Because of the popularity of my last post, I thought I'd share another one from this week. I really love some of the reactions I got- thanks all!

Today I'm discussing how to game in a small group when another guy is trying to usurp you.

From my blog: http://datingamerican.blogspot.com

Game Against Alpha Joe

I went on a hike recently with a few friends. One was a girl that I had been trying to shack up with.

It was early morning so my mind wasn't exactly working at full capacity from the start. Couple that with the fact that I don't really bring out any night-game during the day, this turned out to be a very interesting trip.

The introductions went well, everybody appeared to be friendly and the jokes started coming out right off the bat. I could tell that despite the cold frigid air, this would amount to an entertaining trip.

As we started to ascend the mountain, I made a few cracks about getting lost in the woods and leaving a trail of crackers to find our way back. The group was open to corny jokes, and not one joke went by without a couple chuckles.

Now about 25 minutes into our trek, things started to get interesting. One of the guys knew that I was focusing on this girl, and I don't know if he was jealous, or if it was his instinct to try to display his dominance.. but either way, his goal was take me down a few pegs and then.. I suppose beat his chest and roar for the whole forest to hear? We'll call him Joe.

This was the first time I've met Joe, but through the grapevine he had heard that I was in business. During a lull in the conversation he cleared his throat and asked "so I hear you're in business. What is it you do?"

At this point, I saw no reason not to answer his friendly question. I didn't know where he was leading. I briefly explained what my company did.

His response was innocent enough. "Oh that's cool. You know I do that sort of work as well."

I nodded.

He continued, "so do you service businesses?"

"Yup."

"What size businesses? I'm just trying to get a sense of scale."

This started to set off a small alarm in my mind. This wasn't friendly conversation. He's trying to get me to qualify myself to him.

"We do all sizes. No job too big, no job too small." I replied in an ambiguous way, suspicious of where he was leading the conversation.

The next thing he asked completely tipped the bucket. "I'm just trying to get an idea of who your target client is. What size.. no let's see.. here we go.. what type of dollar amounts are you talking for a typical job."

The alarms in me head were so loud I had to concentrate hard to focus on the situation at hand. I maintained my composure and formulated a response.

Joe was trying to get me to qualify myself to him. His open ended questions were just edgy enough that I would likely second guess myself as I answered. No matter what my answer would be, in the eyes of the group I was trying to prove myself to Joe if I answered this question. I could answer $4 million dollar jobs, and not only would I still appear submissive, attempting to prove my worth to Joe instead of display my worth. With a single response, Joe could send me scrambling to revise my statement with a simple "you're under-charging" or a "oh, so not the big leagues."

And it was clever. It was really clever. My mind raced back to countless situations where I had fallen into similar traps, where no matter how I answered, the questioner would end up on top of the social ladder. I'd get frustrated, never understanding what exactly was taking place. I'd know that an answer would make me appear weak in the group. This guy was a pro. He knew exactly how and what to ask. His questions flew close to the ground, just below the radar.

I had to be careful not to respond with emotion. The group didn't notice the passive aggression. It was a direct laser beam targeting my ego that nobody could see but I knew it was there and Joe knew it was there. The minefield laid before me had a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't vibe. I recognized this manipulation. I recognized the form it took. I have seen this before.

Suddenly I realized the nature of this conflict in my gut. It was the same shit-tests I get from women when I'm night-gaming. There is no right answer.

Most people would say, just play it smooth, play it cool. Who cares what he thinks? Don't over-think these questions and if he's a dick just ignore him.

But the strategy guys like Joe use with a string of questions like this is to trap you after you've answered seemingly innocent questions. Once you're trapped, you look like a fool. The group recognizes that you are not a leader, and the girl you were trying to impress must re-evaluate her view of you. There is only one answer: don't wait until you were trapped. Use game to be an alpha.

There were a few options for responses. I could've gone with sarcasm. "I only do three hundred billion dollar jobs!" But once I had analyzed what the group would think of this type of reply, it occurred to me that they'd see me dodging the question with sarcasm, and wonder why I was being a dick in light of such an innocent question. So the direct route was taken: "I don't talk about that."

And then I kept silent.

We continued hiking and Joe recognized the stick I had put into his spokes. A small battle had taken place and nobody in the group was the wiser. Joe had lost this round and he retreated to the corny jokes we had been spouting all morning.

This victory only lasted until we reached the summit. As we sat, collectively as a group, on top of the mountain, a new batch of questions innocently escaped Joe's mouth.

"So a company. Are you planning on expanding?"

Here's what Joe didn't know. I ran a very large company. In my field, we're the largest company in the state. I was a chief officer, and I also privately owned two locations.

The instinct would be to crush him with my status. He was small fish. I take mom & pop shows like him out on a daily basis and I never look back.

And yet, if I had bragged, would I have a better social standing in the group dynamic we had? Would I appear petty? And here's the kicker- even if I didn't look petty - would me explaining this to him appear submissive? The answer is striking: Yes. Explaining my position to him would be me trying to qualify myself to him. Had I held any sort of value, would I need to prove myself? If my value were real, wouldn't I be confident in my position and have no need to be validated?

The incorrect answer is to tell him I am already expanding. It would be a misstep to communicate anything that acknowledged he was worthy enough for me to qualify myself through my accomplishments to him.

In the eyes of the girl, what would she see? Here's the guy with a big company... and here's this other guy who the big-business man is seeking approval from. Who's the big dog now?

I decided to stay detached emotionally, and remain vague. "We've got path of sorts."

It was strong enough to imply that we're expanding, but had the undertone of but I have no intention of explaining.

He continued unphased. "So what's your mission statement?"

I was amazed at this guy's tenacity. Did he read a self-help book? Was this coming naturally to him? Are people naturally this aggressive?

The group remained unaware of this war. It was the clash of the egos; there were going to be casualties, and yet the group saw absolutely nothing of the bloody scene taking place behind the curtains.

"To boldly go where no man has gone before." I joked with a smirk.

(Apparently my post is too long.. Continued on my blog Game Against Alpha Joe )

EDIT: Because of some of the responses I'm getting regarding over-thinking, I've posted a new blog on this topic. Worth a read if you get a minute: Life is a Chess Game