What makes a man "hookup material" versus "Boyfriend/Husband material"?

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-07-09T16:01:45+00:00

All my boyfriends started out as hookups. So boyfriend material is just hookup material I want to keep hanging out with and introduce to my parents.

crookedsummer2019 · 2022-07-09T16:24:03+00:00

Basically looks for a hook up.

To answer your question of whether it’s better for a guy to be hook up material or boyfriend/ husband material, that’s a question that only men can answer.

Because it depends on what a man wants:

if he only wants sex then for him it’s better to be hook up material.

If he wants more than sex, for example a girl who will be exclusive and love and care for him, then it’s better for him to be boyfriend/ husband material.

AquaChip · 2022-07-09T15:51:43+00:00

Being good looking and not a creep. That’s it. Sometimes these men are both hookup and boyfriend material sometimes they’re just hookup material.

If he’s only good looking but we’re not compatible, annoying to be around when we aren’t fucking or he has nothing else going on for him. He’s hook up material.
If he’s good looking. Has built nice life for himself. We’re compatible. Has morals and is relationship oriented. He’s relationship and hookup material (if he is into hook ups).

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-07-09T15:08:53+00:00

I can’t help you with hook up material because I never participated in hookup culture. It’s husband material or regular friendship only.

Husband material is a man with the same lifestyle and life goals.

sarkington · 2022-07-09T15:30:36+00:00

Looks, duh

Cmon, you really need to be told this ?

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-09T15:23:50+00:00

I can't really say what turns a man into "hookup material", as for me it's either "boyfriend material" or "non-dating material".

Boyfriend material means that I've developed some kind emotional connection with this man, feel sexual attraction to him, we have similar values and plans on the future. Plus, there are other prerequisites for developing connection.

It depends on person's values. There's no much profit in being a hookup material when you want to start a family and vice versa.

oniialiani · 2022-07-09T16:42:13+00:00

hookup material = very hot but not appealing long term. probably don’t have much in common with this person and don’t care cause he’s just hot

boyfriend material = hot + pleasing personality and seems trustworthy and safe. personality is more important than being sexually attractive for a bf

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-07-09T17:46:41+00:00

For me "hookup material" doesn't exist. I'm not interested in sex in any context that isn't a committed relationship/marriage. I find that the temptation to have sex is strongest when I feel comfort/trust. I haven't gone to my boyfriend's place yet because I already know that I'll just be thinking about sex the entire time.

For women I know who do hook up the major difference seems to be whether or not you actually enjoy talking/spending time with him. If he's hot but also very boring and talking to him is like pulling teeth he's probably hookup only.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-07-09T15:08:13+00:00

Looks + Timing = Hookup material. Looks + Personality + Goals = Boyfriend/Husband material.
It depends on what the guy is looking for; if it’s just sex then there’s no point in being boyfriend/husband material.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-07-09T15:06:03+00:00

hookup material is a man i feel comfortable around and find attractive.

husband material is a man i feel comfortable around and find attractive. just with the addition of compatibility, shared values, morals, life goals, etc.

in my opinion it is better to be husband material, because husband material is everything hookup material is and more.

_Excellent_Tree_ · 2022-07-09T16:14:14+00:00

I’ve never participated in hookup culture. However I can answer this anyway because of relationships not working out I guess.

For husband material the person is attractive, good personality, good goals, we ”connect”. He makes me feel protected and safe (That’s also partly based on looks ngl). Goals I don’t care about in the sense of ambition, more goals regarding the relarionship. I do want him to have a job of course but idc about money beyond that. Oh and he is intelligent. I reject men that are only good looks for relarionships. When it came to relationships not working, I guess what is left is looks mostly, but I don’t really get turned on by guys fully if it’s not with an emotional connection/relationship/etc. Like, the more a guy shows commitment that makes me more into him. That’s both him showing he appreciates me, has a future with me, finds me super attractive and shows desire. Obviously it’s better to be husband material? That’s the men women chose after all, the men we respect, and the men that are given reproduction. Who wants to be only hot? Like this means we admire someone as a person.

