Why is it always assumed that a white is "Nagging" just to be a bitch when it's quite possible she's understandably upset about having a shitty husband?

hyperrreal · 2017-04-26T16:37:13+00:00

Nagging is not a positive behavior. This is not to say the person being nagged is blameless, but if nagging is a big part of a relationship, then both individuals have deeper problems.

For one, it flows from a desire to control one's partner. This is both impossible and unhealthy. If concerns about something have been voiced and ignored, it's time for a more serious conversation about compatibility, each partner's respective priorities in a relationship, etc. Compromise may be possible, or the relationship may need to end.

Second, nagging tends to be passive/indirect way of expressing anger. Again, this is not positive. People should feel comfortable expressing anger directly. This problem even comes through in your OP. The nagging isn't really about X or Y small thing, it's about something bigger. But rather than act like an adult and face the real issue, the wife tries manipulate her husband into being what she wants indirectly.

Third and related to the second point, nagging tends to be based on some "correct" idea of how things should be done. This sense of correctness in an illusion. There is no "right way" clothes should be folded, dinner should be cooked, and so on. There is only what both partners have agreed upon and want. It's not "you're doing this wrong" that's fundamentally dishonest and maniupaltive. It's "you're not doing this the way I want." And saying the latter is 100% okay.

OurThrownAwayDreams · 2017-04-26T16:26:03+00:00

Because when you nag, it means you are not compromising.

I'm not saying the man is never at fault and all women who nag are unreasonable harpies. Sometimes men ARE lazy pieces of shit that need a swift kick in the butt to get them in line.

But consider this:

If you are nagging about small, everyday stuff. Is it better for you to do it yourself rather than to nag away until it gets done?

If you are nagging your partner to change something fundamental about him. Then I believe you've picked a wrong man.

Two examples:

you nag him to do something in the house. Say, paint the fence. He doesn't think it's that high of a priority and he wants to work on his car in the garage. Does it make sense to you to keep nagging him until he complies? Or you should just save your energy, go to Home Depot, buy a bucket of paint and just get it done yourself? After all, you're the one who wants the fence painted and his reasoning is that the car is higher priority than the fence.
You nag him to lose weight but he is just too lazy and stubborn to get off the couch. You resent him for being lazy and you keep nagging and nagging. At this point, is it fair to say that laziness is in his character and that is probably not going to change? Then my question is, why pick such a lazy guy if you yourself demand someone who likes to work on himself to stay fit?

UA_Hammer · 2017-04-26T16:24:39+00:00

"shitty husband" used to mean things like "I got a black eye cause I fell down the stairs". Now it means things like "he has his own hobbies"

Littleknownfacts · 2017-04-26T16:30:23+00:00

At what point does asking you to do something turn into nagging?

SetConsumes · 2017-04-26T17:47:12+00:00

Women don't nag to be bitches. That isn't what makes a bitch a bitch. Bitches are so because they don't give a fuck. Lol.

Nagging is done because the woman is unhappy or unsatisfied about something. It is her way of trying to express what she feels is wrong.

An unmasculine man gets mad and annoyed at the nagging.

A masculine man deciphers what she really means and needs, and takes appropriate action. Cause she can't just directly tell you, or else she probably would, unless she's a retard, which I'm not presuming.

whyyoureadmyusername · 2017-04-26T16:19:27+00:00

Everyone has their own perspective. Certainly a lot of times nagging is completely justified. In other cases the wife may secretly resent her husband for being old, fat and ugly and she takes it out on him by constantly bitching about everything he does.

I don't like using an argument to moderation, but when dealing with a topic like this, I think it's the most logical thing to do.

That said MRPers do some awful shit, and probably deserve a lot of nagging. However I don't doubt a few of them were being treated unfairly before they ever took up TRP and so their own resentment clouds their judgement as well.

figthief · 2017-04-26T16:36:30+00:00

People use the same sort of terms to describe their bosses even if they are shitty employees.

I'm not saying that "nagging" isn't a gendered term used primarily by men to describe women.

