I've seen a lot of women on this sub talking about how they enjoy being feminine or even hyper feminine and all that goes along with that. But let's take a step back and define exactly what we mean by femininity.

We know there are two sexes, male and female. The sexes have differing physiologies and reproductive roles. This is a fact of nature and exists throughout the vast majority of the animal kingdom.

What does it mean to be masculine or feminine? These are roles and expectations that have developed in society based on our perceived or actual reproductive capacities. They vary based on time and geography. We have taken traits and behaviors that exist in all humans and coded them male or female. There is a debate about how much of this is nature or nurture when talking about men and women as classes of people. Is it true that women are always nurturing and men are always violent and aggressive? That girls choose pink and boys blue? Or are these expectations a result of societal conditioning? The answer may not be either/or. It's entirely possible it is a combination of both.

Radfems said that our biology is the basis of our oppression and gender (ie. femininity) is the tool used to oppress us. Gendered expectations are hierarchical, male traits being seen superior to female traits. This is by design. Back in the 70s and 80s the feminist goal was to abolish the belief that certain traits were tied to our biology. The idea that these traits are innate and unchangeable is called biological essentialism and feminists of that time opposed that theory. We had some great media for kids such as Free to Be You and Me and books like William Wants a Doll to help children break free of these limiting ideas about what they could be based on their sex.

Sadly, starting in the 90s things did a 180. During that time the toy aisles at stores became highly sex segregated and the girls aisle went solid pink. The same happened with clothing choices. Princess parties, high heels for little girls and many other things we would consider hyper feminine became culturally pervasive. Is it any mistake that all if this happened right as women were beginning to gain a foothold acquiring power and wealth in the world?

Today we have young women who grew up during those times defending "femininity," by which they mean makeup, plastic surgery and fashion. They are spending thousands of dollars on these products and procedures while still not being paid the equivalent of their male counterparts at work. They watch hours of YouTube makeup tutorials. They suffer from low self esteem, social anxiety, depression, are constantly doubting themselves, apologizing for speaking up and having opinions, putting up with porn sick men, BDSM, DDLG and other degrading and dehumanizing situations while simultaneously calling themselves "empowered" for engaging in such behaviors and in some cases making these things part of their "identity." Just read AskFDS as well as many of the stories here. It is heartbreaking. We jokingly call these women pickmes but they are really victims of culturally imposed "femininity."

I do blame libfems, but I also know that because of the internet information is more widely available than ever before and there is plenty out there to contradict the current trend if you take even a moment to look for it. Yet so many fight against that information tooth and nail and embrace the ease of going along with what society deems popular at any given moment despite it being incredibly damaging on so many levels. Often they say they do it for themselves or because "they like it" without ever having given any thought to exactly WHY they like it so much or where it all came from. None of us live in a vacuum.

Questioning and investigating how the social construct of femininity and all that is coded as feminine being used as the tool of our oppression is not "misogynist" in any way. A woman's value should not be based on her degree of attractiveness, softness or compliance. If you are a female person that is all you need to be "feminine." The rest is just gilding the lily. Women can have a multitude of different types of interests, appearances and personalities. They are still women. Not embracing culturally approved "femininity" or even criticizing it does not mean that you are trying to be like a man. We are women and could not be men even if we tried. Existing in a female body is all you need to do to be truly feminine.