I wouldn’t go for hot guys and then chose less hot guys in relationships? Rather it’s so that if a man is only hot I will reject him for relationships (and I don’t do casual dating).

yamb97 · 2022-07-09T16:27:19+00:00

Hookup material = hot and not a conservative Boyfriend material = hookup material + I actually enjoy their companionship.

I have never dated anyone without hooking up with them first. If you are not hot enough to bang, you are not hot enough to date.

Glittering_Ad_1415 · 2022-07-09T16:00:03+00:00

Don’t do and never did hookups, so you’re either boyfriend material and worth this pussy or literal human filth.

urbangoth · 2022-07-10T04:34:23+00:00

Hookup material: mostly looks-based, but personality can make it or break it. (Ex: looks good but says something sexist, ignorant, or rude. That's just me though. Not everyone has the same criteria.) If they look good and seem like a decent person (doesn't have to be smart or have a great job, but be respectful, polite, and able to have a conversation) and I just want casual, fuck it: fuck. (This is assuming they don't seem like someone who has an std; that's next to impossible to gauge, so always use protection and know your risk, ideally ask if they're clean or been tested recently and state if you're clean or not.)
Depends on what the guy wants. I personally don't believe the "hookups get wilder sex than ltr" for a couple reasons: one or a few hookups is not enough to gauge what that person would be like long term, sexually. Ltr may have "dry" spells due to medical issues or hormonal shifts. (Ex: when I switched birth control, I had to abstain from sex for a bit because my downstairs ph was off due to the hormonal composition of the new pill—it affected my ability to be wet for a while. We're good now though, and my partner knew why. He's also rejected sex here and there because of exhaustion from work, stress, etc. But neither is our norm.) If you have children, there will be less time for hanky panky. Hookups are usually taking place on a schedule (date night) or relaxed environments.

In summary:

Hookup material: good if you want casual sex, possible chance of turning into a relationship. Unlikely to foster (wanted/planned) children. This is good if you don't want to live with your partner or do much with them outside of sex. May or may not be consistent sex, which can then turn into....

FWB: Good if you don't want the full commitment of a relationship, family, sharing a living space (but roommates will sometimes do this?? I've never done so, but I guess it's a thing). Can expect to hang out, have frequent or somewhat consistent sex, but you are subject to being dropped if the person finds a better option or legit partner, or suddenly decides they don't want sex or you anymore. Better emotional connection, minimal responsibility, but ideally you spend time on common interests, watching movies, and of course, having sex. It you want a companion and intimate partner, this is probably the move. FWB may develop to involve emotions, but the general implication of the dynamic is that you're not dating, don't want to date, and that it is temporary until one party loses interest. High risk of developing feelings or thinking you've been used if you were banking on it becoming a relationship.

LTR/Husband material: This, traditionally, is the one where you want kids or to build a life with someone. You want to live together, support each other emotionally, and likely combine your incomes for a greater shared goal. (House, family, retirements, etc.) Regarding sex, consistency will likely look lesser to a hookup/fwb because you're going to be together longer, and you'll see your partner stressed, tired, right after work, rushing to work, changing diapers, cooking, sleeping, etc. You're sharing a life, and life is not about sex 100% of the time, not when you gotta go to work or little Jamie broke an arm trying to do a backflip. If you want a ltr without kids, you'll probably have more consistent sex than those who do, but you will be dealing with an aging partner. As you get old, medical things may appear, hormonal shifts, testosterone drops (all the fun aging shit). So there will likely be obstacles to overcome in your sex life if you're together for long term/old age. The sexual perk is intended to be that you are not at risk of any stds, you can have children if you want, and that your partner will be willing to help please you more often than not. You're supposed to be able count on your partner to supportive when you're vulnerable (something a FWB may dip out on, bc their role is not inherently emotional support. You're probably not going to love talking to them about childhood trauma or expecting them to stay around while you process it) and when you're going through hardship. You're together because you like each other as people and have similar goals; the love isn't supposed to end because some aged or got fat, because you love the person. This could impact your sex life though, but part of being a ltr is helping them get through it. LTR has a lot more work that goes into it, but it's also the dynamic that's the least about sex, imo. It's about building a life with someone you genuinely like. If you just want sex, this is not the way to go. If you find someone you want to be with every day, all day, or forever: you want long term. The risk with knowing someone for a long time is also knowing they can change, and can still leave, but the importance of this commitment exists because it's supposed to be a mutual promise to be there for one another.

