We don't really need more third places, we just need to treat each other better.

non-decision · 2025-08-11T10:01:11+00:00

For some school is a horrible experience that comes with plenty of bullying and humiliations, the forced public schooling is how they become withdrawn and asocial in the first place

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-08-11T10:03:55+00:00

School genuinely sucks. College and higher education in general is pretty dope though I would say. The problem is that people drift apart after graduating. Many will spend all of their time either at work or with their partners.

An important aspect of the loneliness epidemic that doesn't get talked about much is that friends start to hang out less and less with each other because they start to get married and have kids, which eats up a lot of your free time. If you're the last one in your social circle to stay single then yeah of course you will feel left out. Families are the most natural way to feel like you're a part of a community, not friendships.

And no amount of friends will ever make you feel less lonely when you're alone at night in your apartment, staring at the ceiling while trying to fall asleep.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-08-11T10:42:55+00:00

In school the only think in common is the school. once it end - there is nothing tying you together.

We don't have a loneliness epidemic because very good normal human interaction is sabotaged by screens.

It's more of "i don't need to go out to be entertained". Thus people don't see any reason to get out outside of doing errands. And if they don't go out - they don't meet and interact with people.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-08-11T19:03:07+00:00

The issue for most is that by existing in schools, socialization opportunities and common struggle are effortlessly created.

Daycare/Pre-K: You are placed in a room with other toddlers. Toys are provided. You are given structures activities and unstructured time.

Elementary/Middle School: You are placed in rooms with other students. Early on, toys are provided like daycare, but this becomes gradually less prevalent as you go on. You are given academic challenges to complete, which everyone shares. As part of these academic challenges, group projects are created as well as other opportunities to work together in groups. A breadth of activities are provided - art class, music class, different subjects, gym class, and even extracurriculars - that allow a variety of students to succeed both in and out of the classroom and to self-discover and freely associate with one another. Despite this, the main structure is that, for the academic year, you are paired with the same students throughout the entire year, and you are overwhelmingly kept in age-segregated spaces where your development is intended to remain in line with your peers and you are undergoing common experiences at all times.

High School: You are still placed in rooms with other students, but are given more leeway with your own curriculum, and clubs/extracurriculars take on greater importance. Participation is no longer voluntary, but often performance-based, which discourages poor performers from hobbies they struggle in and redirects them towards trying new things to identify strengths. Because of this narrower focus, a greater breadth of activities are provided. You are still generally (but not always) age segregated, and the mixing and mingling of different groups around different classes and activities allows for the largest possible number of "common struggle" (which is formative to friendships) situations with the greatest possible number of people. Activities are still curated, but the greatest level of free choice is exercised by students in preparation for adulthood.

College (for those who attend): Exactly like high school, except parents and home life are (usually) removed from the equation at stay-away institutions. Students live on their own and have no boundaries around what they can and cannot do, within reason. The college cultivates an entire arm ("student life") around those resident experiences, and all of the commonalities of high school still exist, with greater breadth AND depth of experiences. Didn't make a college sports team? No problem, play intramurals. Don't want to? Feel free to play pickup at the field anytime when no one is using it. There is an entire microcosm of real world life on campus - parties, dances, gatherings, lectures/seminars, hobby groups/clubs, a fitness center, a field house, pickup sports, movie nights, open mic nights, plays, dance recitals, event-level sports, structured intramural sports, music and art studios, unstructured spaces like study lounges, and a neverending stream of enterprising fellow-students both on and off campus who throw impromptu social gatherings ranging from ragers, to movie marathons, to anything else you can imagine. This social scene is 24/7, and most students have exactly ZERO repsonsibilities aside from attending class and studying, except maybe working part-time. An entire institution is dedicated to giving the people attending it common ground, ample activities in every arena, and a living situation where they are surrounded by their peers, usually (with rare exceptions) +/- 3 years at most, with no constraints.

And then it just stops. And this is where most people go wrong. They find themselves in the workforce, surrounded by people 20 years older than them. They find themselves living in a big city where their building is full of a mixture of old and young people. They don't know where to look for socialization. They don't know how to find a way to participate in their hobbies from their school days, because no one is presenting them with an Activity Calendar, or an Orientation List of websites and contacts for different groups that orchestrate these things. They often rely on their existing friends from the school years to carry them through this in a process of mutual self-discovery that often removes the common struggle that bound them AND opens up the entire world, thus making distance a factor when people relocate or change jobs, and lack of commonality a factor when people organically grow apart in the absence o what forged the original connection.

There is also a severe culture of overworking, at least in the US, and many people lose bits of their personality as they age to "the job." It's sad when people have nothing going on but to talk about their job.

THAT is what people who struggle to replicate school socialization are talking about when they say 'a lack of third spaces' - but these spaces exist, you just have to do your own research and find them. IMO - "being kinder" to strangers doesn't replicate that. It doesn't create common struggle and shared purpose, which is formative to friendships - and key to establish within relationships, regardless of what initially sparks attraction, if they're to have staying power.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-08-11T10:03:12+00:00

Yes, it's not enough.

School is as you said "forced" third space. You can't really leave, and you have to deal with people who are there no matter do you want it or not. Many people remembering their school years as a nightmare. And it's also not just free socialization, school is filled with different activities, that you have no choice to participate.