I don't think women with ineffectual husbands should just lay down in defeat for fear of being nags.

However, it can't hurt to:

Recognize that you aren't in a position of authority over your partner.
Consider how much emotional energy repeating something you prioritize that your spouse doesn't is worth it to you and realistically what will come of it.
Try other more effective ways of communication, people will tune out continuous talk about the same thing.

For what it's worth I "nagged" my husband a lot when we first moved in together about his tidiness. Over time, his habits began to fall in line with mine. But then again, I chose a man who cares about me and communicated with him in a manner that wasn't like a parent speaking to a child.

"I really prefer it when the dishes aren't left in the sink. When I start cooking the next day it lets me get stuff that requires sink use, like pasta, on the table faster. I was thinking about making that mushroom lasagne tomorrow, thoughts?"

Boobear3 · 2017-04-26T16:09:29+00:00

Generally, low quality men who are irresponsible or lazy get nagged the most.

men do it to their wives as well.. But red pill calls it "constructive criticism" in that case

BPremium · 2017-04-26T16:50:34+00:00

nagging doesnt happen to guys with 6 packs nearly as often. I wonder why...

trail22 · 2017-04-26T17:01:12+00:00

So when I was growing up, my mom would get on my case for not doign dishes. She was right to . One week I kept the kitchen clean, I was basically making my own food at that point.

She looks around right when she came home, saw the kitchen clean and went up stairs. My mom basically stopped talking to me at that point. So I went back to not cleaning my dishes at the end of the week.

Also nagging ins't about tryign to change a guy. It's about blowing of steam for a lot of women. THey go to work and have to be nice, and then see a problem when they come home and decide to let out all their pent up anger. If they wanted to change things, nagging would not be the way because of the whole insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting change.

ingenjor · 2017-04-26T17:37:19+00:00

Because usually the nagging comes after the wedding. The wife knew who he was, she knew what she was getting into. Why try to change her husband now? If she wasn't happy with who he was, she shouldn't have married him.

PhantomDream09 · 2017-04-26T19:14:26+00:00

On the RedPillWives sub, we focus on what the person can control. Since it's a forum for women, our advice focuses on what the woman is doing, what she could be doing, while also giving her some perspective. There was a thread today one user posted and it's full of complaints. She's not married, and living with her BF has her feeling overwhelmed and stressed. The fact is she makes the decision to nag because she cares about things that don't matter to the BF at all.

You can't force other people to change, and if you are the person nagging, that means the thing you are nagging about matters more to you than the other person. As a result the nagger should just STFU and take care of the 'problem.'

Vetting is such an important process for both men and women, and I think everyone does a mediocre job (at best) when it comes to investigating the issues that matter most and figuring out how life together will look.

There are things that matter more to me and things that matter more to my SO. Relationships are all about figuring out the priorities, knowing what makes each other 'tick' and doing everything you can to avoid stepping on landmines. Building a healthy dynamic only works when you understand each other, have an agreed upon plan of action, and actually follow through with that plan. Mutual respect, consideration, understanding when things are tough, and always going the extra mile when you can for the other person.

MRP is where failed husband's go to learn. They may have been successful in the past, or they were never really great - but the woman settled. They are learning to be masculine and fix things that have been so rotten for so long that the marriage is (usually) on the brink of divorce. Dead bedrooms, constant fighting, and resentment are common. I don't agree with many of the methods advocated, but the road to improving the marriage is long and difficult - so good on them for trying at least.

Archwinger · 2017-04-27T01:01:07+00:00

They're both true.

Women nag to be a bitch, under the plausible deniability of expressing a legitimate grievance of some kind. But they are bitches because their husbands are losers.

Women who are married to awesome guys don't act nearly as bitchy, because they actually respect their men, don't want to worsen their relationship or risk losing them, and give them the benefit of the doubt when they do, fail to do, or do something differently.

Women are nagging bitches when they don't care if their loser man leaves, or think he's too chicken shit to leave her so she's safe.

