Get out when the mask falls

funk205 · 2022-04-17T22:53:31+00:00

Hah. My mother in law said she was surprised at how small the diamond was. It was 1.5 carat. Currently going through mediation. I had the same thoughts as you but ignored them. Funny how this shit works.

henrysmyagent · 2022-04-18T00:32:10+00:00

Oh, dear brother, shout this out loudly.

I remember getting off the plane in Vegas and shouting at my soon to be wife who spent rhe whole plane ride bitching at me...

"Only you could be pissed about a fully paid trip to Vegas because I didn't spring for first class seats!"

Married her despite the Soviet-style parade of red flags.

Second betrothal got all the way to four weeks away from the wedding day when my soon to be wife demanded, at the top of her lungs, that her mother would live with us after the honeymoon. Otherwise, no marriage.

Oh, you want to renegotiate our entire relationship on the eve of the wedding?

Here is my counter offer: GTFO!

No marriage, no honeymoon, no relationship. Bye Felicia!

Took several hard kicks to the sack to learn this lesson. Preach brother!

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-04-17T23:41:58+00:00

Great advice. Unfortunately, a lot of men including myself end up learning the very hard way. More men need to realize that the odds are heavily stacked against them.

WartimeDad · 2022-04-17T23:23:14+00:00

It’s almost like the moment the marriage happens, they start resenting you for every little thing regardless of how important it is.

sicrm · 2022-04-17T23:38:01+00:00

better late than never.

there’s plenty of guys facing a grey divorce and their options are no retirement anytime soon or hoping on a plane.

igottapwner85 · 2022-04-18T14:23:41+00:00

When I first met my stbx I had dreams she was cheating on me.

Fast forward 8 years and I'm going through a divorce after she had an affair with someone old enough to be her father.

She left two weeks after getting her bachelor's degree. The same degree I helped contribute a large amount of money towards and she gets to walk away debt free. Not only that, but then she gets to take near 50 percent of the equity in the house sale despite my putting paying 100 percent for the down payment. It disgusts me how I married someone so morally bankrupt.

Listen to your subconscious as well. If I did it would have saved me from mental health decline and lost money.

Rock_Granite · 2022-04-18T01:22:18+00:00

“my brother doesn’t think you paid as much as you say for the ring.”

Damn bro. That's stone cold mercenary right there

Gattsama · 2022-04-18T09:41:33+00:00

I fucked up, was super native and inexperienced, but even I saw some of the flags. The biggest being her telling me she wasn't in love with me before the wedding (a few months before). I said "i know." We both cried, and pushed forward. I was a complete dumbass. She had a horrible childhood and I thought I was in love with her. I thought if I just stay the course, we are both great people and it will all work out; love conquers all...

teufelinderflasche · 2022-04-18T03:20:57+00:00

Mine dropped her mask when we started to plan the wedding. Thankfully I broke it off long before the wedding.

thefudmaster · 2022-04-18T08:57:43+00:00

Agreed OP. However, marriage is a dead institution. I openly advocate that males should never get married.

traveller1976 · 2022-04-18T01:29:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing your lesson. So sorry you didn't listen to your instincts, but at least you are spreading the wisdom to other men who might become victims of such cruel, evil women. Guys, one small slip up on part of the so called infallible angelic woman, kick her to the curb. No one can wear a mask forever.

someoneinpvb · 2022-04-18T14:32:25+00:00

Gut feeling is never wrong!

bnsrx · 2022-04-18T22:05:48+00:00

Oh man. I had almost the same experience - my fiancee took the ring I gave her - I forget if it was $10,000 or $20,000 - to her family jeweler. He told her that he could have given her a much better stone for the price, so she came back home and told me the exact same thing.

Not one gift I gave her over the course of our marriage was good enough. Trips to Europe, South Africa. Always something to complain about.

While the initial shock of her asking for a divorce sucked, now I can't wait to be done with her.

Alright_So · 2022-04-17T23:39:54+00:00

Jesus, that’s rough

anxious_throw_away33 · 2022-04-18T04:41:29+00:00

It never got better after promising it would. Why does she make it so difficult to leave. Fuck

Then_Rooster_9213 · 2022-04-18T13:07:59+00:00

This. For me it took 12 years of trying and mutual destructive behavior before filing happened, because of the kids. Don't be like me, kids.

xjeeperx · 2022-04-18T13:34:09+00:00

Yep, told myself for about 5 years, “it’s just a rough patch, it’ll get better when…” then as every benchmark I set for when I thought things would get better arrived, they never got better, and I picked another event or time. Made excuse after excuse, but I finally realized what I was doing.

