Secret Phone

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-02-07T13:08:00+00:00

Right. Sorry man, you're screwed.

Put the phone back, don't confront her, but visit a lawyer, find out what your options are.

Don't do anything that isn't in your best interests.

Then, only when you're fully prepared, do you confront.

And yeah, there is only one reason to keep a secret phone. Sorry dude.

EDIT TO REFLECT UPDATE 2

Act normally. Act normally until you have met with lawyer and are prepared. Read The Art of War to remind yourself. Don't do anything stupid.

InChargeMan · 2018-02-07T17:54:50+00:00

I think I saw you have 4 kids. This sucks, but divorce is the only option. Similar to most posts I have an addition regarding giving her an "out" to save face:

Do the background work asap, get the divorce paperwork ready, get financials ready, all the standard stuff. Make an easy to read summary of the divorce agreement. Then take the phone.
Plan to have someone watching the kids away from the house but where you can collect them if needed, ideally with one of your family members.
Prepare the lawyer, inform them you may be coming in at a certain time to get it all executed (don't sign things at home, there would be the question of coercion).
When she arrives, record the event (inform her it is being recorded). Tell her you are doing the talking, she should just listen. Pull out the phone, place it to the side (in your possession still), place a spare SIM card next to it, say "I have two more copies elsewhere" (she doesn't know WTF that means but will assume you know everything). Tell her you have prepared an amicable divorce settlement, here is the summary, please read it through. If we can go about this in a mature manner XXXX is the story we will give for the separation, the kids, your family, your friends will never hear anything else. It is important to give her an out. From there, if she is "guilty" (which she 99.9% is) she will agree to the terms, and you can head over to the lawyer and finish it off. Don't entertain excuses, don't second guess yourself. If in the 0.01% chance she is somehow not cheating, she will insist that she unlock the phone and show you. Don't ask her to unlock it, that shows that you don't actually "know".

I'm sorry this is what's happening, but this is now your reality, you have to step up and do what is right. MRP will support you as much as possible, but you need to take charge.

Taipanshimshon · 2018-02-07T12:47:44+00:00

lets say there is a valid reason for the phone.

there isnt by the way. but lets say there is.

If she gives you that reason, will you stop suspecting her?

If she blows up on you for something because of it... will it make her less guilty of what ever it is in your eyes?

you can always fuck with her and take the phone and leave it in odd places.

Maybe next to her vibrator?

2ndal · 2018-02-07T13:16:37+00:00

If this were me, I'd:

Put the phone back and not mention anything.

Begin the work of finding concrete evidence. Prove my assumptions beyond a reasonable doubt.

Assuming the obvious, that there is no good reason to have a burner, visit a divorce lawyer and take their advice for how to handle the rest.

red-sfpplus · 2018-02-07T22:09:07+00:00

I have read all the posts in here, and I am going to recommend something I have not seen yet.

Are you in the US?

Go to ECCIE and find your hometown and look at the escorts. Look at their pictures and see if you see your snowflake.

To get a burner phone, for just one guy is almost a little overkill OPSEC for a woman these days. They give zero fucks.

The fact that she has a spending problem, as well as other things you have posted, makes me think she is either into drugs, or is an escort.

Is your wife hot, or even remotely hot? Does she have materialistic things that you cant explain?

Smells more fishy to me, than just a side bro, but who knows.

Edit: Install a keylogger on your PC or hers, whereever she gets her email from. Send her an email about an event in town and tell her to look at it, forcing her to log into her email. Later, go and look at the keystrokes.

Repeat the process with the SIM card, way easier to put a logger on a PC than a phone.

unsolicitedaaadvice · 2018-02-07T17:18:21+00:00

Here’s what I would do.

See if you can locate the phone via searching for a Bluetooth connection. This info is avail online. This way, if the phone gets moved, you could find it.
Put the phone back.
Make a plan that you need to go out of town. Share the plan with her well in advance.
Hire a PI to tail her while you are out of town. I had a friend do this and he had hard evidence that day.

I think the phone is basically 100% chance evidence she’s cheating, but if you want her to admit it, she will gaslight or minimize things. I would want more, just for personal reasons.

Also get your affairs in order. Sorry, man. It’s some other guys turn.

Westernhagen · 2018-02-07T13:32:52+00:00

She most likely talks on that phone in her car. Voice activated mike in the car would probably reveal a lot. Talk to a lawyer to find out how your divorce is going to go, and to find out whether it's worth hiring an investigator to obtain proof of infidelity.

screechhater · 2018-02-07T17:49:12+00:00

Put the surgery on hold.

