Why is it argued that a high n-count only affects women's ability to bond?

poppy_blu · 2019-01-13T19:11:57+00:00

We’ve been through this so many times. Correlation does not imply causation.

There is a correlation (from one study) between women with counts about I think it’s 10 and higher risk of divorce. But consider that:

-The high n count group is probably less religious and traditonal in general meaning getting divorced isn’t as much of a stigma

-The study didn’t correlate any other characteristics of the high n count group that might result in higher divorce rates, which doesn’t mean there weren’t any, they just didn’t analyze the data that way or report on it

-the study also revealed a higher divorce rate among women with 0-2 partners than women in the next group (3-9). Seems to blow a hole in the manosphere’s theory right there.

-there has never been scientific research validating this notion that women with high n counts have an impaired ability to pair bond. They’re using a divorce statistics that could have many causes to draw unfounded conclusions that “it must be that they can’t oair bond because they’ve had more dicks.”

If you went into a room of 1,000 people and asked how many have been divorced, and you noticed that most of the people raising their hands were wearing white shirts, you could say “there’s a correlation in this sample between white shirts and divorce.” But it’s meaningless statement without further study establishing a casual relationship to white shirts.

I mean, it could be true for all we know. But enough research hasn’t been done to say definitively either way.

For me, I have an n count that would be considered high around here (albeit not a hard benchmark to exceed). I’ve never had problems pair bonding. If anything, I had to teach myself not to bond so hard with men.

To me it’s just another rationalization that men with insecure attachment styles can lean on to think they can mitigate risk and to deflect responsibility when they get dumped.

TheSuperStink · 2019-01-13T15:35:46+00:00

I’ve posted this before but had a lot of RP pushback, because it simply can’t be the case.

I’m a man and have a fairly high n-count, mostly from college also but into my late 20s and early 30s. It has absolutely affected my ability to have healthy relationships. I’m alway looking for the next best thing, or remembering women I’ve had before. I’ve broken off an engagement because I got cold feet and several other long-term relationships. I’m currently engaged and my partner does not know my n-count, nor do I know hers. I’m going to keep it that way.

I’m from a stable home with loving parents.

toronto87 · 2019-01-13T17:27:04+00:00

If you want some fun anecdotal evidence, go look at what happened to Mystery. Even Roosh kinda looks like he's got a thousand twat stare.

dejour · 2019-01-13T15:50:10+00:00

It's probably true that a high n-count affects a man's ability to bond.

But men are often shamed for stating that they have a preference for low n-count women. I suspect that few women are shamed for preferring low n-count men. If I'm mistaken, let me know.

But if that is the case then men have to provide a justification for their preference. And women are rarely required to provide a justification.

goatismycopilot · 2019-01-13T16:06:38+00:00

I think high N men have problems with being monogamous which the men here say does not impact their ability to pair bond that is because they segment wife away from slut I want to bang. Of course that does not mean their wives and partners agree with that assessment but the population slice of men do not do care and if they make enough money their wives will trade away monogamy for lifestyle again a small slice 9f the population but they exist.

hammerhaunts · 2019-01-13T15:26:25+00:00

isn't an ability to sustain a long term relationship more important than n-counts?

it's almost like people argue that they are connected or something

analt223 · 2019-01-13T16:00:05+00:00

I think its mostly due to the fact that women get approached, men dont. With the exception of a few men who are approached (wealthy celeb types), women will have more opportunities to fail. If they have a high n count, they will be more likely to jump ship, especially if other dudes are approaching her (knowing or not knowing her relationship status).

Men with high n counts also display the same traits, but men with high n counts worked much harder to be attractive to women than the other way around.

Its easy to have a high n count if you are a woman, its much harder if you are a man.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-01-15T15:45:41+00:00

it doesnt hurt women's pair-bonding ability. that is something asshole males made up to control women's sexuality through propaganda.

DebatePony · 2019-01-13T15:29:59+00:00

Because something something good keys something something bad locks.

Basically: they want to sleep around but want to have a 11/10 virgin porn star waiting on the wings.

Ultramegasaurus · 2019-01-13T15:29:35+00:00

Why is it argued that a high n-count only affects women's ability to bond?

Because women like high n-count men

nevomintoarce · 2019-01-13T16:17:32+00:00

I don't know any man whore who married a low count woman and had a healthy marriage with kids. They're all drugged up and crying about their back pain.

sadomasochrist · 2019-01-13T17:23:09+00:00

When male romance dies, so does any duty or loyalty you had to your "old books" views of relationships. So it absolutely does create issues with men too.

But this isn't the "point" of the discussion.

