Men fail to acknowledge they have the upper hand in dating

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-08-15T01:56:36+00:00

This thread has been removed for OP abandonment. Please read the rules regarding Debate threads. Any further questions should go to modmail.

Zoya_The_Destroyah · 2026-08-14T17:35:02+00:00

Go talk to a single 40 year old guy and ask him if he feels like he has the upper hand

DonaldTrumpsGolfGame · 2026-08-14T17:33:27+00:00

But men? Age doesn’t impact them in the same way. They have the upper hand from 30–80 - 50 YEARS.

Women generally prefer men around their own age. If men prefer younger women, and younger women prefer men around their own age, well, then men 30-80 do not have the upper hand

chamomilecloud · 2026-08-14T17:58:13+00:00

Nobody believes this, like literally nobody. Not even most women.

Combatenjoyer23 · 2026-08-14T17:36:25+00:00

You really think an 80 year old man has the same dating prospects as a 30 year old. C'mon. What are we doing here

Large_Bed_4251 · 2026-08-14T18:03:53+00:00

Now who has the upper hand, the people with thousands of options or the people with none.

Damn I'm stumped...

Lemon_gecko · 2026-08-14T17:33:59+00:00

Lets assume you are right. That means that the pool of women are basically women from 18-30. And men who want them are 18-80. Seems like big competition. But honestly....80? desirable man?

esp_1123 · 2026-08-14T17:34:56+00:00

Oh brother

BCRE8TVE · 2026-08-14T18:12:40+00:00

The top 10% of men have the upper hand in dating.

The bottom 80% doesn't.

But men? Age doesn’t impact them in the same way. They have the upper hand from 30–80 - 50 YEARS.

More like from 40 and up, at which point it's like saying congratulations, you had a shit hand in school, in university, and most of your career was shit, but you're getting a good retirement package!

What a joke.

Men also have so much more control over their attractiveness, with so many avenues to become a more attractive mate. For women, it can feel like a much narrower box of youth and looks.

You kidding me? Most men find most women attractive, while most women find 80% of men as below average. The top 3 ways for a man to be more attractive is to be taller (not possible), make more money (very difficult and comes at significant personal cost), or try to look better.

And again that's hard to do when women consider 80% of men below average, men largely find women far more attractive, and there are billion dollar industries all aimed at helping women be even more beautiful, when again most men already find most women attractive.

Ask trans men and ask Norah Vincent how much easier they have it in dating.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VXl1Z9FAIq4

Mela_ninja · 2026-08-14T17:42:56+00:00

Direct comparisons of dating experiences between genders is pretty ineffective. While we share some similarities there’s other issues that men face more than women and vice versa.

Women generally have it easier in attracting men and can be way more passive in dating than men. Men generally have the advantages of assured commitment and safety. Men struggle with desirability and getting dates/ choices, so that’s where majority of their complaints and struggle lie.

That’s why you see the complaints are often different.

Even your comparisons aren’t painting the whole picture. The preference for age isn’t just about age but other factors. Younger women tend to demand less of a partner than someone 30 plus. Like a 20 yr old woman wouldn’t have a standard that a man should be established, have his own place and other qualities associated with older age. Women also tend to not be attracted to men younger than them, especially if it’s a large gap. There’s also other qualities like being forgiving, impressed at things, and less baggage (kids, exes etc).

Also this notion that men have it easier at an older age is pretty inaccurate irl. Yes some men do, because everything finally ticked but most men struggle even at middle age.

Mud_Blossom · 2026-08-14T17:52:09+00:00

Attractive people across gender identities have the upper hand.

Most of these claims that people try to gender don't hold up as gendered after spending about ten minutes in the real world.

eggsceptnllyoeuffish · 2026-08-14T18:08:03+00:00

Men just don't have the upper hand in dating. Women have the upper hand by far, they just also don't even appreciate what they have. For all the complaints about how women are held to this or that expectation, there's plenty of men who don't have those expectations of women... women have plenty of options and just don't appreciate the options they have. Hence all the talk about "ok actually men do have low standards but that makes us feel undervalued and viewed as interchangeable, actually men should be very selective (and just make way more effort to be desirable themselves) in order to make us feel like we are special" and "more and more women are deciding we'd rather enjoy our own solitude than deal with the bullshit of dating the men that exist" or whatever. Women have the upper hand the entire time and just find the options they have to be utterly repulsive and horrifying - while men often don't have those sorts of options at all

You could say men have the upper hand if you exclude the vast majority of men and only consider the few men women actually consider desirable, of course, because women will bend over backwards to accommodate for them in the hopes of being chosen by one of the few worthy men. But that's obviously different from saying men overall have the upper hand

SmertriosPPD · 2026-08-14T17:41:41+00:00

Women have the upper hand up to 50, dude.

The fact there are 105 men born for 100 women, and the fact that women prefer sightly older men or same age men (or rather, they viscerally can't be attracted to a man younger than them), and the fact that population is shrinking, is creating a very nasty dynamic where men are always in competition with shitload of men for a handful of women.

