How many are looking for a financially equal relationship?

EulenWatcher · 2025-09-10T20:37:53+00:00

My husband and I started dating as broke teens, and finance wasn’t really something we thought much about. Whoever had money paid for the date. When we started living together, we just treated all money as our money and that’s it.

There were periods of time when we were making similar income, time when I was providing for both of us, and now we switched the roles, and he pays most of our bills because I’m studying.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2025-09-10T22:12:49+00:00

I financially contribute about 70% to my relationship because I have a higher income. Beyond that acknowledgement I have zero fucks to give about who pays for what and in what percentages.

I've always known I'd pay more because I earn more. I didn't realize I was supposed to be bothered by this until I started participating on PPD.

As of today I'm still not bothered by this, its just money for fuck's sake.

I've always felt equal to my husband, and I'm not sure why or how I'd change that opinion.

We're all sentient meat sacks, and fiat currency is just a collective delusion. People who get in their feels about who should acquire resources are weird and off-putting.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-09-10T20:12:09+00:00

I’m married and I’m an equal relationship it’s the best. We pool our money share the housework child raising etc we are a team

Avast_Lion · 2025-09-10T20:13:03+00:00

I am. My preference is for a partner who makes about as much as I do and splits chores evenly. I want an equal relationship--meaning we both have equal decision-making power etc--and I would prefer a guy about my age for that reason, but an age gap of a few years doesn't mean anything if it's unrelated to power imbalance. Mentioning a financially equal relationship would not make me flee--proposing a financially unequal relationship would.

blebbyroo · 2025-09-10T20:17:17+00:00

When dating: equal - but no petty send half each time take turns treating at equivalent places

When married with children: not equal but all money pooled because I’m cutting back on work to do kid pickups or manage home so husband makes more or I’ve chosen a lower paid field for the balance for having kids (this is what I did, I’m a teacher so school hours are perfect but I’ll never make what my husband makes)

Also did filter for income potential in dating stage since I knew I wanted kids. So a minimum wage worker wouldn’t have worked for me (but another teacher would have)

toasterchild · 2025-09-10T20:33:29+00:00

It's preferred for me, relieves a lot of relationship strain. I don't want to nickel and dime but paying for most things gets tiring.

candiedgemstone · 2025-09-10T20:16:37+00:00

Right now me and my boyfriend have a 50/50 relationship and it’s fine.

However we do want kids and I don’t want them in daycare all day. I also have an extremely demanding career and don’t want to do that AND raise children.

So eventually I’m planning to stay home and raise our children when we get married and have them. I’m totally okay with doing that.

Lysa_Bell · 2025-09-10T20:25:54+00:00

I am equal with my husband. I wanted an equal relationship. So I got one. Idk if the age difference matters. Im 2 years older than my husband so I feel like it doesnt really make a difference. Equality for me for instance also means that I don't pay for his groceries. We have very different diets so we go shopping together but we both buy our own stuff and cook our own food. We know what we like. I guess we dont really have an issue because we dont have children and dont want any. So there isnt any issue when it comes to trying to balance that.

JustGeminiThings · 2025-09-10T21:03:44+00:00

I am, more or less. If one of us, either one made significantly more than the other, I would expect a more equitable arrangement, but as long as we're roughly on the same financial level we should be contributing equally to the major expenses and savings goals.

Slipthe · 2025-09-10T22:07:14+00:00

I'm not looking for equal, I'm looking for fair. When I made less, I paid fewer bills.

Now that I make the same, it's even.

But we do not keep track of who pays what. There is no tit for tat.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-09-10T20:35:57+00:00

Yes I want 50/50 everything. Food Rent Utilities Car Looks Cooking Hygiene Cleaning Emotional support Grocery shopping Planning dates and events Sexual effort

For now, I can only find men who offer money and time, so until I find a man capable of all of the above, I will settle for a provider who pays bills can eat pussy.

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-09-10T20:47:38+00:00

My relationship isn’t financially equal. He makes a lot more than me, so he pays more overall. We didn’t really discuss this. That’s just how it turned out because he always has made more.

