How do you “date”?

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-10T20:31:24+00:00

I date one person at once, which means exclusivity from asking them out, but that's from asking out people who I already know. If I didn't know them before, it'd take a few dates.

Itsknowntohappen · 2022-01-10T20:27:08+00:00

I’d say “dating” after a 3rd date. I only stop swiping or dating others once we are official, otherwise it’s all fair game to me.

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-01-10T20:57:35+00:00

I’m not exclusive until someone asks me to be exclusive then I’m all in

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-01-10T20:56:35+00:00

I am married so I am speaking in the past tense here.

I never really did structured "dating." I always dated guys I knew peripherally through my social circle. Usually what would happen is I would see him a lot at group hangouts, parties, bars and the like and start crushing on him from afar and basically find ways to be around him more and get his attention until A, he made a move, or B, my crush wore off and I didn't care anymore. This is how I got 3/4 of my boyfriends; the other I met on Tumblr and was a different situation although it was kind of the online version of the same thing.

If he made a move, we would make out/hook up/hang out until eventually he decided I was his girlfriend. It's hard to really say how many "dates" that was because it always happened organically and gradually. Like, if I hook up with a guy at a party and then we go get Taco Bell is that a "date"? Who knows. I never thought about it.

I think, colloquially, there is a difference between "going on dates" and "dating." I would only say I'm "dating" someone if we're official and exclusive. Otherwise in typical millennial fashion I would say something vague like "oh we're hanging out" or "we're talking" or whatever.

As for talking to other people, I always had intense tunnel vision with crushes so if I was hanging out with a guy or even just crushing on him I usually wasn't pursuing or even noticing anyone else. But that's just a function of how my attraction works, not any hard and fast rule I made for myself. In general I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping options open until something is official.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-01-10T20:41:41+00:00

I only date one people at a time regardless of whether we have acknowledged monogamy

throwaway316stunner · 2022-01-10T21:03:19+00:00

I’ll have to get back to you once I actually land one to begin with.

Responsible_Let_1925 · 2022-01-10T20:57:26+00:00

I date multiple men at once. Which in my definition is going out on dates, talking etc. but no sex or titles. I just date the most compatible candidates then after that may the best man win.

CimZim · 2022-01-10T22:56:09+00:00

When I was dating, I focused on just one person at a time. Once I had a date lined up, I'd stop searching or sending messages until after being broken up with. I'd consider myself to actually be Dating after 5 dates and their own pledge of exclusivity, if it had gotten that far.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-01-11T00:06:23+00:00

Dating doesn't mean exclusivity . Relationship means exclusively. That's all I've gotta say . Lol

ThatgodHermes · 2022-01-11T03:38:32+00:00

I tend to date multiple people at once and don’t become exclusive until months later if I really clique with someone.

If I’m not exclusive, I don’t stop turning down dates or asking for them.

If I am exclusive, the dating apps go.

Tbh though this isn’t always sustainable. Two-three partners is harder than it seems even casually. I’m actually taking a break from it all to see if I want to continue this or focus on becoming exclusive 😂.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-01-10T20:43:25+00:00

It's hard to put a set limit on it, my wife and I started off as a casual hook-up but after a while it was really clear that we liked each other a lot more than was being put on, I guess I considered us to be truly "dating" when the dinner plans kind of started to become semi-automatic lol

tickledpic · 2022-01-10T20:44:42+00:00

In my language the only interpretation of dating is to be going on dates. Whether you are going on dates with one person at a time or multiple is up to your preference.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-01-10T20:46:19+00:00

I don't OLD, so I guess things are a bit different. I would consider myself dating someone once we officially decided together we are a exclusive relationship. That being said, if I felt like things were very clearly going in that direction with a guy, but we hadn't actually discussed it yet, I would probably pull back on any other guys I was flirting with.

I've never really been in a position where I'm flirting with multiple guys or anything, but this is just how I'd do it if I was in that position. I put my everything into my relationship, so once I'm officially dating, I'm all in. I would definitely want to hear from the guy his intentions for the relationship and whatnot before completely shutting out all my other options. That's why I make sure to have a conversation about it. I don't wanna be stuck surprised that he was only looking for something casual, when I was only looking for a ltr.

back_in_blyat · 2022-01-10T21:47:10+00:00

I only consider it "dating" after there has been a sober, mutually understood conversation around us being exclusive in any meaningful sense of the word. If we get to that stage I will probably casually refer to you as my girlfriend in the next week or so and just see how you react and just go from there.

Dating to me implies mutual intent to be in a relationship provided one party doesn't reveal something horrible in the next few weeks.

funlightmandarin · 2022-01-10T22:17:03+00:00

What I define as dating:

The period were we're getting to know each other, before becoming official boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't like talking to many people at the same time, so I usually just talk to one man at a time. If I'm dating a guy, I'm not talking to others; I do have a high threshold for choosing a guy, so I focus exclusively on him.

I expect the same from him though. If I notice in any way he's playing the field, I'm out.

sushiii2020 · 2022-01-10T23:04:28+00:00

You don’t delete apps and stop talking to other people till you have a talk about exclusivity. It’s not a set number of dates, it’s where you decide you are as a couple

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-01-10T23:16:31+00:00

We’re dating and exclusive once we kiss. 🙃

sachiko468 · 2022-01-11T02:10:27+00:00

Same as you, except that it's usually after the third date instead of the second one

razormachine · 2022-01-10T20:27:30+00:00

If first date goes well, I start dating said person exclusively.

This is more of a cultural things. Dating two people at the same time would be considered cheating.