Also if by any reason you couldn't socialize then means that as an adult you're fucked.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-08-11T13:59:19+00:00

i dont relaly know what the argument is here, but as someone who was already middle aged before "Screens", yes its the screens

Psykotyrant · 2025-08-11T10:18:08+00:00

Opening yourself to others and being nice is just a sure fire way to getting used, exploited, and discarded. People are born bad and ugly, as women constantly remind us about men.

DelDivision · 2025-08-11T12:03:33+00:00

No, shit is done. Technology is separating those who genuinely love to socialize from those who had no choice in the past. The loneliness aspect will be fixed with AI just like dating apps fixed it for those who liked hooking up, but didnt like bars or clubs.

For me i dont give a damn about third spaces, middle and high school was enough for me to realize I dont want to be around a crowd of people or even a group for a long period of time. Im a one on one type and that's ok.

Tylikcat · 2025-08-11T18:29:08+00:00

Third places are places other than work or home.

If you are in school, school is essentially work.

Don't get me wrong - higher ed often is great for community. (It doesn't hurt that people frequently live on or near campus, and college towns tend to be geared for a lot of foot traffic and places for young folks to hang out.) I suppose I could see an argument that there's enough spaces on uni campuses for people to hang out and be social that it's also a third place? But in the straightforward sense, it's one of the first two.

behappyfor · 2025-08-11T11:23:30+00:00

Honestly third places exist if people look for it. Clubs ( not party clubs, I mean clubs where people gather in with families and what not) , hobby shops, public garden etc.

If you look hard you can find it, but most people won't and gather doomscroll through social media. I do the same thing so like it's just hypocrisy at this point. If no tech was around, we all would definitely go out more and have some fun.

SadCahita · 2025-08-11T10:19:07+00:00

Schools suck, most people have angsty memories of those years or worse things like bullying and school days romantic relationships don't last.

Extremist opinion related: modern/public schools are a way for the State to be more totalitarian replacing families and parenting

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Turbulent-Company373 · 2025-08-11T13:12:22+00:00

School can be one of the best or worst experiences in one's life. Some get all the social perks and others get bullied. Those in the top social groups/circles/connections have a great time. Those at the bottom have a bad time there. In a way, it is a reflection of the larger society where the people at the top benefit at the expense of the people at the bottom. These hierarchy/clique divisions start at a very young age.

PB-French-Toast-9641 · 2025-08-11T14:21:53+00:00

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WebNew9978 · 2025-08-11T14:27:57+00:00

We need both badly

Capital_Capsicum · 2025-08-11T23:00:11+00:00

You're not wrong.

It's kind of funny that we spend 40 or more hours a week in a workplace, around other people who do the same thing you do. But then people say you need another place, where you need to spend more of your precious time, so you can make friends. Why can't we just make friends at the first place, instead of needing a third?

Sea_Life654 · 2025-08-12T15:20:20+00:00

I think a lot of people were raised that the highest form of politeness is to not inconvenience anyone.

Old timers are always stoked to participate in some small talk. Ask any millennial or younger they seem to be allergic to small talk.

The narrative changed from being totally okay to “bother” strangers in public to now people are like “they seem busy, wouldn’t want to annoy them”

It’s a real mystery why people are all starving for connection.

Popeoath · 2025-08-13T05:10:00+00:00

Kids are dumb so there is no way to get them to treat their peers better.

SeemedGood · 2025-08-11T15:51:28+00:00

Schools have created significant social dysfunction because the socialization in schools is heavily age cohorted, which is not at all like humans actually live naturally. The age concentration negatively exacerbates the socialization effects of specific developmental periods because the mediating effect of primarily socializing with people across many different developmental periods is lost.

I have noticed this in teaching and coaching homeschooled children and schooled children. The homeschooled children typically have substantially better social skills and are substantially more emotionally mature.

Psykotyrant · 2025-08-11T10:10:40+00:00

You can have all the third places you want.

If people spend all their time watching their smartphone, it won’t do shit.

I mean for fuck’s sake, I enjoy going to cinema, and I see constantly people who pay full price (and it ain’t cheap) to just stare at their screen and ignore the big screen for 2 and a half hours straight.

Jetpine9 · 2025-08-12T16:17:44+00:00

I hated school and couldn't wait to get out. However, I also met a couple of my oldest and best friends there. So it worked as a "third space". When you're a kid, making friends is easy. Your best friend is likely to be the kid your age who lives closest. And you just say "wanna play, hang out, whatever?" But well into adulthood there are layers of complexity added that make simple introductions impossible, and there is no third space to make those introductions for you.

The compulsory nature of it probably made it suck because some kids aren't prepared for the bullying or just weird animosity from some other kids. But as someone pointed out, college is better since it is elective; it's a highly functional 3rd space with less of the drawbacks.

Title	We don't really need more third places, we just need to treat each other better.
Author	FuuraKafu
Upvotes	0
Comments	95
Date	August 11, 2025 9:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mn8sy2/we_dont_really_need_more_third_places_we_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/we-dont-really-need-more-third-places-we-just-need.1559351 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559351

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