JustAnotherBoomer · 2022-04-18T13:50:05+00:00

This was definitely a rebound situation for both her and I. We were both ib our late 40s. She presented herself as poor,heartbroken woman who was hurt and left abandoned by her husband for another woman. She also presenting herself as virtuous and old-fashioned. And for a while she had me fooled. This is why it's never good to be in a rush because with time and keeping your both eyes open you can save yourself from disaster. First came the little comments. Such as "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for leaving cracker crumbs" This is about Tom Cruise. And then she wanted to go out with a girls to see some male strippers but swore "I only want to do it because they were making her go". I told her I don't date women like this. She lied to me and said that they changed their plans and we're going to just go out to dinner instead but I know it was a lie. But here's the thing the sex was great she's very open-minded.

Like I said, here in there I had my suspicions about her and here's the thing; we often see things as they really are but dismiss it afterwards. I'm thinking of a Maya Angelou quote but not want to butcher it. One night she went too far. At this point we were engaged. Alcohol was involved. We were at my neighborhood bar and she's already downed to a couple drinks. Across from us was a good-looking guy with a baseball cap. As we drank and talked she kept staring at this guy. I didn't say anything at first because frankly I was kind of shocked. In time the man started staring back at her and who can blame him. Here is the funny part. This guy was way out of her League, he was a lot younger and he could never have landed him in her prime. Looks-wise she was a little better than okay.

So anyway this had to stop at some point. I said "can I ask you something? she said "Sure" I said "why in the fuck are you staring at that man" she said "I'm not staring anybody" and then after a moment she said "what the guy across the bar with the hat?

missmewitDam · 2022-04-18T14:10:06+00:00

The minute I caught her stealing tens of thousands of dollars from me the FIRST time I knew she would always betray me and our daughter in order to get what she wanted no matter how badly it would hurt us. She kept whining at me for not getting her a ring now that I made more money I should buy her one. I already knew she wasn't worth it, she wasn't even worth the gas in th car that it would have taken to go pick out a ring. She betrayed our family (and many times since the first one) and wasn't worthy of our daughter's or my love. This divorce we are going through is her fault and only her fault. Our daughter's life is irreversibly changed because her mother couldn't keep her marriage vows and keep her legs closed and also as the for mentioned stealing.

jimsmythee · 2022-04-18T02:02:52+00:00

For me, the “mask came off” when she found pills. 4 years into our marriage. I should have left, but the kids were so little. Only reason I stayed. But yes, I had so much hope “she would get better”. Each disaster “would be the last”. We’ve been divorced for 5 years now. Guess what? She’s still addicted to pills and the disasters never stopped.

bayouboeuf · 2022-04-18T12:14:12+00:00

This is exactly correct. I overlooked that mask falling as well. 10 years ago. Finally correcting that mistake!

Gunslinger1925 · 2022-04-18T15:25:29+00:00

Preach, brother!

upfnothing · 2022-05-16T02:02:01+00:00

Yes. This would have saved me so much grief and anguish. Great advice!

Mjolnir37 · 2022-04-18T03:07:33+00:00

Amen brother

Mjolnir37 · 2022-04-18T03:07:53+00:00

Amen brother

anonuser637373 · 2022-04-18T04:59:14+00:00

yeah how fucked up is that...

JonathanApple · 2022-04-18T17:54:32+00:00

Yeah, looking back I should have known. Ahhh, life.

Royal_W · 2022-05-13T12:47:23+00:00

Important follow up: if you don't make it this time, don't give up! Knowing you need out is so hard to just admit. You are a survivor of emotional abuse. Survive this and try again.

rickbigie · 2022-05-08T17:15:38+00:00

Oh reading these comments I could relate so well. Have been put down by her whole family and constant arguments.

Should have ended it right there when she shared my past sins with others and constantly put me down for my past. Even complained about the wedding dress and made a big scene. The only thing positive that came out of the relationship was my 2 children. Separating while they are toddlers.

Feels so liberating! I was depressed for the kids the longest time but I got so much support from my friends and family. This way the kids can see an example of a functioning family when they stay with me.

Spiritual_Age_4992 · 2022-05-21T11:18:41+00:00

Purchased a 2 carat diamond ring to propose to her. Flew her to Miami and got the deed done. Day after we return, I got a text from her: “my brother doesn’t think you paid as much as you say for the ring.”

What the actual f*ck

jujumber · 2023-02-01T19:40:36+00:00

I knew even sooner than that. Right after we signed marriage paperwork outside the courthouse I held her hand and she let go right away… 20 min after.

Title	Get out when the mask falls
Author	TrollCityBlunder
Upvotes	136
Comments	80
Date	April 17, 2022 10:51 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/u5ydgf/get_out_when_the_mask_falls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/get-out-when-the-mask-falls.1112258 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112258

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