If I were single, I would be turned off if someone in his financial situation wanted to go 50/50 because I would wonder why they’re dating someone like me who they know makes less. If we’re both making the same amount, I wouldn’t mind. I can’t speak on childcare because I don’t have kids lol

Trikger · 2025-09-10T20:20:00+00:00

I'm from the Netherlands. There's a reason they call it "going Dutch."

It's basically the norm here. I'm a bit more traditional and I love it when my man pays, but I give him my card when the bill comes. I guess I just like the feeling of being taken care of like that, even when it's still my money.

I'd prefer a financially equal relationship if it's possible and fair. If one person makes 2k and the other makes 4k a month, I think it's fair for one person to pay a bit more than the other. If one person does most of the childcare and/or cleaning, the other should pay more bills. Unpaid labor should still be considered labor after all. This is also regardless of gender, imo. If I make more than my partner and he does most of the cleaning, I should 100% pay more for food, rent etc. In my opinion, that's still financially equal since I'd just be paying him for his work.

I feel like "equal relationships" are the only ones that are sustainable to begin with. To me, that's what being a partner means.

Tylikcat · 2025-09-10T21:26:57+00:00

Big picture yes. In the details, I think it's useful to be a bit flexible. Some dear friends of mine (the parents of my nerdsons, who are now in their thirties...) made a deal when they first moved in together where she does all the dishes, and he does all of a number of tasks (none as constant as dishes) that involve strong smells. It works for them.

Or at least I was, when I was younger, and hoping to start a family.

Though childrearing is one of the reasons this can be very difficult, especially in the US where daycare is often prohibitively expensive - there's pressure for one parent to stay home with kids (and culturally, more pressure on women) until they're school age. When I was married, we'd talked about me staying home, and then going to grad school when our kid(s) started school, but it became clear he wasn't up to being a decent spouse and there was no way I wanted to have kids with him. (This wasn't a snap decision. I was with him for a dozen years, and really fought to get the relationship on track. Actually, his idea of "on track" was that I give up having any career, or kids, and stay home and take care of him. Like, after so many years of marriage - had he even met me?)

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-09-10T21:32:45+00:00

I’m married in a 50/50 relationship

Our first “date” was his parents house - where he lived, where I drove myself because he didn’t have a car, because he just got done with his masters. He was supposed to be a quick booty call.

Our second date was me buying us bubble tea.

I made 3x his salary but he split most dates with me, or we took turns treating smaller ones.

When we moved in together he got his big boy job and made double what I did. We split bills 50/50. That was 50% of his paycheck but 95% of mine. But, we didn’t know if we would make it long term, and neither of us were willing to make anything “unfair.”

As time went on, we divided things better, I build the furniture and fix the broken house, he does the dishes and laundry. He pays the mortgage, but keeps the house in the prenup, I pay for everything else.

I got a better job and now we are 50/50 based on income, talents and energy levels. I take the dogs out more but he handles the social calendar sort of thing.

50/50 doesn’t mean “I do half of the dishes and then you do half of the dishes. I pay half of the water bill and you pay half of the water bill.” That might work for some people but it doesn’t work for us. We are much better at making things feel fair than actually splitting anything perfectly down the middle. We talk about it frequently. Sometimes I’m doing 60% and sometimes he is. But we are always putting 100% effort into the relationship and our shared goals for the future.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-09-10T21:53:40+00:00

My salary is about double what my husband brings home but TBH it’s never been an issue for us about an income disparity because we’ve had a joint bank account since before we had even gotten married.

I don’t even know if we’ve ever thought of it as his money vs. my money. 🤷‍♀️

Prior-Impression-871 · 2025-09-10T20:43:35+00:00

How many men here are actually looking for an equally burdensome relationship? One where he carries the baby for half the term, tears up halfsies of their private area, does half the household chores, and shares the parenthood career penalty exactly 50/50. Oh and takes her last name and doesn't orgasm just as often as she doesn't and and and

chalkandapples · 2025-09-10T21:10:31+00:00

Before marriage I expect all finances to be separate. I will treat you like a roommate. After marriage everything's pooled since now I treat you like family.

Poppy_Luvv · 2025-09-10T22:35:11+00:00

Or would mentioning a financially equal relationship turn you off and make you flee?

This isn't even something that should come up if you're dating adults TBF.

