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[–]thelambofdeth 797 points798 points799 points 4 years ago (82 children) | Copy Link
This is why some guys are so hesitant to approach...even when women are interested, that's not enough lol
[–]wonkyllusion 189 points190 points191 points 4 years ago (46 children) | Copy Link
Once approached a girl. Had a nice short chat. Asked for a coffee. She didnt have time but gave me her number. When I texted her later, she explained that she's already taken.
My dumb ass assumed that someone wouldnt give out her number when taken. How was I mistaken...
Wont ever approach again haha what a shitshow.
Humans are irrational. Thats it :').
[–]Aristox 175 points176 points177 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Doesn't make any sense to decide not to approach again over that
[–]TheOffice_Account 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I interviewed for a job once. They rejected me. I never applied for any more jobs after that.
-This guy, probably me too
[–]wonkyllusion 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Definetly agree. But I did a big step out of my comfort zone and took together all of my courage and definetly expected her to be taken. But what happened then was something else. And I also feel like the more humanity advances, the harder it gets to approach.
[–]BlackManPurplePenis 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
maybe you were so cool and handsome she gave you the number despite having a bf. then later thought she shouldnt go further
[–]vaktaeru 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keep doing it. Humanity will continue to advance, so you have to catch up and then keep up.
You either always approach or you always fail. The worst outcome of an approach is identical to not approaching at all.
[–]Aristox 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My perspective is the more mature people become, the more capable of connecting with people they get, and the less confused and held back by their insecurities they get
[–]ICastPunch 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro you just succeeded on getting a number!!! It's a big step. Keep trying. Eventually you will be able to approach women and flirt without it being scary and alien to you
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Aristox 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
But it was extremely successful. They had a good interaction, he got her number, and then she didn't flake but actually responded when he texted. The only problem was she was with someone else at the time, but that's nothing he did wrong.
It was a massive success of an approach, so it's more like going to the gym, having a great session, and then never going back because despite your great session you noticed someone else lifted heavier weights than you
[–]CarpetBagger96 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
she did flake. If you get a number and the end reault is that she didn’t meet you, its a flake
[–]Aristox 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay mate. Weird definition imo but okay
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You must have misread the original comment cause otherwise you're making no sense- he did get a real number from someone who was actually interested, and when he texted her she texted back. If you think that's an L and not a W you're looking at this shit way wrong
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She rejected him because she was taken because of her personal ethics about not cheating on her bf, not because she wasn't interested in him. If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have given him her number or replied to his text
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It was certainly a success, just with the wrong person. If the op wants to give up, that’s on them.
[–]turtle_fanatic 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Same thing happened to me once. Not fun lol. Just delays the rejection
[–]wonkyllusion 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Like, rejecting me straight away is fine though, good day, I shot my shot. But boosting up my euphoria and giving me kinda good feels and then leaving me down is just worse - like - way worse. I understand that direct rejection can be kinda dangerous for women, but it was a populated parking lot at 6 pm so...
[–]Lagstravaganza 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't give up. This is a common occurrence. Read about the right mindset to have.
[–]Ecstatic-Flounder-48 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
could be worse, man. At least she had the decency to tell you she's taken rather than just ghost you.
[–]lordnoak 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I had something similar happen to me in college. Had been sitting next to this girl in one of my classes and we had been friendly so I asked for her number. She excitedly gave it to me and we arrange for me to go over to her place to hang out. I show up and she introduces me to her boyfriend, and then he leaves with his friends to go to the bar and scowls at me before leaving. Was the weirdest "misunderstanding" I ever had. Needless to say, I GTFO of there as soon as I politely could.
[–]__undefined_user__ 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She was just trying to piss off her boyfriend by lurking a random guy to “date”, probably didnt gave her enough attention
[–]funkmaster322 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What a cunt lol
[–]el_colimofla 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're telling me you can get the number from a girl that's ALREADY dating someone and from that you learned you shouldn't ever approach again?
[–]wonkyllusion 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As far as I interpreted this, she just gave me her number because she didnt know what else to do so yeah. It maybe sounds like an achivement but it was just awful.
[–]ohno1tsjoe 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a girl give me her number in front of her boyfriend. Shit was wild
[–]TheRealAlkemyst 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
She wanted more trust me, she was probably hoping for you to say that her having a boyfriend doesn't matter to you.
