What do women value the most?

justdontsashay · 2025-03-19T15:27:05+00:00

Honestly, my kids. Being a mother is my most important and fulfilling role (note: not saying this is what it should be for everyone. Just saying that’s how it is for me!) and if I’m working extra hours, putting in extra time, it’s in order to give them everything they need.

I value plenty of other things, too, my identity doesn’t only revolve around being a mom. But if I have to pick one thing I value most, it’s definitely them.

leosandlattes · 2025-03-19T14:02:17+00:00

By far most of my free time and energy goes toward my relationship. For money it would be “the future” - investments, mortgage, savings, family planning, wedding funds. There’s overlap here with my relationship. Following this, it would be my hobbies and charitable donations.

Certainly I think smart men have just as good a sense of future orientation as I do. I think loving men spend much of their free time with their spouse and/or family. I don’t think all men value these things, no.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2025-03-19T15:59:26+00:00

My needs and values have shifted over the years. Which I think is very normal.

When I was in college and the first few years out, I valued my safety (physical and financial) and having interesting experiences, such as going to a kooky art show or one week I actually took a class in how to artificially inseminate cows. At that phase I made a point of knowing all the inexpensive diners within a twenty minute drive and which had the best hash browns. During this phase I did indeed value sexual connection with someone who made me feel beautiful and yummy.

Next few years I started to think more seriously about the financial aspect and made my career a priority.

Then I met a man who rocked my socks off and was willing to ride along with my career plan. When I had first met him I valued his humor, his long term apparent commitment to our shared politics, his style, his attentiveness in bed.

We married. Pretty soon we decided to have kids and I really valued his patience, ability to get over negative emotions, willingness to roll with the crazy things that babies and toddlers put you through. He chose a specific job that provided the type of health insurance we needed. He enjoyed it and was good at it, but he chose it for us.

Life moved on. I started to more often notice that I value his reliability and dependability. He's there to pick up the kids. He's planning hiking outings for the kids.

Life has moved on. Kids are teens now and more independent and I'm appreciating his flexibility and humor and imagination. He and I both are taking more active care of my parents and his mom (his father passed a while ago) and I appreciate all that. Sometimes that's time, when he goes and fixes a computer thing my dad can't handle, sometimes it's muscle or a chainsaw. I value his commitment to family.

The things I valued most have changed lots over the decades of life

Edit/ I should confess that all along, I've valued him desiring me. I've had times when I felt really easily desirable and it was nice to have him say that, but also he has seen me in times when we had been hiking for two weeks without a shower, or I was massively pregnant, or sobbing over something at work, and having him continue to express desire was really lovely.

I've posted here about having lost a friend to suicide, and when I learned of it I came home and cried on his shoulder. But then I told him, sex is life affirming and I need you to fuck me right now, and he did, in a rough way which was perfect.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-03-19T13:48:14+00:00

I value my art, and consider it productive. Whatever job or lifestyle I have, it has to have time put aside for me to do my art (specifically time where I am not exhausted). I also value my healthy and stability. I'd value having kids if that's the way my life turns out, but I'd feel just as fulfilled without them or a partner.

The majority of men I know value the same things. They want to be stable and have good time for art/productivity. A few of them don't care as much about their health, though, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the occasional unhealthy thing for fun.

attendquoi · 2025-03-19T14:03:48+00:00

I value my independence and time to myself.

GridReXX · 2025-03-19T13:52:47+00:00

I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about sex. I think men or high T people value that in a way I do not. It’s a cool thing every now and then but nothing that deep for me. That said I do value intimacy and cuddles. But nah I’m not dreaming about being penetrated 24/7 😌😆

I value mutual consideration as a virtue. I’m not sure that’s a thing the average man values.

I value community.

I value reasonableness.

I value levity.

I value stability. With moments of adrenaline.

SnooMarzipans8221 · 2025-03-19T15:06:21+00:00

Safety, stability and comfort.

Ill-Pineapple9818 · 2025-03-19T15:06:22+00:00

I think my man and i value the same things

bluepvtstorm · 2025-03-19T15:46:55+00:00

Traveling, learning new things, learning new skills, creating new recipes, hanging with my friends, teaching people about random esoteric things.

uglysaladisugly · 2025-03-19T16:01:40+00:00

I don't know about women as a whole, but personally, it's science, my education and the well being of my close friends/relationship.

Fagitron69 · 2025-03-19T17:31:34+00:00

Honestly, peace. Even small stuff like cleaning is a step towards that goal, because once I'm done I can relax in a clean house. I work to afford the utilities that keep my home warm and livable. I spend my money on things that bring me joy or help me make/do something that brings joy. My end goal is a quiet, semi isolated life where I choose what I want to do simply because I feel like doing it. Most men (that I've interacted with, anyway) want kids which are pretty much the opposite of all of that, so no I don't think they do want the same thing.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-03-19T15:08:02+00:00

Financial security, independence/freewill to go exploring/adventuring/traveling and me time/alone time. I can’t stand a man who is broke, controlling and acts like a piece of velcro.

I think some men work forwards financial security but most try to work just enough to survive with a roommate as they overly focus on getting laid and little else. It’s even rare for men to have hobbies nowadays and the ones that do usually only consist of video games, collecting stuff and playing guitar if they even have a hobby. Thus I don’t believe most men and women have the same values or goals in life but you don’t have to find a lot of people who match you just one if you want to marry or you can enjoy life without the dead weight of an incompatible partner if you can’t find a match.

UndeniablyGone · 2025-03-19T16:43:09+00:00

I value a man who doesn't spend his free time being a perpetual victim online. That's always a lovely trait, but you ain't gonna see it on this subreddit. XD

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-03-19T15:16:39+00:00

New experiences & traveling and I don’t think men value the same things I do

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-03-19T15:23:33+00:00

Chemistry, companionship, and shared goals and values. In no particular order.