Female n-count discussions are framed in such a way that they're arguing to preserve old systems that were optimized to try and have the most stable nuclear family.

That means one man with a virginal woman.

The widespread acceptance of casual sex has made this much much harder, and so when men bring this up, they're bringing it up in a frame of reference that is "I want things to return to a time where I can find a virginal woman to have a family with."

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-01-13T18:12:34+00:00

RP is about men dating women. RP tells men not to bond with women in the first place, so why would they care if it effects mens "Ability to bond"

MGTOWtoday · 2019-01-13T18:24:32+00:00

It does more than that. It also harms women self esteem as it shows they don’t respect themselves enough not to engage in risky and self destructive behavior. It’s not an accident that as women have become increasingly sexually “liberated”, that they also report higher and higher rates of depression and anxiety.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-01-13T18:34:22+00:00

Women release oxytocin during sex which makes them bond to the guy. The theory is that she’s sort of bonded to a whole bunch of guys, which cheapens her connections.

The problem is that men also release bonding chemicals too. Plus, new bonding can override old bonds, which insecure men don’t seem to get. Finally, desire is mental and emotional, not just chemical, so it’s very possible for both men and women to detach and move on.

Men overly worried about pair bonding are simply afraid they can’t compete with her past partners.

The only way it’s logical is to say that a woman with many partners may not be interested in commitment. But that was already how she was, it wasn’t caused by a high n count.

Nor is it the case for all high n count women. For example, those with childhood abuse sometimes go through such a phase until they get counseling and stuff.

CursedLemon · 2019-01-13T19:13:55+00:00

I've asked this question hundred thousand times on this sub - "why does a prolific sex life make a woman a bad partner, but make a man a good partner" - and have never, not once, received anything other than a mumbling, beside-the-point response.

It's more than a empty thesis, it's a lie.

blackedoutfast · 2019-01-13T21:47:36+00:00

it's likely that what is really happening is that women who have an inability to pair bond end up getting high n-counts. women who do pair bond well will make a much greater effort to maintain an existing relationship instead of leaving and finding some other dick.

it's not the same for men, because men have a stronger drive to have sex and male n-count is more related to his SMV and ability to get laid instead of pair bonding. if a man has a low n-count, it's probably because he sucks with women, not necessarily because he is good at pair bonding. the guys who are best at pair bonding are probably the one who obviously could get a high n-count but don't fuck every woman who throws herself at him

genethedog · 2019-01-13T23:56:52+00:00

Women with a high N count have convinced themselves that sex and intimacy are completely separate things, but they wont say that either. They'll tell themselves (and others) that she cares about him, but we all know a females 'love' is not the same as a mans. A man will die for a woman, enough said on that topic.

When a woman is a virgin, she views it as the most special gift she could ever give someone. That they would be so lucky and blessed to get that from her. They place a very very extremely high value on it, that is, until it's gone.

Once its gone, its crushing. Like most big 'steps' in a woman's life, she elevates it to impossible heights. This makes it inevitable that, once the milestone is passed, they are standing there going "was that it?" and they feel like somehow they were ripped off, cheated, and wish they could do it all over again, but they can't.

At this point, a woman basically takes one of two paths. Most will basically be like "fuck it!" and go fuck like crazy. They are trying to establish "what's the big deal" in their own mind. This helps them repress the feelings of shame.

Some of them step back and go "Wait, that wasn't what i thought it would be, and I might have some regrets about that, but I am not going to just throw it around because I am still special, sex is special, and intimacy is required."

The ones that went 'fuck it' will try and rationalize it with thoughts like "why is it ok for guys... blah blah blah'.

They never stop to think that maybe it's not the same for us because we didn't walk around feeling like we had the most awesome special 'gift'. We couldn't wait to get rid of it and never thought about 'virginity' the same way a female does.

Dont even like when the term 'virgin' is so broadly applied to basically anyone that hasn't had sex. We don't have a hymen, along with a million other complicating factors.

A woman's virginity is very tightly tied to her SMV. A man's virginity is a fucking curse. They aren't the same thing, at all. Only a woman's delusional rationalization hamster tried to make it the same. Everyone knows this and has known this since the beginning of fucking time.

When a woman turns sex into something as routine and mundane as doing the fucking dishes, she will not be able to bond because people don't bond over doing the dishes.