If someone wants novelty, they want a hookup.

If someone wants consistent sex with an alright or enjoyable companion, but no commitment or responsibility, they want FWB.

If someone wants to be emotionally supported, cared for, live together, some degree of consistent sex, or wants children, they want LTR.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-09T15:36:01+00:00

What makes a man "hookup material" versus "boyfriend/husband material"? Is it just looks? Is there more to it?

So for me, and I admit I may be an outlier, there is no difference. I don't consciously think "ah yes this man is boyfriend material and therefore I will execute protocol 26 to ensure relationship bonds". It's more like "do I enjoy spending time with this person?" And if yes, I pursue more time with them. If he becomes a boyfriend or just a hookup depends almost entirely on how the man relates to me. If he asks me to be his girlfriend, then he is boyfriend material. If he pushes for sex and then ghosts or fades, he is a hook up.

That's not to say there isn't levels, if I like them a lot or only like them a little translates to how much I pursue time with them but not my interest in sex (probably how I got a high N tbh). I wouldn't want to date someone that I wasn't interested in fucking. But I've also been in situations where I lost sexual interest in a guy I was fucking because they did something to disqualify themselves for a relationship.

Here is another question I would like from a woman's perspective - In your opinion, is it better for a guy to be hookup material or boyfriend/husband material? Why?

From the general woman's perspective, the boyfriend material would have the option of being a hook up guy if he wanted to. He just chooses not to be because of his positive qualities. However, hook up guy would not be able to switch gears and become boyfriend/husband material. Therefore women see the boyfriend material as superior.

But personally, I don't think one is universally better than the other and that some men benefit more from leading hook up skill set and others from husband skill set. But I think most men go for husband skill set because it also leads to social and economic success and not specifically to get married.

IOportA · 2022-07-09T19:55:09+00:00

Any loser can be husband material. All it takes is an idiot grin and an open wallet.

Only a sexy man can be hookup material. It should be obvious why a man would rather be one than the other, and nothing to do with sex.

figuringMylife · 2022-07-09T17:55:50+00:00

hot and dumb

modidlee · 2022-07-09T15:47:28+00:00

For me (and yes i’m an “outlier”) my hookups were with men that were already friends of mine. They weren’t particularly good looking per se but what they did manage to do is make me feel comfortable and affectionate. The sex wasn’t amazing or passionate or anything you guys on here imagine or describe when you talk about hookup sex. Afterward I felt warmly toward them but there was no interest in continuing having relations with them due to whatever reasons - distance or social politics or just, honestly, lack of real attraction toward them.

Men that I have gotten into LTRs with were attractive, intelligent, fun, had goals, etc. Those were men that I actually wanted to stick around and those were my best sexual experiences. Exploring kinks, learning the intricacies of each other’s bodies, taking time together as opposed to an awkward one-off fumbling that I didn’t care to repeat.

But yeah, sure. You guys on here would rather be the hookup guy I wouldn’t want to be seen with as a couple and wouldn’t dream of going down on. Great goals.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-07-09T18:21:04+00:00

Boyfriend material and hookup material differ very little for me. There isn't an interesting difference except I committed to the guy I hooked up with.

A majority of my boyfriends started sexual first - commitment second. A majority of them broke potheads doing nothing with their life, they didn't have any utility or resources.

The real question is what distinguishes "resources man" from "no resources man," and it stands I don't even think for adult women there is a 'boyfriend phase' like you see in younger women except for they are pushing 50's, and the boyfriend reverts back to being indistinguishable from a fun boy-toy and a husband.

The differences is that boyfriends are usually low status, broke, underdeveloped and come in all shapes and sizes and husband material men are more established materially, 'spiritually' and emotionally. Which is why some boyfriends eventually turn into husbands and some don't.