A very casual, relaxed schedule with each of us living our own lives and meeting in the middle. No smothering, no controlling, just quiet, agreeable companionship.

Men claim they value those things, but spend far too much of our time smothering, hovering, jealously guarding.

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-03-19T16:27:27+00:00

I value financial independence and security. My business and career. My creative legacy. I also value authentic relationships, nurturing my family and friendships.

I value aesthetics and enjoyment, making the shitty life we have more fun and beautiful. So I like fashion and beauty and decor, and any means of self-expression that lets me craft a small piece of our world to fit me.

I value living a sustainable life and making the world around me a better place. I value social programs that benefit my community and country and government that helps support people.

I think there’s lots of people/men that share my values. I don’t think all women share my priorities, nor do I think all men do.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-03-19T16:48:46+00:00

For me my children, my husband my friends and family.

They are what I work so hard for, make the house nice for cook for.

I plan events for my family, I book weekends away with my husband.

I’m often worn out but very happy, one of my favourite times of the day is finally getting into bed and cuddling up to my husband

thelajestic · 2025-03-19T17:35:39+00:00

Do you think men value the same things you do?

I think everyone values different things at different times, and it isn't based on gender but on your personality and life circumstances.

What do you spend the most free time, energy and money working and building towards?

At the moment I'm pregnant, so both my husband and I are spending most of our free time, energy and money on preparing for the baby. Whether that's setting aside savings to prepare, or using our time and energy to get the house and ourselves organised for it.

I gather that once the baby is here, most of our time, energy and money will still be going towards him!

Pre-pregnancy, I valued just generally living a good life with my husband (and once we get into the swing of parenthood the aim is to balance these two priorities, and generally have a good life as a family). This involved making the house nice and fit for purpose for our respective interests, making sure we had money for holidays and fun things like gigs, and spending energy on hobbies, interests etc. My husband values those things as well, but I can't speak for any other man or woman on whether they value the same things.

oppositegeneva · 2025-03-19T16:02:26+00:00

At this point in my life, I spend most of my free time/energy/money on my marriage, raising my children, making my art, cooking and attempting to make my home look more aesthetically pleasing and welcoming.

In short, I value my family, my home and our comfort. My husband’s values our family, our home and our financial security.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-19T14:07:13+00:00

Financial security. Everything else flows from that

chalkandapples · 2025-03-19T15:27:30+00:00

It changes a lot depending on where I am in life. It was school, then work, then my relationship, then kids. Although those are my core "focuses", I have always spent the most time just playing and pursuing whatever it is I have the most fun with at the moment.

Most of the time it's video games adjacent, like building a PC, training to get better at whatever game I'm into at the time, making my own games, table top RPGs or at one point I was super into esports and being involved in that community. Other times it will be stuff like rock climbing and skiing. Other times it will be crochet, woodworking, or gardening. Basically I have phases of interest in different things and sink a ton of time into it when I get into these phases.

CatallaxyRanch · 2025-03-19T16:00:56+00:00

My non-work time is spent on the following in descending order:

My nuclear family (kids and husband) - quality time, caretaking, cooking/cleaning
My house (we bought a fixer upper and are working on fixing it up)
Extended family (parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins) - we spend every Sunday with them
Entertainment (music, TV, books, podcasts) - indulge in these things throughout the day as I have time
Exercise
Investments and future planning

My husband mostly values the same things I do although he's less interested in the home improvement stuff (I knew this going in and I enjoy this stuff and have always dreamed of doing it so I don't care), and his "entertainment" is more video games and creative hobbies while mine is more passive. We are aligned on the family and money goals which is much more important.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-03-19T17:05:52+00:00

Different women (and men) value different things. Some women place a lot of value on having a lot of children, others don't.

But, if we're speaking in general terms, I imagine most people want stability, security, understanding, and compassion.

Other than those things, I value my work, my family and friends, and my free time. My partner also values these things, so we allow each other time and space where the other person can just do their own thing. Some men would be a good match for me because they value the same things, others wouldn't be.

RoseyButterflies · 2025-03-20T04:28:51+00:00

My free time I mostly spend on debating, my aquarium and aquascaping, art, nails, hiking, hanging with friends, eating out with my partner, study and gaming

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-03-20T04:36:48+00:00

I value my independence. I love to travel. I value quality time with my partner. But being able to lock in and take care of business during the week with work. My doggie is amazing and I love her. I am proactive about my health and self care. I like alternative fashion and will splurge here and there.

My partner is a homebody. But he supports my travels I just bring him back trinkets. He's very independent too. But we make time for each other and that's what matters. He's a huge animal lover as well.

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SnooCats37 · 2025-03-19T16:03:09+00:00

A good happy supportive marriage and happy well rounded children is what I value the most in life.

SayuriKitsune · 2025-03-21T18:21:14+00:00

My relationship with my husband. We are best friends and do everything together and we shared hobbies like gaming. I love to cook so that's how I spend a lot of my time, cooking from scratch.

S0yslut · 2025-03-19T19:40:22+00:00

My life has recently changed a lot because I am currently unemployed and taking some time for myself after working overtime for 6 years. I am spending most of my time on myself. However during my time of relaxation I also making my husbands life easier where and when I can. I spend most of my time cooking and re-organizing my home since I have a lot of time. I thought the stay at home life would be boring but I am enjoying it.

Title	What do women value the most?
Author	Advanced-Ad8490
Upvotes	5
Comments	87
Date	March 19, 2025 9:43 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jet8jz/what_do_women_value_the_most/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-women-value-the-most.1547236 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547236

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