[–]wonkyllusion 30 points31 points32 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But it does. Who am I to interfere there relationship? The poor dude man...
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Wonder if that applies to me too? Moved to a small town, was cool with a hot female bartender, she said she had a boyfriend so we were just talking, eventually one night, it's just me and her in there. She asks where I live, says it's only a few houses from her, let me give you my number.
Wasn't obvious to me at the time, but I saw her boyfriend later at the bar, and I am much more attractive.
[–]TheRealAlkemyst 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
with flings it's not always look. With a bartender (stripper/dancer/etc), if you come across as fun/sexual; but not 'hey baby wanna suck my D!' every other sentence and can have a great dialog with them that goes a long way.
I was recently single and I wasn't looking to get in to a relationship so a local strip club or two was a cool place to hang out, have a beer and talk to some hot chicks and others while seeing some nice eye candy. I became good 'friends' with a few and we'd chill, make out, have fun between their dances. The bartenders would throw me a free beer and/or shot time to time as well. Not all of them are down to have some kind of sex with you though, some just like the flirting and excitement/tension.
I have missed the signals in my life, sometimes it was embarrassing in a way like being asked if I was gay and not in a nice way. I just wasn't down to have sex with the chick for whatever reason. I have learned to just not hear that drama and move on. Even the hottest actors and supermodels get turned down.
One of the main things though getting involved with someone in the service industry is you don't get all possessive and a nut job like so many dudes do. These women (or men) are trying to be overly nice / flirtatious with their customers because they get rewarded with tips and money. The blow back was once I was in a relationship, getting calls when their shifts ended to go 'hang out' wasn't so cool for my now wife. :)
One of the other things I'd do especially in clubs (and I liked getting there early usually to just chill) is get to know the bouncers and the staff. If you are looking for women, sooner or later there will be some altercation. If they all know you and they like you, you will be the one on the right side of that bullshit.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I was in perfect shape, did modeling as a part time job in college, worked out like 3 hours a day, ex military. I was also able to carry on regular conversations with her and such. So not a "regularly hot" dude, for what that's worth.
I can read the signals now, flirting for tips vs flirting. I wasn't a big tipper there or anything. She wasn't even acting flirty. But she would always look happy to see me.
Found out later he was a sociopath, so she's not enjoying the relationship. I was fucking a hooker that was a sociopath too, didn't know either of course.
And yeah, good advice. I don't ask servers etc because millions of dudes ask them constantly. I do make friends with bouncers and such.
[–]TheRealAlkemyst 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yeah. I have found looks < how you can talk. I can be in my worst shape and still have some hottie wanting to chat. I have been told it's my eyes, the way I speak, etc.
My wife tells me I am honey for all the B's (she means bitches lol).
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I had 19 year olds trying to fuck me when I was 38, I was clueless as hell. Long and personal story. Worked at the Nissan plant, this woman had a really hot daughter, walked in her back door and she came out of her room in lingerie and I still didn't get it. She had me walk around the mall with her and get dinner, like we were dating but she didn't say we were. Weird shit like that happened to me pretty regularly. This is a pic of me when I worked there, don't look 32.
http://imgur.com/vzoDlGm
Had a physics tutor my final semester, was doing Pchem 2 and she was always helping me, sitting close, pointed at her shirt one day and the equation was on her huge tits, she said see, then started talking about it really slow. I was like cool and kept working.
The sociopath made me realize all the manipulative shit women did over the years to get me to try to fuck them. They would just happen to run into me at places, stuff like that.
[+]phoenixflying34 -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
This is most likely because she's had experiences with dudes freaking out when she says no and rejecting them to their face. Apparently, she was right to be nervous since you were pretty butthurt about being rejected over the phone. Not really that suprising when that happens... if you're taking it personally... not a good mindset.
[–]wonkyllusion 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wished her a good day after she explained herself. Thats it. There is nothing more to gain, why waste my energy on such a thing?
[+]crimsonsky5 -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Texting so soon after getting number may imply neediness which is why she may have been turned off and used the taken excuse.
Best to leave it few days after getting number then text set up a date.
There's another 3 billion women left so plenty alore 👍
[–]am2549 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not my experience. Sounds like 2005 pua advice lol. I’d say if you want something go for it. But yes, there are 3 billion women left.
