What is the ideal partnership ?

EulenWatcher · 2025-04-26T16:55:48+00:00

I'm egalitarian, so my ideal relationship is a relationship where we treat each other as equal partners, make decisions together and share responsibilities. It's pretty much what my husband and I have, with the caveat that these days I work far fewer hours, because I'm studying, so he's covering most of our bills. In the past I supported us financially for quite some time too.

We usually split chores according to our free time. So these days I do more, because I spend more time at home than he does. In the past when I was working more and he had fewer hours, he was doing most of the chores. I genuinely enjoy it more in the latter case. I do like baking and cooking, but doing it daily gets annoying pretty fast. In the future I'd want us to split parental leave and both spend some time with out kid(s).

I've never been drawn or fond of traditional dynamic. I don't need to be led nor I want to permanently put financial burden completely on my husband.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-04-26T18:11:20+00:00

Being “led” by someone isn’t a partnership. What you described sounds like my personal hell, but if you would rather be a stay at home wife, that’s okay. You can stay at home, and do all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare if that’s what you want to do. But you can do all of those things without being “led.” You basically described a relationship where you mentally check out, and have your man make all the decisions for you. At best, you lose a sense of autonomy, at worst, you end up with a man who emotionally abuses you. What exactly is appealing to you about being led and guided by a man you’re in a relationship with?

Odd-Talk-3981 · 2025-04-26T20:46:02+00:00

Personally, I would avoid women like you like the plague, lol. But please note that it's nothing personal, really.

Said differently, I'd only be interested in blue-pilled / progressive women who are neither religious nor into traditional gender roles. I'd want to treat her as a partner and certainly not as my slave. And I'm not afraid of strong and independent women. Red-pilled men can call me a simp, I really don't care, lol.

However, if you are really considering becoming a tradwife, please think carefully about the risks. This woman deeply regretted her decision, but usually by the time you have regrets, it's too late: https://np.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1g4k5vu/i_cant_forgive_my_husband_for_what_he_did_when/

attendquoi · 2025-04-26T17:09:39+00:00

I'm more egalitarian. One of the best pieces of advice I received when I was younger is that a relationship should not complete you. It should enhance a life that is already complete.

ThatBitchA · 2025-04-26T17:45:49+00:00

What you described doesn't sound like a partnership. It sounds like one person has all the power, and the other person caters to the person with power.

A relationship shouldn't complete you and be your end all. Living to serve someone else is a man's fantasy of what women want.

An ideal partnership is two people with a foundation of friendship and trust who decide to partner up and go through the world together.

The ideal partnership doesn't have someone who "leads and guides" the other. The ideal partnership doesn't have one person doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. The ideal partnership is two people working together in tandem to manage a household. The ideal partnership is ultimately a friendship.

jazzmaster1992 · 2025-04-26T17:30:48+00:00

One that's born out of the most desire, and the least coercion and societal/financial pressure or influence. Meaning, if two "trads" want to partner up, they are passionate and in love and they consent to a male breadwinner/female supporter dynamic or something, that's their call and it's nobody else's to make. Likewise if two more "progressive" people want a more equal relationship, without roles or with different roles, they both consent to it, it makes them happy, it's their choice to make and nobody else's. Ideally both parties are with their person and performing their roles out of desire, which means if a guy wants to be traditionally masculine for his girlfriend/wife it's because that's what he wants for himself and for her, not because the internet or someone else told him that's what's good for him. Same goes for women having the choice to be trad wives or anything else. The worst relationships are born out of desperation, coercion, some other factor (we stayed for the kids), that involve dead bedrooms or worse, chronic cheating/abuse etc.

hakunaa-matataa · 2025-04-26T17:22:21+00:00

I mean, the “ideal” partnership is the one that feels the most fulfilling to you and your partner. There’s no “one size fits all” in romantic relationships. If being in a traditional gender roles partnership feels fulfilling to you, then hell yeah girl more power to you (and yes, I’d say the same thing to a man looking to pursue a traditional relationship). As long as you aren’t shoving it down other people’s throats that this is the only RIGHT relationship (yes I’d say the same thing to the opposite end of the spectrum), I don’t see anything wrong with it.

For me personally, I prefer an egalitarian relationship. Our finances are split, we take on what feels to be an equal effort in chores (doesn’t have to be 50/50, just feels like equal effort is put in on average), I pay for some dates he pays for some, sometimes he buys me flowers sometimes I buy him flowers/silly little treats/whatever else he likes, blah blah blah. I don’t think my way is the “right” way to be in a relationship, it’s just what feels the most “right” to me.

