Trigger warning: physical abuse

I know this is a dating strategy page, but I just wanted to say, please VET VET VET your male friends to the same standards you would a potential partner!

I had this “friend” I met in college. He was a funny, chill guy that I clicked with. I was at a point in my life where I was definitely NOT interested in any kind of romantic relationship (short or long term) with men so I usually steered clear from *any and all* of them since most seemed incapable of seeing me as a friend. 

Anyway this one man, I thought, was an exception. At first, we only hung out in groups as we had many mutual friends. 

Then one day, he asked me to have lunch with him. I hesitated. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression about how I felt. But he was so silly and chill and never flirted with me and it was just LUNCH so I thought, why not?

After that, we started hanging out more and more. It was at the library, cafeteria, walking to class, etc. I genuinely saw him as a friend and felt lucky to have a man in my life who truly cared about me and wasn’t trying to get something out of me.

Looking back now I see serious 🚩🚩🚩 that I ignored. For example, he would tease me and even push me around sometimes (one time he literally pushed me off my skateboard as a “joke.”) If a man I was interested in romantically did anything like that I would run away even faster than I can skate. 

I brushed all these warning signs off as I thought it was the price I would have to pay for having a male “friend.” He treated me like one of the guys so that meant he wasn’t trying to fuck me- right?

Anyway, one day he asked me to help him as he was moving out of his dorm and into an apartment nearby campus. I felt unsure but at this point I had known him for three years and felt like we were close friends. 

Once inside, I started to help him put things in the back of his car. Finally we sat down on his couch to take a break. I was exhausted. We were sitting. Everything was fine. 

Then, it wasn’t.

He started choking me. I couldn’t even believe what was happening. I froze and once I registered what was happening pushed him away with all my force but it barely made him budge. 

I mustered enough strength to start screaming and that’s when he stopped. 

I ran out in complete shock and honestly denial about what had just happened. 

When I got home that day, I started getting texts from him, “why did you leave so fast? I wanted to kiss you but I was scared.” 

Wait - so he was too scared to try and kiss me, but he wasn’t too scared to fucking choke me?!

The texts came streaming in again. This time, “I can’t help being attracted to you. You are so dramatic, punishing me for wanting you” At this point I couldn’t take it anymore and finally blocked him. 

Ladies, BEWARE YOUR MALE “FRIENDS!” I am sure it’s possible to have safe and platonic relationships with men but you must VET these men the same way as your dates. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him, or how chill or funny or friendly he usually is. Any red flags, WALK AWAY and of course, BLOCK & DELETE.

I excused poor behavior, and saw it as a sign he definitely didn’t like me - cause what kind of man who liked a woman would treat me the way he did?

NEGATIVE VALUE MEN, THAT'S WHO!

These men are not worthy friends just as surely as they are not worthy partners.