Keeping FWB while in a committed relationship?

Lateralanouncer · 2022-06-15T03:30:11+00:00

Woman call this a fuck buddy. Red pill Men a plate. The man that kept her as a plate knows she is not more than that, while an in experience secure man would ltr or even wife a plate. As he sits in the distance, spinning other plates she may come back to him for another turn. She may not and that doesn't matter. Someone has stats on the amount of woman that have a back up when in a relationship I can't recall but it is a high percentage.

Ambassadior · 2022-06-15T05:48:01+00:00

I was that guy but I refuse to be that guy anymore. It's not wrong, but it can suck sometimes

Short-Fingers · 2022-06-15T05:33:12+00:00

Sounds like she has no business being in a relationship unless it’s with him

Key-Selection-522 · 2022-06-15T04:44:57+00:00

Lol never would I even entertain that. You want to keep that dude around, then you should be with him. I have that hardline rule. If you fucked him, he goes or you single. You're not about to keep some emergency dick around.

Strict-Position2151 · 2022-06-15T08:06:19+00:00

First, let’s start redefining these words to their proper definitions.

They are NOT friends with benefits. They are not a ‘friend’. They are a f*** buddy.

Second, those people have to assess their views on relationships. This sounds messed up in so many ways. People having backups is not the problem if they’re honest about it. If they’re not, then they have to assess their situation.

Thirdly, this type of situation is very common.

NockerJoe · 2022-06-15T01:16:51+00:00

Even before FWB was common socially, women would keep men in their orbit who are potential fallbacks if their relationship/marriage falls through. The vast majority of women (80%+) keep a back up near, even if they don't recognize it themselves.

Prior to DNA testing, a lot of these backup men even got to father children with these women, and when DNA testing was picking up thousands of decades long marriages were destroyed by this information coming out.

Its a lot riskier now.

Ultimately men recognizing what they're getting into when they get into a relationship with a woman is viewed as an incel/mysoginistic way of looking at relationships. Naivety in men is a kind of social expectation.

Would you be upset to know that the person you are with had someone in their phone for sex purposes should the relationship fail?

Obviously, anybody with any dignity would. Sex is the CORE of sexual relationships, which fundamentally are what relationships between men and women are, and unless you practice fetishes like polyamory/polygamy, you are going to be outraged by this kind of delayed polygamy.

SmilesRHere · 2022-06-15T02:13:25+00:00

What you describe is a fuck buddy rather than a friend with benefits. Both are great to have and it is very clear which one one is depending on interaction between booty calls.

Fuck buddy: exactly what you outlined, just no strings attached booty calls every now and then.

Friend with benefits: an actual friend as in someone you see relatively frequently and non sexually but with whom you have a no strings attached fling every now and then.

I’m a guy and have had both varieties over the years. Same with my wife.

Why would either one of us be upset that the other can continue having sex with someone else, if for some reason our relationship ended?

mistresswhat · 2022-06-15T06:22:11+00:00

"Is having a phone number for someone you never communicate with cheating, actually?"

Incredibly neurotic shit, even for PPD.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-06-15T02:05:22+00:00

It couldn’t possibly be wrong since no matter contact or not, they still have access to that person when they feel like it

smallstarseeker · 2022-06-15T12:39:28+00:00

If I get the vibe my partner is not really committing, I don't feel like committing either.

Bikerbats · 2022-06-15T18:37:08+00:00

It's usually more complicated than that. From what I've seen, the FWB of that type are usually two people who really click on one level, but not all levels. I saw a woman like that off and on for almost 10 years. The truth was that we got together as teenagers, and while we weren't compatible in any way, we just stayed hot for each other. In retrospect, we both played a game of sabotaging each other's relationships, so it wouldn't have to end. I was just too myopic to see it when I was in it.

I'd advise anyone to steer clear of anyone with a FWB. Despite the F designation, it doesn't mean that strong feelings aren't boiling under the surface. Most importantly, I wouldn't trust any such FWB to be exclusively and only between relationships. That's rarely the case, no matter anyone says.

techr0nin · 2022-06-15T18:45:50+00:00

I think looking out for your rational self-interest is never wrong.

