Dating question for feminists and women upset with modern dating

fluttertutt · 2024-11-03T13:05:05+00:00

Fortunately there are plenty of men willing to wait, men looking to connect and men wanting to commit.

I learned to distinguish the ones who say things because they mean them from the ones who say things because they think it's what we want to hear.

So you do you. Hopefully you will meet someone with whom your goals align, but please, have the decency to be honest.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-11-03T13:43:56+00:00

So you want women to tell you how to “strategize” so that men can easily have quick, commitment free sex with women who don’t want to have quick commitment free sex without the women realizing it?

Or are you asking what strategy to use to make women want the same quick commitment free sex that men want (but presumably only with that man because ewwww high n-count women 🤢)?

How about men accept that most women don’t want that and that they should be honest about their intentions and stick with pursuing the women who do want that and understand that their sexual desires do not create an obligation for anyone else to reciprocate.

In other words, you can’t always get what you want and that’s ok. Women can’t always get what we want either.

Trying to trick or strategize someone into giving you what you want is scummy.

EulenWatcher · 2024-11-03T15:46:30+00:00

It depends on an individual. I don't think there's any middle ground between a person who wants to have a committed LTR and a person who wants to sleep around. The only thing they can do respecting each other is not to date each other. Which clearly goes against the goal of one of them who wants to sleep around. There's a minority of women who is open to casual, so all men seeking casual are competing for them.

So we all try do to what is best for us - women not open to casual try to avoid men stringing them along, and men who don't mind lying and wasting others' time lie/omit their intentions just to get some.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-11-03T14:21:13+00:00

If men don’t want to wait and women don’t want to put out on the first date - how is it possible that you will both get what you want?

ThatBitchA · 2024-11-03T17:40:57+00:00

Most men don't want to wait till marriage or wait 3 months to get to know you before sex but most women don't wanna put out on the first date.

Is there no middle ground between the first date and 3 months?

Why would someone have sex on the first date? Presumably, you're a stranger. Why are you expecting sex on a first date?

The solution is for men to stop expecting sex on the first date.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-11-03T14:08:05+00:00

Clearly women are upset with the current dating market, y'all are scared that you could be dating a covert redpiller, pick up artist, ect

He... where do you get that from? I'm not scared of that and don't know any of my feminist friends who is. I'm pretty sure I'll not end up dating any of these. And if it happens I'll see it fast and end things... what's the big deal?

Most men don't want to wait till marriage or wait 3 months to get to know you before sex but most women don't wanna put out on the first date.

That is something I hear on here but where I live, most people go to it pretty quick, like after one to three dates. I've never even heard of a situation where people went on dates or hanged out without getting sexual for months. Like this does not exist in my universe... is it an American thing?

IcyTrapezium · 2024-11-03T14:14:40+00:00

I’ve had plenty of guys tell me they don’t want to have sex on the first date. I ended up living with a guy who wouldn’t sleep with me on the first date, so it wasn’t that he wasn’t interested.

Y’all are just desperate. Attractive men aren’t desperate. Plenty don’t want sex on the first date. Plenty do. I prefer to have sex by the second or third date myself. I don’t go on dates with men I don’t want to sleep with.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-11-03T16:27:39+00:00

I think you’re fear mongering. Most women don’t want to wait 3mo to have sex either; they just want to know that dude’s not gonna disappear as soon as he nuts

Gillionaire25 · 2024-11-03T17:38:33+00:00

My suggestion is not to focus on what men want.

Women who want commitment can wait until they get it before having sex. If it fails with a guy, he doesn't get sex, she doesn't get commitment. No one is hurt.

If the guy commits and the sex ends up not being great, both get what they want at first and then both get hurt. So it's equal. Women won't mind that he has a past relationship and men will think it's less bad she had a boyfriend vs a ONS.

If a woman doesn't wait and has sex right away, she might not get commitment and he still gets sex. She will be the only one with negative consequences. Men will think less of her for having ONS and women will not think less of him for having experience. Not equal.