Exclusively 'beta buxx' husband material men didn't balance out their sex appeal for women beyond resources with the rest of their development, but there are husbands hat did and do too. You can say these men didn't have any other option because they just didn't have "it" but this isn't the case for every scenario.

Key_Chef_3314 · 2022-07-09T19:59:44+00:00

Personally, a man that’s hookup material to me would probably also be relationship material if I was looking for a relationship; but like most girls my age, I’m not. I say that because personality and social skills often play a significant role in whether or not I want to hu with someone. A lot of men here seem to think that all hot guys get casual sex, but from my experience as a college student who’s friendly and more than friendly with guys from several frats, it’s the quick witted ones with great presence of mind, humor, and charisma that get laid on their own terms (as long as they’re reasonably well groomed lol). Whether they want a fwb or ons, they can usually socialize their way into one. The “aesthetically” attractive guys who are less outgoing and have plain jane personalities can score a ons with a drunk sorority sister or fwb with a desperate at best. That being said, I’d be lying through my teeth if I claimed looks didn’t play a role in visceral attraction, but a 6 or 7 with unmatched social skills that can get everyone talking and make anyone feel comfortable > a 10 that’s polite + introverted at best and indifferent + socially inept at worst. Question two is not for men or women en mass to answer lol, it’s up to the individual what they want in a relationship.

smashmouthkitten · 2022-07-10T03:26:35+00:00

It varies from person to person. in my experience modern women tend to date bad boys in their twenties and then after they find out those men don’t want to commit they go back to the less attractive guys that they once rejected. Source: am a woman

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2022-07-10T17:25:10+00:00

Guy here, I’ve heard two takes as to why this might be:

1.) Women’s thought processes mirror mens with regards to this topic. “He’s hot ENOUGH to fuck, but I don’t know if I want to be seen/associated with him long term”

2.) “God he’s such an asshole, but he’s the best looking guy around rn”

yomeech400 · 2022-07-09T19:37:05+00:00

Most of these girls are saying they don’t participate in hookup culture so guys don’t be mad or sad if you don’t smash 30 girls in a month or a year or your whole life.. there’s more to life than sex & promiscuity.

OutOfOranges · 2022-07-09T17:26:43+00:00

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Kaylxx_sm · 2022-07-09T15:49:54+00:00

As someone who doesn't do hookups and is demisexual I can't answer this but;
Given the info I gave in 1. It would be better to be bf material. There's are entire dimensions of someone you can enjoy besides carnal desire. I think that's pretty neat. I don't necessarily care about money or status, drinking and smoking habits are important to note. Also, compatibility. Are they open-minded? Can we discuss topics without it turning into a personal attack? Personal habits like hygiene and cleanliness, are they well adjusted?

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wtknight · 2022-07-09T18:22:11+00:00

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wtknight · 2022-07-09T18:25:37+00:00

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icebluefrost · 2022-07-09T18:30:44+00:00

I mean, personally I never hooked up with any man I didn’t know would be decent husband (or at least co-parenting material). Didn’t want to get baby trapped by some loser. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

PreparationWorried33 · 2022-07-09T19:05:48+00:00

For hookups I exclusively look for men that like to be pegged and dominated.

I’m anti-marriage but for a boyfriend I’d look for a more self-sufficient guy that’s fun to hang around outside of sex.

EatMyAsssssssssssss · 2022-07-09T21:31:03+00:00

The same. I think there’s studies for this - women have the same criteria regardless of intention, because as a woman, your subconsciously vetting for good genes/temperament regardless. (Because evolutionarily, you’ll be carrying a loser child otherwise).

Men on the other hand will shag 2’s without any intention of a relationship. As a woman, sexual revulsion is very easily felt. Known as “the ick” informally. Men seem to be able to turn this off just to get their dick wet.

bluehorserunning · 2022-07-09T23:13:57+00:00

'hookup material' is 'won't give me an STI or try to kill me, will stop if I say stop, is reasonably well groomed.' Boyfriend material is 'all of the above, plus likes pets, is financially solvent, has his own interests,' and LTR material is 'all of the above, plus won't embarrass me in front of my family, friends, or in public; will make my life better instead of worse.'