There will be one day where you will take your last breath. One day youll die. So I dont have time to "wait strategically". I obviously didnt texted her RIGHT after the approach but a couple of hours later.
[–]StinkyCoach -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's taken but available for and understanding...
[–]Bathroomrugman -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You could follow-up several months later to see if things changed? Maybe she'd introduce you to a new friend group?
[–]Ecstatic-Flounder-48 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you do that, you come across as though you have no better options in your life. This comes across as weak. She's gonna be wondering why u bothered to remember one approach and a 5 min conversation with one girl for a few months
[–]PastaDocta -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She may say that but it could be a shit test or she’s open to fun on the side. Your assumption is still mostly right, but taking that assumption into consideration, it changes the circumstances. Actions speak louder than words.
[–]Sapthadhri 44 points45 points46 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes nowadays you also need to read minds apart from getting her interested in you.
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not "nowadays"......Always and forever. Nothing new under the sun.
[–]wonkyllusion 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always think to myself: "You learn so much shit in school. Trigonometry, Metabolism, Starsystems, but how to deal with the real substance of life isnt being told...". Weird times man.
[–]gbizzle2 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Its not about "thats not enough" its about their own insecurities. Her being a coward had nothing to do with you "not being enough".
You're essentially turning a humble confession into a blame game.
[–]thelambofdeth 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Everyone isn't professor x, and they won't know the girl was insecure, one would rightfully assume she just wasn't interested and you "weren't enough". That's the point. People can only take things at face value. This confession means nothing to no one, except her.
[–]Ilovethaiicedtea 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thing is, you really should know 99% women don't have the ability to go outside of a social comfort zone by now
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is not 99 percent and the guy came to her. Being reciprocal to someone you find attractive after they've already approached you isn't going outside of your "social comfort zone"...
[+]Fufi44 -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh fucking well. It’s not women’s job to make you feel secure.
[–]thelambofdeth 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry, I don't speak over-compensating feminist. Maybe if some of you lot took a fraction of accountability you wouldn't be so miserable all the time.
[–]gbizzle2 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If a woman shows disinterest in me i just assume she's stupid. Not because i hate women (as the mantra goes, i love women) but because she failed to allow a good person into her life. So assuming you're not good enough is not a productive thing to do and requires some self improvement on your part.
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gfy dude, but not everyone has the confidence for that mindset. If that were so, this sub wouldn't exist...
[–]Craft_feisty 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s not that it’s not enough, it’s that she was shy. A lot of people are shy. Not all things work out - it’s ok
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Especially when people are cowards
[–]monteiro313 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Eventhough it is hurtfull to say this, it is also the hard true. You can be shy, but if you want his ass you need to at least show a sand grain of interest. Rejecting the phone number was not dumb, was an imediate response, you were nervous. But you can give it to him anyways, you just need a piece of paper and some good shoes to run away after. xD
[–]tristian_lay 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For a hesitant girl like that, it helps to see each other more than once..even though sometimes its not possible
[–]Legitimate-Lies -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This is why abundance is important. I’ve lost chances with girls for my own mistakes, sure, but so much else can happen.
I’ve lost girls cuz I was literally TOO attractive and they had some fear of abandonment so they thought I’d fuck them over (I’m like a chaotic good type of player. I flirt a lot but I don’t necessarily lead people on.)
I’ve lost girls because they were just confused (yeah I know best option blah blah blah but some girls just can’t handle a lot of attention, or genuinely get confused. Usually old feelings trump new feelings, or they feel bad for talking to a bunch of guys)
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is just a thinly-veiled humble brag...People try and boast on this sub for the most random of reasons lol
[–]Legitimate-Lies 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Not a humble brag. It’s acknowledging that it isn’t always the guys fault when things don’t work out, despite what a lot of this sub says.
Not everyone who is confident is bragging either. From your other comments, you admitted you got low self confidence and other insecurities. Try adopting an “I’m the shit” mentality and watch how much better life in general gets.
[–]thelambofdeth 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
You're right, it wasn't humble bragging, just bragging lol
[–]Legitimate-Lies -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Being confident in yourself isn’t bragging dude. I’m talking about my own experiences.
You’re just upset because you lack confidence in yourself, clearly.