Edit: I honestly think at the end of the day it comes down to mutual, equal effort. I’ll give an example of both sexes with the obvious disclaimer of not all men/women, etc.

I think a lot of men get frustrated because they feel like they are contributing far more financially than women are despite making the same amount of money. Women will be working similar job/incomes to them, but some expect to be paid for. I can understand why that would lead to frustration on the men’s part, because he’s putting in more financial effort.

On the woman’s side, I think a lot of women get frustrated because they feel like they’re putting in more housework effort. If both the man and woman are working full time jobs, then it can be frustrating when some men feel like their work means they’re done for the day and need “time to relax”, while the woman comes home and has to cook, clean, pick up after the kids, and have sex with her husband (which becomes a chore when there’s no effort to appeal to her reactive libido).

So I think it comes down to effort. If the woman is staying home all day cooking and cleaning, I think a man would be fine with paying for her because he’s bringing in the financial portion, and the woman is bringing in the childrearing portion. If both the man and woman are working, then I think both need to contribute around the house.

Okay essay over lmao

GKilat · 2025-04-26T18:07:41+00:00

Compatibility. That's all that matters. Everyone has different views and personality so there is no one single correct answer. A trad man that wants a trad wife would ideally be paired with a trad woman that wants a trad husband. A trad man that wants a progressive wife should ideally be with a progressive woman who wants a trad husband. That's it.

oppositegeneva · 2025-04-26T21:50:52+00:00

I am in a “traditional” marriage similar to one you’ve described

For us it’s bliss, but it only works if you find a man who genuinely values domestic labor and the act of bearing/raising children. It only works if you marry a man who loves and respects you. It only works if you find a man who wants to be provider, husband and father, not just someone who wants a wife and kids.

Lots of men say they want this set up because they really just want a bang maid who will raise their offspring while they go to work and then come home and do nothing with their kids or wife. These men quickly build resentment against their wives and begin financially/emotionally/physically abusing them.

Make sure to have some sort of education or training in case you need to suddenly financially provide for yourself, be legally married and have equal access to all of your finances.

floracalendula · 2025-04-26T17:33:32+00:00

I want to be cherished. I want to be wild for him. I want us to be able to stimulate each other mind, body, and soul.

In terms of dynamics, I want what comes naturally to each of us. I don't do well with too domineering a person nor too meek. Monogamy is important. I want to be first in their heart and them in mine. I value my career because it makes me very happy and I consider myself blessed to have stumbled into this work, so I want someone who can support me in that and be my plus-one when I need to get out in the community for events.

Someone, please God, who shares my values and understands the votes I cast. Someone who is pleased for me that I got myself sterilised and wants, like me, to put auntie/uncle energy into the youth of tomorrow instead of raising them from scratch.

All that to say I'm probably somewhere middle of the road when it comes to liberal women, but if you stacked me up against conservative women they would think me slightly mad. :)

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-26T18:19:35+00:00

Egalitarian for me

Why isn’t this a poll?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-04-26T18:35:33+00:00

What seems like the ideal for me : we both work, we both take care of the home, we make decisions together.

G4M35 · 2025-04-26T21:20:40+00:00

2 like-minded people
who are compatible
who agree on the expectation of each other and from the relationship
who get together for the right reasons
who respect each other.

throwaway164_3 · 2025-04-26T17:42:05+00:00

Empathy, gratitude and kinky sex

Spicycloth · 2025-04-26T16:47:03+00:00

One with gratitude.

relish5k · 2025-04-26T19:47:10+00:00

I am in a fairly traditional relationship, though neither of us intended for it to be this way. But life happens, kids happen and I didn't want to work crazy hours just to be paying outrageous daycare costs and be stressed all the time.

He makes (most of) the money, I spend (most of the time) with the kids, co the cooking, laundry, etc. He still does traditional male chores (yard, trash, car). He can cook and I can take out the trash, of course, but we like to stick to what we know.

He is probably more of a feminist than I am lol, but this arrangement works for us. When it comes to make decisions we each sort of have our own "spheres" but always listen to each other and collaborate. My husband doesn't "lead and guide me" (what would that even look like? We are both adults...). We are partners, with a ton of mutual respect, love and chemistry. Feels pretty ideal to me.

