Beware of men who try to turn every discussion into an argument

_cnz_ · 2022-04-03T08:13:34+00:00

I dated someone like this very shortly. I honestly loved debate and the idea of a partner that challenged me but it went downhill immediately. Every single opinion that I had that contradicted him turned into hours long one sided arguments where I ended up conceding due to the being exhausted of his shit. Towards the end of me seeing him, I remember actively learning logical fallacies and argumentation techniques so I could win and right earn the right to have an opinion. Had to wait until he did something inexcusable to break up with him and even still he turned it into a “debate”.

I swear every type of man Ive dated has done this to some extent, I feel as if I’m attracting them due to my naturally competitive nature. The worst part is that these men always sneak up on you, making small comments that eventually turn into full out brawls. It’s such a devasting form of emotional abuse and boundary pushing that really tears one down

missclaireredfield · 2022-04-03T04:34:30+00:00

I hate this so much it’s soooooo fucking annoying.

preppykat3 · 2022-04-03T10:30:05+00:00

Also the annoying types who call you “angry” anytime you stand your ground. Like wtf???

Serious_Papaya8615 · 2022-04-03T04:26:50+00:00

I agree and I think it also ties in closely with men who disagree with women just for the sake of disagreeing. I think this kind are painfully misogynistic and cannot stand the idea of a woman being right and KNOWING she is right. It’s a form of negging meant to tear your self esteem apart. If you’re unfortunate enough to stick around you end up finding yourself doubting your every thought and preemptively knowing he would disagree with it, so you either start fully silencing yourself or you start seeking his approval with everything you say or do. It’s a very insidious thing and an instant dealbreaker to me. I can sense it very early on now and if it feels like talking to a man is like some competition he’s trying to win at, he can fuck right off. I am not wasting my time or energy on insecure, emotionally abusive scrotes

bioqueen53 · 2022-04-03T11:53:29+00:00

I've noticed that women on social media cannot have opinions or thoughts without at least half a dozen men shouting them down or playing devil's advocate. I had a friend call a guy out for doing that, and point out that she didn't see him doing that to any other women's posts, and also, that he wasn't even her friend, so what was he doing? He backed down immediately. She's married with a child. He also had a fiance 😬

mr_bumplastic · 2022-04-03T04:17:26+00:00

Male Dr's when you're trying to explain yourself.....

thowawaywookie · 2022-04-03T12:28:42+00:00

I used to argue back with them. That's what they want. They get to be aggressive and superior at your expense. They probably get wood from it. They aren't listening to anything you say at that point so just shut them down.

Now I ignore it. Not even worth my breath. Laugh and roll my eyes like, how fucking stupid.

Online, I ignore or say something like, "keep your mouth closed so the stupid doesn't escape." then I put them on mute so they're ranting by themselves.

millennialpink2000 · 2022-04-03T04:41:26+00:00

These guys are perpetually playing defence for all mankind. Individual men don't exist, just a monolith of men and he has elected himself in charge of speaking for/defending all of them

Colour_riot · 2022-04-03T12:20:26+00:00

Imagine if women bothered to turn it around.

"are you sure you don't like being pegged? what about if she lubes you up real good first? Or if she gets this particular toy. You haven't even tried it? How about we ask that guy to do it? Oh c'mon now, don't be so sensitive, I'm just playing the devils advocate, you don't know what you're missing out on"

solarflour · 2022-04-03T04:32:38+00:00

“Let’s dEbATE.” 🤡

rainbowshummingbird · 2022-04-03T04:51:03+00:00

And the devil’s advocate guy can fuck off too.

XRoze · 2022-04-03T15:50:05+00:00

Someone on this sub wrote that it’s an anti-social trait, and that resonated deeeeeeeeeply. Doing this pushes others away bc conversations are how we relate to one another.

Austenma · 2022-04-03T04:25:19+00:00

Agreed!!!

NotMyRealName814 · 2022-04-03T15:49:59+00:00

I hate this too although to be honest what I hate even more is when a man always invalidates your feelings. I dated a guy for several months back in college who when I would comment that I was cold, for example, always say "No you're not" and then claim it was "X" degrees and therefore I couldn't possibly be cold at that temperature. He also would do the sane kinds of things if I said I was hungry or thirsty. He'd tell me I couldn't possibly be thirsty because I drank a soda earlier or I couldn't possibly be hungry because we'd had a late lunch. I'm ashamed of myself thinking back that I put up with it for so long. Granted we were both on college and in our early 20s but I didn't have any desire to constantly have to explain to a 22 yr old man that whatever my feelings were they were valid even if he didn't share them.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2022-04-03T14:42:00+00:00

That was my ex, and I hated it. Why be with me if you'll literally never be on my side.

edwardianemerald · 2022-04-03T13:55:21+00:00

Reminder that if you "argue" back they tell you you're difficult / aggressive etc . Don't take the bait!

LateDiagnosedAutie · 2022-04-03T12:33:03+00:00

This right here is one of the reasons why I hate getting into 'discussions' with my own brother! And he's genuinely confused about why I don't really talk to him anymore.

lolmemberberries · 2022-04-03T15:44:21+00:00

It's a giant pet peeve of mine. Their argumentative nature always has the implicit bias that you can't be right because you're a woman. Also, strong "any attention is good attention" energy. The only way to deal with this brand of manchild is to ignore him.