Congratulations dude
[–]UnparliamentaryTea 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No idea why this is getting downvoted, it’s just facts. Losing chances isn’t always about your own game. Anyone can still lose out to an average or even somewhat ugly guy with zero game just because that guy has had a crush on her since they were 8, or they’re in the same friend group and friends push them together, or even she is insecure and doesn’t feel like you would take her seriously.
Then add in any and all sorts of bad luck or timing and it becomes even more of a numbers game, even when they’re into you
[+][deleted] -9 points-8 points-7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think you took the wrong thing away from her post. If you are approaching dating (or life, for that matter) with a "glass half full" approach you will always find the short end of the stick.
[–]thelambofdeth 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you took the wrong thing away from her post.
There was nothing else to take. From his perspective, she wasn't interested and rejected him. Period.
[+][deleted] -81 points-80 points-79 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I don’t get why getting turned down would make you hesitant though
[–]thelambofdeth 86 points87 points88 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If you're someone with low confidence, approach anxiety or you're struggling with approaching in general, rejections could easily break your will to do so. Especially when it happens even when women are interested lol
[+][deleted] -45 points-44 points-43 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Hey if they turn you down it’s their loss, not yours. If you don’t believe that then the problem isn’t with approaching it’s with how you’re living
[–]thelambofdeth 63 points64 points65 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Much easier said than believed for many of us.
[–]_Brimstone 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go take it up with Nature.
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the truth, but that doesn't mean it's easy for everyone to properly integrate that into their daily worldview
[–]El0vution 25 points26 points27 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s crazy to me that you don’t get that...
[–]FightForDemocracyNow 21 points22 points23 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya what world is this guy/gal living in? Everyone hates rejection.
[–]Chrispy3 130 points131 points132 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That was me, you can DM me your number joking
[–]Fallacyfall 49 points50 points51 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
actually not joking
[–]somabeach 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fam, that's my whole life.
"Hey I like your face. Can I have your number?"
"No, sorry, my phone's at the bottom of the ocean."
"Oh, okay, guess I'll just....go away..."
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Same old excuse. If Zayn Malik approached you would you turn him down too coz you're shy?
Lol good one
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Only if your IQ is less than room temperature
[–][deleted] 55 points56 points57 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t take it too hard that’s how guys feel when they’re too afraid to approach a cute girl or “close” or get their number. Just remember the pain next time you’re out in the same situation
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Being aware of that hesitation to approach is key, and we gotta act fairly quickly before it overpowers us and doubt sets in.
[–]yurifca 41 points42 points43 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Dude, I turned down a girl cause I was shy too, and I'm 29, and a guy.
Sometimes we're just not prepared
[–]MalibuProducer77 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And it's always when we're not prepared, that it seems to happen and idk why. Life is strange
[–]UnparliamentaryTea 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a guy, being unprepared is almost the standard. You may even flirt back, but usually it’s so fleeting you don’t even think to do more. Then you realize a few days later that you totally could’ve gotten her number, asked her out, etc. had you just expected it or been a couple seconds faster
[–]SergeantWea 67 points68 points69 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
good perspective thank you!
next time you see a fine ass boy maybe give him your number :)
[–]intensely_human 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“uhhh 5”
“What?”
[–]Own-Salad1974 63 points64 points65 points 4 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
I asked some girl out and got rejected today, even though she looked very interested. Do you by any chance live in western Canada?
[–]shameless_johnnyboy 72 points73 points74 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
You miss a 100% of the shots you don’t take
[–]Unforsaken_Dick 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
And it is better to miss 100% of the shots than it is to live with regret and not take any shots at all. That is what I fear most in life.
[–]shameless_johnnyboy 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It depends, Unless the action you take has major negative impact I’d say the regret of not trying is worse than regret of trying. When talking about dating and approaching girls worse that could happen is that you’re rejected and your self esteem gets a hit
[–]intensely_human 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, the worst that could happen is she cries “raaaape!” and maces you and kicks you in the nuts and then a bunch of Hell’s Angels come pouring out of a nearby bar and they’re all sloshed drunk with cocaine smudges around their noses and carrying pool cues and chains and while they’re beating you to death in the parking lot a weird shaman-looking fellow comes out of nowhere and casts some kind of fuck-your-afterlife spell so you get reincarnated as a grub worm.
But that’s not very common.
I needed to laugh today, thanks for that.
[–]CaptainCharlie904 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Way would you self esteem get a hit from a rejection? They only knew you for like less than a few minutes lol. Man, stop giving a fuck. Just get to know people and let the cards fall where they may.
