"Some men aren't given the opportunity to show off their personality" is a victim narrative myth and a red flag.

Quiet-Lotus · 2026-07-19T19:49:15+00:00

Its bold making this claim while never having experienced it from the other side. I'd genuinely love for women to get the standard dating app experience a majority of men get.

On a dating app of your choice, set up an account as a guy, use pictures of someone who takes care of themselves but isn't inherently attractive, someone average, and see how well you do. Be you but with a different face basically, hell do it with one of your male friends and see how it goes for you. See how much opportunity you get to show your personality in say, a week.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2026-07-19T19:43:50+00:00

thats cause its mostly true, scoring sufficiently in looks and status is what will get you into the door in the first place, without it starting a romantic relationship with a women will be next to impossible (unless you wanna count the beta bux as such).

technically the firend zone guy does get to show his personality to women but they still dont want him due to lacking the above, and thus he will struggle when it comes to communicating said personality in a romantic way as no women wants to get romantic with the man in the first place.

which leads us to the anwser of he kind of doesnt.

RandHomman · 2026-07-19T19:57:28+00:00

If basically no one wants to get to know you, you are the problem.

That's acting like people can't be indoctrinated to hate a specific kind of people. Where I live I'm a minority and I know full well that it's possible to be perceived as a person of low value based only by your looks. Everytime I see people shit on specific physical traits it makes me think of how easy it is to discriminate people and many people will follow. When you speak like that you are siding with the discriminating people, you even try to justify it by demonizing the very people you discriminate against... go ahead and call yourself the good person, you are a actually walking red flag.

Accomplished_Pack527 · 2026-07-19T20:11:17+00:00

There’s a difference between saying “your first impression matters” and “if nobody gets to know you, you’re the problem.” The first is generally true. The second ignores that people are judged on appearance, confidence, status, social context, and countless other factors before their personality ever comes into play. Personality isn’t always the first filter.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2026-07-19T19:45:39+00:00

Wouldn't this also include autistic men who are great people but just shy?

And also men who aren't attractive enough to make it on dating apps?

And also men who leave women alone and don't get approached?

Like, I shower. I clean myself. I make money. But I'm single, and that's because I have sexual trauma from multiple women, meaning I am too afraid to approach.

Most women I'm friends with have told me some version of "any girl would be lucky to have you", and yet - very few women actually make an effort to show up.

ArtisticLime9769 · 2026-07-19T21:26:15+00:00

Once again you here with that topic. Go on dating apps with average dude photos and show men how it's done.
Lookism is real and valid, and it's valid for these people to feel downed. And its valid for them to have that idea when bluepillers blame them for some character flaws that don't exist.

slurpupsumcum · 2026-07-20T08:53:05+00:00

Go gender swap yourself or use photos of your brother and make a male seeking woman dating profile. If he happens to be taller than average, just set the height to 5'11. Write to as many people as you're able every single day. Give up after a year or two with zero responses beyond an occasional initial "hey".

Usual-Vermicelli-867 · 2026-07-20T13:05:26+00:00

Yay another lily post . My second favorite lily

Lemon_gecko · 2026-07-19T19:37:10+00:00

Hm. I don't really think that's necessarily true. I'm a digital nomad, and since i've started to work like that, i had way less communication that i was used to. And with traveling it's just flew out of the window. I will not talk about traveling aspect, because i feel like it's not as common, but working remotely is. People are pretty closed off, and to make friends let alone start to date from 0 is kind of hard. Dating apps for men suck. I'm blessed with having friends and digital community, but not all are so lucky or feel connected this way. There are some spaces for communication and hobby groups, but let's face it, they are in a big cities mostly. People are usually guarded and not in the mood to meet new friends, it takes time and effort. And you have to have time actually to participate. And there could be other issues. So no, i don't think that the only reason is victim narrative. People previously socialized in school, then office, uni, and so on. Places that created some sort of community. They worked less. Neighbors knew each other, and now not really. Now it could be pretty isolated.