TERFSareawesome · 2022-04-03T21:42:12+00:00

100%. Like, a standard in conversation is:

Woman: "I like X band!"

Another woman: "Ah, I do too! How cool!"

Woman: "I like X band"

Man: "Sooooo many women claim that but they never listened to X album"

or "Theyre sooooo overrated compared to X band, which is way less popular"

It's just so tedious. Of course there are many socially awkward women too, but the oppositional thing is most annoying loser guys.

sleepysiri · 2022-04-03T15:39:15+00:00

Men have ruined the term “devil’s advocate.”

I am a devil’s advocate and I use this characteristic to inspire rigorous and thorough examination of something to ensure that it’s the most efficient or ideal train of thought / solution to a problem. Being a devil’s advocate, for me, doesn’t mean pointless debates about unethical shit. It’s always to learn more, to be proven wrong and move forward, to gain insight and have a fun, little mental sparring with someone just as enthusiastic. Whenever a man is a devil’s advocate, he’s acting so to prove that an old man sleeping with (taking advantage of) an 18 year old girl is completely fine because it’s “technically legal” or some rubbish like that.

I rarely dive into deep discussions with men because of this, in fact I never do and I try to avoid it. They either argue for something that’s completely immoral and perverted or they lack the intelligence and sources to speak on the subject.

frostedgemstone · 2022-04-03T22:37:51+00:00

It’s yet another very pathetic strategy they try to use to get women to ‘prove themselves’ to them. This behavior is an immediate block

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-04-04T00:29:40+00:00

They do it because they are misogynists with small pp energy. They want to discount every opinion, every bit of knowledge you have, regardless of how valid or true it is. They make it a sick game and often get a sickening smug smirk when they see your face fall from exhaustion and confusion. They aren't worth it. When a man shows any HINT of this, do not engage, block and delete. This is the kind of man who will "debate" pads vs tampons (as of he is the "expert," natural versus c-section, birth control pill vs IUD, etc. This type of man is insufferable and IMO has few close friends, generally.

LilyMunsterIsQueen · 2022-04-04T11:50:50+00:00

And they will aggressively contradict precious points they've made just to have the last word lol

warinmymind94 · 2022-04-04T07:45:17+00:00

This is negging. It's his way of undermining everything you say. It makes you get "put in your place" and gives him power to correct you and tell it the way he thinks it is. It will start Chipping away at your self esteem and you'll start overly explaining everything and thinking about all the tiny unlikely chances, exceptions, or details. You may get defensive and already have arguments lined up.

The "devils advocate" lvm is actually a negging and emotionally abusive scum. He's dangerous.

poison_snacc · 2022-04-03T19:07:42+00:00

Careful with the outcome of of these types of “arguments” if you try to concede by choosing to ignore a guy or just silently humor him like a toddler. He can use this as a way to manipulate you. They can turn it into gaslighting.

I repeatedly endured long-winded complaining from my Republican ex about anything and everything related to politics. His hatred of the “liberal media,” and the fact that he paid the rent, somehow ended up meaning that I would have to endure revolting garbage like Fox News clips on YouTube and him complaining about the President (you know, the ones before and after trump). Unless I had a frontal lobotomy I would never in a million years ever agree with any of this shit.

Problem is, I’m chronically ill and it was exhausting and I needed to save what little energy I had left so I would end up just changing the subject. I’m also just not a fan of arguing in general, I hate competition, I don’t like to debate, and I find that kind of thing boring and trite. He would actually take this as a sign that I had not just conceded but had somehow agreed with him. He also assumed that meant I was OK with the constant verbal diarrhea he was spewing.

Then he’d bring up his one-sided “arguments” again and again whenever our relationship got dull to him, and whenever I ignored this he would “assume” that I just agreed with him, which would make him bring up this shit even more and use my silence as an indication that he had successfully manipulated me into agreeing with him.

A lot of this shit was offensive to me… a bisexual pro-choice feminist. He used his “debates” as a way to constantly violate my boundaries and insult my values. But it’s not like I had the energy to verbally disagree.

Suffice to say this never stopped and just got worse. It was beyond frustrating. It kept me silent, not just about my political & moral values when we were arguing but my values in general. Including standing up for myself when the emotional abuse got worse. I should have seen this red flag months earlier.

The_Oracle_of_Delphi · 2022-04-06T08:43:39+00:00

Unfortunately, I know women who behave this way, too: One of my female coworkers argues about EVERY request made of her. It’s her way of getting out of doing any work. We all get tired of arguing with her, and give up and go away. She literally has a smirk on her face when she does it, too. It’s a pure power play by her - she even admitted it one time, too. When she behaves like this, our female boss beams at her. Because our boss believes that aggressive behavior wins, too, and encourages it. These women are every bit as bad as terrible men. They see that these strategies work for men, and they adopt them, too. Not all women are decent people.

Title	Beware of men who try to turn every discussion into an argument
Author	scrappymap
Upvotes	1026
Comments	43
Date	April 3, 2022 4:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tv0iap/beware_of_men_who_try_to_turn_every_discussion/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/beware-of-men-who-try-to-turn-every-discussion.1108878 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108878

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