If she cannot be trusted with this phone .... found

I would not trust my sight recovery with this cunt in my life

Lawyer up now

gettingmymojoback · 2018-02-07T12:44:06+00:00

Well, cant look at your original post because you’re hiding it from us so I have no idea about your background...

BUT, I do know this. Pay attention and write it down.

THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON TO KEEP A SECRET BURNER PHONE HIDDEN FROM YOUR SPOUSE.

Read that as many times as you need to get it through your head. Regardless of what she says, you already know the answer.

nastynickdr · 2018-02-07T13:17:35+00:00

Most likely your best option is to keep your mouth shut, gather more evidence, see an attorney and make your exit plan.

If you want to be 100% sure for peace of mind´s sake, you could wait for her to come home:

"I saw that phone on your shoe box ringing. Unlock it and show me."

If for whatever reason she doesnt let you see it on the spot (when she has no time to delete anything), time to see an attorney and plan your exit. The bad side of this approach is that you are showing her your hand and the divorce will be harder. But then you are 100% sure. Up to you.

mabden · 2018-02-07T13:06:22+00:00

Keep your mouth shut for the time being. Check if it has a sim card, if so you may be able to access text/call logs from it. If not, get one, put it in the card and then monitor.

Hire a divorce lawyer, have separation//divorce papers drawn up. Once in hand, have a sit down with her, the phone and the papers. Option her with what's on the phone or divorce.

lololasaurus · 2018-02-07T15:49:30+00:00

Is there advantage in your state to proving adultery in divorce? Ie, is it a at fault state?

RPAlternate42 · 2018-02-07T17:37:18+00:00

Everyone in here is trying to play secret agent private eye.

What a waste of fucking time.

Confront her, phone in hand, "anything you want to tell me?"

Regardless of what is said, the end result MUST be that she shows you what the fuck.

3 possibilities exist, in order of liklihood.:

She refuses. Therefore, she is hiding things, lying, being deceitful, and has a history if affairs (you cuckold). Divorce is the outcome.
She agrees. She shows you text messages, the evidence, the description if him going bll deep in her ass later. Divorce is the outcome.
She agrees and nothing is on the phone because she deleted the messages afterwards (most likely). Divorce should still be the outcome, because you will be living your life with your mind wrapped around this whole episode.

Or stay married and continue being cucked... It happened once, it'll happen again.

She's a CrossFit instructor who has cheated on her husband. She is seeing guys who likely put you away in the tingles department on dialysis basis.

You know what is happening here. But confront her to finalize it and see the truth on her face.

wekacuck · 2018-02-07T14:07:32+00:00

Maybe you can get a burner for the same network and swap SIM cards. There's a small chance the SIM card isn't locked and you can get some info off it (addressbook etc). Or if she's stupid you can play man-in-the-middle and relay messages. I don't think you can port her number to an online service (Google Talk etc) without having access to her account but worth considering. It's been a long time since I set one of those up. It may just use SMS confirmation and if the SIM works you should be able. But try it with the burner first to see if the prepaid pukes email confirmations.

Or just tell her that her secret phone rang and to pack her things and get the fuck out.

2gunsgetsome · 2018-02-08T00:05:29+00:00

Prepare your ditch kit (money, documents, etc.)

Get the divorce papers and settlement ready to serve.

Buy a remote control vibrator and put the buzzing part where the phone was.

While you're both in the room, hit the button. It might be prudent to do this when you have someone from your family staying the night, witness and all...

Be calm, play out the scene

Divorce

Live happily ever after

cholomite · 2018-02-07T13:48:06+00:00

It's not uncommon for people to have multiple phones, but the fact that it's a prepaid burner and was hidden in a drawer isn't a good sign. Are you sure it's a burner phone? I have a couple of old phones in a drawer that would probably go off from time to time if they were still charged. I'm not saying this isn't important, but consider all options before you act.

I think the best course of action would be to monitor the phone and see what info you can get off of it. People talking about sim cards and stuff like that would work I guess. I honestly don't know shit about technology and don't really care enough to learn how to do it.

So I would probably address it head on. If this bitch is running around i want to know now so I can stop wasting my time on her. If it were me I would pull the phone out after she gets home and have her unlock it in front of me so I can check it. I don't think it will come off as insecure because it's a pretty big red flag, so an explanation is needed. If she gets defensive or tries to make excuses or accuse you of being insecure, that's further evidence that something is up.