As for whether I’d be upset if the person I’m dating has FWBs, that depends entirely on the nature of the relationship. STRs, it doesn’t matter to me. LTRs though I’d expect no contact and preferrably deletion altogether if I know about it. In practice though I only get into LTRs with women that don’t have FWBs in the first place to avoid this issue altogether.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-06-15T22:21:22+00:00

I have known people who have done this. For men that did this, I wouldn't have touched them with a ten foot pole when I was single. The kind of a man to do this would make an awful partner.

midwesternMD · 2022-06-15T04:51:03+00:00

As long as it’s zero contact between relationships, I don’t really see a problem. Hell it’s like having an on again-off again ex between relationships. I’d imagine this second scenario is relatively common. Hell I’d prefer an on again off again fuck buddy to an on again off again ex.

TryLambda · 2022-06-15T08:58:14+00:00

This rarely occurs for 90% of men, they can’t get a coffee, let alone sex with the amount of delusional women and their impossible standards…this is really only a problem for women for the most part not men…. Remember women have 10 thirsty dudes orbiting around them at all times…

houstongradengineer · 2022-06-15T01:05:14+00:00

If you don't talk to the person outside of sex, they won't be "around" at all during your monogamous relationship, so who cares? And you don't know if they'll be available again, they could have found someone else in that time and not broke up with them.

2022-06-15T04:17:42+00:00

Is that wrong?

If they both agree to this, no.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-06-15T01:31:42+00:00

If they aren’t seeing their FWB while they are in a committed relationship I don’t see an issue. It’s just friends helping friends. The only downside I can see if is the FWB wants something more and you are stringing them along.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-06-15T01:17:53+00:00

You don't own another persons genitals and they don't own yours.

GhostofCamus · 2022-06-15T10:16:37+00:00

My fwb is wife material. When she's committed to a guy we are just friends, period. When her man upsets her, and she calls me, we aren't planning a fuck session. We discuss how to get her needs met within the confines of the relationship. It's understandable that someone would feel threatened by their SO having such a close friendship with a sometimes-lover, but it's not going to work out anyways if there's no trust.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-06-15T01:24:11+00:00

If she's not fucking someone else while in the relationship, what's the issue?

thetruthishere_ · 2022-06-15T14:39:49+00:00

Why would I care if hes not having sex with them while we are in a committed relationship?

Whipty do, he could go get sex if we broke up.

Some of you all here are weird and neurotic about people with something they did before you.

pearllovespink · 2022-06-15T17:06:08+00:00

I had a long term FWB. It can't be cheating when we have no contact when Im in relationships. You have no control of anything once the relationship is over.

2022-06-15T18:25:50+00:00

As long as they're not fucking during the relationship it would not matter one bit.

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Sorcha16 · 2022-06-15T06:59:00+00:00

If by keeping you mean still actively contacting them then yeah it's fucked up. But if it's not deleting a number in a phone I don't see a problem.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-06-15T07:54:54+00:00

I honestly don't know, I don't seriously date women who've had FWB'S, so this isn't an issue I've ever run into.

But I guess it just depends on the individual guys comfort level and how serious the relationship is.

throwaway3089547 · 2022-06-15T11:49:38+00:00

If both people in the relationship have that and are aware it's not that big of a deal.

bluestjuice · 2022-06-15T16:45:43+00:00

What’s the alternative?

You can’t get less involved than ‘don’t talk to this guy while we’re together.’ If you break up you have no way of enforcing some kind of exclusion clause where she can hook up with new flings but not that previous fling because….reasons.

Everyone with a sexual past has people they’ve slept with previously. It would be weird and controlling to try to ensure it would be impossible for them to ever contact any of those people again.

Title	Keeping FWB while in a committed relationship?
Author	theorangesmile
Upvotes	8
Comments	55
Date	June 15, 2022 1:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vcib4m/keeping_fwb_while_in_a_committed_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/keeping-fwb-while-in-a-committed-relationship.1119698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119698

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