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badnews4u · 2017-04-26T16:24:49+00:00

shes probably a shitty wife and hes probably a shitty husband. everybody loses until someone decides to change. that probably doesnt happen

fetchyminx · 2017-04-26T16:32:42+00:00

Yeah you should totally marry a shitty person then nag him about being shitty.

cloppydogroll · 2017-04-26T17:53:18+00:00

nagging is due to a drastic difference in how women and men communicate, added on to the fact that the dude might be being a lazy pos. I have experienced this countless times where some girl complains about her problems and I tell her what I think is the best course of action, and it was as if I just insulted her or something. Nagging is the way she communicates that something is wrong, but doesn't really address it. It's just emotional vomit. Based on her lack of respect due to him being a lazy pos. So she's communicating extremely poorly = bitch, and he's being a lazy pos who's not keeping up his end of the bargain in the relationship.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-04-26T18:15:46+00:00

Children nag their parents to buy them their toy.

Why would one think it's great when someone can't be arsed to fix something in their own lives thats easily fixable, isntead of asking daddums to do it for them?

despisedlove2 · 2017-04-26T23:38:25+00:00

Women love undeserved stuff, including control.

TheThingsIThink · 2017-04-26T23:47:29+00:00

She has the option of applying charm as opposed to nagging. Most of the things women nag about are gendered bullshit that women are fully capable of doing but expect men to do because of gender roles. People will spend more time nagging about something than it takes to do, which shows what it really is: a power play and attempt to see if nagging works.

If it works she will keep doing it while losing respect and attraction for the man, if it doesn't work she will keep sucking dick and making sandwiches like she did in the honeymoon phase or leave because she was just presenting her ambassador and she doesn't have the energy to keep charming the man.

dejour · 2017-04-27T00:03:18+00:00

Usually if a friend confides in you, you are generally supposed to support your friend - especially if their complaint is plausible.

If someone privately says their spouse "nags" you assume they are describing the situation accurately and support them.

If someone privately says their spouse is lazy/messy etc. you assume they are describing the situation accurately and support them.

If a couple both complains to you in the presence of the other, tell them that you aren't a marriage counselor.

Entropy-7 · 2017-04-27T01:29:48+00:00

I am engaged to be married. I WANT MY WIFE TO NAG! I am a slob and I know it. Sometimes I need a 92 pound girl to kick my ass.

I want to make $1,000,000

And I need a little bitch who will keep me on track

IIHotelYorba · 2017-04-27T07:50:01+00:00

Why do you assume the husband is shitty

winndixie · 2017-05-02T01:38:24+00:00

Why didnt she choose to present it in a calm non nagging way?

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-04-26T16:06:51+00:00

An MRP husband isn't given the benefit of the doubt. His wife is nagging usually due to him being weak and sensitive.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2017-04-26T19:25:57+00:00

Simply because redpill is always team man. Everything is the woman's fault.

cholomite · 2017-04-26T16:47:02+00:00

Women constantly test their men for evolutionary fitness. These tests are meant to indicate to her whether her man has the confidence to not get flustered when faced with conflict. In the mind of a woman, a man who quickly buckles under the slightest pressure, is a weak man and not evolutionary fit. Women constantly berate their men into submission, then lose attraction to that man because e has become so supplicating that she loses all respect for him. His passive and supplicating behavior is a sign of low fitness in her eyes.I personally view getting married as failing a big shit test. Women are attracted to independent men who can't be tamed. By getting married, these men have allowed themselves to be tamed. The women lose respect for their men and begin testing them mercilessly, which is often described as "nagging".

The bottom line is that women do not want men they can boss around.

Title	Why is it always assumed that a white is "Nagging" just to be a bitch when it's quite possible she's understandably upset about having a shitty husband?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	28
Comments	300
Date	April 26, 2017 3:57 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/67p1hs/why_is_it_always_assumed_that_a_white_is_nagging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-it-always-assumed-that-a-white-is-nagging.268593 https://theredarchive.com/post/268593

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