Men nowadays want babies to grow up in paid care

YourAverageRadish · 2026-07-19T13:06:16+00:00

It's not "men", it's most people. Why? Because of the state of the economy. Very few people can afford to live on a single income, so day care is a necessity, it's not that they "want" it.

Big-Sir7034 · 2026-07-19T09:32:31+00:00

Bro I’d love to be a stay at home dad. Having a strong wife that goes out to work. Now that is the domestic ideal

angelbb1 · 2026-07-19T11:34:26+00:00

I guess the simple solution to this would be to not have sex with a man who isn’t willing to care for you and your children without you working. I personally NEVER would have had kids unless I knew I was with someone who would 1. Not ask me to work 2. Would let me decide / finance what kind of support was needed to fully fulfill all my responsibilities as mother, wife, and house keeper - as our village is like 1 person 3. Also very much wanted to be a father and participate in their children’s lives and not be a disney dad.

All of this was non negotiable. If I smelled anything off by baby #1 baby #2 and #3 wouldn’t have happened.

I think some men do the switcheroo after the fact, but mostly women don’t vet well, and end up in situations where the man they chose is like we can afford for you to not work - or get pregnant VERY COMMON and then all the sudden don’t want to go to work because their motherly instincts kick in, but unless previously discussed you can’t pull the rug out from under someone. it doesn’t matter if your instincts change if in this economy for your situation you need two incomes…. probably both should have planned for that BEFORE having children, which is a luxury and a privilege. if you don’t have the financial standing or a village to compensate where it’s lacking then maybe it’s irresponsible to have a child(ren)

MaxAuri · 2026-07-19T08:07:34+00:00

Why do you think this sub has emphasis on the trad wives? I'd say the opposite is much more wanted here.

It is a blue-pill/feminist strawman implying that men disagreeing with them are staunch traditionalists wanting tradwives and strict gender roles.

Men can be stay-at-home dads. Or take fare share of parental duties. My wife didn't have milk, so I feed them via bottle. Lulled them to sleep. Bathed them. Changed diapers. We hired a nanny, then of course they went to kindergarten, when they grew up enough.

Tylikcat · 2026-07-19T23:51:10+00:00

Back when I was married, my plan was to have kids, and stay home with them until they they started school (or at least the youngest was of solid pre-school age). I also intended to hire help so I didn't lose my mind.

I also had hundreds of thousands of dollars in stock options.

In theory, my husband could have supported us (he was also a software engineer, though his career was more chaotic than mine). In practice, I had a fallback plan. (Yes, I realize that this was a great privilege. I was lucky to be a successful techie in the nineties, and I was also very focused on getting the things that would allow us to have a family - a nice house in a good school district, the wherewithal to take time off when the kids were young, etc. I am more than a little relentless.)

When my ex announced he didn't want kids after all (we had discussed both wanting kids since the first or second date), it was a blow. When he realized it might contribute to me leaving him, he started trying to negotiate. But not only did "Well, we can have kids but don't expect me to take care of them," make him sound even less appealing, it's one of those things that you can't unhear, and I was not raising kids with a man who almost certainly would say he never wanted them where they could hear.

There probably is an alternate universe where I did have kids, and either left or threw him out, and then my sister and I formed a household and raised our kids together. (My sister's partner decided to announce that he never found her attractive when she was eight months pregnant, upon which time she dumped his ass.)

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-07-19T09:28:33+00:00

It’s not about the kids (as quoted to me by a guy here)

It’s about control over women. Women and babies are dependable as they know it’s a full time job to look after one and they know it’s expensive. Get a women pregnant and she’s kinda stuck with you. You can make her feel guilty about going to work, or not going to work. Either way, you keep her dependent on you

theminxisback · 2026-07-19T16:01:57+00:00

I'm really glad my hubs is a stay at home dad, honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. He's better with the kids than I am, and far more devoted to them than he is to me. Which I am okay with. Seeing as both of us had traumatic upbringings.. I am very happy our kids get to experience a side we never did. Devoted and loving parents.

Childcare is way too expensive. When you have to choose between working a full time job and paying almost your entire income in childcare, or staying home with the kids... It's a nightmare come true. You mean to tell me basically my entire income is going to go to someone else raising my child in my absence? You're kidding...