DXBrigade · 2022-07-09T23:44:03+00:00

All the guys I had hookup with were average looking. They were just social and straightforward. What matters is how you present yourself. If you act like a boyfriend then you get treated like one. The same logic applies to the friendzone.
Neither. It depends on what you want, if you want a LTR, then being boyfriend is better, if you just want sex, then hookup is more appropriate. Of course, getting into a relationship, JUST to get laid is dumb as hell. Most of my male friends had casual sex but it doesn't stop them from seeking relationship when they feel like it.

GridReXX · 2022-07-10T00:04:03+00:00

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GridReXX · 2022-07-10T00:20:42+00:00

No it’s not just looks.

It’s usually never just that.

All else equal, “hookup guys” are usually more social, fun, and behaviorally seductive.

Also most hookup guys end up husbands too. They probably have the easiest road to husbandry.

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-07-10T01:01:34+00:00

we call hookup man also community dick

smashmouthkitten · 2022-07-10T06:20:23+00:00

For me:

Hookup material: in the past, anyone moderately attractive who is pursuing me in moments of desperation/insecurity. Also I would rather hook up with women for casual sex because as a woman I don’t tend to get attached to them. Boyfriend/husband material: men who are honest, ambitious, respectful, funny, and strong

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-07-09T15:19:22+00:00

I know I’m not answering your question, but do you not consider when you hear a guy tell you he’s disappointed his wife was more adventurous with an ex more than him, that she was exploring what she liked and what she didn’t like/wasn’t comfortable with, and now she knows what she likes and has boundaries in place and has sex with her husband they way she likes and instead of him respecting her boundaries and trying other options, he’s just disappointed because he thinks she shouldn’t have boundaries and anything she did for another man she should automatically do for him too, regardless of whether she actually liked it or not.

Anal is probably a good example, most people try it, some love it, lots don’t. However there seems to be this notion that once a relationship has started you should be back to square one and even if she absolutely hated it, she should be up for it because he’s a new guy who wants a turn?

Catherine772023 · 2022-07-09T17:14:21+00:00

But boyfriends get more sex and ONS are just once or a few times then you need to meet more women for sex to get as much sex as a husband or boyfriend has regularly.

If you’re not getting a good sex life you can communicate or find a more enthusiasm partner or improve yourself because many relationships have got sex lives. Don’t project your issues.

Some ONS are regrettable hookups she didn’t enjoy anyway with bad sex. Especially if drunk.

Studies show women are more likely to orgasm in relationships so husband material can be hot.

throwaway264757 · 2022-07-09T16:21:07+00:00

Im antinatalist. Since I'm not looking to breed or marry it's better if a guy is hook up material. There's nothing a man can do or be to be husband material imo. Or breeding material. I'm 33 so I don't think my mind will change or 'settle'.

Hook up material is if he looks good (obviously) and can engage my kinks correctly. Men without creativity or imagination can't do it so it does take more than just a good looking man starfishing. He's gotta be intelligent enough to turn me on with banter.

I love to play with a guys ass (fingering, licking, smelling) so if he thinks that's gay it's a deal breaker.

I also like muscles and black & brown guys.

feminologie_ · 2022-07-09T17:03:36+00:00

Husband material: shared values/expectations, good character, attractive (to me), compatible personalities. A few other traits I specifically look for are responsibility, kindness, decisiveness, emotional intelligence, and good judgment. Someone with the above qualities is most likely to fulfill my needs which are: to be understood, to be valued, to feel loved, and to be taken care of by someone I am attracted to and respect.

My main issue currently is finding someone who has a good balance of strength and kindness. I either find really assertive confident guys who have no empathy and treat me like crap. OR I run into kind, emotionally intelligent guys who are doormats and have no backbone. I am not attracted to either of those types.