Of course it's 1) doesn't mean that there is no issue in the person 2) doesn't excuse victim mindset.

screw56 · 2026-07-19T19:52:31+00:00

I mean it’s quite a privileged position to take if you think appearance based discrimination doesn’t exist especially when it comes to aspects like skin colour or religious presentation

But this ain’t exclusive to men, women face these pressures too

Proudvow · 2026-07-20T23:20:24+00:00

Another nonsensical thread from someone born into the privilege of being a woman and thus considered harmless and potentially attractive.

People don't want to be bothered with random lame individuals.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-19T23:37:01+00:00

Why not ? It’s the same for women

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-07-20T00:08:51+00:00

That's not fully true.

A lot of people click and find partners better when meeting organically.

There's a reason one of the easiest ways to meet partners was during school or university.

You just met a lot of people who were mostly around your age and could easily form bonds.

It's a lot harder to do that online.

Another is that first impressions do matter. And attractiveness helps in that respect. There are people who shine after you meet them two or three times.

And there are people who generally just don't get attracted after one meeting.

But online dating isn't conductive to that.

Thats where the whole friends first advice comes from.

They dont want to be friends. It's just the easiest way to say "I like meeting people a few times in a situation with no pressure and then I get a massive crush"

But there's no word for "I want to get to know you in a way where we aren't friends but not necessarily romantic partner immediately"

Ands that's without the issue of "oh no it's a third date do we have to sleep together now?" Type stuff

pie-mart · 2026-07-19T23:16:36+00:00

I mean, I think there is a point where they can feel sorry for themselves

Its like really wanting to be an Olympic athlete but you're asthmatic. Sure, you may be able to do it. Depending on its severity. But a lot of doors will be closed to you.

I think the thing is that sometimes they can act aggressive towards women for wanting an attractive man...

Because yes. Personality is the most important thing, but sometimes as women when we express a desire to be with a man we are attracted to and decide not to give a man we don't find attractive a chance. We get shamed for it

Yet, if they knew we "gave them a chance" despite not being attracted to them, they'd be mad we did that too

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TallFoundation7635 · 2026-07-22T05:38:49+00:00

Do you have any studies or statistics to support this?

tin8374 · 2026-07-19T21:28:06+00:00

"I dont see it often but this "I can't bring value to others if I don't get the chance to in the first place" type of complaint is quite annoying."

Depends what you are referring to, if you are referring to like a platonic sense I agree with you. But if its in dating sense then I agree with the quote because no amount of "good personality" in dating even matters if you aren't good looking.

Agile_Newspaper_1954 · 2026-07-20T00:39:12+00:00

The bar for Quasimodo-level treatment, as you put it, is far lower than having a birth defect. If you’re talking online dating, your competition is virtually every age-appropriate man within dozens of miles. Maybe even hundreds, if you’re particularly inspired. If you’re talking in person, women generally tend to be distrustful of men, and the horn effect will exponentially exacerbate that distrust. Exceptions tend to be made for the right guy, and garden variety uggo’s aren’t him.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-07-20T01:32:31+00:00

I think it's a fair statement, though fairly defeatist.

I think not everyone is good at first impressions, for a variety of reasons.

And a lot less people are good at first impressions online.

And a lot of people have attractions that don't respond well to online dating (like me. All my relationships ended up being through social circles. I never clicked with the apps)

In an environment where many relationships are based on first impressions, some people are going to struggle.

I do think that the manosphere gets too extreme to the point that I hope most women continue to refuse to date them. But it is true that for a section of the population, their first impressions aren't great.

chriszenpaok · 2026-07-20T07:08:09+00:00

>Man doesn’t meet attractiveness threshold therefore one of two things happens, either he is outright not regarded and therefore unable to show his personality, or he becomes a friend. There is quite literally nothing else to it, no need to overcomplicate.

Axis_Control · 2026-07-20T02:31:12+00:00

Most of their personalities suck anyway honestly

"Some men aren't given the opportunity to show off their personality" is a victim narrative myth and a red flag.

Comments

Most of you dont have it, so stop behaving like you do.

Title	"Some men aren't given the opportunity to show off their personality" is a victim narrative myth and a red flag.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	121
Date	July 19, 2026 7:30 PM UTC (3 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1v0zl9e/some_men_arent_given_the_opportunity_to_show_off/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/some-men-arent-given-the-opportunity-to-show-off.1585419 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585419