Only when men's mortality starts kicking in hard does men get the upper hand .

lesliecarbone · 2026-08-14T18:29:17+00:00

The party who wants something less has the upper hand.

chriszenpaok · 2026-08-14T20:57:25+00:00

Such a simple-minded way to view things 😭😭😭

Men who are single into their thirties and forties will not have the experience to maintain a good relationship, and may be emotionally stunted through years of social rejection. And who the fuck is dating in their 70s anyway. The prime dating age is 18-30, and men having the upper hand in a minority of realistic situations does not give them the overall upper hand. Unbelievably bad logic man, ridiculous

PrecisionHat · 2026-08-14T17:35:15+00:00

Attractive men with status are the only men with an advantage in dating, and it really isn't over women. It's over other men.

That a woman's attractiveness typically declines after 30 doesn't matter much because the advantage they possess during those prime years is MASSIVE. Now, during those years, and beyond, more attractive women have an advantage over less attractive women, but is not as big of a disparity as happens with men.

ThatBitchA · 2026-08-14T18:27:17+00:00

These arbitrary age ranges are so funny to me.

Y'all must be really young because 30 isn't old. Women don't lose their looks at 30.

Women don't wake up at 30 and are suddenly ugly hags.

SympathySevere421 · 2026-08-14T17:33:49+00:00

Women are born with their value, men have to earn it. Girls don’t have to do anything but look pretty and guys are attracted to them, the same can’t be said of most guys

AutoModerator · 2026-08-14T17:25:00+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-08-14T17:25:00+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-08-14T17:35:28+00:00

Each gender has their pros and cons.

It’s the balance of life. If men had womens power they’d abuse it, if women had mens power they’d abuse it.

Each gender got nerfed so that the outcome for each gender has pros and cons.

Crying about the other party having it better just make you sound like you want to have your cake and eat it too, and that goes for both males and women.

Snoo38543 · 2026-08-14T18:15:38+00:00

So who has the upper hand at 81? Is it a draw? Do men and women take turns with their superiority and it switches on bingo night?

ta06012022 · 2026-08-14T18:41:46+00:00

Neither men nor women have have the upper hand in dating overall. Who has the upper hand in a situation depends on facts and circumstances.

There are more men seeking casual sex than women seeking casual sex, so supply and demand gives women who are seeking casual sex the upper hand.

There are more women than men seeking monogamous relationships, so men seeking relationships have the upper hand.

There are also localized imbalances. A man at a college with 60% women has a significant advantage over men in general (especially in a college town where the student population is effectively the whole dating pool). Flip side is men in towns with military bases are at a disadvantage due to a skewed gender ratio.

growframe · 2026-08-14T18:58:42+00:00

Having the advantage in your youth isn't the same as having the advantage when you're older though.

The pool of high quality options around your age naturally depletes the older you are. Having the most leverage earlier rather than later is itself an advantage.

EqualJellyfish6914 · 2026-08-14T20:02:05+00:00

This is dumb. Women prefer their own age. If a man is seeking a woman between 18-30, that man is going to struggle if he's over 30.

Spirited-Elk-5 · 2026-08-14T20:51:15+00:00

Holy cope. I wish it was true, but with feminism and female SMV increasing non stop, this is completely false. Nowadays even old hags can get men easily.

Proudvow · 2026-08-14T21:53:06+00:00

That's old standards, gen Z women have a weird aversion to older men (tbf I guess Epstein, Trump, etc. kinda spoiled things lol) and older women have older women problems, so now dating remains a minefield for guys no matter how old they get.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2026-08-14T22:19:32+00:00

It's only the elite men that have upper hand. The average man at any age doesn't. Men don't have control over their height or facial features. A woman could be 70 years and still get plenty of interest.

DreadDirective · 2026-08-14T22:22:01+00:00

Counter points:

- Men do not have 50-80 years if they want children. They're on the same clock as women since it takes two to tango. If a woman hits the wall at 30 and becomes infertile at ~40, then men only have a 10 year window to lock down a woman for having children, which needs to be divided over the number of children. I'll grant that men have a polygamy cheat code, but we're assuming monogamy.

- Men have a single metric they can "control", which is financial status. But this is stacked against against innate metrics that men have no control over: height, dick size, facial structure. Nearly every complaint men have about women (aside from youth), pre or post wall, is within a woman's locus of control: body weight, tattoos, piercings, # of sex partners, children, growing hair long, going to gym, makeup, etc.

DaveBrowns611 · 2026-08-14T22:56:25+00:00

That is only really true for men who have their life together. Age alone does not give men the upper hand. An average 40 or 50 year old man who is broke, out of shape, and socially awkward is not suddenly more desirable than he was at 25. Men may have a longer window to build attractiveness, but they usually have to earn it.

baller696969balls · 2026-08-15T01:27:16+00:00

This is kind of hilarious. It’s not only incorrect, but I find it funny that so many men are disagreeing with your points despite it being a common claim that women age worse than men and they’ll die lonely because their value will diminish. Women will always have a higher dating value than men, they will always be the “choosers”.

Svitii · 2026-08-14T17:32:27+00:00

Great, if I wanna have kids and start a family, I need to find someone in the 18-35 range, and even that’s stretching it if I don’t wanna have kids after two years of dating.

Title	Men fail to acknowledge they have the upper hand in dating
Author	ZealousidealBag5778
Upvotes	0
Comments	105
Date	August 14, 2026 5:24 PM UTC (5 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1vodksc/men_fail_to_acknowledge_they_have_the_upper_hand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-fail-to-acknowledge-they-have-the-upper-hand.1633057 https://theredarchive.com/post/1633057

Comments