United_Iron369 · 2025-04-26T20:26:28+00:00

Can't speak about the ideal partnership but instead I'll say the ideal circumstances. You meet your girl in highschool, you fall in love. You share your first kiss, you graduate. By some miracle you both get into the same university, where you lose your virginities to each other. After graduating, you work for a few years to become financially stable at which point you get married. If you're in love, the minutae of the partnership can be worked out later.

Tylikcat · 2025-04-26T20:30:40+00:00

This is so individual. And I think for many of us it can change over the course of our lives, too. I'm egalitarian, but that largely means that the things that I'm best at aren't confined to traditional gender roles, and I think that people should be able to work out a division of tasks and such that works for them. No shade if that division looks like traditional gender roles - but that's not going to work for me.

One of the models I've thought about is having someone who I spend focused time with once a week or so, and maybe sleep together with more frequently, but where we both have our own lives and own spaces. This is pretty common model for older women, many of whom are resistant to allowing their partners to live with them. And I could see it working well for me, especially with my schedule.

If I were to live with a partner?

In the big picture, I'm fairly flexible. I can do most household tasks well, and enjoy many of them (if I have the time... I hire a housekeeper for a reason!) I like working with my hands. I want someone who cares about the house and the things in it. Of the last couple of men I was really attracted to, one (a highly educated techie by training) showed me a beautiful handmade desk he made, with dovetail joins, and made a real point of keeping him place nice. And one was a contractor and interior decorator (but used to be a social worker in his home country). If I share a home with someone, I want them invested in the home, and I want it to be something we collaborate on.

We need to have compatible approaches to money. I'm not big on merging accounts, but there's more to it than that. My ex-husband was constantly pushing to eat out - and then would often try maneuver me into paying, even if it wasn't my turn. (Also, he'd tried to get us to go to very high end places when, and only when, it was my turn to pay.) He liked recreational shopping. And he generally had no savings and would hit me up to bail him out if he got into any financial trouble. More than being annoying, this was stressful, and felt manipulative. This wasn't a lack of making money - we were both software engineers. (Though I was the primary breadwinner.)

We need to have respect for each other's work. No one likes feeling like a maid, and no one likes having their job run down. (And FFS, I love to cook, and it's easy to get me to cook. It's called appreciating my cooking - well, and doing the dishes helps, I'll grant. But I've had two guys who really wanted to be able to tell me what to cook and when, which was creepy, and led to me cooking for them less, and then not at all.)

Back when kids were still being considered, having an idea about how both work and expenses would be split was really important. And I could still imagine raising kids with someone, though I don't see having kids of my body or being a SAHM at this point in my life. (Other than getting involved with a single parent or a woman who wants kids - not impossible - the most likely route would be fostering teens.)

Oh, and being a committed and involved parent would be absolutely essential if kids were part of things. I don't see a lot of men who have thought hard about the work side of being fathers, or who have much experience or understanding of what all is involved there.

And, of course, they need to be someone I enjoy talking with. For me, that's the core of a relationship?

And we need to have things we enjoy doing together - probably both activities sort of things, but also some kind of creative work. (I mean creative pretty broadly - from building things around the property, to writing fiction, to designing robots.)

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2025-04-26T20:59:51+00:00

No passenger princess or Queen nonsense. Hate that stuff. Someone to be healthy with. Used to be 400lbs. I'm not going back. That means healthy eating and regular exercise. I believe in " freedom in discipline" especially when it comes to health.

I don't have real belief in gender roles except one really. No hairy legs. I don't know why but just something that I really like. In my past relationships I always paid for waxing or the materials for it. So in this ideal relationship, I would continue that. I also be willing to do a traditional masculine trait/role in the exchange as well.

Mutual and equal effort from both parties. I can cook, clean, organize and plan. I can also do most household repairs and other traditionally masculine jobs. I've been a caregiver since a very young age. Have to know how to do it all when one of your parents is disabled.

Probably no kids. I'm burnt out from being a caretaker for so long.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-04-26T21:03:02+00:00

Companionship, co-op, getting along well, each compensates for the others weaknesses.

abaxeron · 2025-04-26T23:02:32+00:00

A relationship between a man and a woman is like a flu. The best is the one that doesn't happen. Everything else is some combination of compromise and sacrifice. Compromise and sacrifice are minimal when both have their own places and meet once or twice a month for some netflix & chill.

Smooth-Atmosphere657 · 2025-04-26T23:14:42+00:00

I don’t always know where I land but growing up, I never gave relationships much thought really. I wouldn’t say I was career focused or guided but I cared more about that stuff and independence there over a relationship.