Letting a man shove his cock in your body is NOT something that is taken lightly, nor should it be. But the immature little girls still like to feel special so they have no other choice but to 'claim' their shame. They have no choice, they can't go back. So now they believe they can just gobble all the cock they want without consequences. (Imagine that, a woman avoiding accountability... no way right? lol)

Anything that is repressed will come back with a fucking vengance. They can only push it back for so long. Eventually they turn into anxious feral starving animals that are completely insatiable in every way. Nothing excited them anymore. The thrills are gone. The only thing that will cause a a slight spike in thrills/excitement/dopamine is the 'potential' of a new cock. She sees her current partner as so fucking boring. She starts to day dream about the Chad at the gym/office/where-ever. She starts to imagine that they would be perfect for each other. She believes he's the missing piece. But that's not the missing piece. The Oxycontin is the missing piece. They no longer get a blast of it when they open up and bond with a man. The only source of oxytocin she will ever have again is from having a child. All she can ever get from a man now is a dopamine rush. They will forever be 'chasing the dragon'.

Just like a drug addict, they get that first hit of heroin/meth and its un-fucking-believable; this is like first sex. They loved it, they want it again. Maybe their second hit is almost as good, but even though it's only the second hit, it still has less novelty than the first. And she knows she's raising her N (in the case of both sex and drugs). But the 'high' was irresistible. So she does it again. By the third or 4th time, the novelty is gone. This is like 'old hat' now. She finds herself easily hanging with other addicts, going to crack houses, the excitement is gone, now shes just addicted. She's not just addicted to the drug, but she's addicted to chasing the dragon.

She will do more and more, always thinking the next one will be the one. Maybe she develops a certain pattern that was 'kind of' like the first time in hopes that maybe the repeating the same things that happened will be what 'does the trick'. Maybe she tries to 'make him wait', hoping that the anticipation will re-create the 'spark', but it won't. It can't. Once it's done, it's done.

Now she's the addict that thinks that as long as other people don't know, then she can get away with it. Same as a drug addict doing lines off the toilet at work. And then they get so 'confident' about it, it's like they almost want to get caught. And then when they do they play the victim and beg for 'second' chances when it's been hundreds of chances.

They know their shame and they hate it. They know that it lowers their SMV just like being a single mom does. They will put shit on their OLD profiles like 'I'm a mom and I need a REAL man!'

Can you imagine a man putting "I'm unemployed and live in my parents basement and I deserve a REAL woman to step up and take me on! I'm tired of losers that don't 'woman-up'!

whatdidshewrite · 2019-01-14T01:04:06+00:00

I’m a low N count guy and for me it’s kind of the opposite to TRP guys.

I’ve been in open relations before and have had casual hook ups but I’ve never enjoyed the experience in any of them.

I’ve been with women hotter than the girl I was in the relationship with at the time and still found myself preferring her over the hotter one.

When I was with my LTR I would always think about other women and feel like I’d want to have sex with them, but when I actually did it I didn’t like it

NeedingAdvice86 · 2019-01-14T16:43:39+00:00

Experience....anecdotal

Nobody has a more bitter, less empathic view toward men than the very high n-count women that I have met.....they sadly match all the stereotypes listed for high n-count women.

Old roommate's two sisters were some of the worst...they fucked everything that moved in their youth, married a series of less attractive providers who they absolutely fucking disdained but had a series of dicks that they went around fucking when needed. Mid thirties and thought the absolute the worst about men in general which seemed to be a combination of their disdain for their chubby, provider husbands and some past guys that did them wrong. One even fucked a friend of my roommate when ever he was in town to party...he would fuck anything plus one always kept calling me to set up getting together "to discuss" the most inane stuff....."not interested, thank you". She even claimed to want to set me up with a young friend but when I showed up she said the girl got called into the hospital to work but we could go have some drinks in her friends apartment...."not interested, again".

Now as to whether they end up high n-count because of their personality or whether the high n-count caused the problems, isn't my concern. I just want nothing to do with either.

diffdedbed · 2019-01-13T17:18:32+00:00

I think it would depend on age.

18-24 - I'd be wary of a woman with a high N count. Its like someone who's resume has 8 jobs in 6 years. Its not a good sign.

I'd be really worried about a woman 25-30 still a virgin. Odds are she has some real strong mental baggage. A religious woman would be married by then.

GradualDecomp · 2019-01-13T17:55:40+00:00

This is entirely dependent on the individual. I know men and women who have slutted it up big time and found happy longterm partnerships easily. I also know both men and women who have been damaged by dating and sleeping around too much and can't seem to hang on to any healthy attachments.

I think it is a bit of a chicken/egg situation. Do people become insecure and damaged from being promiscuous, or do they become promiscuous because they are insecure and damged?

DevilishRogue · 2019-01-13T18:19:45+00:00

Why is it argued that a high n-count only affects women's ability to bond?

It isn't. It also affects a male's ability although to a far, far lesser extent which is outweighed generally in terms of other signifiers associated with a high partner number count for males.

