Endless verbal abuse

playerknowmore · 2022-09-20T15:01:56+00:00

She is using the power you are giving her. If you don't start standing up for yourself divorce will be as miserable as the end of your marriage. My wife start I need help bullshit I remind her I'm one foot out the door.

It's funny how they leave you for not doing enough, and as soon as you are out the door a new list of shit they need pops up. You have to disengage. I will walk out in the middle of a tantrum without a second thought. In her mind you not doing what she tells you destroyed her marriage. She's punishing you for that.

BlendedChaos2012 · 2022-09-20T14:13:06+00:00

Start recording her antics and read up on the Gray Rock Method.

dadmacintosh · 2022-09-20T15:52:12+00:00

This helped me a lot. Hope it does for you. Take 30 minutes each day to log your interactions with her. Nothing too long but state your position on the matter, her verbal or otherwise responses. Writing this tuff down helps you think though your reality. Abuse invalidates your perception, your sense of reality and sends you in a tailspin if you are a kind/considerate person.

The other thing. Stop engaging. Keep your interaction to a minimum. Recognize when you are having an emotional reaction and remove yourself from the situation- physically if you have to.

Last, engage with male family members. Spend time with them doing guy things.

Hope it works out for you.

warrior_up · 2022-09-20T18:01:40+00:00

Dude. Come on. Pay no mind to that wench - she belongs to the streets. Kids name call, tell that bitch when she’s willing to adopt a civil tone you’ll talk to her otherwise go fuck yourself - no one cares what you think.

Masculine frame dude - quit taking anything she says personally. She’s an ill tempered child acting out - sounds like she needs timeout. So that’s what you do, time the fuck out and quit playing her fucking baby games.

She obeys or shuts the fuck up, if she can’t shut the fuck up or be civil you gotta keep Distancing yourself. Quit using logic with women quit being the nice guy as you’re seeing what happens when women sniff out an emotional nice guy - you become their bitch

Think about it dude - this women is emotionally out of control because you’re emotionally vulnerable and out of control. That’s the womens job, the man maintains his masculine frame like a wall, a mountain that she needs when she’s in bi polar women freak the fuck out mode. Carry on with life, she wants to throw a temper tantrum, go ahead I’ll be enjoying my day. Let her bury herself with hatred and disgusting behavior, the less you pay attention to the easier it’ll be to walk away from. Orr you can go total opposite and do what I do - throw the bitch on the bed and fuck the living piss out of her

Mavik52 · 2022-09-20T15:43:45+00:00

This is an amazing opportunity for you to grow as a man. Embrace it. Her comments to you are a reflection of her own emotional disregulation, and not about you. Use the opportunity to practice setting boundaries. Train your nervous system to recognize your actually safe when a women is unleashing on you. This is a skill that will be invaluable for the rest of your life. Learn to value your own opinion of who you are and recognize someone's else's opinion carries no weight unless you allow it. Pivot, this is not a horrible situation, this is a gift, and you intend to fully accept it and grow from it.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-20T17:37:16+00:00

Brother, you need to take back control of your life. A reference that really helped me was the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It was life-changing for me.

It's your life. Don't let someone else control it like that.

You got this brother.

Gattsama · 2022-09-21T02:43:57+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. Besides all the above (especially grey rock technique) I recommend reading / listening to some stoic teachings. The goal of stoicism isn't to not feel, it's to control your emotions and accept the world / people / emotions of others. In short, there are things under our control (our thoughts, feelings, emotions, choices and reactions) and things not under our control (everything and everyone else). It's a form of insanity to think we control others OR that others control us.

Yet step back and think how often your hear: my wife makes me, she made me, I have no choice but, she controls, she doesnt allow me, im not allowed to, i can not, etc.

The goal is indifference. Your wife can only hurt you or control you as much as you choose to allow her and empower her. Most men have surrendered all their power, then complain about how powerless they are.

Would start with "The Enchiridion" by Epictetus. It's free, pdf, audio book and on YouTube. Stoicism is more a list of short ideas then a more modern self help or philosophy guide.

Control yourself, or others will control you.

JD-Anderson · 2022-09-20T16:42:00+00:00

You’re about to find out who your true friends and family are. If they know you and know she’s lying, they won’t care what she says. And soon you need to realize you shouldn’t care either. My ex is the same, and many years later she still emails me the most vile, character bashing stuff. I don’t respond and just laugh at it now because I do not have one shred of me that cares about her opinion on anything.

Data_Fan · 2022-09-20T20:06:42+00:00

Ghost her.

While you are in her presence, it called greyrock. When she speaks to you, look her in the eye, but do not say a word. So she knows you hear her, but are completely disengaging from her. She won't get it at first because she's used to getting a response from you. But no more.

And when you are not with her, go no contact. You can start limiting it to two text/calls per day, then one, then one every other day and so on.

All that time and energy you free up can be spent on things you enjoy. You will love it

samk002001 · 2022-09-20T20:14:20+00:00

Living a life of solitude! It’s hard at the very beginning, but you will soon learned that you can be content and fulfilling without anybody in your life; hence, not needing anyone validation of your actions! You will be alone but you’re not lonely! My ex-gf wanted to be married after my divorce was final and I kindly refused the idea and we broke up after it! I’m learning to love myself more and not letting any outside voice to influence my life! I can love myself and I’m enough!

4rdfun · 2022-09-20T21:31:05+00:00

Pre divorce you guys need a a legal custody agreement to compliment the restraining order. The more of an air tight agreement you can get on kids and financials the less you'll need to deal and put up with her shit. Also that agreement likely will influence what you get in the final court agreement. I know it's probably not an option, but if you can get those agreements AND get out of the house that will help.

Global_warning_ · 2022-09-21T03:01:50+00:00

Wow for a second I wondered if I was the OP.

Best I can help you is don’t engage with her. When she is nasty just be silent as she diserves no more than what can be said in 3 words.

Have your lawyer force all communication in apps like my family wizard. Where all her abuse documented.

It still is hard, I have been in and out of depression because the same daily abuse but I just keep trucking along and doing what is right.

Last as much as you want revenge don’t go down to her level. It will just give her ammo.

stent00 · 2022-09-20T15:19:54+00:00

Call her a cunt everytime she has a verbal hissy fit. And walk away. She will hopefully get the hint she's a giant cUnT

fewdo · 2022-09-20T17:48:12+00:00

She is your enemy. Her judgements are not allowed into your head anymore. Just like that asshole at work that you can't get completely away from, expect her to horrible and don't let it in. You can be professional in what comes out of your mouth.

Even-Drawing-4208 · 2022-09-20T18:27:33+00:00

I went through this. Right now I have my ex blocked on text and dropped from social media. I told her if she needed to reach me about the kids to email me. She’s less likely to be abusive in an email that I could use against her later.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-09-21T10:08:36+00:00

Noise. Cancelling. Headphones.

Title	Endless verbal abuse
Author	softinvest
Upvotes	28
Comments	55
Date	September 20, 2022 2:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xj9r6b/endless_verbal_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/endless-verbal-abuse.1132335 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132335

Comments