap their sown wild oats. But I promise you that when things get tough, the seeds of promiscuity will start sprouting. This may not happen in the first 10 years to any externally noticeable degree, but boy does it make things worse if you do have a bad turn.

Altaccount011412 · 2022-10-29T02:07:16+00:00

The great body count/promiscuity debate isn’t just focused on whether or not they’ll be safer, and even that’s just an opinion of yours. Sure, there are some reformed 304’s that become good wives, but there are former 304’s that make terrible wives or never really changed.

Your theory of sow wild oats = get it out of their system, can also be changed to sow wild oats = causes some form of damage. At the end of the day, there isn’t a lot of concrete evidence on this topic, at least to my knowledge. There is only one study that people cite, but even that is hotly debated.

Some other angles of the body count debate is the view on sex. If I view sex as solely a thing between people in love, and I want a partner with the same value towards sex, then that person would have a lower n count naturally. Another angle is that if a person just fucks 25+ people, then the sex isn’t as special, in an exclusive sense (I.e if a bunch of people can have you, why would I want you?). A more extreme view of this, at least optically, is the whole “sex as a conquest” mentality. So if you’ve had sex a bunch of times as a woman, you’ve been conquered a bunch, and thus, aren’t worth it. Whereas if you have only been “conquered” by one man, that man gets an ego boost knowing that nobody has ever been with his wife (assuming they’re married obviously).

Whatever the case, for a lot of RP aware men, if given the option of

A) This woman slept with 25 people but she’ll never divorce you

Or

B) This woman is a virgin but she’ll have a 20% chance of divorcing you

A lot of men would choose B. I know I absolutely would.

AidsVictim · 2022-10-29T02:32:25+00:00

Some experimentation with different partner/personality types is normal. In truth however finding the types you're compatible with doesn't take that long; certainly not the majority of ones 20s.

Promiscuous people do not flip a switch and undo a decade of social training when they hit late 20s/30s. That's why they have significantly worse prospects in long term relationships, either their "natural" impulses or their learned social habits make them on average worse LTR partners.

It's far more likely a promiscuous person chooses LTRs at 30 because their prospects have gotten worse as they age so it's not as fun than they underwent some fundamental personality shift.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-10-28T21:23:46+00:00

the same rules apply

The same rules don’t apply; because in dating, men and women aren’t the same. At all ages.

Godspeed and good luck!

childish_badda_bingo · 2022-10-28T21:09:15+00:00

I think the issue is some people will settle. And then choose not to have a wild sex life with their spouse.

Bikerbats · 2022-10-28T22:06:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wtknight · 2022-10-28T22:27:33+00:00

It's a lack of maturity thing, but someone who wasn't having a bunch of promiscuous sex when they were young is likely going to be more mature when they get older in my mind, as well. So those who were promiscuous really don't outgrow it compared to those who were never promiscuous, in my view.

gymbro718NYC · 2022-10-29T00:34:48+00:00

There are two kinds of people in this world. People who WANT to and CAN be promiscuous and people who WANT to but CAN'T be promiscuous for whatever reason, whether that's lack of looks, laziness, religious indoctrination or lack of game.

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lostwanderer28 · 2022-10-29T04:43:46+00:00

If there is no repentance then the "outgrowing" is simply incomplete.

Suspicious_Army_9345 · 2022-10-29T13:39:00+00:00

This is just wrong

Plenty older swingers and cheaters out there

Being monogamous isnt natural to us and is a social construct. Even the people in monogamous relationships often have thoughts of others or are sexually attracted to others.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-10-29T15:42:20+00:00

You don't become monogamous, its either a belief you have or you don't. The idea that people can just sleep around however they like and then later fully commit to one person is why the divorce rate is so high.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-10-29T22:08:34+00:00

I agree with you.

Having only dipped my toes into it and tried being an anything goes kind of girl. It is fun grabbing beers meeting new people learning new things but honestly it becomes exhausting and it wasn't for me and really makes me steer clear of OLD. Because I realized while the passion was great and learning about my sexuality and not treating it like some boogie man is great there's no genuine connection. And it feels contrived and disingenuous and it's sad because every connection was just based on purely superficial shallow things. And truthfully the performance they get is not my best because I don't know them at the end of the day and learn their spots and take the time and care I will just be a warm body and the same for me. And I learned I am too emotional for that and it wasn't for me.