Women waiting to have a relationship minimizes harm for women, equalizes harm between women and men and improves the dating pool for everyone.

toasterchild · 2024-11-03T14:24:19+00:00

I don't care if men get what they want, that really isn't my problem. As long as I am always getting better at figuring out who the NOs are it's not really a problem for me. Luckily I live in a place where there are still some decent men around so it's not really an issue here. I do not know how women in most of the midwest and south cope though.

PracticalControl2179 · 2024-11-03T15:37:13+00:00

Most men don’t want to wait till marriage or wait 3 months to get to know you before sex but most women don’t wanna put out on the first date.

Speak for yourself. I never had a problem with guys waiting. I make them wait an extended period of time. Like a year or something. Longer. Until marriage if I can. I managed to make guys wait and they didn’t leave. Many men are able and willing to wait.

S0yslut · 2024-11-03T22:24:06+00:00

If a man doesn’t want to wait 3 months I’ll just assume I’m not valued as a person and ghost. The average length of time it takes to fall in love for women is 90 days.. I don’t want to have sex with someone I don’t love.

If a man wants to be ambiguous and vague I will also ghost. There are men out there I am attracted to who are a better reflection of what I’d want than you. Some men use their words and communicate what a surprise. Women don’t have to compromise their values to make you happy. You are not entitled to sex with women who don’t want it with you.

The percentage of women open to casual was 20% in 2017 and I imagine that figure has gone down. You would be competing for those women. Not the majority of women.

And I’m not concerned about figuring out what pill a man is. If my husband was red pilled it doesn’t change who he is.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-11-03T13:44:26+00:00

I find it best for women to not focus on what men want anymore. Instead, I encourage all women to hold out for marriage to avoid getting used. As more and more women stop giving out free sex and attention to men before marriage the better the dating marketplace will become for women. After all why would a man pay for milk if he gets it for free? Men will naturally learn how to behave after enough failure and desperation so there is no point in women over compensating for men’s wants. Women can just let men enjoy their blue balls and let society enjoy the population decline till men are ready to be good boys and meet in the middle with the fair deal of marriage. After all marriage is the middle ground not something just in favor for women. If women wanted everything in their favor it would be sugar dating only with as little sex being given as possible and they would be getting lots of money from multiple men just like how if men had it their way they would have as much sex as possible with multiple women.

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MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-11-03T19:33:55+00:00

Most men don't want to wait till marriage or wait 3 months to get to know you before sex but most women don't wanna put out on the first date.

Pretty sure there's a middle ground between "we bang on the first date or it's a no-go" and "we wait months and even years to bang or it's a no-go". If you've got two people on a date, and one wants the former, and the other one wants the latter, there isn't a way for both of them to get what they want. They should both continue looking for someone who wants what they want. Alternatively, they could set a more reasonable timeline if they can't find anyone who matches their wants, and they do want to find a partner - maybe be willing to have sex within a few weeks of dating, instead of having it right away or months into the future.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-11-03T19:39:55+00:00

I don't think there is a strategy or a "cheat code".

Some women are okay with having sex immediately and just want to have sex. Some men are okay with waiting to have sex and want commitment too.

It's up to you and what you are looking for? If you want commitment you are likely going to be choosier and pay attention to their actions and words aligning and that they aren't telling you what you want to hear and taking your time for both parties. If you are looking just for sex treat it as such and go on with your life without investing too much emotional energy and have it be surface level.

Really the only thing is it depends on what you are looking for?

theReaders · 2024-11-04T03:16:41+00:00

There are men who want sex right away in a relationship, and there are women who want sex right away in a relationship. Just be upfront about the fact that you don't want to be in a relationship if you won't immediately get sex- that's al you can do. You can choose to pursue or not but either way you need to make sure that aspect is mutually known and respected. You can't control others, you may end up with women who want a relationship with sex after a longer time, and try to start or keep a relationship with you. Your only responsibility is to leave when you realize it.

Other than making sure anyone you approach or who approaches you knows what you want, and sticking to that in practice, there's no way to just scoop up every person who has compatible sexual appetites to you. You just have to go out and try and meet them.

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Title	Dating question for feminists and women upset with modern dating
Author	different26262
Upvotes	0
Comments	170
Date	November 3, 2024 9:35 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gij7mq/dating_question_for_feminists_and_women_upset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-question-for-feminists-and-women-upset-with.1534512 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534512

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