I can support myself, and I can keep doing that. I can put up whatever is in my budget. If you care that much about bean counting, than the standards need to be set by the person making less.

S0yslut · 2025-09-10T22:44:09+00:00

I wasn’t ever looking for a “financially equal relationship,” I was looking for a husband I could raise kids with whether that would be an equal partnership or not. I prioritized finding the correct person over my financial preferences but of course my dream was that I could stay home. I just had enough humility to view that as a dream.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-09-11T00:22:49+00:00

I pay for the majority of our dates
I pay for the majority of our food
I pay our mortgage in its entirety
see above
we don’t have kids, but he has one of my credit cards that he uses if he needs to take the dogs to the vet or something
I pay for the house keeper
see above

He’s 6y older than I am.

So I guess I’m not looking for an equal relationship, cuz financially I pull about 85% of the weight. And I couldn’t be happier with him

Confident_Counter471 · 2025-09-11T09:00:56+00:00

I pay for almost everything in my relationship. My husband recently started working again because we found out we can’t have kids, but our plan was for him to be a stay at home dad. I’m happy it’s getting to be more financially equal I suppose, we can afford more things…but I don’t really need more things. But the dream life would have been to keep my amazing job I love where I work from home and for him to stay home as well with a baby while I pay for everything.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-09-10T21:50:32+00:00

They don’t have to make as much as me, but I make around $200k, so it’s really not fair to insist that he make that much. It’s more important that he and I think of money similarly in our saving habits and in our workmanship. I hate lazy. So as long as they’re not lazy, I’m pretty ok. I would rather them not be in a blue collar job as that’s not culturally similar to me, but they can be a scientist or a school teacher or whatever and not make more than $50k a year and I’m totally fine with it.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-09-11T00:34:41+00:00

You mean how many women want a roommate? It’s fine as long as he doesn’t expect sex, kids or submission as sex is more risky for women just like having kids is so neither is 50/50 and since I work and pay equal bills I have just as much right to say yes or no to anything and everything such as girls trips or packing the guys lunch regardless of the man’s opinion on the matter.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-09-10T20:12:48+00:00

My standards are the first three

I don't know what is meant by "property," I'm not going halfsies on his PS5, nor would I want him to pay half of my books or whatever. Shared expenses for shared experiences.

Not having children

I don't understand the idea of being "financially equal" for cleaning, most people don't pay for cleaning

Age is irrelevant, not sure why it would matter

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-09-11T03:36:09+00:00

I'm more interested in fairness than a true 50/50, especially since if my partner and I have a kid I'm going to be the one carrying it, giving birth, and then doing most childcare (our respective jobs also factor into this, I'm a teacher and he is a doctor ... obviously I will be more physically present in the home/with the kids because of my schedule)

Right now I'm only working part-time. I pay my share of rent, he pays the bills and the bulk of groceries/dates. But at different stages in our life it's been done differently. He was still studying when I finished my undergrad so I paid for most of our dates. When we both had similar hours and lived together we both contributed roughly 50/50 though we weren't keeping a list at the same time.

A few people have brought up wedding rings, I wouldn't pay for my own engagement ring but if I was proposed to I would then buy him a gift of a similar value (like a nice watch) ... But I also don't particularly think that a lot needs to be spent on an engagement ring if the woman will continue working etc, the super expensive ring used to be a form of insurance in case she was abandoned and left destitute with the kids. Weddings here are either paid for by the bride's family or (more commonly) the bride and groom's shared savings, so I imagine that's what we'd do.

Werevulvi · 2025-09-10T23:28:34+00:00

I used to care about everything being gender equal, including finances in a relationship. But I don't anymore. Not since I started fully accepting and embracing the differences between the sexes. That there can be things men are better at, and things women are better at, and that doesn't have to be a threat to anyone's value as a person. As long as whatever each gender is expected to do, it evens out in the long run. Like the trade off is fair.

So I wouldn't want a relationship where the man does everything either. I'd happily take on the brunt of homemaking, and child rearing if it comes to having children. But beyond those kinda things, I'm just not that smart or really cut out for the workforce. I doubt I'll ever have anything resembling an actual career. Like I can imagine I could be a waitress or flip burgers or something, or even sell crafting stuff I make. But when I'll need extra cash after my parents are too old to help with that, I'm gonna need a man to help financially support me.

