Hey hey

So before I say what this exercise is, I’m gonna explain why it works, and that goes a little something like this.

People respond those who are confident and assertive

Confident people radiate a positive energy which magnetises everyone to them. Something about their auras signifies to the world that they’re on top of their game, can be relied on, and that everything they have to say should be taken seriously.

Loosely put; confidence is one of, if not the best possible way to draw people into your life. It shows that you both trust and have mastery over yourself, and that you believe in your ability to step up to the plate when the chips are down. And trust me, that’s a really important thing that people need to know about you.

Imagine if you went to a doctor with stage four lung cancer and he said.

Yeah, I might be able to help you, because I’m an OK surgeon, I guess; but really and truly I probably won’t be able to because I’m not that great.

How happy would you be with the idea of having him help you battle your disease? You wouldn’t be, right? But then again, what if he said:

Don’t worry, you’re in the best possible hands and I promise you we’ll beat this thing. I’m an excellent surgeon and I know exactly what to do to crush this cancer.

I’m guessing that’d be exactly what you want to hear? Well that’s how we subconsciously feel about confident people because deep down the vast majority of us are scared and being around nervous and awkward people makes our own insecurities worse. Whether we know it or not, we resonate with people who inspire us with new ways of being, not those whose insecurities remind us of our own.

Now you might think that you’re just not confident and never have been but that’s not true. It’s not true at all, because:

When you were a baby, you were supremely confident

All babies are born with the confidence of James Bond mixed with Conor McGregor and a splash of Muhammad Ali thrown in for good measure.

Have you ever seen one that was insecure about screaming its head off to let you know it was hungry, or nervous about staring strangers dead in the eyes for 3 straight minutes?

Yeah me neither. How many times have you seen really small kids yell at their parents and say.

Mommy! Mommy! Watch me dive into the pool! or Listen to me sing! I’m really good at singing!

Babies (and really small children) are extremely comfortable with being the centres of attention in a way that most adults just aren’t.

All of us were born with an innate level of self-worth. We just assumed that we were valuable and worthy of love, respect, and other people’s time.

But as we grew up that innate belief was systematically stripped from us, usually by parents, grandparents, older siblings, teachers at school or maybe other kids.

While it was once hugely endearing for us to do silly things like try to say Daddy but pronounce it Baddy or to run around the house naked with our underwear on the top of our heads, as we got older, the love of the people we looked up to became hugely conditional.

If we weren’t getting good enough grades at school, acting in an appropriately restrained way in public, or just being humble enough about our self-worth, then that love was taken away. The people we looked up to wouldn’t hug us, play with us, be nice to us, or tell us that we were good kids. They’d just judge, isolate and punish us in hugely negative ways that crushed us.

We then started to hear things like:

What’s wrong with you?

Don’t get too big for your boots!

Who do you think you are?

Why can’t you be more like your cousin Amanda?

We heard all the above and others way more often than we heard any sort of praise and like I said before, that systematically crushed our self-confidence. FYI, it’s believed that in order for a kid to grow up with healthy levels of self-esteem they need to hear 8 compliments from their adult caregivers for every 1 negative comment or insult, but how many of us really got that?

Anyway, fast forward to when you’re an adult and trying to find the balls to talk to that hot blonde in the tight yoga pants at the bar or the college canteen and you just can’t do it. Something’s pulling you back; your mind and body are racked with fear, and you just cannae actually find the will to get it done.

But why would you? You’ve been conditioned to believe that you’re not that great of a person, so with that in mind, why on earth would someone so beautiful and awesome want to give you the time of day?

The nurture your childhood-self exercise

Like I said, I’m going to show you an exercise that you can use to rebuild that shattered self-confidence and radiate more of the natural self-esteem you were born with. You might think it sounds like ‘woowoo, new age, hippy dippy bs’ but just try it for a moment and see how it fits.

Just because you think something’s silly doesn’t mean it actually is, and even if it is, well you won’t lose anything by trying it, right? So with that in mind, here’s the exercise, you ready?

Here come the pain

Close your eyes and in your mind’s eye, go back to the house you grew up in and find the childhood version of you. Take them by the hand and bring them to wherever you live today.

Show them all the cool stuff you have that they couldn’t have dreamed of when you were them (games console with all the games you want, new technology, ability to stay up late, can eat whatever food you want, etc) and see how they almost have an orgasm at how great your life is compared to theirs. Let them know that all of this and more is waiting for them in their future.

Then you’re gonna let them know that you’re the awesome, loving and protective big brother they’ve never had, and that you’re always gonna be there for them. And after that, I want you to sit them down and tell them all the stuff that you wish people said to you back when they were you.

You’re an amazing little kid!

I’m always gonna be here for you, and I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you, ever.

You’re so clever.

I feel really lucky to know and have you in my life.

How on earth did I ever manage to meet a kid as fantastic as you? What did I do to deserve it?

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you because I know you’re awesome and I’m never gonna leave you.

Say that stuff to your childhood-self and notice how much it means to both of you to hear it. Do this for as long as you need to and as often as you need to, but every day for at least 10 minutes in my opinion and with real passion and emotion. Don’t half heart it, say it like you mean it. That hurt little kid is still inside you to this today and is the cause of a lot of your pain and insecurity.

By taking them under your wing and being the loving big brother that they (you) never had, you’ll help them (you) to get over the trauma of the past and radiate that innate confidence that they (you) were born with.

This will then mean that when you’re in situations that usually would have you curl up in fear (like talking to a hot girl, asking for her number, going in for the first kiss, putting your hand on her breast etc) you’ll innately know that you’re a great person who’s completely deserving of her and her time.

That’ll then make you act in an appropriately confident and unstifled way and grrrrreeeeeaaaattttlllllyyyyy increase the odds of her reacting to you the way you hope she will.

But why does this work?

It works because the human brain simply can’t tell the difference between what’s real and fake. When you imagine something, your brain responds as if it was real and that’s why we get excited by action films or scared by horror films. What’s going on is that on some level our brains actually think we’re being chased down corridors by explosions or being chained down in dirty basements by Australian psychopaths.

When you talk to your childhood self and tell it the stuff that nobody ever told you then as far as your brain’s concerned, somebody did tell you that stuff, you. You did.

This will help that kid (you) to heal the trauma of the past and reclaim the potent and vibrant level of self-confidence that they (you) were born with.

Ciao for now.

Ciaran