I don't know the history of your relationship or anything, is there any previous evidence of cheating? Is this totally out of the blue? There's a lot of variables here that could matter. Either way, good luck.

tacoduck_ · 2018-02-07T15:34:59+00:00

Not enough background. how long you been married? kids? Does your wife work? All these things will impact alimony.

I would not confront and hire a PI. a VAR in the car is a good idea as well. All of this is important from an alimony standpoint. Once you collect evidence of affair, see attorney and draw up paperwork for divorce.
Confront with divorce papers and ask to see the phone. If she balks or denies, file for D.

Cliffs: kill the puppy.

SBIII · 2018-02-07T15:14:53+00:00

I had an girlfriend - many moons ago - in my late 20's. She had a burner which I didn't knwo about.

She used it to text me in the guise of another girl I was kinda flirting with at the time. Sending me flirty texts, me responding. She set up a meet with me. I said I'd meet her. It was in a pub. My girlfriend showed up. Confronted me about the whole thing.

Fucking psycho bitch.

Totally unrelated I know, but it came into my head when I saw this thread.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-02-07T18:38:55+00:00

This is one of those times when you don’t need to “convict” her or get her to admit anything. It’s an egregious overstep. HOWEVER; the element of surprise is your ally here. You should be 100% into divorce strategy planning. Visit Wilsonville lawyers and start getting cash stored. If she is SAHM, now is the time to get her working. Good luck. Now is the time to be strong and maintain focus on building your exit plan.

coluorred · 2018-02-07T18:59:14+00:00

Divert paycheck into a separate account to get a divorce fund established.

izual19 · 2018-02-07T20:29:25+00:00

Play the long game. Make sure she has a job with a similar income Ievel as you. Begin to separate your finances. Have papers drawn up. Begin looking into schools for your children. Have all your shit in a row and then confront her. Ask to have the phone unlocked. If she declines, serve the papers. Make sure her entire friends circle knows she is a cheating whore for bonus points. Fuck her sister.

InChargeMan · 2018-02-07T22:24:29+00:00

Anyone ever see the old bit where there is marker/paint on binoculars or something? It would be hilarious if he did something like that on the phone. "Caught Red Handed"

spellignerror · 2018-02-08T02:06:43+00:00

If you want to get your wife's passwords, put a keystroke logger on her computer.

TirionTheHallowed · 2018-02-08T04:12:23+00:00

Keep us updated op. Good luck

FireTempered · 2018-02-08T15:23:13+00:00

Verify whatever you need to. Four kids, I can't take lightly. Any attempt to have a convo with her to get at the truth is a waste of time. All that you learn must be on your own.

You aren't looking to make a court case here, just get what you need to make that ~~final~~ ongoing decision to keep or dump her, IF, you can verify.

Do not show your hand, EVER. You know that you need to keep an eye on her based on the past. STFU and do that.

It's really a matter of deciding when/if your turn is over.

sd4c · 2018-02-08T00:57:18+00:00

Take the phone, put it in airplane mode or in a Faraday bag (RF barrier). She can remotely wipe the phone if she discovers it's missing.

Replace the phone with a fried, but identical, model. Make it look very similar to the one you have borrowed. Maybe use a blank SIM card. The thing should look as if her regular burner just kind of died.

Realize, there's a slim chance, extremely slim- that there is an explanation other than cheating. Maybe she uses it to browse particularly nasty porn. Maybe she's been fantasizing about an affair, but sends nudes that aren't hers. Maybe she found the phone in your front lawn and is holding onto it thinking it's yours. You need more information.

Take the borrowed device to the most tech-savvy person you trust, or that someone you trust knows. It can't be a tech that is a friend of your wife, he could try to snitch on you in hopes to get laid. Have the trusted tech find a way into the phone and SIM.

You should've posted the burner phone's carrier (eg, Verizon), phone model (LG G4), and nickname (LG "Blaze") here in your post. Someone probably would've already PMed you how to get into it, or at least how to read what you could.

Stay calm, and stay sober. Collect more information ASAP.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2018-02-07T12:43:53+00:00

I might get shot down for this but if it was me I would bring her up on it an a non accusing way... Laugh it off.. I.e "your phone was vibrating in a shoe box, do you have a separate job doing phone sex? if so can I have the number?"

Title	Secret Phone
Author	loading__Alpha
Upvotes	24
Comments	113
Date	February 7, 2018 12:36 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7vvshl/secret_phone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/secret-phone.204847 https://theredarchive.com/post/204847

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