I wouldn't say I'm a gold digger type though. Because it's not being rich or having status that I care about. The guy could have pretty much any job that exists out there, and any title. I tend to be more attracted to the "beta" types anyway. Hardworking men.

But it's not like I'd be against ever paying for anything. During the initial dating phase I don't think money should be a part of it, tbh. For that, splitting the bill and doing cheaper dates is the better approach imo. The focus should be on just getting to know each other and see if you click. I don't want for a guy to spend money on me unless he actually wants to commit.

But yeah when it comes to actually committed, serious relationships, I do kinda prefer the guy having a bit more money than me, which is a very low threshold because I have almost nothing, and being the breadwinner while I take on the more feminine tasks. And I do think that's fair, because I still want the responsibilities to be split, and wouldn't have any issue with him not cleaning, cooking, etc, nor would I think he's bad for not doing such things.

All in all I really do think women should make a choice. Either demand money from the guy but then also be willing to offer something else of equal value that he wants in return, or be on the feminist "independent woman" track but then split the bill.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2025-09-10T23:47:41+00:00

I believe in financial equity.

That means that while dating we go 50/50.

Once we're in a relationship (e.g. living together) things should be split equitably

What does this mean? We each pay a percentage of our income on shared expenses depending on what we earn. We share chores equitably between us depending on who is working more hours.

If married or long term all money is pooled in one account. We each get the same set budget to spend on fun money. All chores and childcare shared equitably depending on work hours.

And b4 men scream I just want someone to pay for me, I'm the higher income partner

badgersonice · 2025-09-11T00:15:14+00:00

I don’t know how many women are, but it’s what I have.

*He paid for the first date at his insistence… but it was him buying me a beer and not in expensive-town, so not exactly a huge imbalance. We split on date two, and did rock-paper-scissors on who’d pay for a lot of dates.

*other stuff is balanced to what extent it could be. I make more money, but we pool our income so it’s not clear who is paying what. I did all the breastfeeding and pregnancy and he did none, but he does a lot on the childcare anyways. It can’t be 50/50 exactly, but it’s fair and even.

But yeah, we also don’t write up detailed excel sheets to chronicle who did what. We try to balance when we can, and take over for each other when the other needs more support or help.

Does an age difference matter? Or would mentioning a financially equal relationship turn you off and make you flee?

What are you actually trying to ask here? I honestly don’t get it. Are you asking if way younger women would be willing to pay half your older lifestyle?

I suspect most can’t afford to? I don’t know what you’re trying to get at here.

Novadina · 2025-09-11T02:12:55+00:00

I always wanted an egalitarian relationship and it was very important to me. My husband and I split everything 50/50 for the first 12 years together. Then I started making a lot more and wanted to upgrade our lifestyle with that money, so started paying a much higher percent over time. We have always split chores 50/50 as well, or based on free time. Currently we pool all our money together and pay all the bills from it and everything is shared.

Age difference wasn’t a big deal for me if it wasn’t a big one, I think my preference with what I felt comfortable was always the half your age plus 7 concept. My partner is 8 years older than me.

thelajestic · 2025-09-11T08:14:08+00:00

That's what I wanted and that's what I have.

We earn about the same so we have a joint account for joint expenses - mortgage, food, utilities, dates etc. We pay sole expenses from our sole accounts - we each have a car so handle the car expenses individually, and do our own mobile phone expenses. We also do gifts from our sole accounts but we agree a gift budget beforehand for Christmas and birthdays. For anniversaries we just tend to go for a meal so that's from the joint account.

We have a couple of joint savings accounts and save equal amounts into them for shared goals - when we saved for our house deposit, or wedding savings. Most recently it was savings for the baby, which will pay for nursery when I return to work.

We aim for equal effort in our life together as well in terms of chores, childcare etc. 50/50 doesn't mean each person does exactly 50% of each activity though - it's more like all the household and family activities are pooled and we put 50/50 effort into the pot (so I do more childcare just now because I'm on maternity leave but he does more of the pet care etc so our time and energy is kinda balanced out).

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-09-11T11:43:07+00:00

I want to provide for him. I don't care about money, I hate chores. So preferably if he could take more chores and I could provide more money. But I refuse to count it, if we are together it's OUR money. Yes, age does matter, I prefer younger guys.