[–]intensely_human 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Best way to learn not to give a fuck is stop asking out one woman and start asking out ten.
[–]CaptainCharlie904 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pretty much.
[–]Spirit_Quest_NF 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
- Wayne Gretzky
-- Michael Scott
[–]tomatosauce23 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Hail Mary attempt 👀
[–]michimoto 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Buddy thought it was meant to be eh🤣
[–]LuminousEntrepreneur 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
last shot at a fawk heh
[–]kev1nshmev1n 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In this case more like a blind slap shot from the centre line, in last seconds of the game.
[–]longlivekingjoffrey 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You won't believe me, but this happened to me in western Canada as well 🙄
[–]LuminousEntrepreneur 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro what's up with Western Canada
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah girl kissed me but still rejected me
[–]TedTheBear258 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I got her to my bed. We did the deed. Then she told me that she had boyfriend
[–]longlivekingjoffrey 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's called cheating
[–]rs-tk 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, approached a girl two weeks before, couldnt tell if she was really shy or wasnt interested. Turns out she was interesred, but now she probabily thinks I am a coward
[–]Teamtoast 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
As much as this is an interesting perspective, do you think the guy put you under too much pressure in the moment? Maybe if he was more relaxed and spent more time with you, you would have felt less shy?
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yes It was because I was put under too much pressure he gave me a compliment, told me I looked familiar and asked me if I went to a certain college all in like 30 seconds and then asked for my number and with me being nervous /shy I just told him no because I didn’t want to proceed with the conversation but I actually found him attractive and wanted to give him my number I just said no before thinking . I need to work on myself though and learn how to talk to guys because as many guys as I date and talk to I still don’t know how to properly communicate with them lol
[–]Teamtoast 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly I think it is a lot of pressure for you , because you know nothing about him other than his looks and his confidence. I wouldn’t be too harsh on yourself as I think if he talked to you a bit more maybe it would have felt more comfortable!
[–]ZosoWicca 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That approach was to fast, it's understandable you got confused.
[–]Ma_1ik 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Would y’all agree that those questions were natural follow up questions tho?
[–]Teamtoast 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It sounds to me like the guy got quite nervous, didn’t have an actual conversation and instead ‘took his shot’ at a number. Maybe he or she didn’t have time to stand and chat and it’s why it was rushed. But who knows honestly
[–]ZosoWicca 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Not me.
[–]Ma_1ik 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So you don’t think saying someone looks familiar to you and asking them if they’re from where you think you’ve seen them before has no correlation?
[–]ZosoWicca 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is normal. But asking for her number right after that in less than 30 seconds is very rare and uncomfortable.
[–]Ma_1ik 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok I hear you but aren’t these approaches supposed to be quick? You don’t know what the other person is doing so you don’t want to take too much of their time right?
[–]jjeremy01 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good question
[–]Dwaynedibley24601 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
But what are we to do? if we persist we are harassers...
[+]Aristox -10 points-9 points-8 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It's possible to be somewhat persistent whilst still coming across as polite and not creepy
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Whatever happened to "no means no"?
[–]Aristox -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't know what point you're trying to make, but OP is a perfect example of when no doesn't actually mean no
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well people now say that no always means no.
[–]Aristox -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's a good thing to default to if in doubt, yeah 👍 Once you get more advanced though there is a lot of room for nuance
[–]shiddypoopoo 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is terrible logic, no means no. No question. and to think otherwise encourages inappropriate behavior. The bottom line is OP screwed up. It has nothing to do with the man asking her out.
[+]Fufi44 -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just don’t approach. There are other ways to get a date. Jesus.
[–]Dwaynedibley24601 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you never make the approach, you NEVER get the girl... gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
[–]intensely_human 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m aware of this. But honestly if you’re too gunshy to even accept the attention after I’ve just marched through a cloud of anxiety to reach you, I’m not interested.
Same with women who won’t make eye contact. If she can’t handle the intensity of eye contact, how can she handle a relationship? The first time I laugh loudly or something she’ll be calling the police or reporting me as dangerous to the Lulu app or something.
Extremely timid women scare me because I’m rough around the edges and a fraidy cat is liable to misinterpret my being non-mouselike as me being dangerous, and I can’t handle a reputation as dangerous.
