What is creepy?

Werevulvi · 2024-06-27T13:42:17+00:00

For me it's mostly in the way/manner/tone a guy says something rather than the actual statements he makes. For ex back when I dated my first boyfriend, he said early on that he had some ED issues because of an anti-depressant medication he was on while we were already discussing sex and it was cleared that we both had mutual interest. That's not creepy, that's simply being informative and up front. But I've also had random men online divulge such info way before any kinda mutual interest has been established, and that instead does come off as creepy to me.

The key there is the timing. You probably wanna make sure a woman is sexually interested in you before relaying a ton of highly personal info about your dick. Because most women really don't wanna know a lot of highly personal such info about random men. Just like I'd imagine you might be put off if a random woman you had zero sexual interest in would be telling you about... I dunno, for ex struggling with sex due to re-occurring UTI's. Timing does make a huge difference between if something is "TMI" or "exactly the information I need right now."

Likewise, talking about wanting or not wanting sex with a woman who's not sexually interested in you is also bad timing and can come off as creepy. That's the kinda stuff you could put in your bio on dating sites, but maybe best to not bring up unprompted.

All of this also comes down to "reading the room." Which yes, is quite abstract and hard to explain, as it goes beyond just saying things relevevant to a specific space. Every space will have its own jargon and if you break it, you'll likely make people uncomfortable. Even if what you say is technically what that space is all about. If we talk about subreddits focused on sex and sexual health as a example, they aren't all gonna be the same, and they aren't all gonna welcome the same type if vibe. Some might have a focus on asking/talking about one's own sexual issues in a humble or almost self-blaming kinda way but frown upon posts that whine about a partner's sexual issues. Another might be more focused on partner blaming and frown upon posts in which the OP takes personal accountability. And so on.

This "reading the room" thing is also important in one on one conversations. It's not that you have to mimic the exact same writing/talking style of the person you're talking to, but just try to match their energies. Like if they talk calmly, then try to do that yourself as well, for ex. Or if they talk about more emotional aspects, how they feel about x, y and z, then you having a strict focus on facts and logic might come off wrong.

And I think this is a huge factor as to why sometimes men come off as creepy to women. They simply do not "read the room" and have poor timing. I think these are the much bigger factors than what exact types of information the guy states. Because there absolutely is a goid time and place to for ex tell a woman you have low sex drive due to a medication, but maybe you just didn't know that and instead said it at a bad time and place.

To improve on this I'd suggest you just spend a little more time observing and learning about what kinda vibes women give you. Like for ex, does she seem calm and relaxed, or anxious and nervous, or angry, or flirty? Is she complimenting you and getting into sexual stuff, or is she talking about her pets, hobbies, etc? If you're in a space like a subreddit for sexual discussions, what types of topics do they generally discuss and in what manner? Are they sharing advice on medical issues, or debating the morals of sexual promiscuity, or sharing sexual fantasies? These are the kinda things you should be knowing and taking into consideration before saying what's on your mind.

It would also help if you had an at least rough idea of what level of private a thing is. For ex talking about being a straight man is generally considered a lot less private than talking about having genital warts, for ex, and talking about being circumsized or not may be somewhere in between. This is gonna vary to some extent between individual people, how private someone considers a thing to be, but to some extent there is also a general consensus you can use as a guide and then only break that pattern when you're talking to someone who clearly has a different idea of how private x things are, if you're comfortable doing so.

If you do those things, I think you are much more likely to come off as decent and not creepy. Or even as socially skilled. Because that's really the only thing I can think of, that maybe you're missing these finer details of socializing, these kinda unspoken rules. I'm autistic so I've had a lot of blunders with this sorta stuff in the past, up intil probably my mid 20's or so. And I did come off as creepy for it, even as a woman/girl. It's an autistic trait but it's also kind of a male trait, as men are in general more blunt. (Bluntless can be a positive thing as it's associated with honesty and bravery, but it can also be jarring as it's equally associated with having poor timing or being insensitive.)

So I'll say that although this was challenging for me at first, eventually I learned how to "read the room" and to have better timing. It's still not perfect and I still make the occasional blunder, but having largely learned this has made talking to new people and entering new spaces a much smoother experience for me. So I think improving on those kinda things would help you a lot too.

Because yeah, being creepy is not always intentional. Sometimes it's really just being a bit socially inept with all the best intentions. Even though creepy can of course also mean being deliberately sleezy and constantly breaking women's boundaries out of actual disrespect for their bodily autonomy. And it's really not easy to always know what a guy's intent is, all we have to go on is how he acts. But that kinda goes for every social interaction and both genders. We always judge people by their actions, even if their intent is something completely different.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-27T04:39:30+00:00

Unwanted passive sexual attention

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-27T04:16:18+00:00

Creepy is a (vague) sense of danger. It might be a stranger trying to talk to you, when you already asked them to leave you be, it might be a shouting homeless person in the train, it might be your colleague who gives you weird compliments about what he'd do to you "if he was a few decades younger", it might be a buy who you rejected and blocked, but who keeps writing to you or a guy who you had to do some group project together, but, apparently, he asked everyone else not to come and he's trying to kiss you using force, or a grownup following you by the excuse of showing you the road to a secluded place and trying to get your number.