KirthWGersen · 2022-01-11T14:18:15+00:00

All interactions between two human beings form a relationship.

I have a relationship with my mother, friend, teacher, baker and the man I nod to each morning at the bus-stop.

The fact of having a relationship is not important: it is the shape of the relationship that gives it greater or lesser importance.

When people use the word "relationship" to mean "sexual relationship of increasingly commitment or betrayal" they are revealing a very specific approach to their sexuality and ability to form bonds, which I entirely reject.

I don't date. I meet people. I may or may not have sex with them. Over time, I observe them, see how I feel about them, and work out how they might fit into my life. That has, at various times, resulted in marriage, kids, friendship, passionate affairs, intermittent liaisons, and everything else imaginable, often with the same person, often with different people at the same time.

What I don't do is put the cart before the horse and try to shoehorn the individuals I meet into a predefined concept of what a sexual relationship should be.

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baresquad · 2022-01-10T20:53:26+00:00

Nothing serious right now. Casual first and foremost that develops into something serious and exclusive down the road

No exclusivity until discussed and agreed on

If not immediately hooking up, 1-3 dates to get a feel for each other and proceed how we see fit. If it phases out, no hard feelings / best of luck go our separate ways or remain friends or at least just 2 people that are cool with eachother who follow each other on Instagram

Notsonewguy7 · 2022-01-10T21:31:53+00:00

I usually have a girl floating around me at work or some sorta social gathering that slowly flirts with me until I get a phone number.. Exchange info on family , political views, music, etc. Then go to a movie or social gathering than start to see where things go from their.

Very Jane Austen I know but it works.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-10T23:57:10+00:00

I generally only date one person at a time. However, dating goes hand-in-hand with exclusivity for me. If we haven't had the "what are we?" talk then I consider myself single.

decoy88 · 2022-01-11T03:46:18+00:00

I didn’t. I persued casual sex with women. Then set up a nice rotation of women who were fuckbuddies/FWBs.

Then one of those women were so dope that her time and company was better than fucking all the others, made it official, dropped the others, now in a happy LTR.

I always knew that any woman that’d be compatible would be someone from the niche casual sex scene as they’d have similar attitudes towards sex as I do.

I’ve never really committed to any girl unless I already felt I loved her first. So that could take about 1.5 years before officially as a couple.

EDIT: misunderstood your ‘dating’ definition. I guess it could be considered dating if we’re still meeting/hooking uo after the first time encounter.

TheHateOfBeauty · 2022-01-11T05:18:47+00:00

Dating is a "myth." Women generally meet me, talk to me for at most 20 minutes, then they say: "do you want to get drinks / go out later."

Drinks, later, then they say, let's go home. Dating rings of having to put effort into impressing someone.

I always thought that if you had to impress someone, she's not into you and it's never going to work.

Been with dozens of women, never asked one out. Still don't know how to do it.

Distinct_Upstairs979 · 2022-01-11T06:29:57+00:00

I “date” when a man commits to me through action and then I drop my other options and focus on him but if he doesn’t I just think it’s casual and doesn’t need to be given a title yet.

The first date going well is not an indication of dating for me, exclusivity is the only way that I know that it is dating. But I think it’s different for a guy because he usually sets up second dates but I as a woman do continue seeing others and I won’t deactivate my account but I will most likely not be active on those accounts while I am dating a handful of guys until one wants exclusivity. (And no I don’t sleep with any of those guys contrary to what some men believe)

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-01-11T08:34:43+00:00

Dating is a foreign concept tropical Latin America. We don't date. I don't know how the weirdos in the colder parts do it.

We organically meet people in large groups of friends and things organically evolve. Most of the evolution even happens during social gatherings, with some moments where they soon to become couple spend time alone together just hanging out, helping each other with chores, work or study and sort of trying to play how to be a couple in trial version. Sex may or may not happen and it's definitely not something we plan to do early unless people are exclusively looking into having sex.

If people are exclusively looking into casual sex, we're clear this is probably not going to evolve into something else. everyone understands this.

basedchad2001 · 2022-01-10T21:10:24+00:00

I don't use OLD but unless I have a gf I have 0 problem dating/fucking multiple women. Granted, these last 2 months I have been lazy and only dated the same girl.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-10T21:11:39+00:00

I stopped dating some time ago. I just started hooking up and hanging out with friends.

jayval90 · 2022-01-11T03:49:03+00:00

How do you “date”?

I consider myself dating someone after I have gone on the second date with everything being positive and plans for a third are in place

EDIT FOR CLARITY: Dating DOES NOT mean relationship/ bf•gf

WTF IS this garbage??? You'd think that we'd have figured out clear names for something as important to be on the same page as the other person as this is by now.

For me a date has a beginning, a middle, and an end. You "go steady" after about the 3rd consecutive date (each of these early dates is planned without planning on future ones) and are basically exclusive bf/gf at that point (now you plan on dates until further notice). You then hang out together and figure out if you actually want to get married/engaged along the way. If so, you get engaged. If not, you get out. Then you get married and merge your lives and have sex and kids.

Notice my description does not use the word "Dating." I hate what that word has become with a passion. Nobody knows what it means, and the introduction of it into a conversion only makes the conversation harder to follow, which defeats the purpose of words.

manfrom-nantucket · 2022-01-11T09:35:23+00:00

Selectively and casually

Title	How do you “date”?
Author	yo_dwayne
Upvotes	14
Comments	74
Date	January 10, 2022 8:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s0tjft/how_do_you_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-date.1095343 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095343

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