Children need to stop being treated like accessories. They're whole ass little autonomous beings ffs. Choose parenting wisely. Seriously. It's not for the faint of heart. Parenting takes so much. People really need to be aware of how hard it is to actually raise a child to begin with. It's not the same as a pet. You can't just feed a baby like a dog or a fish. It doesn't work like that.

They cry, scream, wail, hit things, get into all kinds of shit. They're guaranteed to give you a hard time in some way throughout their lives. And if they're "easy babies" they're gonna be even more difficult as teenagers. And you gotta think about that.

Think about what it would be like to raise this child in the world we live in today. The bullying, the shame, the trauma, all of the issues they could potentially face. Is it worth it? To put another human being through this? For them to potentially wake up one day 30 years later and say "I'm done with this, why did you make me? How could you make me?"

My own kiddo asks me sometimes why I forced them to be here. I apologize profusely and say I couldn't make that decision for the both of us at the time. Neither of us would be here right now. And we are clearly here for a reason.

I'm honestly glad my kiddos are going to adopt and not carry on our bloodlines. They can break the cycle better than I have been able to it seems.

Eblademonk · 2026-07-19T07:52:49+00:00

Hi there. Man in disagreement.

I'm fine being the househusband. If I want a child of a working woman, I am at least aware enough of our social dynamic to understand that a solid support network is needed to keep the burden of childcare at a manageable level. The degree to which that burden is distributed amongst me, my partner, or what community I have at my disposal is open to negotiation once rubber hits road, but I'm not so arrogant to demand a mommy bangmaid without reservation.

Main-Tiger8537 · 2026-07-19T08:02:58+00:00

do not get children if you are irresponsible or can not afford them...

These men also want babies. They never actually think of logistics.

weird agenda but you missed the men who want to be stay at home dads or work parttime with the woman working fulltime as she earns more than him...

love_in_october · 2026-07-19T10:17:44+00:00

I'm not sure if this is a cultural thing or not but this is generally where grandparents can come in.

cromulent_weasel · 2026-07-19T20:19:11+00:00

most modern men want their female partners to work

I think that's just the financial reality for most young families today. Unless one income is high enough that you can afford the luxury of having one partner stay home with the kids, both parents NEED to work.

That's not the pathway I took, but a combination of me having an above average income and us being very frugal meant that we were MERELY in the 30th percentile for household income in our area as a single income family.

Axis_Control · 2026-07-19T08:57:14+00:00

If they can'tafford to support their wife when she has their baby, don't get her pregnant, don't have kids!

AlarmingToe8503 · 2026-07-19T13:38:08+00:00

Men want their wives to work and then take a career hit while they raise their young children. It's quite normal for women to take a few years off and then return to work when the kid is old enough to go to kindergarten. At that point you might hire a babysitter for an hour or two after school. This is all fairly normal. That's what my parents did, and I would provably discuss doing something similar if/when my partner and I are seriously thinking about having kids. Although maybe a little more 50/50 because my career allows me work from home quite often.

abaxeron · 2026-07-19T15:16:33+00:00

most modern men want their female partners to work. They feel quite strongly about this

EMPLOYED:

men, partnered: 91%; men, unpartnered: 73%;

women, partnered: 74%; women, unpartnered: 72%.

FINANCIALLY VULNERABLE:

men, partnered: 13%; men, unpartnered: 36%;

women, partnered: 38%, women, unpartnered: 37%.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/pst_10-05-21_unpartnered_adults-0-3-png/

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Only_Excitement6594 · 2026-07-19T19:05:11+00:00

Imagine the daycare assistant disappears with the children and their identity was false.

Fit-Entrepreneur8404 · 2026-07-19T20:05:26+00:00

That's why more men should be SAHDs. Works pretty well for me, wife handles the bills, I handle parenting, homemaking, and maintenance. We need some more equality in stay at home parenting.

Aoinosensei · 2026-07-19T20:40:54+00:00

Not all men. I for one don't want that for me. I much rather have my woman free to be a homemaker. I understand that most women changed, therefore a lot of men have to adapt to the new norm, while doing that they are trying to find how this new reality actually benefits them, and they find that it actually does, and one of the benefits is that they no longer have to carry the whole burden of sustaining and providing for a whole household alone.

