Why do women prefer kinky sex outside of their LTR?

wtknight · 2021-09-19T22:10:10+00:00

Removed. This is an excessively leading question and is therefore against sub rules.

Anantha1996 · 2021-09-19T19:48:44+00:00

I think you are talking about a small subgroup of women who are hyper sexual and have very low sexual disgust. Most women prefer a partner who they trust before getting kinky.

There may be some who do not want their kinks to affect their partners perception of them even some with kinks that may cause incompatibility. They may be another sub group who you are describing .

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-09-19T19:52:10+00:00

This is the complete opposite for me. I’m willing to do quite a lot in a committed relationship that I wouldn’t do in a casual hookup. No way am I letting some guy I don’t know and don’t trust get “kinky” with me.

mackenzie013_02 · 2021-09-19T20:29:29+00:00

Who/where are all these women?

Kinky sex is best with a partner/boyfriend/husband. It takes a while to build the trust. I’d never do some weird stuff with a stranger.. with my partner I’d do pretty much anything tho.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-09-19T20:08:23+00:00

That not normal. I don’t know any woman that has casual rando kinky sex. If they do they probably have other issues too like engaging in other really high risk behavior as well like hard core drugs or something cause it’s not “normal girl behavior”. That’s just plain freaky. Freeeeaky. Sounds like they are BDSM kinks and they have a fetish for that shit.

SaBahRub · 2021-09-19T19:33:24+00:00

Reddit, why do women in niche communities behave differently than the mainstream? It’s so mysterious!

januaryphilosopher · 2021-09-19T19:20:15+00:00

I got the impression that most people in BDSM are couples in LTRs?

thetruthishere_ · 2021-09-19T19:16:46+00:00

Id only be kinky with a long term.

houstongradengineer · 2021-09-19T20:47:25+00:00

I, uh, don't... although if you're looking for an answer. I might suppose that dehumanizing and being dehumanized by a short term partner could make the inevitable separation that much easier. But hey... what do I know...

supergirl3730 · 2021-09-19T19:29:05+00:00

Female here. I want kinky in a relationship. You need to get a better viewpoint

ashpr0ulx · 2021-09-19T19:05:54+00:00

am a kinky woman. can’t relate.

Mimoxs · 2021-09-19T19:56:43+00:00

Bc they like some act or thing sexually, but they want to feel loved and respected in an LTR. You can't have both.

The "it's just part of the scene UwU" of women who are into men degrading them, choking them beating them etc are lying to themselves as much as they are others. Behind every "it's just a kink" man that calls her a slut or dumb or worthless etc in bed, is some truth that that's how he really feels about her, and the women know this.

If some dumb bitch claims her "bdsm hard Dom" or whatever is doing what he does JUST as a sex act and that it doesn't reflect how he really feels about her she is either self deluded or just saving face

Barneysparky · 2021-09-19T19:02:13+00:00

Where do you get this information?

xQueen-Bx · 2021-09-19T20:11:57+00:00

you can be a mans cherished "madonna" or his dirty whore. generally men don't love whores in the cherishing way women who are withholding their dirtiest from them want

Cimorene86 · 2021-09-19T19:48:35+00:00

What? No, exact opposite.

I actually said this to someone 3 posts ago...I'm not interested in doing hookups but even if I was, it would be the most vanilla, normal sex known to humanity. Can't imagine doing anything kinky or vulnerable with a complete stranger, sounds incredibly dangerous. How would I be assured he actually gives a fuck about my safewords, my pleasure, my physical and mental safety?

My FWB on the other hand? Hell yeah, we do lots of adventurous and kinky shit. Why? Because he's proven himself to be trustworthy, safe, cares about my health and pleasure, and is sexually vulnerable to me at times too. No competition, honestly.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-09-19T19:52:45+00:00

It’s a part of self exploration. Trying new things, exploring new feelings, new sensations, physical and emotional. Playing with different things. It’s normal, some people stay kinky forever after exploring it, some dislike it and stay vanilla.

Slipthe · 2021-09-19T20:03:26+00:00

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quiturbitchn · 2021-09-19T20:15:24+00:00

This seriously isn’t a question. It’s the same reason someone will tell their deepest secrets to someone they don’t know or over share. There are no repercussions if you don’t have to ever see that person again

relish5k · 2021-09-19T22:05:15+00:00

young women who have not been sexually active for very long don't have a clear sense of what they like or not yet in bed. They have also been socialized to be passive sexually and may not feel comfortable speaking up about what feels good / bad, and what crosses their boundaries. Maybe they try something with a genuinely open mind only to discover it's not for them, or they acquiesce to something because they don't know how to say no, or are worried about negative consequences if they do say no (their partner losing interest in them). Maybe this happened within an early LTR, or a causal sex encounter, could be either.