Since what I want seems to be rare, I am willing to bend my standards on height, physical fitness, age, and money. No I won't accept an obese 55yr old who's broke. But I am okay with someone who makes less than me, someone who does not have a degree, works in a blue collar profession or is not very tall. If that means I can get what I really want. At the end of the day I want a GOOD MAN not a manchild, not a doormat, and not an abusive a**hole.

wtknight · 2022-07-09T20:14:55+00:00

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RinoaRita · 2022-07-09T18:43:48+00:00

I haven’t had the experience of lowering my looks standards for my bf/husband. We started hooking up but we discovered we worked together. He is one of the best looking guys I’ve actually met in the wild.

criticalmale · 2022-07-09T23:18:43+00:00

Being hookup material means also being relationship material, at least most of the time. If a chick is willing to jump into bed with you, she would most likely date you too.

Husband material, it is a term for pathetic jesters that are not as hot as the hookup guy but that try to close the gap in other ways. Muh values, muh personality, muh finances, muh hobbies.

It all means nothing against being physically desired by a woman. Most men will just never know this feeling.

Bdog5k · 2022-07-10T00:32:13+00:00

Most woman are answering

Hookup: just hot

Husband: hot + money

overandunderX · 2022-07-09T19:15:14+00:00

Hookup material: meets baseline attraction and in the right place at the right time.

Boyfriend material: meets baseline attraction, enjoyable to be around, good personality, has similar life goals.

Willow-girl · 2022-07-10T01:50:32+00:00

Incompatible lifestyle or hobbies were the biggest reasons I sorted men into the "FWB" bin when I was single. You can like someone and enjoy hanging out with them, but if the relationship is gonna go any further than that, you'd better enjoy the same stuff.

Also, if a guy was angry, bitter or spiteful over a previous relationship, that was a huge turn-off for me.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-07-09T21:04:10+00:00

I guess if you participate in the hook up culture ? My husband is good looking , top tier in looks in my opinion .So personally don't understand your logic.

wtknight · 2022-07-10T07:36:17+00:00

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TheseVirginEars · 2022-07-09T21:44:13+00:00

Boyfriend/relationship material is a bigger compliment.

Unless you’re a serious douchebag.

In which case you’re neither material

RealNiceLady · 2022-07-09T23:41:16+00:00

. What makes a man "hookup material" versus "boyfriend/husband material"? Is it just looks? Is there more to it?

There's no difference between the two classes of men.

Here is another question I would like from a woman's perspective - In your opinion, is it better for a guy to be hookup material or boyfriend/husband material? Why

Boyfriend/husband material is better because who wants to be used?

Sastracha · 2022-07-10T01:31:12+00:00

I’m hook-up material. Charming, damaged, safe, and respectful, but older and with kids. I’m an Iraq war veteran and well traveled. Well read and educated. I live in a college town and I hook up with young women all the time. It’s nice until you meet someone you really, really like and you know it’s not sustainable. Then, it kind of hurts.

skon7 · 2022-07-10T02:23:16+00:00

This rarely applies to women the way it does with men. If a women sleeps with you there has to be some baseline attraction. If she doesn’t wanna go further than the hookup it’s because she’s afraid or doesn’t see you as long term potential, even though she likes you or is attracted to you…… maybe she doesn’t see long term compatibility but attraction will always be in. We aren’t like men where we would smash anything and everything we can get just because we’re honey

Not-barry-63 · 2022-07-10T11:25:13+00:00

I am a lot more picky regarding looks for a relationship compared to a hook up.

After all, I have to look at them every day!

2022-07-09T18:42:39+00:00

I would say One night stand - guy is hot af and seems to not be a psychopath. This might lead to more hookups/fwb if he was good in bed. Fwb can also be a friend that is fun to be around but has some annoying traits to not be a boyfriend material. If a woman cares about they guy she wants to make sure he is not in for the sex only that’s why she wants get to know him better before sex. I feel like when you “like” someone that way and sleep with them it’s just hurts more.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-07-09T19:00:15+00:00

I’ve never had a hookup but husband/boyfriend material is someone I enjoy spending time with, has aligning goals/morals/ethics and who I can be vulnerable with.

For most women a hookup is just lust based and a husband/boyfriend material is someone they lust after and enjoy outside of the bedroom as well.

roughback · 2022-07-09T19:33:59+00:00

no potential for return on investment

AussieBrooks · 2022-07-09T21:52:10+00:00

What op is saying why do ladies screw some guys off rip but make other guys wait?