[–]Warped_Mindless 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t give you her number of out disinterest or because she is shy. Either way, it’s not worth perusing. If she ms to shy to give a number, she will be to shy to meet unless you spend a bunch of time making her comfortable and if you have that much free time you clearly lack bigger goals.
[–]FoggyDanto 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you live in New York because I asked a girl out she looked deeply interested but refused to give me her number.
If that's you, we can pick up where we left girl
[–]N0GARED 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A classic : Its not you its me
[–]Necessary_Time_4402 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, being approached can be scary... but approaching is far more terrifying.
[+]Fufi44 -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then don’t do it.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Women moment 💀
[–]WestwardAlien 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women ammiright?
[–]VDKay 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is why we advise guys that being a bit more persistent is a good thing, even though, ironically, common consensus is that "a No is a No". I know that pressing for a number after being rejected can be really scary especially for shy guys because it can be considered bothersome (at best) or harassment (at worst).
I approached a girl once and the conversation was going great, she was receptive and smiling and all, but when I asked her number she said "No, I won't give you my number". I said OK, too bad, and chatted a bit more. Then asked again, and she again said "No" and suggested to give her my FB instead. I said I don't exchange FB with people I just met and asked once again for her number. She finally said OK and gave it to me and now she is my GF of 2 years!
[–]LandscapeClear1630 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
if she ever wants to marry you, do the same to her lmao
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Truth
[–]akat36 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Find him and give that number
[–]Electric_kundalini 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine how it feels to approach though lol. Surely it would do your confidence some good if you just gave the guys you liked your number. I wish Women would approach me it be such an ego booster lol
[–]Ma_1ik 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a man i don’t think I’ve ever seen shyness work like this. Or maybe I have and just don’t know it.
[–]deathray-toaster 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, that’s tough shit. After #meetoo and everything around it we’re even more inclined to leave you alone if you say no. And honestly this is how it should have been from the start! Fuck everyone who instill fear on anyone who doesn’t want to fuck them!
With that said. I guess you have to shake your shyness if you ever see that guy again. Just tell him you didn’t want to say no but you’re really shy. Nowadays it looks like more people do listen when they get a no. And that is a good thing.
[–]Fufi44 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why are you so angry? Lmao
[–]deathray-toaster 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Like i said. We’re supposed to turn tail when we get a no.
I’ve read and heard so many stories about shit shows that ended badly just because the guy couldn’t take a no. How are we supposed to know that they really wanted to say yes but couldn’t? This post just felt like a tease after all that #meetoo stuff. I may have overreacted about this. Even though I’m shy just like OP I still felt upset about it.
[–]LandscapeClear1630 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That makes absolutely no sense.
I’ve never seen shyness work like that lol
[–]Warped_Mindless -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Women reject guys they find attractive and interesting all the time. Most of the time it’s because they are low self esteem and/or very shy.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bs
[–]South-Bed-1434 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can agree to that
[–]FightForDemocracyNow 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes I've thought that sometimes.
[–]Dwaynedibley24601 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not anymore
[–]naughtychick9999 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This is why guys should give their number instead of or in addition to asking. My knee jerk reaction is to be guarded when I'm approached by a guy.
[–]WestwardAlien 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You’re why men are afraid to approach women in any setting
[–]naughtychick9999 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, well when you get approached by randos several times a week it gets old..
[–]WestwardAlien 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Did you ever think those “randos” we’re trying to get to know you and ask you out.
Vast majority of us aren’t kidnappers
[–]naughtychick9999 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah well someone did try to kidnap me once and thankfully I had a ccw permit at the time..
[–]WestwardAlien 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m sorry that happened and I’ve been through it but you can’t just take it out on everyone else
[–]LandscapeClear1630 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
but it happened to me once so it must happen ALL the time, to EVERYONE!
[–]WestwardAlien 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly and it’ll pretty much never happen in a public space. Nobody’s gonna walk up to you and drag you into a van in the middle of a mall or Starbucks
[–]cytomome -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you were too shy and caught off guard, I'd say the interaction didn't make you feel comfortable. If I want to approach someone, I don't just ask for their number after I call them cute. I can't blame you for having a knee-jerk reaction to that. If I didn't get enough of a rapport going, that's on me.
[–]Sultmaker_9000 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No his game isn't developed enough to notice that, plough through it and make you comfortable to give it up.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“Just read her mind bro!”