So no, I dont want 50/50, I want OUR money, share everything, equality. But no counting to make sure it's 50/50, there is just OUR money.

And no children.

Temporary-Flight-192 · 2025-09-11T11:46:24+00:00

I actually earned significantly more money, now we don’t have to work because of some smart investments made when I was 28. But I did quit working before for he did, he kept working for health insurance.

I’m looking to be happy. Period.

An age difference matters to me because I’ve never been attracted to men much older than me. I’m a big believer in monogamy, less drama and more stability, so if I’m going to limit myself to one sex partner, it’s got to be one I have a baseline sexual attraction to.

My husband and I both are busy all day, division of chores is what we are good at. I tend to do more traditionally “female” work.

We never mentioned “an equal relationship “. We had know each other back when I was in college and we both tended bar, started dating when I bought rental property and he was working as my handyman. It was pretty obvious I was in a significantly better financial situation.

We kept money somewhat separate in the beginning. I paid our mortgage, he paid utilities. That didn’t last long. When it became clear this was going to work out as a marriage, all money became our money.

Administration_Easy · 2025-09-11T19:26:52+00:00

I am. I would say the percent each person pays should vary slightly based on income (assuming both people are working at full capacity and not being a bum / coasting off the other), but in general around 50/50 is preferable.

In fact, if a man I'm dating starts covering much more than 50% I start getting nervous, because I feel like in his mind I might "owe him" and I don't like being indebted to anyone ever. Makes me very uncomfortable.

attendquoi · 2025-09-10T20:10:53+00:00

Only if it's equal usage. I don't pay money for my husband's groceries, and vice versa.

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eternitypasses · 2025-09-11T01:30:15+00:00

I'm in a relationship where I'm the financially responsible one. My husband keeps his finances a secret, while I'm an open book. Even things that are his financial responsibility become mine occasionally. So yes women want it, men seldom provide it. It's a give an inch take a mile situation with men in my experience.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-09-11T05:05:30+00:00

With me it’s not possible other way. I usually have relationship where we pay each for themselves. That being said same thing about chores etc, nobody gets to slack.

labtech89 · 2025-09-11T09:09:28+00:00

I am all for an equal relationship or one that is proportional to income.

UpstairsDepartment52 · 2025-09-11T15:09:26+00:00

Proportional to income before kids. After kids we will pool our money, but I may not work.

Flimsy_Software8105 · 2025-09-12T13:13:17+00:00

It would be nice if the guy treated me every once in a while with like meals and stuff but I’d pay my share in major expenses like rent. For financial reasons I wouldn’t be able to pay more than 50/50 but 50/50 is fine I guess.

FairwayBliss · 2025-09-14T09:27:10+00:00

How many women here are actually looking for a financially equal relationship? Where you pay 50/50 for everything.

I’m not, I’m married. With a huge income inequality. He is new money, I am old money.

And would you say you're looking for an "equal relationship" overall? Would you stay in such a relationship long-term?

I tried and it was laughable. First of all: my parents don’t accept broke men. And those men simply could not afford being with me.

50/50 does not exist AT ALL, it’s simply not how life and biology work.

Does an age difference matter?

Someone who is older should carry more of the financial burden.

Or would mentioning a financially equal relationship turn you off and make you flee?

I would laugh at such a guy. If we are gonna be equals, we need to be equal. Men and women are not. Not in the sense of biology, nor financially. It would be a stupid man, in case he would propose this. I don’t have the patience to converse with stupid people.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-09-11T03:34:25+00:00

The 50/50 counting every cent, every chore seems like a hassle.

I would prefer us putting a percentage of our salary into a common account which is for common stuff like food, household repairs, bills and such. While the rest is for individual usage.

And i would prefer that we cover each others weaknesses. And i find it easier if we split the chores themselvea instead of splitting the time of the chore.

Title	How many are looking for a financially equal relationship?
Author	Advanced-Ad8490
Upvotes	11
Comments	129
Date	September 10, 2025 8:05 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ndot8g/how_many_are_looking_for_a_financially_equal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-many-are-looking-for-a-financially-equal.1561732 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561732

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