Novadina · 2024-06-27T04:59:27+00:00

I bet it wasn’t you not wanting sex that people think is creepy, but more likely about how you say things like how women don’t like sex and are all asexual, and that women only have sex to give a “reward” to men. That’s an attitude that regards women as not fully human essentially, which is creepy.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-27T05:56:34+00:00

When you are concerned about someone but don't have hard proof that they're dangerous. However, they've indicated it's likely. I don't know why you were called creepy because I don't know enough information about your situation.

yodawgchill · 2024-07-16T17:16:06+00:00

It was almost definitely whatever else you said or how you said it.

A lot of times guys say absolutely disgusting shit and the sentiment behind it isn’t actually so bad, they just phrase it in a way that is really degrading and gross.

half3mptyhalffull · 2024-06-27T05:11:17+00:00

theres are different kinds of creepy. but basically, something creepy is something that triggers your fear instinct.

neither being interested in sex nor uninterested in sex are inherantly creepy. my best guess is the "creepy" part was either how the comment was phrased, or other things you said in the same comment.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-06-27T05:15:27+00:00

Creepy can be the way you act or the way you phrase things. It's usually just doing stuff that's inappropriate for the situation or the person. For example, I was at a club with some friends, we were sitting at our table finishing up our drinks, and some dude comes up to me and goes "I want to kiss you! Come on, give me a kiss!''. That's creepy, I don't know this dude, I haven't expressed any interest in him or anyone else one way or another, and he's trying to get pretty intimate immediately. If he had come up and asked if I wanted a drink or to dance with him, that would have been fine.

Creepy can also be a lowkey sense of danger. Another example from my life, there was this dude who would hit on every single woman he came across, and when she told him "no", he'd proceed to follow her around the bar, and he was always positioning himself in a way that was meant to corner you if he finally caught up to you and your friends weren't around. Now, this guy never assaulted anyone, to my knowledge at least but a guy twice your size following you around and making it difficult to get out of the conversation you didn't even want in the first place is offputting. It's the douchebag's version of holding your finger inches away from someone and going "But I'm not touching you!''

I can't say whether you were creepy or not in the discussions you mentioned, phrasing matters, and the person you're talking to matters as well. Maybe you phrased the "it's a good thing I don't want sex" in a way that made it sound kinda weird, maybe the other person misinterpreted what you were trying to say.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-06-27T06:33:05+00:00

I said I dont care about sex because my medication killed my sex drive (and that its a good thing) and was called creepy.

Link to context of full discussion, please?

But then its also creepy to want sex, and to seek sex out with women.

Says who?

Being called creepy is a huge fear for guys, because womens scorn is all most men care about.

Why?

So im just asking what is "creepy" whats a creepy guy?

https://gprivate.com/64igz

And please avoid doing the "women arent a hivemind!" thing?

And please avoid stating a fact that many people here seem to ignore, even though it is a valid response to many of the ignorant and/ or illogical arguements made here.

if you have a different definition of what you think is creepy than "the other girls" just say what it is instead of accusations of generalization or sexism.

Stating the fact that women are not a monolith is not an accusation of sexism.

raisedonthemoon · 2024-06-27T14:22:55+00:00

Not being able to "read a room" or being unwilling to read a room, is creepy. If you're hitting on a woman in a situation that's clearly making her uncomfortable, or pushing too hard in any social situation, romantic or otherwise, and giving off the vibe that you're unable to read the response of the other person, you will come off as creepy. It's not that one behavior is universally creepy necessarily, because other people's reactions to your behavior might not be universal. It's more about not being able to read and adjust to each person's individual reaction to your behavior and act accordingly.

So if I were to generalize, I would say "creepy" is any indication that you have a poorly developed Theory of Mind.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-06-27T15:43:51+00:00

Men staring, leering, catcalling, when men try to play a ‘game’ on you and act ‘alpha,’ while ignoring the fact that were strangers, and flirting in inappropriate places like on the subway

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-27T12:36:11+00:00

Creepy = I'm receiving unwanted attention from a source I perceive to be ill socialized, poorly motivated, and often dangerous.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-06-27T13:12:12+00:00

Unwanted sexual or romantic attention. And not taking a no or firm boundary of a lack of interest as a change my mind. Or just sexual comments and trying to escalate sexual conversation when you first talk to them. Comments about how "young" I look and that being hot. Creepy immediate ick.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-06-27T13:16:02+00:00

I said I dont care about sex because my medication killed my sex drive

To me this screams “sex is only about penile pleasure”. I wouldn’t personally label that as creepy, but I would be equally uninterested in that as I am a human that enjoys sex in relationships.