Just_Fisherman4910 · 2026-07-19T20:43:34+00:00

Re: "These men also want babies. This is where men are delulu. They never actually think of logistics. Men treat having babies like getting dog as a kid. Zero forethought which leads to abandonment just like how modern men create single mothers."
-> Sooooo true. Time to NOT have babies with those men!!!!!

the-aids-bregade · 2026-07-19T21:00:15+00:00

I dont want a tradwife problem solved

middleoftheroad133 · 2026-07-19T21:47:11+00:00

The alternative doesn’t make much sense either

Do what women traditionally do; the pain of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and be the parent who manages the children AND work a demanding job doesn’t fundamentally make mose sense

I’m not in a traditionalist sect; everyone I know is quite liberal. I generally found it really easy to find men who were intrinsically motivated to be successful while also not pawning all childcare duties off on their wives

Wome can be as uncomfortable as they want, considering a man’s income, but if they don’t and they need to go back to work 12 weeks post partum, and still be the primary parent they have no one to blame but themselves

Hermit_Dante75 · 2026-07-19T23:19:23+00:00

Historically, and in many countries with a strong family cultures childcare is provided by the grandparents.

There is even a theory about our evolution of why we live long past our reproductive years end, unlike most species and the existence of menopause at all.

The grandmother theory.

And yes, the whole theory is that we evolved to live long past our "reproductive expiration date", so the grandparents could take care of their grandchildren while their own children were out there, busy doing work.

That still is the natural state of affairs in countries which still have a strong family oriented culture, biologically the idea of the "nuclear family" pulling itself alone is an anomaly and a complete travesty with only a handful of decades old, compared to hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution and how this evolution shaped our communal and family life since the homo sapiens first evolved eons ago.

Ruh_Roh- · 2026-07-20T00:51:22+00:00

Having children in the modern world is a lost cause. Why bring children into this world to suffer? The next few decades are going to be hell on earth unless you are born to wealth. Don't give the Epstein class more worker slaves.

No-Active5893 · 2026-07-20T00:56:22+00:00

Who wants universal childcare? Who wants to tax other people to pay for their children even though they are now seeking high-earners? Who's asking for subsidies constantly from the government? Who wants paid maternity-leave to have others (who are parents? 🤔) shoulder the burden at work? Who wants to live in expensive places? Who has no plan? Even Finland's providence isn't enough. ✌️

It's like these women didn't think of, didn't act on having, and don't want children at all and want to just put them in someone else's care! They would've voted, governed, and planned better while creating a good community if they wanted to do so.

I believe this to be a result of a bad plan and not thinking of reality in the first place: "these men should've had high wage jobs and saved in the first place to take care of us if they wanted children because I don't like the plan they had to choose as a result of my actions. I had no need to get a high paying job and save. I didn't need to marry early to plan. I also don't need to vote, govern, plan, or create a good community in the future for women who want kids either because I also think societal collapse is good, but not for me individually."

It's not unrealistic or without logistics because this is the only plan available, right? So, what are these people blowing their money on? Why did they decide so late to have children? Why not marry early instead of having fun, so you don't have to put your kids in someone else's care in a last ditch effort?

"TLDR: men want a working women but also want families= just put the kids in someone else’s care"
Why should they complain about putting their kids in someone else's care if they both didn't save or plan. ✌️They ultimately chose this as a result. ✌️

I'm ignorant, please inform me!

Also, aren't earners like over 100k like 6% of men? Now, include other standards. Also, is getting a high paying job REALLY that easy?

hopeidontforget2021 · 2026-07-20T01:04:37+00:00

This isn't a man thing both genders want this.. This is just what modern western expectations are..

My manager is a female director that makes 200k+/yr.. Her husband makes just as much if not more and could financially support the family if she quit, but why give up that income to stay at home?

Even if you're at a median income breaking even on daycare, most people understand that daycare is a short term investment so that you can maintain your career.