As a male or female, How has having more (or less) partners affected you?

The expectation of having easy access to a variety of appealing sexual partners means that one tends to worry less about missing opportunities so infidelity is less likely despite having more opportunity. It is easier to say no if you aren't worried this might be your only chance.

longacidrain · 2019-01-13T18:44:56+00:00

I bond with people VERY quickly which is probably why my number is so high.

Critical_Stress · 2019-01-13T19:30:06+00:00

Simply because men and women view sex very differently. Men view love and sex as two separate entities that overlap whereas women view it as one of the same. It effects a woman's ability to bond because she is literally and figuratively opening herself up to him. Women are more vulnerable in the act itself. This is shown in biology as well, STD/Is primarily use men as the carrier to spread to women where it wreaks havoc on the female reproductive system and causes infertility. There might be that one chick in Walmart from 12 years ago that was just so astoundingly beautiful it blew him away and gets added to his "spank bank" but besides that, it's kind of similar to how guys can check out other women and basically instantaneously forget about them, can't recall what they look like, and don't even realize that they are doing it half of the time. This is because there was sexual attraction but no emotional connection whereas women typically need to feel that emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. This is why a woman's promiscuity affects her ability to bond. As for TheSuperStink, that sounds more like sex addiction.

NullOverLoad · 2019-01-13T20:49:36+00:00

Ive never asked a GF their N-Count nor do I intend to start. I definately prefer a woman who will happily discuss sex. Not her ex's just sex itself, what she enjoys etc.

However I do have other different boundries:

Not been with any of my friends. Not a single mum. Looks after herself and takes pride in her appearance. No excessive amount of tattoo's or piercings.

The N-Count, well I dunno I just don't think about it.

wtffellification · 2019-01-14T10:14:52+00:00

A man with a high n count has been selected by many. And it's "natural" for men to want to spread their seed around (they succeeded at their job - spreading their genetic material)

A woman with a high n count has selected many. And, it's not "natural" for women to want to share themselves with anyone (they failed at their job - being selective about genetic material)

It's very obvious how a man with a high n count is more likely to be 'forgiven', if not even appreciated more, because of his high n count; and the reverse; why a woman would not be appreciated because of this, is quite obvious too

LLL3peat · 2019-01-14T18:17:48+00:00

Casualty sex is great but for me having a high n count doesn't matter. What happens is you know what's out there if someone is using sex as a weapon or to punish their partner. Having experience makes you know if you are sexually compatible or not. It's not a good or bad thing, but you can easily tell if sex is for both enjoyment or if it's duty sex.

I say it takes away power from those who have options.

Emotional connection to me me made outside of sex, but sex has to be there for me to be exclusive. It's not always on demand and life happens, but if it dries up all of a sudden, there's options after communicating no sex is happening.

aanarchist · 2019-01-15T04:16:16+00:00

Man can still bond because for him it's more emotional than physical. For women it's more physical than emotional so fucking with her body will damage her ability to physically bond since it's like a handshake for her.

reluctantly_red · 2019-01-13T16:34:01+00:00

The argument is total BS! Indeed, having experience helps both men and women identify good partners. If a person bonds with the first person he or she sleeps with the quality of the relationship is basically left to chance. However, if a person sleeps with a enough partners to constitute a statistically valid sample/baseline and then going forward only considers partners near or above this baseline for serious relationships his or her chances of establishing the best possible relationship are maximized.

SocialObserver01 · 2019-01-13T15:56:38+00:00

I had a fwb recently in my rotation for about two years. HB8. Now she has baby rabies and she's getting married later in the year after freaking out for the past two years. I haven't seen the guy but I'd be willing to bet he's pretty beta or she has done a good job in hiding her n-count.(She's easily 20+).

Here's one of the issues: Sexually - I was one of the biggest she ever had(I'm 98th percentile). I stretched her as far and deep as those walls could go. Now she's marrying this guy who probably won't be able to please her like I did.

In an ideal world for pair bonding, she'd have limited her n-count therefore she'd never have met me. But since she did, she will always know all of her future( and past lovers) will never be able to compete with me, at least as it pertains to sex. She will find him adequate but never making her feet do gang signs like I did. Slowly she'll lose sexual attraction and then hit me up on Facebook in two years.

TL;DR - Don't leave your lady around me.

Title	Why is it argued that a high n-count only affects women's ability to bond?
Author	Maybelowsmv
Upvotes	5
Comments	298
Date	January 13, 2019 2:55 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/afk09s/why_is_it_argued_that_a_high_ncount_only_affects/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-it-argued-that-a-high-n-count-only-affects.257845 https://theredarchive.com/post/257845

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