Hjelmert · 2022-07-09T22:04:28+00:00

It's the same thing for me. If someone is good enough for me to sleep with, they're good enough to be my boyfriend. My long term relationship started as a hookup between two good friends and it's been wonderful.

2022-07-09T22:40:21+00:00

For a hookup a man's job does not matter. He can be unemployed. She's looking for raw confidence. Power is important. Looks are more important. The woman likes a man more out of her league as a hookup. Someone she can chase. Someone who is not really interested in her that she thinks she can make like her.

Standards are still very high for a bf. Looks and confidence are still very important. But, now stability comes into play. Also a man's job is much more important and relevant. Values and your past come into play as well here.

I've never been married. Can't speak to that.

I've had great sex as both the hookup guy and the bf. Yes, sex is more raw and passionate as the hookup guy.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2022-07-09T23:10:05+00:00

Genes

fishweenie · 2022-07-10T00:33:54+00:00

to me, a guy who is hookup material is good looking and has a decent personality (so like, not creepy or weird). for boyfriend material, he doesn’t need to be super hot but i need to REALLY like his personality. i’m really attracted to confident charismatic guys with a sense of humor. hot guys do catch my eye but i could fall for an average looking guy with a good personality. to me, it is definitely better for a guy to be boyfriend material. even if a guy was really hot, i wouldn’t date him if he was depressed/insecure.

Excellent-Attempt-63 · 2022-07-10T01:22:32+00:00

Hookup vs Ltr mostly depends on where I’m at, if I’m looking for a Ltr I’m less open to hookups but if I did have one would usually be because I’m drunk and the guy is hot. If I was looking for a hookup would again usually be because I was drunk or not ready for a ltr. In that case again looking for a hot guy but who is still nice enough to talk to/ be respectful. Or looking for someone who I have fun with either while chatting to or drinking with but a minimum level of attraction should be there. Ltr material is a guy who you have fun with sober and drunk, who generally has similar interests as you so you can do things you both enjoy together (example my partner and I both like chess and one of our early dates this was revealed so we went home to play chess as we are both competitive). There is not rule tho what makes a guy you want as a ltr it’s more a gut feeling? Attraction, personality and just a general feeling that you are both compatible and would be happy together
Better to be bf/husband material, the sex is always better with someone you care about, I don’t think I ever had great hookup sex. Maybe once, but even so I still prefer it with someone I love. But I guess it depends what your after. IMO tho hookup sex is 95% of the time not worth it so idk why a guy would aim to be a hookup guy unless he knows for sure he’s amazing in bed ??

mandoa_sky · 2022-07-10T02:22:38+00:00

to me a guy is either "boyfriend/husband material" or "someone i will never touch".

so it really comes down to the lady and what she wants.

BluePearl2020 · 2022-07-10T03:17:03+00:00

It's funny to me we're telling the truth about only wanting a relationship vs hookup sex for long term and basically not being believed because we're not spreading for those people.

biposting · 2022-07-10T03:31:08+00:00

Honestly good communication, kindness, similar values, and respecting my boundaries. I don't have much experience with hookup culture though; the one guy i was fwb with I just didn't like his personality or politics. I felt he was rude, reactionary, pushy, little empathy, and piss poor communication skills. Also he was a pig. He seemed super immature and apathetic, which isn't attractive in a partner at all.

gabishes · 2022-07-10T03:58:15+00:00

hookup and boyfriend material is determined for me by how much I feel used for sex. If all you see me as is an just object to have sex with you won’t get any. If you treat me like enough of a person thats hookup material. If i don’t feel used at all then i’ll keep you around.

arreter · 2022-07-10T04:22:51+00:00

Hookups generally depend on physical and social chemistry, while boyfriend/husband material is physical/mental/social/emotional chemistry. That’s the only way I can describe it.

y2kjanelle · 2022-07-10T04:36:55+00:00

It’s much more their intentions versus “material”. I would never date a man I’m not physically attracted to but I also wouldn’t hook up with a guy with a straight up shit personality or who has fundamental values (from what I can tell) that don’t align with mine.