Now that I’ve gotten older and in a relationship, I honestly do enjoy the thought of some of the more traditional relationship aspects such as looking after my kids, cooking for my man etc. I still do want to have a good paying career myself but I always would love the more traditional aspects.

So I say I’m pretty even between the two. Definitely want my own independence but also happy/ready to do the other stuff for my future family.

SnowyCherryBlossoms · 2025-04-26T23:22:23+00:00

This is what you need to understand. A lot of us aren’t cut out for that.

I stayed home for a short period as a SAHM. I like doing traditional female things - I liked cooking (still do) and don’t mind cleaning. I painted and gardened and became so fucking depressed I wanted to sleep all the time.

Here is the other thing - men are human. They cheat, they die, they lie, they can become abusive - JUST LIKE any human can become, so I will never ever give over the reins of my life to anyone else. Never. I learned from a very young age I couldn’t count on a man. My dad cheated on my mom and was NEVER there for me, my sister, or my brother. I don’t think there is any way to fix that.

And frankly, I’m not stupid. I’m more than capable of making the right decisions. I don’t need anyone - not man or woman - to tell me what to do. I’m also married to man who isn’t stupid. And get this - sometimes I’ve made the right call and he hasn’t. And sometimes he’s made the right call and I haven’t. So we discuss and figure it out together. Sometimes we go my way because he knows I have a better head on my shoulders about some things. And sometimes we go his way because he’s better.

I don’t really understand people like you. But that’s okay. You do you. That’s the big advantage of freedom. We can choose the relationship that works for us.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-04-27T10:12:37+00:00

An egalitarian one- both of us work, both of us take care of the kids, both of us do chores, both of us pay and we take turns in having a final say in major decisions according to multiple factors

r2k398 · 2025-04-27T14:41:10+00:00

I wanted a partner and not a dependent so that is the type of woman I married. I’m now at a point in my career where I can afford for her to stop working all together but she likes to make her own money. While it would be nice to have her quit working, we both enjoy the standard of living we can have when we both work.

toad-wrangler · 2025-04-27T17:12:53+00:00

For me, the more interchangeable the roles are the better. Traditional is totally fine, but I want things set up in such a way that we can switch gears into the opposite if something happens. I prefer a partnership where we continuously work together to make sure we have what we need in life, and are able to shift and change as life shifts and changes.

Ego73 · 2025-04-27T17:30:59+00:00

Someone who can help me evade taxes

alwaysright0 · 2025-04-26T17:30:44+00:00

The ideal partnership is, well, a partnership.

What you're describing is not.

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BlessdRTheFreaks · 2025-04-27T06:50:16+00:00

I think you're actually a man, McDonaldsCrewBoi

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Monkzao · 2025-04-26T18:02:46+00:00

I am egalitarian but traditional, let me explain. I think men and women should equally participate in household chores. Both should have similar salaries because if the salary gap is too big one will have advanyover the other

Where I am more traditional is when it comes to fashion and behavior during sex. Ideally men should wear masculine clothes and accessories while women wear feminine clothes and accessories. Men should be dominate in bed while women should be submissve. But again this is just my ideal

hijabz-n-diamondz · 2025-04-27T03:56:14+00:00

i am in a beautiful, fulfilling, and traditional marriage and i wouldnt have any other kind. the "feminists" calling you a pick me or a traitor for simply happily living as a normal woman eager to deeply love and commit herself to her own husband and children can kindly go swallow sand!

Chicken-samosa · 2025-04-27T15:14:03+00:00

For me, I need to find someone cold and calculated with similar interests. Almost psychopathic (must view humans as animals). Must have interests in math, physics and computers. I want this person to yap our favorite topics. (yes babe, please tell me more about your interpretation of how complex eigenvalues in R² can mean existence of z axis)

And I cannot reiterate this enough but this person needs to view humans as animals. I don't think I can even discuss why, here.

Btw oi u/McDonaldsCrewBoi I don't mean to be rude but do you never fear what you will do if some tragedy occurs to your husband? Again, no harm intended.

petellapain · 2025-04-26T17:34:01+00:00

Conventional gender roles willingly adhered to. That simple. Not possible in the west, which is why I'm a radical ppb activist. Its the only way

Title	What is the ideal partnership ?
Author	McDonaldsCrewBoi
Upvotes	5
Comments	180
Date	April 26, 2025 4:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k8gfw2/what_is_the_ideal_partnership/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-ideal-partnership.1550705 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550705

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