Having a connection with someone and having that support and growing and learning them as people and what they like makes it way more special and desirable and fulfilling and you learn how to steer clear of the guys who just are DTF so you learn the lines and the games. And what to avoid when looking for a long term partner. So I don't look at promiscuous time as shameful or devaluing more as a time of personal growth and learning myself and my values when it comes to things.

I grew out of it. I got some amazing lessons from it and learned how to embrace my sexuality.

TyrellGreen · 2022-10-28T21:01:08+00:00

Nah… As one gets older and less attractive, one’s options for easy sex diminishes. Also with most of your generational peers pairbonding , there’s just less people to have sex with. Promiscuous people with an abundance of money, power or genes, will stay that way if given the chance. Hence Elon Musk just had another baby a few months ago.

nyanyamuthafukka · 2022-10-29T01:02:42+00:00

I think that promiscuity is often tied to how safe a person feels to be promiscuous. It also takes a lot of energy. As you get older, sex becomes less of a shiny new thing, especially if you find a specific partner who knows what you like and vice versa. It’s easier to get fun sex toys and such as well for self pleasure. Being really active in the dating world or being polyamorous etc takes lots of hours out of your day. Might be easier if you don’t have children or pets or hobbies. Not a lot of people go into their later years with sex with lots of new partners as their main priority but they are definitely out there! And if all the polycule stuff I’ve heard about is true, then they exist outside just casual-sex-only spaces too.

I think that most (but not all) people honestly burn through their obsession with sex and integrate it into the rest of their lifestyle as they age. Those who don’t for whatever reason may still fixate upon it, but I don’t see it as being tied to monogamy specifically. I know plenty of people who aren’t married at all in their 30’s who are not interested in casual sex at all.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-10-28T21:07:12+00:00

You can't "outgrow" something that you are. Either you are promiscuous by virtue of having had a lot of casual sex with a lot of people, or you're not.

wonka___vision · 2022-10-29T16:47:46+00:00

Most men don't want a high n-count women. A women can never lower her n-count. There is no such thing as a "hoe-phase". If someone was ever a hoe, they will always be a hoe.

Sure, most people learn as they grow. I think women who instinctively know the risks of having a bunch of random dudes pump loads into them are going to be a better option than the women who learned it after contracting herpes.

KamuiObito · 2022-10-29T15:45:15+00:00

No they literally don’t ..they just get better at hiding it …y’all literally don’t consider addiction and habitual behaviors…it’s mind boggling..

Smitten_Squire · 2022-10-29T19:46:06+00:00

Yeah but they still have all that mileage they cant just roll back lol

SebTheMenace · 2022-10-29T21:04:47+00:00

There are cases of people who have very few sexual in their teens and 20's and later have more sexual drive. Especially men who are unable to have lot of sex during early life and have a lot from late 30's to their 50's once they have more money and status.

The idea of being calmer after your 30's i also believe it is bs, it all depend on individual person life.

arvada14 · 2022-10-29T22:27:13+00:00

>My assertion is that most promiscuous people outgrow it, and the vast majority become monogamous.

It really depends on how they grow out of it. A lot of women do so because there biological clock is ticking. Most men don't want a woman with that much milage so she has to settle. She has a child feels resentful that she's stuck with the guy she chose then cheats or divorces. There is a correlation between promiscuity and divorce/infidelity.

tonyghow · 2022-10-29T23:40:24+00:00

What you haven’t considered is that some people become promiscuous later in life.

E.g. men who had no game but later upped their confidence and finances and became more desirable, or people who were stuck in long sexless marriages, and now want to get it into their system.

-Starship · 2022-10-28T21:01:08+00:00

Yes, I think this is mostly true, but the issue arises when those that weren't promiscuous having to potentially have monogamous relationships with those that were promiscuous. If no one lies about their past, I don't think people would have problems though.

The lying comes from a desire to not be shamed, and I think if shaming was removed and people were truthful, a lot of issues would go away.

roseonyxa · 2022-11-03T22:26:52+00:00

Wow nice post bro I understand why you got triggered from my post.

Title	Most promiscuous people outgrow it
Author	Bikerbats
Upvotes	11
Comments	112
Date	October 28, 2022 7:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yfyomm/most_promiscuous_people_outgrow_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-promiscuous-people-outgrow-it.1137538 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137538

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