[–]Sultmaker_9000 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Body language and voice tonality rookie. That's like saying you should take women's words as given and not understanding shit tests, and not knowing it is one.
[+]OwYouHitMeInMyWienew -7 points-6 points-5 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
To me, this is clearly a guy posting. I don’t know if he’s trying to make people who get rejected feel better, make himself feel better, or if he’s just trying to be funny, but I feel certain that this did not happen.
[–]TheSunshineMan -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This comment shows you clearly don't understand women.
This is 100% realistic and probably happens ALL THE TIME
[–]OwYouHitMeInMyWienew 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Whatever you need to tell yourself, dude.
[–]TheSunshineMan -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just speaking the truth.
[–]OwYouHitMeInMyWienew 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As I said, whatever you need to tell yourself.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m just reading the comments and I am not a guy ima woman and this literally happened . I said no before I had knowed it because I was too shy to proceed with the conversation . I learned my lesson that day though
[–]Aristox -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Facts don't care about your feelings
It’s sad it’s men that pretend to be women so much that when a real woman post something it’s believed to be a guy behind the account ! Idc if you don’t believe it because Ik this really happened . Not about to continue explaining myself 🙄
[–]wallynext 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
damn, you just seem to be full of yourself, no wonder they avoid you like the plague
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What did he say?
[–]wallynext 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Talked about how great he is and how women were always shy with him because of how beautiful he is lol
He had to be trolling since he deleted his entire account
[+]Lifedeather -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That is why your curls are your crown 👑 👸
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OKAY!??
Imagine you experiencing emotions of bigger matters...I can't
[–]ImeanNoHarm521 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Next time... give him your number. He’s just a person, so are you.
[–]k-meal0 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup, that is so human. We are so emotional, and even when we feel like we could click with another person, sometimes the fears will come in the way. Be aware of that and move on.
[–]Algo2Pete 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's better than leading him on and giving him the bullshit line, "let me think about this". But in reality you rejected him. At least you're straightforward but fucking shy..lol.
[–]DanglyNips 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure but can you imagine me replying “oh come on I know you must have a number, let’s hang out”. I’d immediately be crossing the line of creepy. That’s the kind of stuff most women hate and deal with too much. OP, in this case, it’s on you. It’s good the guy walked away.
If a woman is interested in you she would let you know by talking to you. The thing is I learned is that regardless of how much you try women will always want better it’s human nature same thing for men as well unless you found your soulmate or that special someone.
Men as well as women give off a lot of mixed signals for both of the opposition sex to understand at times. And by doing that makes the person feels like if they are rejecting them. But if you don’t try you never know really.
For a man if you just present yourself as who you are are are truthful about everything she at times would accept you most times it works out sometimes it does not it’s a hit and miss.
Women havé a wall they put up because most times some are shy but 60% of the times most have been hurt from an ex it could be sexual meaning rape or they were hit and they don’t want to put themselves back into a position like that again this is why sometimes when a woman gives out a number it’s to feel how the other person would react to her.
Same can be said for men as well. But hey that’s just my opinion
[–]Inner_Ad4595 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is cool!
[–]Shaw757 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When your game is on top then all girls become single else they all will be taken.
[–]Super_Ad_1226 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What’s there to be shy about all you have to do is give the number
[–]joy_collision 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg because you were too shy? Oh my fuckkkkkkk. What can I do about thatttttt. My brain is gonna implode and then explode. That's probably why this girl sat down next to me in an empty restaurant, talked to me for 15 min, gave me her # and then never texted me back!
[–]LandscapeClear1630 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that's actually a good comeback lol
[–]RuffRider47 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Quit playin with us! 😆
[–]Hot-Construction-811 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
nice to know that im not a douche when women reject me. (well, at least, in this scenario)
[–]posiden499 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Would you have liked him to give you his number?
Don’t know how this is supposed to encourage me tbh
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[–]Aristox -2 points-1 points0 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]wallynext 12 points13 points14 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]wallynext 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]Lifedeather -13 points-12 points-11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImeanNoHarm521 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]k-meal0 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Algo2Pete 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DanglyNips 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inner_Ad4595 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Shaw757 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Super_Ad_1226 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]joy_collision 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LandscapeClear1630 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RuffRider47 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hot-Construction-811 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]posiden499 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link