A Professor Wasted Her Time Interviewing 46 Men About Why They Cheat

JulyParade · 2022-02-04T23:56:08+00:00

What a crock of.... men don't cheat because they have "unmet emotional needs". If there were one man on this planet he could sleep with millions of women and still feel inadequate because men don't feel the need to take responsibility for their own mental health!

I especially love this: [The cheating man's] framing of the story is: “I'm doing this very charitable thing by having sex with this woman that no one would want to have sex with.” He
was sort of prodding me to say what a great guy he was, and I didn't respond like that. He got really angry with me, and pretty abusive, and said, “I wish I had never spoken with you."

Just to be clear, it seems that none of those cheaters got their "emotional" needs met by cheating. In fact, men who cheat on their wives will cheat on their mistresses too! But they still did it and apparently we are supposed to accept it. Nah, sis.

Uruzdottir · 2022-02-05T01:29:30+00:00

"Unmet emotional needs" = wife refuses to constantly kiss his ass and agree with whatever he says.

Poor baby. Lol.

melympia · 2022-02-04T22:41:31+00:00

Let me guess - they cheat because (they think) they can. And a serious case of FOMO. *goes to read*

Was there any reason given beyond "they do it because of an unmet need"???

NonaOrganic · 2022-02-04T23:17:55+00:00

Read the Vice article. That Professor is trash. Calls herself a non cheater apologist and then says this: “At the end of the day, for these men the big thing was, they love their wives. They adore them. What I heard in every narrative was, ‘This is boosting my self-esteem and I feel better about myself and I'm getting my needs met, but gosh I really wish I was getting this from my wife.’ They're staying because they have hope; hope that on some level things are going to change at home.”

My blood pressure raises at such garbage. Go see a therapist if you have self esteem problems. Hit the gym. Vagina is not an emotional support animal. And love is a verb. Cheating on your wife; taking away her agency; emotionally abusing her by lying and gaslighting her; putting her health at risk; risk the stability of your family; financially cheating spending money on sex workers, gifts, dinners, vacations, paying bills, hotels, child support for other children, etc. NONE of that is love. This “professor” can spare me w/her bs.

smolcontrolledbursts · 2022-02-05T04:44:42+00:00

"I'm not an infidelity apologist by any yardstick."

Proceeds to be an infidelity apologist.

Keepers12345 · 2022-02-05T02:46:15+00:00

No one should be giving these cheaters the time of day to vent about their "reasons" for cheating. Their selfish behaviors have NOTHING to do with their partners.

Post-research study, surely some of these men (if not all) walked away feeling pretty proud of themselves, thinking that they're helping humankind (and their fellow bros) by sharing their experiences with a researcher.

Waste of research funding

Pink_Padme · 2022-02-05T03:02:00+00:00

“Much needed service” in regards to Ashley Madison. God we are doomed.

frostedgemstone · 2022-02-05T04:15:44+00:00

Does anyone really give a shit? If he cheats move on. They’re really out here thinking their dick is gold or something??

ThatIntention1 · 2022-02-05T07:00:01+00:00

“There is one common theme - Men cheat more than women.”

How shocking.

turtleshame · 2022-02-05T05:56:12+00:00

“Unmet emotional needs” is just a fancy way of saying emotionally stunted and basically only capable of relating to women sexually or maternally. The patriarchy hurts men and women.

Men get told to suppressing emotions and to channeling their self worth into their careers, which is toxic af and of course is going to shut them out of understanding their emotions, cause depression, alienation. Then their hormonal needs are being met with porn porn porn, once again removing another path for human connection. It’s a modern miracle that more men aren’t completely disfunctional sociopaths.

annie222222 · 2022-02-05T00:46:53+00:00

First I hate someone using the word “folks” it feels like a word used in socially divisive conversations and is a red flag that the speaker is being manipulative.

An “unmet emotional need” for men is usually meeting their “need” that is based on entitlement and using women. How can they proclaim to love their wives whilst hurting them, and how can they be ok with using the woman they are having the affair with? Their “unmet needs” can ONLY be met by using and hurting. Is that really a human need?

I mean, I could say I am really needing to eat McDonald’s for every meal - I dream about it, my body craves it! I really dream about owning an Aston Martin- but I’d ruin myself financially. But I deserve !!! I’ll go buy it! The need is so strong! But doing that stuff. You ultimately sabotage yourself. It’s not a need. It’s a selfish desire that always blows up in your face. Stop the research into something really simple: there’s a lot of stuff in life that feels good temporarily but it’s a bad idea so we don’t do it because we have a mind.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-05T08:23:12+00:00

another vice article... ugh... what a shit reel.

vice is the worst.

"I am not an infidelity apologist but..."

gotcha!

BrokeTroubles · 2022-02-05T13:08:24+00:00

I don’t have the exact figures but my nursing teacher used to say that when a man gets a chronic illness a woman will very likely stay with him throughout. But if a woman gets a chronic illness often the man leaves.

Guess she’s not meeting his emotional needs enough /s

IgetUsernameScraps · 2022-02-05T16:00:53+00:00

Ashley Madison's…provides a much-needed service for lots of folks. It would be so much more productive to say, “What might we adjust or address that might lessen the rates of folks feeling like this is something they have to do?”

Wow. Yeah, I don’t need to read any more propaganda from a pickme, thanks. 🤢

So, that nonsense reminded me of the Lundy episode where he says people are all twisting themselves into knots about interpreting “the abuser’s feelings” when it’s not the feelings that are causing them to be abusive. Even when they’re healed from past trauma (or they don’t even have past trauma), they continue to be abusers.

Cheaters don’t cheat because they feel sad or unwanted, or whatever other BS. Just like the abuser, a cheater cheats because they want to and they can.

cyborgspecies · 2022-02-05T06:27:28+00:00

On the contrary, if anyone listens to the Huberman Podcast, the episode on romantic partnerships explains studies revealing how men cheat for the sexual variety and opportunism. “Unmet emotional needs,” my ass.

Mrsbaz · 2022-02-04T23:44:31+00:00

Stopped reading after Ashley Madison performs a needed service 🙄 Just like porn and sex work right? Why is make depravity something that needs to be commodified 🤢

mpdgbutitsreallyadhd · 2022-02-05T06:15:01+00:00

"Secret life of the cheating wife" and "Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation and infidelity" her titles are the first read flag/pickmeisha identifier, how did anyone read the article beyond that?

thebearflair · 2022-02-05T07:49:43+00:00

Haha is that we are calling getting my dick wet these days? An “emotional” need?

Ffs

NotMyRealName814 · 2022-02-05T16:08:49+00:00

If you really want to see unabashed arrogance, entitlement and selfishness visit the adultery sub some time. Hoo boy...

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-07T07:07:29+00:00

But have they tried CoMUnICAtinG?

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peachtartx · 2022-02-08T02:43:42+00:00

LVM cheat because they want to get their dicks wet, with as many women as possible. Most of them wouldn’t even be in a relationship if they weren’t pressured into it. They view a girlfriend as someone to take care of them. That’s what a relationship offers them. They want her to be committed to them, without having to be fully committed to her.

Title	A Professor Wasted Her Time Interviewing 46 Men About Why They Cheat
Author	SnarkSticks
Upvotes	309
Comments	58
Date	February 4, 2022 10:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/skpxls/a_professor_wasted_her_time_interviewing_46_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-professor-wasted-her-time-interviewing-46-men.1099723 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099723

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