Where does this idea that looks don't matter really come from?

wtknight · 2025-11-23T15:57:01+00:00

Removed. No posts about looks.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-11-23T06:33:27+00:00

I think it comes from long term relationships that take years. Over time looks fade, so you can't count on looks alone. And there are usually stuff beside the looks that is important to getting along together. Looks fade and you need to have other stuff that keeps them with you.

Also, sometimes the personality can turn a neutral person into an attractive one.

Basically, it comes from older people who realised that looks aren't everything. And it's less of a "looks don't matter at all", but more of "looks don't matter as much in the long term".

Not to mention that women in the past didn't have much choice in whom they marry and had to be content with a husband to whom they aren't visually attracted, so they might be searching for non-looks thing to latch on. Aka, it's a cope from the past that is still passed on.

There is also the thing of morality and purity (which usually stems from religion). And thus looks/lust is seen as animalistic. And especially women are preassured to portray themselves as pure (look at the "woman has to be a virgin and we will close our eyes when men have sex outside the wedlock"). Reading "the name of the rose" there were passages where women are seen as devils tempresses and it is not a mans fault if he succumbs.

It's like, "looks and lust are animalistic and we are above animals, so the higher stuff like morality and virtue matter". We are still carrying the remnants of religion. It did influence our society for hundreds of years. We are slowly becomming secular and maybe we are reaching a tipping point, which moral enterpreneurs are using to create panics and profit from it.

Ignisyourface · 2025-11-23T06:56:40+00:00

People here also seemingly forget about how basic social etiquette and expectations feed into this.

When people say “looks don’t matter” they typically aren’t saying it with the intention of lying and misleading, they say it because that is the socially polite thing to say.

People dance around the truth to avoid the awkwardness of hurting someone’s feelings.

kmb218 · 2025-11-23T10:05:40+00:00

I am confused. You say women you were with openly told you you’re hot and that women talk about looks all the time. But then you ask why they don’t admit looks matter? It seems like from your experience (and my experience matches that too), women are already open about looks being important.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-11-23T13:14:46+00:00

Of course looks matter. What most women say is that looks aren’t the only thing that matters. That last bit gets ignored a lot.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-11-23T05:43:25+00:00

I honestly have no idea, looks mattered always. What i notice in me and in other women is that they don’t work like men describe, but they still matters. And also what i see is that if i say anything about personality some men can’t comprehend having more than one deciding factor, and some just try to use it as gotcha because they think that if personality matters theirs should be rewarded because they helped granny cross the street 5 years ago, and that’s just not how it works (ironically in this gotcha they show why they are unsuccessful at least partially)

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-11-23T08:45:51+00:00

Because every woman likes different type of men. Yes looks matter but not in absolute sense. It's about subjective attraction.

uglysaladisugly · 2025-11-23T14:47:21+00:00

Once more for the thousandth time, it's not that look don't matter, it's that it doesn't matter above all, that it is not necessarily even an exclusion criteria.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2025-11-23T06:19:52+00:00

Blue pill nonsense

sublimemongrel · 2025-11-23T05:57:55+00:00

Men insist looks are paramount because they don’t or often refuse to at least attempt to try and understand how female sexuality works. Looks have never literally “not mattered” but the idea they are all that matter or the primary trigger for female sexual attraction is also false.

Extremely good looking people are always going to be a bit of an outlier - you’re going to more naturally open the door so to speak for potential romantic interest to more people.

The men who have non-physical qualities that really push your buttons are….sexually inspiring. In a way that sometimes develops and grows over time and can be very overwhelming and lustful - but not necessarily immediate ie based on looks alone!!

The men who both tick the cute box PLUS have those sexually inspiring non physical attributes - that’s where you’re really gonna have desire through the roof, at least IME

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2025-11-23T07:04:59+00:00

This is not a difficult concept but potatoes don’t seem to get it.

I want someone attractive TO ME! To ME! To ME!! What I find attractive and what other women find attractive is different. I don’t think any of my friends’ partners is attractive, except for one. But they all think they are the sexiest men to them. I had a discussion with another woman in a sub and she thought Hasan was hot. My vagina would rather throw itself in front of a truck than touch him. And that’s ok. She can find whoever she wants attractive, as can I. Why do we have to keep explaining this to you? If the chicks in school thought you were hot, great. But you were attractive TO THEM. I might not find you attractive. My ex was much shorter than me, chubby, balding, and I thought he was sex on legs. But not everyone would think the same. The bumble data has been debunked. There have been so many studies showing the diversity of female attraction and yet you guys still hold on to the outdated information. It’s so frustrating.

EmpressJJ · 2025-11-23T06:52:23+00:00

Reading these comments is crazy. It’s way simpler than all of that. Women are TAUGHT to care less about looks. It is a question of how people are raised. Reality is women, just like men, do care about looks but most girls are taught from a toddler age, to be humble. To be kind. To be neat. To be feminine. To care about personality. To be small. To be weak. To give a chance. To not be so superficial. To be thankful. Etc. These are virtues that parents give or rather hammer into girls the moment they are born. I refuse to believe that you don’t know what I am talking about. Girls are raised totally different than guys. Society wants girls to be kind, gentle, humble, peaceful, faithful, self controlled (not animalistic, not swayed by our instincts), patient.. It’s only when growing up, getting older, gaining experiences and realizing that: 1. ugly men can have bad personalities 2. looks do matter attraction wise - and thus that dating preferences change. I legit started out thinking that personality matters more and that girls had to be the pretty gender, not boys. I gave chances to lowkey ugly men and they treated me bad. With time I came to the conclusion, looks and personality matters both 50/50 and I don’t see how that’s a bad stance. If I’m not attracted, it’s bad. If they treated me badly, that’s bad. And then there’s girls, who bring both looks and personality to the table, legitimately a lot more often than guys. It‘s natural to lose interest in something that doesnt work out.

attendquoi · 2025-11-23T05:55:23+00:00

I have no clue. I remember being told about what boys would and would not like about my appearance when I was a child.

Able_Donut2654 · 2025-11-23T15:52:07+00:00

Looks posts go in the looks megathread

fatalcharm · 2025-11-23T07:49:44+00:00

Ugly people came up with the idea to feel better about themselves.

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Title	Where does this idea that looks don't matter really come from?
Author	Evening_Impact_7944
Upvotes	21
Comments	73
Date	November 23, 2025 5:33 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1p4epyo/where_does_this_idea_that_looks_dont_matter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/where-does-this-idea-that-looks-dont-matter-really.1567188 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567188

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