As these women become more confident and vocal in their needs in desires, they feel more comfortable expressing their desire to not engage in kink.

This describes a specific subset of women - women who genuinely like kink continue to engage with it in their LTRs.

If anything the reverse can also be an issue - a man likes rough and demeaning sex with a woman he is not serious with, but feels that that's not how one treats "a wife." So he has vanilla sex with his wife and feels unsatisfied by it. Maybe he even cheats. Or he has kinky sex with his wife until she gets pregnant - once she's the mother of his child hes suddenly uncomfortable having kinky sex with her

GridReXX · 2021-09-19T22:12:52+00:00

OP this sounds like:

“She has passionate sex with thee but not with me” couched in a “kinky” strawman purview.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-09-19T19:10:45+00:00

When they look elsewhere it’s because the man has shut down and isn’t interested in good sex anymore or he’s judged them and made them feel insecure about their kinks. That’s when they do it.

There’s really no logic to this post, honestly.

Slipthe · 2021-09-19T19:15:47+00:00

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sublimemongrel · 2021-09-19T19:42:56+00:00

That’s the exact opposite of what typically happens. Much prefer to experiment with a guy I love, trust and have built massive attraction to

lady_ven0m · 2021-09-19T20:08:56+00:00

I personally wouldn’t know, but maybe it’s the female version of Madonna-whore complex?

Slipthe · 2021-09-19T19:52:37+00:00

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yourenotunique · 2021-09-19T20:04:13+00:00

I really doubt there are tons of women that do that

rivetcitymayor · 2021-09-19T19:04:14+00:00

I don’t think that’s the case

gimpgirl555 · 2021-09-19T20:06:41+00:00

Because they just want to try it out once or twice. If they do it with their men then they will demand it all the time.

Also I think that there is some element of "I'm not gonna do anything for a man!" in all this.

Slipthe · 2021-09-19T20:18:11+00:00

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mindsanitizer · 2021-09-19T20:22:12+00:00

Unstated context: We’re talking about anal and deep throating, not BDSM. It’s because they can get hotter guys for casual than they can for a long term relationship.

PassMyGuard · 2021-09-19T20:24:55+00:00

Women are worried about being slut shamed, and they feel like the only way to maintain a relationship is to repress their sexuality and only have vanilla sex with their overly prude husbands. Years of repressing their baser desires leads them to finally seek out a more fulfilling sex life with somebody that either won’t judge them or with somebody whose judgement doesn’t matter.

If you want kinky sex, stop slut shaming and accept that human beings are sexual beings.

Slipthe · 2021-09-19T19:18:07+00:00

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2021-09-19T21:57:54+00:00

This absolutely is not limited to women. LTRs generally aren't conducive to exciting sex. People get bored, boring, and generally weighed down by the unsexy responsibilities of partnered life. Some people choose to work on the relationship, others engage in kinky sex outside of it.

persephonethequeen · 2021-09-19T22:06:14+00:00

I don't think majority of women are like that, I'm certainly not. But if I had to guess for some that are, it's the low to no expectations, and low stakes primarly. It's very much being kinky when and how they want it, without having to factor a partner's preferences into it.

It could be something they potentially have complicated feelings about so feel reluctant about introducting that dynamic, or possibly only feel really kinky a few times a year.

E.g. if they introduced it into their relationship, it could create future precedent, and now their partner wants it more frequently than she feels up to it, and that kills her desire. Or he doesn't like it, or maybe can't do it just how she likes. They owe nothing to a casual fling, their judgement doesn't really impact her life and it doesn't matter nearly as much if it all goes topsy-turvy. I imagine that all of that makes it feel more freeing.

Slipthe · 2021-09-19T19:23:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Why do women prefer kinky sex outside of their LTR?
Author	Glarkin42
Upvotes	13
Comments	174
Date	September 19, 2021 6:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pre3uy/why_do_women_prefer_kinky_sex_outside_of_their_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-prefer-kinky-sex-outside-of-their-ltr.1075533 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075533

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