Hence, I’ve never hooked up with a Republican. And I’ve had one night stands. There’s plenty of ways to find things out fairly fast.

I prioritize things differently when looking for a hookup versus relationship, like most people do.

Yes, the pathway to sex for men I want to date is a little bit slower. Not because I withhold or date men I don’t find attractive, but because I’m much more invested in other things. If I’m dating a guy, sexual chemistry is not the first thing on my mind. I’ll definitely be looking for attraction between us, but I’ll be more FOCUSED on our compatibility. I’ll be much more interested in hearing his stories and experiences, learning about his personality and how he handles stress, learning how he likes to be loved and appreciated and how he likes to show it.

Comparatively, hookups, I’ll be much more straightforward and focused on looks and chemistry. Usually, it’s hard for me to romanticize men that I have sex with right away, because our intentions are off from the start.

One thing that’s important to me is to be on the same page. I want a guy who really wants to put in effort to be in a relationship. I don’t want to date a guy that’s fresh out of a long term relationship and still finding his identity after being with someone so long or who’s still hurting and learning how to heal especially as a man in this society.

I want a man who’s ready, eager, and engaged. Men who are looking for hookups often lack that (to the extent I want) and it’s an immediate romantic turn off.

However, I am a feeling outspoken and outgoing person. I’ve definitely had men tell me that I make them feel very comfortable and sometimes we’ll talk for hours before getting to sexy time.

I think it’s important to humanize your hookups. It’s not just about gratification. You can still have healthy and fulfilling encounters in casual relationships. Just because things aren’t serious or maybe exclusive doesn’t mean they have to be apathetic and withdrawn. And I’ve had a lot of great sexual encounters because I put in the work to connect with this other person.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-07-10T05:50:07+00:00

I don’t want hookup material, because I don’t want hookups. Sorry if this doesn’t answer the question but I am really only attracted to men I can envision a long term relationship with. Men with good values, manners, and a good heart are the ones I am attracted to. That’s just me personally.

ohdiddly · 2022-07-10T08:35:48+00:00

What makes a man "hookup material" versus "boyfriend/husband material"? Is it just looks? Is there more to it?

Hookup material = Is hot but doesn't tick all my boxes personality wise

Boyfriend material = Is hot and ticks all my boxes

nemma88 · 2022-07-10T08:42:44+00:00

Hookup material = I'm attracted to them but don't think a relationship would go far/ anywhere.

Relationship material = I'm attracted to them and want them to stick around.

Is how I've operated. I've only tried (and failed lol) to hookup once tho. I'm not a lust at first sight kind of person.

Spacetalks3114 · 2022-07-10T17:02:49+00:00

Hookup: Hot (but doesn't have a personality connection.)

Boyfriend/Husband: Wonderful personality as well as being attractive.

WillfulGrapefruit · 2022-07-09T19:43:47+00:00

1) I can only speak to FWB material because hookups seem like too much energy for an unknown. Looks aren't a good predictor of satisfying sex. FWB qualities: Actively discusses and is knowledgeable about safer sex practices. Regular testing. Open about number of partners, what protection is used with each. Open about whether or not they engage in hook-ups and what protection they use. Collaborative about sex. Experimental. Communicative. Some overlaps in kinks. Political alignment. Hygiene. Empathy. Enthusiasm.

For husband material, same as above plus: Alignment on the future (kids, city vs rural, life goals, retirement plan). Alignment on religion. Some overlapping interests. Independence (they also have their own friends, hobbies, etc.). Basically a best friend I get to spend lots of time with, live with, and also have sex with.

2) This question is weird. Just...be a person? Trying to be someone you're not sounds exhausting and is probably shit for your mental health long-term.

Title	What makes a man "hookup material" versus "Boyfriend/Husband material"?
Author	theorangesmile
Upvotes	109
Comments	330
Date	July 9, 2022 3:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vv3jl8/what_makes_a_man_hookup_material_versus/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-makes-a-man-hookup-material-versus.1122431 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122431

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