Winter-Item4335 · 2026-07-20T06:01:54+00:00

Thanks for mis speaking for me.
Real Men nowadays could care fucking less and gladly pay for our own children’s day care! It’s you free loading liberal democrats that want me to pay for everyone else’s tribe of kids.
No universal day care no universal healthcare no universal any fucking thing until the loser weirdos dead beats and lazy fucks we have way to many of and I’ve been paying for my entire life universally become a productive citizen die or fucking get out

Creation_Soul · 2026-07-20T10:47:59+00:00

a bit late to the party here, but I will also give our perspective as a family with two kids. taking care of babies is hard work, but also boring as hell.

we could afford to live comfortably on one income, but it was clear that my wife wasn't suited to be a SAHM and didn't want to be one. That resulted in two options: family help and paid childcare. We took a combination of both and it worked for us for both kids.

Another problem is that whatever plans you have before becoming parents may change after having kids. Depending on how easy/hard it is to raise the kid, financial possibilities and state supported maternity leave (not everywhere maternity leave is as short as in the US), you adjust your plans as you go.

CloudsTasteGeometric · 2026-07-20T18:10:45+00:00

Someone just needs to tell men the dirty truth:

If you want kids and don’t want hand them off to a stranger for daycare: they *need to make more money.*

Having kids and a stay at home mother used to be the standard: now it’s a luxury. If a man wants that: he needs to EARN it (including investing in his partner and relationship to build trust.) Want a family? Go earn six figures. Can’t afford it? Cry harder.

The problem is that this financial dilemma ISN’T THEIR FAULT, it’s the fault of late stage capitalism. But you can bring that up to the kind of men desperate for kids, because he’ll dismiss those facts as “woke bullshit.”

The cognitive dissonance is WILD.

r2k398 · 2026-07-21T02:54:10+00:00

My wife and I have 4 kids and we both work.

Sensitive_Housing_85 · 2026-07-19T08:17:33+00:00

I disagree, I would argue most men would be fine being stay at home husband, you see just under the assumption that Stay at home husbands are popular with women, women also want a man with finance in fact one of the reasons a lot of men aren't dating is particularly because they don't have the means to finance a family

SweetTaterSalad · 2026-07-19T10:32:25+00:00

And then they wonder why their kids grow up to resent them and thier values.

icemagnus · 2026-07-19T12:10:09+00:00

Hell, I’m a man and I’ll be happy to be the trad wife and it’s very likely to happen.

bluestjuice · 2026-07-19T14:49:22+00:00

First off, I don't actually agree that this sub is enthusiastic about tradwives. I think you mean that there is a loud contingent here that idealizes a breadwinner/SAHP dynamic, which is true, but tradwife lifestyles are a smaller subset of SAHP lifestyles and I actually don't see a ton of discussion of the most prevalent tradwife elements here. I'm thinking of homesteading, conservative religious conviction, homeschooling, self-sufficiency, families of 4+ children, the umbrella of authority, and eschewing modern worldly things.

Regarding your thesis statement, it's disingenuous to claim equivalence between what people want and what they find necessary or best out of the circumstances in which they exist and the options available to them.

Edit to add: I also think nearly everybody who has children gets blindsided a bit by how difficult the logistics are. Having kids is a thing that a lot of people do, so it seems like it shouldn't be that difficult to work out the financials and logistics, until you actually sit down and try to figure them out. Laying this shock and unpreparedness solely at men's feet isn't fair.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-07-19T15:39:22+00:00

I'm not 'trad'. But those who want a more trad social system that makes it work at scale. Men complain that they are asked to pay for dates in a social system where the genders are economically equal. If men were the workers and women stayed at home, these men wouldn't complain about footing the bills.

just_a_place · 2026-07-20T04:28:12+00:00

This is the reason Hispanic people are the only ones reproducing anymore. My girlfriend is Mexican and on her side of the family there is never any shortage of aunts, grandparents, siblings who can chip in and take care of the kids while everyone also works. Also, the women do not work as intensely as the men, they have part time jobs but do focus the majority of their attention on domestic stuff and treat jobs as a secondary duty to that of their obligations to their kids. The idea of paying someone else to take care of their kids is scandalous, almost offensive.

In the U.S. we have completely lost the culture war. Men and women are in open war with each other thanks to feminism. Families are seen as a quaint vestigial curiosity of the past, individualism is the new independence, and capitalistic hedonism combined with a Me First mentality is the cultural operating system in which we function and somehow we are all shocked that we are miserable and fucked.

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