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Makuta_Servaela · 2024-06-27T14:01:22+00:00

I said I dont care about sex because my medication killed my sex drive (and that its a good thing) and was called creepy.

The only way I could see this conversation occurring is if you just blurted it out unprompted- talking about sex unprompted is a bit creepy, even if it's a talk of a lack of sex drive. Otherwise, there is nothing creepy about that.

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-06-28T00:19:22+00:00

Unknown males giving unwanted sexual attention when I’m making it very clear that I don’t want them at all🙃

Nyanpireeee · 2024-07-10T05:22:15+00:00

Those are silly reasons to call someone creepy imo. I find it creepy when -I am approached by a man significantly older -I am approached in an odd or potentially unsafe situation (I don’t wanna be hit on when I’m walking alone in an unpopulated area, especially at dark. It’s possible that the dude has good intentions but If I am in a situation that could be potentially unsafe,I am going to be cautious of anyone who approaches me.) -someone is too forward too fast. Ex: I try to make a new friend with a guy my age and he makes an extremely personal sex joke ab screwing me or something- upon meeting. Do not talk ab my lady parts!!! I don’t know you! 🥲

One example I suppose was slightly creepy to me happened today. Walking the dog alone when an older man (maybe 65) tried to start a conversation with me. (I look a few years younger than I am thanks to my big Apple cheeks- I’d say I probably look 15 but security has mistaken me as younger. Im barely an adult so y’know. Overall a bit odd for him to approach imo) When my dog got stuck his ears and tail up he said “oh wow he’s protecting you from me.” Something ab the word “protect” threw me off and just his overall tone. 😭 He also continuously attempted to continue the conversation when I was walking away. He might have been totally innocent but based on past experiences and gut instinct, it felt kinda uncomfortable. A lot of it is also tone and body language. If he approached me super cheerfully I might have not found it creepy at all but his tone seemed a bit nosy and awkward. The main reasons I felt bothered were; A. He’s much older B. I’m alone in a non populated area. C. Tone and body language seemed off. Usually when I am approached by an older man, they end up trying to pick me up…. 😞

CatchPhraze · 2024-06-27T12:13:44+00:00

Why your creepy, only because you asked. This is not meant to be a personal attack...Just informative.

You said someone had a low IQ for something you didn't agree with. The IQ insult is silly and childish. Childish and emotionally reactive men are creepy.

You call woman trying to have mutually beneficial sexual relations as a "reward for bad behaviour" as if sex is not something two people do together, it's something woman are supposed to doll out. It's weird and creepy.

You make borderline insane statements all over the place and I qoute " the 3 key points of feminism, "only fuck tall, dangerous, and violent men,". You either have a warped perception of reality like a severe mental illness or a genuinely bad agenda, both creepy.

Creepy can be a lot of things, mostly I've found it to be an intense desire to reject social normative behavior even if it's making others uncomfortable.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-06-27T10:36:16+00:00

Ive heard it a ton, Ive had women on here (this sub) say I'm creepy for a variety of reasons.

Links please.

I said I dont care about sex because my medication killed my sex drive (and that its a good thing) and was called creepy.

Link please.

But then its also creepy to want sex, and to seek sex out with women.

Link please.

So on one hand wanting sex is creepy, on the other, not wanting it is creepy. Its so confusing to me because I can't tell how NOT to be creepy.

I really want to see the comments where women were saying all these things to you, because those are all really dumbass assertions on their parts, and I'm ridiculously curious about how that kind of conversation came about.

Creepy in my definition has nothing to do with anyone’s libido. It's when someone, either man or woman, completely shuns typical social norms regarding personal space or eye contact to the point it sets off your fight or flight alarms. Basically they make themselves intimidating through their body language.

Ok-Situation2395 · 2024-06-27T12:51:27+00:00

Men leering at you. Incapability to engage in sincere and lighthearted conversation. Men who can’t engage in conversation with humor and kindness and say out of pocket shit that has nothing to do with the conversation. Men who can’t stop putting down women on the whole or paint them all with a broad brush. Men who love violence for the sake of violence. I’m not talking about those who love boxing, football, hockey, or high contact sports. Men who really subscribe to the red pill/black pill mentality and who can’t accept women as equals or agree with the concept of an egalitarian relationship. Men who don’t see a problem with misogyny in society. I know it’s a long list, but it’s true.

OddWish4 · 2024-06-27T09:51:45+00:00

If you want to know about the psychology of coming across creepy and how to come across less creepy, this is a fantastic video… I think this would answer questions for many people on this sub, both men and women.

How to appear less creepy

Title	What is creepy?
Author	Imissjuicewrld999
Upvotes	3
Comments	89
Date	June 27, 2024 4:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dpieoh/what_is_creepy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-creepy.1522508 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522508